I think the thoughts of the world must be deafening, not just in volume, but in impact. The weight of my own thoughts was already so much, pressing down against my shoulders, threatening to crush me, and then asking me to carry it without complaint. I couldn't imagine seven billion times that. Seven billion times the amount of pain and confusion, ideas struggling against each other. Seven billion whirl-storms of joy and hate and sadness and love that were all so completely different, and yet all of them were suffering in their own way.

I wondered what Will's whirl-storm was like. I wondered what kind of awful things he kept trapped inside, hidden behind his bright eyes and brilliant smile. No matter how happy he seemed on the outside, I knew there were things he struggled with. We all have a little bit of darkness inside us, after all. This world won't let us leave untainted.

My fingers chafed at the fabric of my jeans like I was trying to erode holes into the knees. These were the kind of thoughts I usually had at three a.m., staring at the ceiling and finally letting the weight of everything seep in. The weight of the blows and the words thrown at me so carelessly. The weight of loneliness, of self-deprecation, of confusion and memories. I wasn't supposed to let my mind sink this far in the middle of the day when there were things all around to distract me. The droning of my teacher's voice, the view of the mountains outside, the way patterns of my desk twisted and folded in on themselves, the whispered comments and snickers of my peers throughout the class.

Today they were not enough to keep my turmoil at bay.

I drifted through school in a cloud of tired sadness. It was like I just wasn't willing to try to pull myself out of my slump, I didn't even try and hide from Octavian when he came careening down the hallway, when his eyes lit on me and his mouth curled upwards. I didn't run when he called Percy and Jason over, Frank was nowhere to be seen. I didn't even try to hide the way their taunts and insults cut into me. I still flinched when their fists and shoes hit my flesh.

It stung, but it didn't matter, I was used to pain. It was an old friend. That was a lie. People don't get used to pain, they just tell themselves they do.

-

It was a Saturday and the air was chilled and as sharp as a knife against my cheeks. I thought it might snow later.

Will and I were on the roof of an empty building near Vinylust. Hollie had shown us this spot a while ago, she said she came here after work sometimes because the city lights looked pretty at night and it was a good place to think. It was taller than most of the buildings in this area, and everything gradually sloped down for a while from this point, giving us a pretty good view. We were sitting in silence, the only sound was the large 'FOR RENT' banner behind us, fluttering in the slight wind.

Will was staring in the other direction out across the city. The sun broke free of the clouds for a couple of moments and the light glinted off the buildings, making it hard to look at them, so I looked at Will instead. At least, that's why I told myself I was looking. I studied his profile, the way his cheekbones jutted out slightly, the sharp edge of his jawline. I could so easily reach out and trace it. . . stop at his chin and turn his face towards mine. . . his lips came into view and my eyes outlined their shape. . . I registered distantly that they were moving.

"--ks? Nico?"

My eyes drifted up to his and only then did I realize that I'd been staring at him. I snapped my mouth shut, willing myself not to blush. It didn't work. Will rose his eyebrows inquisitively, a small smile on his face.

"Will-- I-- it's not--" I struggled to explain myself, and then I sighed in frustration and defeat. We both knew the truth, so what use was it to deny it? It was that thought that tore the words, "Did it even happen?" out of my mouth before I even had time to realize what I was doing; they sounded exasperated and desperate.

A crease appeared between his eyebrows, "Did what happen?"

I'd gone this far and I couldn't exactly back out now. "Last week. . . at the lake. You couldn't sleep and so you. . ." I trailed off, I saw the understanding in Will's eyes already. He looked anxious, but not half as anxious and confused as me. "Why. . . why didn't you bring it up? You've been acting like nothing happened."

Will tugged at the string of his jacket, it was one of his nervous habits, along with chewing on his lips and the inside of cheeks. The hoodie was a subtle blue-gray color, and he wore it so often that holes had started to form at various places. I knew from experience that it was warm and it always smelled like him unless he'd washed it recently. "I thought you would want to forget about it. I thought you might regret it. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable and I just. . . I just thought that if you didn't regret it you would bring it up. . ." His words were strung together, everyone cutting off the last so his sentences sounded like nonsense, but I understood.

"No. Will, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I mean, I tried, but I couldn't forget it even if I-- even if I had a choice." I felt my face flare even hotter, "And this whole time I thought you didn't. . ." I looked away from him, I'd promised myself that I wouldn't do this, I wasn't supposed to get any more involved in this thing. "I'm just so confused, Will," I said quietly, "I don't know why. . . I just, I can't imagine what would happen if my family knew. . . I thought it was a choice, but I don't have any say in this. If I did--" I cut myself short, I had been about to say, "If I did, I wouldn't choose this,"  but was that really true? If I had the choice, would I really throw away everything I was feeling for a sense of normalcy and security? The question scared me, or more accurately, the answer did.

I felt his fingers brush over my cheek and my stomach flooded with warmth even though they felt like ice against my skin. "I'm so sorry, Neeks." I could see his frown in my peripheral vision.

I shook my head, keeping my eyes planted on the ground, "It's just. . . that was was my first kiss, Will." The word 'kiss' hitched in my mouth, it felt explosive and dangerous and tempting. "This is my first anything, and. . . I'm not even supposed to. . . everyone says. . ."

"That it's wrong?"

I looked up at him and nodded, I wondered if he saw the way I flinched when he said it. I felt it again, the hysterical tug-of-war between two different sides of my brain, my feelings and my priorities, and I couldn't tell what part of me was winning because I didn't know what part I rooting for. I didn't know what part I should be rooting for. "I'm so confused, Will," I repeated. "I just don't get it."

He stared at me for a second, trying to figure me out, I think, probably for the billionth time. He seemed to come to some conclusion because he propelled himself forward for seemingly no reason at all and moved to sit in front of me. The burst of action seemed so abrupt that I was startled by his sudden stillness, I had expected him to do a lot more than move a few inches. It was dizzying, the way he was a flash one moment and then a perfectly clear picture the next. He was cut from stone, tense and poised, he seemed to know exactly where he meant to be, why he wanted to be there. His face was the only part of him that wasn't rigid, his eyes were soft, his mouth was relaxed and full, bent into a shape just short of being a smile, and his cheeks were flushed from the cold, making him look excited and care-free. He stared at me for a second, not my eyes, but everything else, and then his fingers brushed over my face carefully and my breath quickened its pace fractionally, I don't even think Will noticed at all.

"I want to try something, okay? I need you to trust me." He was running his thumb over my cheekbone slowly, he could probably feel my face growing warmer beneath his palm.

I nodded again, I could tell that I would sound breathless even before I spoke, "Okay." I didn't even hesitate, which surprised me, but I think that the fact that Will had asked me to trust him had triggered that response. I trusted him more than anyone else in my life because he'd given me his friendship and his kindness without a second thought, he'd done it without anyone asking him to, without being obligated to do so and he deserved the same from me.

"Close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Just because." He was smiling teasingly and it made it easier not to worry, so I complied.

I sensed him hesitating for a second, and then his fingers moved from my cheek down to my lips, tracing them like I'd been tracing his lips with my eyes barely a minute ago. I shivered and Will's hands touched my hair softly, smoothing strands out of my face.

"If you want me to stop, just say something."

I was about to say, "Something," as a lame joke, and then Will's lips were brushing over my jaw and my head was swept of all thought, the word came out as a startled sort of sigh. It made Will smile. His lips were soft and inquisitive, they were there and then gone; long enough to make me catch my breath, but not long enough to get used to it, not long enough for it to be enough, never long enough for me to second guess myself. They moved over jaw and across my cheekbones, he kissed my forehead, moved hair aside to reveal the hollow of my temple where my ugly, puckered scar interrupted the faded olive of my skin, his mouth lingered there before he moved down to the space just below my ear. His hands held me steady the whole time. The effect was marvelously foudroyant and I found myself clutching at him like he was my anchor even though he was the one doing this to me in the first place. His breath fanned over my mouth, he was pausing just before he closed the gap, silently asking me if it was okay. I suddenly understood what he had meant, I want to try something, he wanted to see how I would react to him, and I found myself nudging my cold nose against his cheek expectantly, my lips parted and my breaths labored. Will laughed, rich and happy, and then he kissed me.

There was a moment when my brain erupted into thought and sensation, a moment when everything seemed absolutely perfect, and then everything chugged to a very startled, very uncertain stop. The last time this had happened, I'd been too caught up in the moment to realize that I had no idea what I was doing. This time, I was excessively aware that I had no experience whatsoever in the kissing department and Will seemed to know exactly what he was doing. Dio, he made this seem like it was simple.

I pulled away from him, blushing, suddenly feeling self-conscious about everything from my wind-rumpled hair to the pimple next to my nose to my cracked lips. The mood dropped drastically to confusion and anxiety on his part and embarrassment and shock on mine.

"Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?"

Everything about this is wrong, my subconscious whispered. I swatted the voice aside. I wanted to pretend it was untrue.

I felt my face grow even warmer. "No, it's just. . . I don't. . . I've never really kissed anyone before," I mumbled awkwardly. My voice was willowy and rushed.

Now Will looked amused, crinkling his nose cutely. "Yes, you have."

I remembered it vividly, the unusually warm air that belied the season, the realization, me leaning forward first, the ardor, the horror that set in soon after.

I glared at him, "That doesn't count." I blustered as he ran his thumb over my cheek affectionately. He seemed to enjoy doing that, not that I minded. Well, some part of me minded, some part was afraid of the way that simple gesture alone made me feel light-headed, but I wanted to ignore it. I wanted it so badly, but I couldn't have it. I wasn't supposed to.

I told myself that it wouldn't hurt. Just for now. Just in this moment. Just so that I could remember how it felt.

"Why not?" he asked, tilting his head to the side. I was almost positive that he was consciously trying to look unbearably sexy.

"Because I wasn't-- it just doesn't count, okay?"

Will laughed, "Well, I can show how you to kiss someone properly," he practically purred, brushing his lips over the tip of my nose, giving me a cat's smile. My suspicions were confirmed, he was definitely trying to drive me insane. And it was working.

I gulped, knowing my head probably looked like a giant cherry. "It would help if you didn't act like you know exactly what you're doing. I mean, you probably do, but that's not the point."

Will shrugged, "I don't actually know what I'm doing, I'm just doing whatever I feel like. I find it usually pays off. You should try it."

I sighed, leaning my forehead against his, I felt shaky and unstable. "The only problem is that I don't know what I want."

"That's because you're thinking too much," he said knowledgeably. "Relax, Neeks."

I closed my eyes, blowing out a breath, willing my muscles to slacken. Will brushed his fingers over my spine and I shivered, shifting to rest my head on his shoulder.

He chuckled softly, looping his arms around me. "You know, Nico, when I first met you I would have never guessed that you'd be this cuddly."

"Shut up, Solace."

Will didn't reply, maybe he was doing what I said, making a silent joke out of it, maybe he just didn't have anything to say. It didn't matter, he was holding me in his arms again and that's all I wanted.

I pulled away from him, smiling when I met his confused expression. I caught his chin gently and guided his lips towards mine. This time, I didn't pull away or even flinch, I just followed Will's lead. I wanted it to be perfect, even if I was sloppy and awkward and doubtful thoughts kept worming their way into my head, I was still kissing him and he was kissing me back. It was sweet and soft. It was enough.

Just for now. Just this once.

-

He held my hand during the walk home. I kept glancing around, worrying someone I knew would see us, but I didn't want to let go. I had to. I pulled him to a stop on a random stretch of sidewalk, he seemed to notice for the first time how worried and confused I looked.

"Nico?" He reached across the space separating us and took my other hand in his.

I shook my head, "I can't do this."

"What?" He didn't look surprised, just hurt.

Half of me wanted to run away and the other half wanted to hug him and never let go. I could just bury my face in his chest and pretend nothing else existed. It was funny because they were both completely different forms of hiding from my problems.

I squeezed his hands tighter, forcing myself to look him in the eye, "Will. . . I can't. . . I just. . ."

He looked down, closing his eyes and blowing out a breath into the frosty air. It came out as a cloud, stretching towards me and then dispersing into the air. "I know. I know, Nico."

"You do?" It felt like my heart was cracking open and yet I still tried to convince myself that I was doing the right thing.

He opened his eyes and met my gaze, one of his hands disentangled itself from mine and came to rest against my cheek. "When you kiss me you look scared."

I wanted to explain myself, to make him understand, but how could I? He was right, I was terrified. "I'm so sorry." My voice was shaking for reasons I didn't quite understand.

Will released my other hand and let his arm drop to his side. Something inside me snapped like a tether connecting me to him had suddenly been broken. "It's okay. I understand."

I nodded and we kept walking, but neither of us knew what to say. I wanted to reach out and comfort him, but that went against everything I had just said. I had to stay true to my word or I would never get over this.

We said goodbye in the middle of the street between our houses, it didn't feel right. I turned and left, feeling like something was still unresolved, but I wasn't sure what it was.

I wanted to glance over my shoulder to see if Will was watching me go, to see the expression on his face, but I forced myself not to. I had the feeling that I didn't really want to see him standing there alone in the middle of the road looking like the life had been sucked out of him. It seemed horribly ironic that he had given me so much happiness and I had taken his away.

-

The next few days were strange. Being with Will felt strange, I couldn't so much as brush up against him accidentally without jumping and I hated it. I hated not being able to be comfortable around him. Our conversations were short and awkward, his smiles always seemed a little forced, a little bit sad.

This was my first friendship in so long and I had ruined it. The second I'd kissed him, I'd ruined everything. I'd ruined both of us.

I tapped the end of my pencil against my sketch pad, biting my lip. Nothing was on the page but a single line that made a mostly straight descent for a while and then veered to the right suddenly. It was how I always started out drawing him, the edge of his jaw. Only this time, I couldn't bring myself to continue.

I shut the sketchbook quickly and pushed it away from myself. I hadn't drawn anything but him in such a long time, and right then I decided that that would be my first step in getting over him. I wouldn't draw him anymore and any time he popped into my head, I would shove the thought aside. Gradually, I was trying to detach myself.

The next time I saw Will, I grinned at him and tried my hardest to remember what things had been like before and he caught on quickly. Eventually, we were laughing and talking just like we had prior to this whole mess, only now we never touched unless we had to get the other's attention or maybe just by accident. We didn't fall asleep in the same bed or sit with our shoulders pressed together while we watched a movie, he didn't pull me into his arms any time he thought I looked sad. I had to try and ignore the way it bothered me.

Will stood up abruptly from where he was lounging on the sofa across from me. "Come on, we're getting out of here."

I didn't question him, I just threw my jacket on while he pulled on a forest green beanie and his signature jacket, and followed him out the door. We'd been walking for ten minutes when I finally decided to ask where we were going.

Will just shrugged, "I don't know yet. Somewhere different, somewhere we haven't been yet."

We found ourselves passing by a park, everything was covered in a considerable layer of snow and there were only a few trails of footprints through the field of white next to the playground.

Will veered towards it suddenly, there had been a time when he would have grabbed my hand or my arm and dragged me along with him, but now he just charged forward and glanced back to see if I was following, smiling mischievously. And then he flopped over onto his back and started making a snow angel.

I laughed, "Did you take me all the way over here just for this?"

"Maybe." He smirked up at the sky.

I rolled my eyes, kicking a light dusting of snow over his face, which earned me a glare and an extremely uncalled for hand gesture. "Get up, you're going to be freezing if your clothes are all wet."

"That's half the fun."

"Oh, really? Well, don't co--" I yelped as he twisted and pulled on my leg, causing my feet to slip on the snow, which, in turn, sent me careening downwards onto my back. I hit the ground with an "Oof," and was met immediately with the sound of Will's laughter. I could pinpoint the exact time I had last heard it sound like this, like he was just laughing for the sake of laughing because he was happy. It was the moment right before he'd kissed me on that roof next to Vinylust. But the little twinges of nostalgia or sadness, whatever they were, didn't change the fact that I wanted revenge.

I curled my hand into a fist, scooping up a handful of snow, and then I turned onto my side and smashed it into his face. This was followed by a few seconds of shocked silence, which I used to scramble to my feet and get a five-second head start.

I heard Will pulling himself to his feet behind me, I heard him as he started charging after me, yelling joking taunts at my back, but I didn't look back, I just kept running. I didn't even realize it when his footsteps were right behind mine until he careened into me and sent us both crashing back into the snow on our sides. I rolled away from him, laughing as he pulled himself into a sitting position to hurl handfuls of the cold powder at me.

I hauled myself onto my knees and started my counter attack. My hands were red and freezing from the cold, but I didn't really care. Will was laughing and covered in snow and so was I. For the first time in so long, we weren't worrying about saying or doing the wrong thing, of making the other person uncomfortable, we just having fun.

A clump of snow hit me right between my eyes and I gasped at the shock of cold and doubled my efforts, but Will was easily overpowering me and I was pretty much throwing blindly now, shutting my eyes against his assault and flinging as much snow his way as I could.

"OKAY!" I yelled, sputtering as another snowball splattered on my face, "TRUCE, TRUCE!"

Will laughed as I fell backward, sprawling out on the ground like I was exhausted. His face appeared above me, grinning and reddened with excitement and cold. "Do you admit defeat?"

He was holding a snowball threateningly so I knocked it out of his hand, laughing at the playful glare he gave me. "Yes, you win."

He sat back and I sat up. "See," I told him, gesturing to the snow melting onto his jacket and the way there were practically no dry spots on either of our pants, "now we're both going to be cold on the way home."

Will tugged off his beanie and pulled it on over my head instead. His eyes met mine and he hesitated very fractionally before pulling his hands away; his fingers brushed against my cheeks on the way and I felt a blush starting at the bridge of my nose.

"Now you'll be a little warmer." He had severe case of hat hair now and the ends of his mop of hair that hadn't been underneath the beanie were damp from the snow. His cheeks were flushed and his were bright and clear. I was suddenly aware that we'd been staring at each other for far too long and there was an expression on Will's face that was almost like. . .

"What?" I asked.

He shook his head, "Nothing. Come on."

He stood up and held out a hand, I took it and let him pull me to my feet. "Thanks." I was only partially aware that Will held on just a little longer than was necessary.

He started turning around, but I caught his arm, "Wait." Will looked back at me, raising his eyebrows, "Let's stay for a bit."

"For what?"

I tipped my head towards the playground, taking a step towards it and pulling on his arm with a little smile on my face, "Come on."

Will looked amused, "Seriously?"

I grinned at him, letting go of his arm and beginning to walk towards it. "It'll be fun."

I heard him chuckle as he followed after me, lengthening his stride to catch up. "What are we going to do, go on all of the slides?"

"No," I said, as if what he'd just said was completely absurd, "we're going on the swing set."

"Right," Will intoned sarcastically, "that makes perfect sense."

I elbowed him, "Shut up, I haven't been on one in years, and you've got to admit, they're pretty dang fun."

Will laughed, stepping off the curb that separated the grass from the wood chips, the snow made them look one and the same. "Yeah, I guess so."

We made our way past the jungle gym to the other side of the playground and sat side-by-side on the swings. I immediately backed up as far as the swing would let me and then let myself fly forward past Will, who was just kind of using his feet to sway backward and forward slightly.

He laughed as I pumped my legs to gain altitude and then leaned back as I swept past him again, looking at him upside-down and grinning.

"You're a dork," he informed me the next time I rushed past.

"You should try it. It's fun." I closed my eyes, loving the way the air felt rushing past my face, stinging my cheeks and making me feel more awake.

I heard Will's swing creek and looked over to find him backing up like I had a minute ago.

We spent the next couple of minutes laughing as we sped past each other, and then Will reached his hand out towards me and I grabbed it without him telling me to, just like I used to with Bianca at the park by our old house. I realized with a start that I hadn't even been to a playground since then. My arm was yanked slightly as our swings moved in opposite directions, and then I was pulled along with Will, using my legs and body to make up for the momentum I'd lost.

I let go of his hand when we were swinging perfectly together, kicking forward and back at the same time. We were both laughing and I found myself watching Will, his hair was flying around wildly in the wind and his eyes were closed. He looked so relaxed, at peace. 

He leaned back as we were pulled forward again. "Neeks, I'm flying!" he told me, and I laughed even harder.

"And you called me a dork."

He opened his eyes to flash a grin my way, "I guess we're both pretty big dorks."

I grined at him, "We probably look it too."

He huffed, "No kidding."

We only swung for a few more minutes, but we stayed at the park for a long time after that, sitting on the swings and talking. It was getting dark now, and I was leaning my head against the swing's chain, looking at the playground, how abandoned and sad it seemed when it wasn't crawling with kids. Winter sucked the life out of everything even if its victim wasn't alive to begin with.

Will was sitting on his swing next to me and it was quiet, it had been for a while, but I don't think either of us minded. I looked over at him and found that he was already looking at me, my gaze caught his and he looked slightly startled.

I smiled at him, "Hi."

Will laughed quietly, "Hey."

I blew a breath into the air, watching it form into a cloud. "Today was a good day, Will."

He nodded, "Yeah. Yeah, it was."

There was something in his voice that pulled my attention back towards him, but nothing in his expression gave anything away. I had to admit that he looked good right then, even with messy hair and cracked lips he seemed to be soaking in the weak sunlight, making everything else look white-washed in comparison.

I searched his face for a second, wanting to say more, but not entirely sure how I could say it or what exactly I wanted to say anyway. "We should probably head back."

He nodded, standing up stiffly, sitting for so long in the cold probably isn't the best idea. As I followed him out of the park and down the street I wanted to reach out and take his hand, some part of me knew that he wouldn't question it, but I couldn't, I made myself promise not to.

We stopped in between our houses just like we always did, stars were starting to appear in the sky above us and a street lamp was humming softly in the distance. We seemed to fall into a lot of familiar routines without even trying.

"Thanks for letting me borrow your beanie." I reached up to pull it off and Will caught my hand, "No, you keep it. You look nice. . . in it." He dropped his arm back to his side and I lowered mine uncertainly, grateful that the cold gave me an excuse for my cheeks to be burning red.

Nice. My heart thumped against my ribcage and I shoved my hands into my jacket pockets. "Thanks."

He nodded, a tiny smile pulling the corners of his mouth upwards. If I was honest with myself, there was nothing I wanted more than to kiss him, but that would have just complicated matters more.

"I told you that I'd get you to wear something other than black, but you didn't believe me." His words had a laughing lilt to them now.

My mouth dropped open, "That is so not fair--"

Will held his hand up, "You're wearing the beanie and you have been all day. And you're not even trying to take it off now, so I win."

I shook my head, looking in the other direction and biting my lip, "I'll see you tomorrow, Will."

There was a brief pause.

"Bye, Neeks. Have a good night's rest."

I grinned at him, taking a small step back, "You too."

"Bye."

"Bye." I turned around and hurried back to my house before I could do something stupid.

-

Snow crunched under my feet and cold air wrapped around my fingers and soaked into my cheeks, I found myself wishing I had bundled up a little bit more. Tiny flakes were falling from the sky, adding to the layer that was already spread out over the ground. It seemed to muffle the world around me, it made it easier to get lost in my own thoughts.

I started off thinking about Percy and Frank. I had just spent the day checking over my shoulder and eventually failing to avoid them, after all. More than that, though, I was wondering what their lives were like.

She didn't deserve it, Percy had screamed.

It's not that simple, Frank had told me.

I knew there was something going on behind the scenes, something that I couldn't see. I shook my head, worrying about it wasn't going to help anything. So then, of course, my mind found its way to an even more useless topic: Will. My thoughts always circled back to Will and I'd stopped trying to fight it.

I found myself wondering what he was doing right then, if he was thinking of me too. For a moment, I let myself imagine what it would be like to just give in. I imagined holding his hand and not being afraid of it, I wondered what it would be like to kiss him whenever I wanted. It scared me because those thoughts, they didn't seem half bad and I wanted them so much. I reminded myself of the consequences, though, and I remembered how absurd those hopes were.

Then, suddenly, inevitably, my thoughts circled back to Percy. After all, it's hard not to think of someone when they're standing right in front of you, and Percy was, in fact, right there. I'd been so engrossed in my thoughts that I hadn't seen him approaching and now he stood, blocking my path with his hands fisted and his stance wide. His expression didn't hold its usual flare, though, his eyes weren't alight with anger, his jaw was not set, and his mouth was not bent into a hateful sneer. He seemed almost dead, completely void of emotion, he looked tired.

I felt myself tense up almost immediately, already I was bracing myself for his lips to quirk into a mocking smile, for an insult to greet me like a slap in the face. A couple of silent moments passed between us, moments turned into seconds, and seconds piled up on top of one another until we'd been standing there for the longest minute of my life. Still, he was almost looking right through me like I wasn't even there.

"Get out of my way, di Angleo." I don't know what I had been expecting, exactly, but it was not for his voice to seem so hollow.

"Percy--"

"Move." He wasn't even looking at me now,  his gaze was planted on the ground, "I don't have the energy for you, right now, okay?" I guess I should have been relieved that he finally didn't see the fun in pounding my skull in.

I stepped to the side into the pile of snow that had been plowed off the sidewalk earlier. Now the cement had already disappeared beneath another layer of the stuff. Percy walked past me like he hadn't seen me, hadn't spoken to me at all.

I watched his retreating back for a couple of seconds. Part of me wanted to chase after him and demand to know what was going on, but I knew my attempt would be in vain and I'd only earn a new bruise or two, so I turned and walked in the opposite direction as him.

My thoughts swirled over the same topics over and over: Will. Frank. Percy. Will. Percy. Will. Will. Will. My dad. Octavian and Jason. Will again.

He was sitting on my porch when I got home, wearing his blue-grey jacket, of course. The hood was pulled up over his head and his face split into a cheeky grin that drove away the worried scowl on my face. He stood up to greet me, his hands stuffed into his pockets, he almost looked nervous.

"What are you doing, you idiot?" I exclaimed, trying to fight away the smile on my face, "It's freezing out here."

"You're not wearing the beanie."

I laughed, "I forgot about it this morning, okay? I'll wear it tomorrow."

Will grinned, "Good."

"Now, get inside." I started walking forward, but Will shook his head, "I want to show you something."

He grabbed my arm as he passed me, pulling me toward his house for a couple of steps. I followed after him when he let go and bumped my shoulder against his as I caught up to him in a few running strides.

He laughed down at me, "You have snowflakes in your hair," He tipped his head to the side, his lips twitching, "and in your eyelashes, actually.

I rolled my eyes at him as we walked up his driveway, "That's what snow does, Will. It sticks to things."

He shrugged, "Yeah, I know. It's just. . ." He never finished the sentence, just led the way up the steps and into his house.

"So, what did you want to show me?" I asked after he'd been tackle-hugged by Kit and then told her to go play in her room and he'd come tuck here in later.

Will looked over at me as Kit's door clicked shut, clucking his tongue at me, "So impatient. It's upstairs."

I tread after him into his room, where he ordered me to sit on his bed while he pulled something out of his closet. It was a cork board with all sorts of things pinned to it, photos mostly. Will sat next to me and laid it across both of our laps so that I could look at it with him.

It really was amazing, a collage of all of his favorite things, he said: the pictures he was most proud of taking, photos of old friends, a pressed flower glued at the top, a set of movie tickets, a cut-out picture of his guitar, clippings of his favorite characters from just about everything, song lyrics from his favorite bands and even a few that he'd written himself, little pieces of poetry that meant something to him, and drawing Kit had made for him. The thing that jumped out at me the most, though, was a picture of me.

I was sitting on the roof outside of my window and the sky was clear behind me, but my expression was clouded and desolate. I had an ugly bruise stretching over my cheekbone and I was staring off into space like there was nothing really important in the world to look at, anyway.

I pointed to it, feeling myself blush, feeling almost like he had captured a very intimate moment where he could see the darkness thriving inside me that I tried so hard to keep hidden. "When did you take that?"

Will immediately blushed and stuttered, "I. . . uh, d-don't. . . really remember, actually."

I raised a skeptical eyebrow at him and shook my head. "Yeah, okay. Whatever, Will. Have you taken other stalker pictures of me?"

I was probably enjoying seeing him flustered a little too much. "No!"

I laughed, elbowing him playfully. "I'm just teasing you, Will."

He answered with a grumpy sigh and a muttered, "Yeah, I know."

I turned my attention back to the board and tapped a little torn-off corner of notebook paper with the words, 'Hollow heart, hollow eyes. Broken promise, scattered lies,' scrawled on it. "You write that?"

Will nodded, "Uh, yeah. I never put it in a song, though, so I guess it's more like a little bit of poetry."

"I like it," I said, enjoying how he smiled shyly in response. "The pictures are also really nice. . . You have a lot of talent, Will."

His smile grew ten sizes, "So do you."

I chuckled, "Thanks."

Will stood up, pulling the board with him, and stowed it back in his closet. I was stretched out across his bed with my arms folded over my chest when he turned around and he laughed before coming to lie next to me.

"Why'd you want to show that to me?" I asked, making sure not to turn my head and realize how close we actually were.

He seemed to consider this for a few moments, "I don't know. . . I just thought you might like it."

"I did."

He shifted beside me and his knee pressed up against my thigh. "Then it was a pretty good idea."

I nodded, "You should show me your work more often."

"Only if I get to see more of your drawings."

I laughed a bit, "Deal."

Neither of us had anything to say for a few seconds, and then I smirked, "Will."

"Hm?"

"Since I'm on that board, am I one of your favorite things?" I joked.

He turned his head to look at me, snickering quietly. "Yes, you're my absolute favorite thing, actually."

I laughed up at the ceiling and Will's breaths filled the silence for a couple of seconds, soft and warm next to my ear. My own breathing faltered very slightly, but Will must have heard it, because the next thing I knew, he had shifted so he was leaning on his elbow and his lips were pressing tentatively against the skin just below my ear, and then the sharp corner of my jawline as it turned down to meet my chin and my mouth was open in awe and my eyes were closed. My fingers tightened around my wimpy biceps, needing something to hold onto, to give me a grip on reality. "Will?" I breathed, my heart racing as his fingers brushed over my other cheek and his lips worked their way over my jaw.

He kissed the corner of my mouth and I gasped very softly. With the slightest turn of my head, my lips were underneath his and my hands were tangled in his hair. Suddenly, his body was pressed down onto mine, stealing the oxygen out of my lungs in the most delicious way possible, and then he slipped his hands under my back and rolled so that I was on top.

My legs straddled him and his hands pressed into my back; every nerve in my body was singing, "More. More," as his lips guided mine in the most invigorating symphony of kisses. I pulled away with a maddening amount of self-restraint, capturing his bottom lip between my teeth briefly, making him gasp.

"Will," I said, and his eyes opened, his fingers curling around my face.

"Nico?" he whispered back, a teasing smile playing over his features, and I touched my nose to his, clenching my eyes shut. Our heavy breaths swirled together in the air between us.

"I told you that I can't do this," I muttered, but I still didn't move away even though I was fully capable of rolling off of him any time I wanted to.

His fingers touched my face, tracing a line from my temple to my chin like he was analyzing an amazingly crafted sculpture. "I know."

"Then, why--"

He put a finger over my lips, "Because I don't think that's what you really want."

"Why?" I whispered after he pulled his finger away from my mouth.

"Because you would have pushed me away a long time ago if you did. You wouldn't have even kissed me back." He said it so surely that it caught me off guard. He was right, of course, there was no denying the fact that I wasn't trying to stop it. I finally pulled myself away and flopped onto my back next to him again.

"Let's just pretend that it is what I want, okay?" I muttered up at the ceiling.

Another brief silence, and then, "You don't have to believe exactly what everyone else does. You can believe whatever you want, Nico. You can--"

"Please. Please, don't make this any harder." My eyes shuttered closed, casting away unwanted thoughts and trapping them outside of me.

"I'm trying to make it easier. You shouldn't have to deny who you are to make other people happy."

"It's not who I am, Will. It doesn't define me." I knew that I didn't even sound like I believed myself. "And I'm doing this to make myself happy."

"You don't look happy."

I sat up quickly, unsettled by how easily he read me. "I have to go," I muttered.

Will didn't say anything as I slipped out the door.

This is dedicated to Archangel777  for trying to help me find the tempo of the universe on the walk home  

this chapter was really fun to write, guys. and it is the fastest I have ever updated. . . by a long shot. I mean, it's been, what? Six days since I last updated? And it usually takes me a month or several? Idek man. Idek.

Did you know that people actually fangirl over me? I don't understand it. I'm literally a fifteen-year-old girl with the saddest social life you've ever seen. It's practically non-existent. And I will literally talk to all of you, we can all be best friends! :D Why is there fangirling going on? (Not that it doesn't make me feel like a special bean but (I once called myself a bean (the smolest of beans, actually) in front of my normal friends and they were really confused, they were like "out of all of the foods that exist, why a bean?" and maybe they were right, maybe I'm more of a taco)) But back to the fangirling (or fanboying... or fanpeopling... or whatever you do) Science side of Tumblr (or... Wattpad, I guess? Is there a science side of Wattpad?), please explain this phenomenon.

ALSO! Please go check out Delusion, it's this fic I'm working on with kathynerd  (who you should definitely follow because her stories are great aND HEART-WRENCHING I--) and I'll also probably be updating that fic sooooonnn (~•.•)~ (< name him I just want to see what people come up with please (I am so lame) you can even give him a significant other.. . or a dog... or an whale. .. or an entire family [Phil Lester voice] if you're feeling cRazy [Dan Howell voice] *laughs* I know I am this morning!)

*clears throat* back to business

I was just wondering if when you look at the overview of this story, does it say that it has 38 parts? Because it does (only 10 of them are published and then the rest are random future scenes, other random crap involving this fic that I need for various reasons, and then one of them is Actual Giant Mr. Watkins, but that's a long story). Cuz when I look at from my account it it says that it has 38 parts and I was just wondering if you guys could see that because I am a curious taco and I thought that if people noticed that they'd be pretty confused XD so I was just wondering... and also I felt the need to explain... so there you go

I'm so excited for the next chapter *bounces up and down* *is suddenly still* *evil laughter* and you guys don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing

I go on unnecessarily long tangents during these.. . . . . .. ... I apologize once again... I just get carried away... *is suddenly swept off my feet by a Samsquatch and carried away*

*pointy snappy thing* you see what I did there? aHahahHhahH... my sense of humor is so lame

love me