They'd been in surgery for four hours, and Nellie had remained as silent as possible. She watched as Colonel Tucker stalked the room like a lion and it's prey, eyes peeled for any little mistake. The pressure didn't seem to get to the boys, though. Hawkeye and BJ seemed only slightly quieter than usual, and Charles was the epitome of poise like always.

Nellie cracked her neck, trying to will away the hammering that had settled at the base of her skull. She turned to Kellye. "3-0 silk."

The surgical silk glinted in the lamp light as Kellye passed it over. She could hear BJ and Charles going on about their patient, but Nellie tuned it out. Focus on the patient and the patient only. One suture at a time, the nasty belly wound closed at last.

"What do you want, a medal?" Tucker's voice echoed through the operating room.

"Finish up, please." As Kellye did as she was asked, Nellie stretched her neck again. But she paused as Colonel Tucker's gaze fell on her.

"These OR sessions a bit much for your stamina, Major?"

"No, sir." She straightened and shook her head. "Just stretching."

Tucker sneered. "I hope not. Because it wouldn't look good on a report to the Surgeon General's Office that the one woman sent to a combat post was tired after the first few hours."

"No, it wouldn't, sir." Nellie locked eyes with him and then looked away. She moved back as two orderlies placed a patient before her. His leg wound wasn't severe, but he needed a few stitches in his head as well. "Gloves!"

Shari snapped them on. Gloves and ready to go, she got to work on the head wound. His reddish brown hair was caked with blood. Nellie couldn't count the number of freckles on his young face, and she started by wiping his face of blood the beat she could.

The hours dragged on. The OR session didn't last particularly long. They were out by one in the afternoon. Her hardest case had been a dirty belly wound. She feared infection would set in.

"Start him on streptomycin," she instructed Shelley. Looking down at the young black soldier, she sighed. "Monitor Sergeant Lewis's temperature for a spike and get me if it goes over 101-5."

"Yes, Major."

Nellie hung his chart back up and turned around to look in on her other patients from the previous OR session. Several of them were waiting to be shipping out that night, including Connor Stevens. She smiled at him. But moments later, as she moved away from Lewis's cot, she noticed Colonel Tucker double checking her work. Irritation consumed her. Nellie had to force herself to smile for Private Stevens.

"How are you doing, Connor?"

"Much better, Major. Thank you."

As she went to respond, Colonel Tucker's biting response to BJ's exhaustion rung out in Post Op. "You were also up very late performing idiocy!"

Hawkeye, BJ, Charles, and Margaret glared at each other. Nellie tried to block it out, she tried to let them handle it themselves. That last she needed to do was engage an irate, powerful Colonel. But things only got more heated. She cursed herself, but she couldn't let him continue to badmouth the surgeons and nurses of the 4077th.

"Colonel, what they did last night was wrong." Nellie got up and wandered over to where she though fists might be ready to fly. She kept her voice low. "It was silly. But sometimes here silliness is needed to keep people from going crazy."

"Did you fill their heads with this idea? You are all soldiers, you belong to the United States Army. Though I suppose you might not comprehend what that means, being a woman."

Margaret and the others gasped audibly. Nellie bit her lip hard enough to make it bleed, and just smiled. "Whatever you say, Colonel."

BJ, Charles, and Hawkeye fought to get a word in edgewise, and finally they agreed to have a word outside the hospital with the Colonel. Nellie hesitated. But she eventually followed.

Hawkeye started speaking as soon as the door to Post Op closed. "Why don't we make a deal, Colonel. We stop breaking pillows and you stop breaking our butts."

"I don't make deals."

"Then how about just acting human."

Colonel Tucker straightened up at BJ's insult. He gritted his teeth and shook his head. "Better what that mouth of yours, Captain."

"Careful, Hunnicutt. It's against protocol to inform a superior officer that he is inferior."

Margaret agreed with Charles. She folded her arms. "This man would have to work his way up to inferior.

"I'm going to shape this place up." Tucker pointed at each of them. "And I can't think of a better place to start than barring all of you from medical service."

Nellie's mouth went dry. She bawled her fists and glanced away, over towards the center of camp. No words came.

"That hurts, doesn't it?"

But Hawkeye just laughed. "The Colonel's gonna make us stand in a corner of Korea!"

"And go to bed without supper," said Margaret.

"You think you're very funny, don't you. I've had it with you screwballs." He began to smirk, causing Nellie's heart to sink. Colonel Tucker continued. "As of right now you're all up on charges for insubordination, conduct unbecoming of officers, and anything else I decide to throw in there.

"I can't believe that!" Margaret's face paled. Her arms dropped to her side.

Colonel Tucker smiled. "You better believe it. If I have it my way, you'll all be court-martialed. And since I make those decisions, I always get my way."

Nellie felt tears, angry and sad, spring to her eyes. The lump in her throat only grew as she held it back. She'd had one chance to make this work. One chance to change history and advance her career. One chance in the Army. And now, it was gone.

"Let me see you laugh that one off, gang."

As he stomped back into Post Op, Nellie found herself feeling sick. She felt dizzy, nauseous. She didn't care that everyone was watching her as she all but ran to her tent. The world crashed down around her, and suddenly she wanted Jack more than ever.

Nellie locked her door. The bottle of Scotch, almost empty on her desk, looked particularly appetizing. But the promise she'd made to Jack, not to use too much alcohol during day hours, made her stop. No matter how much her mouth watered, she had to ignore it. So she sank down to the floor, hugging her knees. Tears flooded down her face in a way she hadn't experienced since the hard days with her brother's recovery.

Someone rapped on her door. She didn't respond.

"Nellie?"

She covered her mouth at Hawkeye's question. She had to get ahold of herself. Finally she brushed the tears from her face as best she could and detangled her wet hair off her cheeks. "Not now, Hawkeye." Panic started to fill her body, her chest tightening.

"Nellie."

Finally she stood off the ground. Her arms shook. Nellie closed her eyes, trying to will her body to stop. Stop shaking, stop crying, stop feeling the emotions. Carefully she undid the latch and opened the door.

Hawkeye stood outside her door. No mirth was in his posture or his voice. He looked her up and down. "You alright?"

"I'm fine." Another wave of panic crashed over her. She tried to shut the door, but Hawkeye stopped it. Nellie just glared. More panic. She fled inside. Her voice quavered, and she grabbed her bed to steady herself. "If you come in, you have to close the door."

He didn't have to be told twice. The door shut quietly. Nellie turned away, and just held her mouth shut for dear life. Tears bled out the corners of her squeezed tight eyes, no matter how hard she willed them away. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. All she knew was that everything she'd worked for over her entire life had disappeared in a matter of seconds.

Somehow she managed to sit herself on the ground, knees to her chest. Back against her bed, she just covered her face. She hated this, the total lack of control. It made her feel so weak.

Suddenly she felt Hawkeye's hand on her right knee. It stopped her trembling for a moment. "Nellie-"

"I couldn't keep my damn mouth shut!" Nellie wiped away her tears as best she could. "I had to get involved. It was so stupid!"

Hawkeye grabbed her hand. He didn't say anything. Nellie got the feeling he didn't know what to say. But she used his warm hands as a way to ground herself. He was real. The panic would pass. Her life wouldn't end. She couldn't let this end her career. She wouldn't.

Nellie finally managed to look at his face. Hawkeye kept his eyes on the ground away from her. Anger was etched into his expression, fury at the circumstances. Not for the first time, she kicked herself mentally for being so attracted to him. He had a fire in his heart to rival her own. It amazed her.

His eyes met hers. Neither was one to back down by breaking eye contact. Even as her tears slowed, she made up her mind. If she was going to lose everything, she'd take this one small thing for herself.

She pulled him a bit closer. Quickly, so as not to second guess herself, Nellie's lips met his. She tasted the saltiness of her own tears. Hawkeye didn't hold back, and she found the embrace even more grounding. Colonel Tucker could take her career, but he couldn't take this.

When they broke apart, Hawkeye just grinned. His eyes sparkled with mirth. He always smiled with his eyes. She let herself fall back against the edge of the bed. Her head rested on it comfortably as she tried to get ahold of herself further.

"And I haven't even bought you a pizza yet."

Laughter erupted from her. Nellie couldn't stop her own grin even as she wiped away tears. She shrugged. "Colonel Tucker can take my life's work away, but he can't take away my life."

"You know if I'd known coming in way gonna lead to that, I would've come in sooner." Hawkeye winked at her and continued crouching in front of her.

Nellie snorted. "You came in pretty fast, Hawk. And you've been hoping for that since I got here."

"The pursuit is half the fun," he joked. But then he grew more serious. "Are you alright?"

"I've definitely been better."

Hawkeye stood up, straightening himself. He smirked. "The rest of us screwballs are going to stay in the Swamp. Maybe we can plan our court martial speeches." He held out his hand. "Coming?"

After a few seconds of hesitation, she took his hand. With a pull, he helped her stand. Nellie took a deep breath and wiped her last few tears with her sleeve. Hawkeye nodded at her. Finally, she felt control again. Tucker couldn't take that away.