Hi!

Since they're going to be in Russia in this chapter, I thought it would be a good time to write a little about Viktor's backstory!  This story is set in 2014 by the way because I think the GPF was held in Barcelona that year.

Also this is over 15,000 words long, I'm so sorry.

I dedicate this chapter to Valery153 Victor_Katsuki hufflepouf and KittenKatter :)

There are Mentions of Panic attacks/Suicide/Homophobia in this chapter so if any of these things trigger you, I suggest skipping this chapter! Stay safe :)

(I haven't read over this, I'll correct it in the morning)

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Leaning on the wall of the rink with his nails digging into his palms was certainly not how Yuuri imagined that his last proper day of training would go. They were going to be flying out to Russia later that day in preparation for the Rostelecom Cup. Yuuri gulped and his stomach lurched at the thought of it. He screwed his eyes shut and took a few deep breaths before skating off to practice some of his quads.

The thought of failing had always been one that had terrified Yuuri. Well- maybe it was more of a case of feeling like a failure. He had strived for years to feel content with himself and comfortable in his own skin, but the feeling of hopelessness at the thought of disappointing the people he loved had stuck with him. The thing was, now that Viktor was here, not did he only have to prove himself but he had to prove that Viktor was a great coach too. Any mistake would probably tarnish Viktor's reputation as the worlds most decorated figure skater in the world and it would be entirely Yuuri's fault.

He knew that many, many people thought that he wasn't good enough for Viktor. Why would he be? Yuri had barley anything to his name, but what didn't Viktor have to his name? Yuuri was just another ordinary, dime-a-dozen figure skaters in the sport. What made him special? What did Viktor see in him? Because the way that Yuuri saw it, Yuuri was just a small speck of dust, and Viktor was the entire universe.

He didn't want to disappoint Viktor. He didn't want to disappoint his family. He didn't want to disappoint Yuko and Takeshi. He didn't want to disappoint Japan. He'd carried a world of expectations on his shoulders for so many years now, he constantly felt as if he was going to crumble at any second.

When would people realise that there was nothing special about him? That we was just an ordinary figure skater? That he wasn't as talented as people made him out to be? That he didn't deserve all the praise he got, because at the end of the day, he was a nobody compared to his fellow competitors (and Viktor).

He'd come to practice earlier than usual. Tossing and turning in bed for hours had done him no good, so he decided to do something mildly productive with his time instead of just wasting it. They normally went to practice around 8am, but an early start wouldn't do any harm, would it? Viktor would probably turn up soon and Yuuri was sure that he would mind him starting earlier than usual. Yuuri knew that Viktor respected that he needed some time to skate alone sometimes.

Yuuri felt in edge for some reason- maybe it was because this would be the last training session before the Rostelecom Cup. Maybe it was because this would possibly his last ever training session with Viktor if he failed to qualify for the Grand Prix. He didn't really want to think about it in that way, but he couldn't help it. Viktor would have no reason to stay with him any longer if he failed to qualify, Yuuri had held him from his career for long enough. He had no reason to keep him away from the ice for longer than necessary.

Truthfully though, despite Yuuri telling himself that it was best to let Viktor go, he didn't want him to leave.

God, he didn't want to let Viktor go.

Yuuri had convinced himself that it was for the best though. He was just keeping the world from Viktor, he'd had him for long enough now. Their time together was nearly up, and despite Yuuri wanting to cling onto Viktor until his last breath, he knew that he was just holding him back from his career and the people he loved.

Yuuri hissed when his blades collided half way through this Quad toe loop, causing him to fall face first onto the ice. He slid across the ice with a groan before coming to a stop. He rolled onto his back and let out a small cry.

"Something on your mind?"

The question startled Yuuri and he immediately whipped his head towards the entrance to see who was there. Of course, he didn't really need to check who was there because the beautiful Russian accent gave it away. Viktor was leaning on the half-wall of the rink, his hand propping up his chin. His head was tilted to the side as if he was slightly confused.

"D-don't do that to me!" Yuuri stuttered and got up off the ice before brushing himself off. He scowled and shook his head at Viktor as he skated over to him. He always startled Yuuri. Yuuri was pretty sure that Viktor was going to give him a heart attack one day. He had no mercy for Yuuri's health.

"Don't do what to you?" Viktor asked once Yuuri had skated over to the side and was face to face with him. Yuuri frowned at him and reached out to flick his forehead.

"Viktooorrr..." Yuuri whined and let out a sigh. "Can we please begin practice? We only have 3 days left."

"Of course we can." Viktor said, and Yuuri was about to skate off before Viktor grabbed his wrist back. "But not until you tell me what's been bothering you."

Yuuri froze for a second before chewing on the inside of his lip. He should have known that nothing would get passed Viktor, no matter how hard he tried to keep it hidden. Viktor could read him like a book. Yuuri found it quite odd that Viktor couldn't comfort people to save his life and was too blunt for his own good sometimes, but he could always tell when there was something bothering him.

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it." Yuuri reassured Viktor. "Now please can we practice?"

"Yuuri."

"Viktor, I-"

"Yuuri, I'm not having my student injuring himself before the Rostelecom Cup by flubbing a jump because there's something on his mind that he could have easily talked about." Viktor frowned and crossed his arms. Yuuri let his mouth hang open loosely as he felt a pang of sadness in his chest.

"Viktor, you know, you know better than anyone that it's not easy for me to talk about my feelings so please stop acting like it's a straightforward thing for me to do." Yuuri snapped at Viktor, and practically begged him to stop.

Yuuri didn't wait for Viktor to reply, he just skated back to the centre of the rink and began working on his step sequences. Viktor wanted to slap himself as soon as the words left Yuuri's mouth. He shouldn't have said that. He should have worded it better. He wanted to show Yuuri that he cared for him unconditionally and couldn't bear to think about him hurting himself after how hard they'd worked for this season.

He didn't go after Yuuri straight away, he watched him from the side to give him some space. Yuuri's step sequences had always enthralled Viktor; he was extremely good at conveying his emotions through them. Right now, Yuuri looked almost pitiful out on the ice and Viktor knew that he'd fucked up big time.

After Yuuri came to a stop, Viktor saw it as an opportunity to apologise to him. He quickly removed his skating guards before skating out towards where his boyfriend stood. Viktor was scared that an apology would be slightly awkward, but pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind as he came face to face with Yuuri.

Yuuri looked away at face, not particularly wanting to looked out of Viktor because of the embarrassment he felt for snapping at him. Viktor was having none of it though, and placed two firm hands on Yuuri's shoulders and made the younger man look at him.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I did just now, but that doesn't change the fact that I care for you a lot and don't want to see you get hurt, okay? Please be careful, for me?" Viktor asked him with pleading eyes, and Yuuri hesitantly nodded. "Am I forgiven?"

Yuuri pondered for a moment before reaching a hand up to Viktor's hair and twisting the silver strands between his fingers.

"Yes... but- just don't say anything like that again, please?" Yuuri asked hopefully, worring if he was asking too much of Viktor.

"I won't. I promise." Viktor reassured him and held out his pinky finger to Yuuri. Yuuri smiled in return and curled his pinky around Viktor's. He smiled before pulling Yuuri in for a short hug.

Viktor debated with himself for a minute before placing his hands on Yuuri's hips and looking into his eyes.

"What would you do if I lifted you and spun you in the air?" Viktor joked.

"I would kill you." Yuuri replied with no hesitation. "You know what happened last time."

"Oi, hush!" Viktor said, earning a giggle from Yuuri. Viktor took the opportunity to left Yuuri up and spin him around in the air. Yuuri let out squeal and it dragged out until his feet were back on the ice.

"Viktor!" Yuuri pouted. "We need to practice or I'm going to crash and burn in Russia."

"Yuuri, you're most certainly not going to crash and burn, you're going to be great." Viktor reassured him. "Skate with me for a bit?" Viktor asked, and stretched his hand out to Yuuri.

"Viktor..." Yuuri huffed, and tried to protest but he knew that with Viktor looking at him like that, he couldn't say no. "Fine."

Viktor's face instantly lit up and they began skating around the rink, hand in hand. This was a common occurrence- Viktor always offered Yuuri to pair skate with him whenever he felt nervous or tense, and it was surprisingly relaxing to Yuuri.

Yuuri giggled as he spun around and felt Viktor's hands on his hips, and Viktor lifted him up and spun around before setting him back down on the ice. Yuuri smiled and reached out to cup Viktor's cheek with his hand. Viktor smiled and kept a firm grip on Yuuri's hips, and he could have kissed him right then and there. He looked so peaceful. So (dare Viktor say it?) Happy.

Viktor lifted Yuuri up in the air again without warning. This time, Viktor had a clear view of Yuuri's face, and it was priceless. Yuuri's hands flew straight to Viktor's shoulders as he tried to balance himself, but felt himself wobble slightly. Yuuri wailed as he waved his limbs about in a desperate attempt to get Viktor to put him down, accidentally hitting Viktor across the face in the process.

It wasn't meant to happen- any of it. Viktor's grip of Yuuri loosened and the younger boy fell, dragging Viktor down with him. They skidded across the ice before coming to a stop. Yuuri felt a little pain in his elbow and layed down on the ice for a moment to catch his breath.

When he decided to finally get up, he saw that Viktor was still sprawled out on the ice beside him, and he shuffled over to him to check if he was okay.
Yuuri poked at Viktor's side, making a squeal erupt from his throat. Yuuri giggled and Viktor shot up straight away so that he could do it back to Yuuri.

"You weren't supposed to drop me." Yuuri pouted as he sat in Viktor's lap and ran his hands through his hair. Somehow, Yuuri almost always ended up sitting in Viktor's lap (not that he was complaining of course). He just found it strange.

"Well maybe I you hadn't tried to kill me, I wouldn't have!" Viktor protested, making Yuuri shake his head at him.

"I didn't try to kill you, I hit you by accident." Yuuri rolled his eyes. "You're such a drama queen."

"I am not!" Viktor replied with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open.

"You are!" Yuuri poked at his side again but jokes on him, Viktor tackled him and began tickling him until Yuuri was practically screaming for him to stop.

Yuuri sat up and patted his hair back down and adjusted his glasses as he sat up. His shirt was wet from being on the ice but he didn't mind. He looked over to see Viktor still laughing to himself, he had rosy cheeks and the biggest smile on his face.

Yuuri felt his heart sink and came crashing back to reality. He'd let himself slip away from reality for the time that he spent with Viktor. It wasn't like he could help it- no. Viktor had opened up so many new things for him and had shown him a completely different world. It was unsettling to think about Viktor leaving him, which could quickly become very much reality if he bombed his performances in Russia. Even if he didn't, and qualified for the Finals, Viktor would have to leave him after that. He tried to tell himself to live in the present but his mind was set so far in the future that he didn't know how to get it back.

"Yuuri?"

Yuuri snapped his head towards where Viktor was sitting, and saw that he looked quite concerned.

"Is everything okay?" Viktor asked, searching for any signs.

"Yeah...I'm fine." Yuuri trailed off. He looked back down at his hands to see that Viktor had placed his on top of Yuuri's, and was gently stroking them. He smiled to himself and suddenly had an idea. He stood up and Viktor followed him a few seconds later.

"The gala." Yuuri said.

"What?" Viktor asked, obviously confused by Yuuri's words.

"I'm probably getting ahead of myself... way ahead of myself, bit if we reach the Final and if, if we happen to be on the podium..." Yuuri held his breath and looked down at his hands. "Will you skate with me?"

"What?" Viktor replied, startling Yuuri slightly.

"I-it's okay j-just- just forget I just said that, I-I'm being stupid..." Yuuri stuttered and rambled on.

Yuuri's rambling was stopped when he felt a pair of lips kissing him gently. Yuuri was pretty sure all the breath left him lungs out of surprise, but he kissed back. Of course he kissed back. Viktor's warm hands were cupping Yuuri's face and he felt something well up inside of him. The kiss was sweet overall, despite taking Yuuri by surprise after he humiliated himself. They pulled away after a bit and caught their breath.

"Yes. Yes. Yes, of course I'll skate with you Yuuri. There's nothing I'd rather do , love." Viktor stroked Yuuri's cheek and lowered his forehead to meet Yuuri's.

Yuuri had never felt so relived at Viktor's words. He reached down and laced his fingers with Viktor's. He muttered what felt like a thousand 'thank you's' to Viktor, who's smile grew wider with each one.

Yes, Yuuri was content for now.
For one, for once in his life, he was living in the present with Viktor. It was them two and no one else. Tomorrow would be a whole different story, but for now Yuuri somehow managed to clear his mind of his worries for some other time, Because right now, it was about him and Viktor.

-------

Russia wasn't at all how Yuuri had imagined it. He didn't quite know how he'd imagined it, but he certainly didn't expect to be freezing his balls off the moment he got off the plane. They'd landed in St Petersburg and were going to be staying in Viktor's apparently overnight and then travel to Moscow tomorrow.

Their 9 hour flight had pretty much consisted of them analysing Yuuri's programs from the Cup of China and figuring out what he needed to improve on, and sleeping. Of course, Viktor insisted on playing the part where he Kissed Yuuri on international TV, and Yuuri became a flustered mess surprisingly easily. Viktor managed to give Yuuri a quick peck on the cheek when nobody was looking, and went back to telling Yuuri what elements he could add to his performance.

It was currently 11pm in St Petersburg and Yuuri just wanted to sleep, despite having slept quite a bit on the plane. He made sure to stay close to Viktor as they made their way to get the luggage, but was taken by surprise when he heard high pitched squeals coming from their right. Both of them turned their heads to be met with a bunch of reporters and hundreds of fans.

Yuuri could feel his heart thudding in his chest as everyone began to swarm around them. Yuuri tried to stay close to Viktor, but felt himself being dragged away by the reporters. He never liked them at the best of times, but now he purely despised them. Where was security? Yuuri loved the fact that people wanted to see them (more like just Viktor) but he'd prefer if it were organised.

It wasn't long before the reporters started interrogating him, and everything was becoming too much for him.

"Mr Katsuki, is it true that you and Mr Nikiforov are in a relationship?"

"Will Viktor be returning to competition next season?"

"Could you confirm your sexuality for us Mr Katsuki?"

"Do you think you're good enough to qualify for the Grand Prix?"

"How do you feel about taking Viktor away from skating?"

Yuuri couldn't speak. He wished that he could, but everything was just too much. He knew this feeling all too well, and he hated it, he absolutely hated it. He could feel his chest constricting, and the burning sensation in his throat was all too familiar. He tried to open his mouth to ask them to leave him alone but erratic breaths and whimpers were the only things that he could get out.

His fears and his insecurities all rushed to him at once and the world around him started to go blurry. He hated feeling week, displaying his weaknesses, but he couldn't help it. He could feel his knees beginning to trembling as well as his hands. He could feel his palms going sweaty and began feeling nauseous as everything seemed to be closing in on him.

He just wanted everything to stop. He wanted all the voices around him to quieten down. He wanted all the bodies that were pushing him around to evaporate. He wanted to hear the sound of the waves. He wanted to hear the sounds of his blades as he glided across the ice. He wanted to hold Viktor's hand. He wanted to be in his arms. No, he'd prefer if Viktor didn't see him like this because he was an absolute mess and he would probably regret being his coach. He didn't need Viktor seeing another weak side of him again. He just wanted to get away from this place so that he could breathe without hyperventilating, so that he could stop shaking.

When Viktor turned around with a massive grin on his face to ask Yuuri to join him in a photo with a fan, his face immediately fell when he saw the state that Yuuri was in. He was clutching his chest and he was trembling. He could see Yuuri's body rattling from the erratic breaths that were coming from him, and his eyes were wide with fear. No one seemed to care though- they kept pestering him despite the state he was in.

Viktor wasted no time in pushing his way through the masses of people and reporters so that he could be next to Yuuri.

"Yuuri, Yuuri, can you hear me? Okay, just breathe, I'll get us away from this crowd now." Viktor assured Yuuri, and wrapped his arm around him before pushing through the crowd to get to a safe place. There were so many people that Viktor started to feel overwhelmed himself- he didn't even want to imagine what Yuuri was going through right now, to be trembling as much as he was.

Viktor thanked his lucky stars when security finally arrived and escorted the crowd out of the building so that they could have some privacy. Of course Viktor loved his fans (he loved Yuuri more) but now was not the time, especially with his boyfriend in the way he was. Yuuri's Heath was the priority now and Viktor guided him to the bathroom in the hope to calm him down.

Yuuri slid down the wall and was in a heap on the floor the moment he entered the toilets. Viktor kneeled down gently in front of him and grabbed his shaking hand so that he could attempt to make him feel safer.
Yuuri's body continued to trembling as his breathing started to sound more desperate, like he was fighting for Air.

"Yuuri, love, look at me." Viktor said, and Yuuri slowly turned his head to look at him.

"St-stop. L-leave." Yuuri muttered. He hated that he was showing this vulnerable side to Viktor again, and just wanted him to leave him to his own thoughts. Another part of him wanted to hold onto Viktor though and regretted his words as soon as they left his mouth.

"Now, Yuuri, that's not going to happen love." Viktor replied and moved closer to him. "I'm right here."

"N-no!" Yuuri cried and turned himself away. He probably looked such a mess that Yuuri didn't know why Viktor hadn't just got up and left him. He didn't deserve him. Viktor was far too good for someone like Yuuri.

Viktor moved slowly so that he was sitting beside Yuuri and gently turned his boyfriend so that he was resting in him now. He pressed Yuuri close to his chest and brought his lips to Yuuri's forehead.

"Yuuri, listen to my heartbeat. Breathe in time with me. C'mon." Viktor said and breathed deeply so that Yuuri could follow. He watched as Yuuri rose and fell with his chest. Yuuri was still trembling and he was clinging onto Viktor as if he was the last man on earth. "That's good. I'm right here Yuuri. Breathe with me."

It took awhile, and a lot of reassuring but Yuuri finally managed to calm down. Viktor was stroking his hair as they both sat in a heap on the floor. A lot of people came in and out of the room, but Viktor didn't pay much attention to them because he was focused on Yuuri. Yuuri had his head pressed against Viktor's chest so that he could hear his heartbeat in order to calm down. He was clinging to Viktor as if he was going to disappear any minute.

"I-I'm sorry." Yuuri whispered. It broke Viktor's heart that Yuuri thought that he had to apologise for something that he couldn't help. "I'm so so sorry Viktor." Yuuri choked out.

"Hey, shhhh, there's no need to apologise for something that's not your fault." Viktor stroked Yuuri's hair and pulled him closer.

"But-"

"No buts. Those reporters shouldn't have attacked you like that. If it's anyone's fault, it's theirs. Please don't blame yourself, love." Viktor interrupted Yuuri from protesting. Yuuri huffed and gave up. "We should probably get out of here. We can go and get a hot chocolate and then we'll head back to my apartment, okay? I promise that nothing will happen to you. Just stay close to me."

"Thank you." Yuuri whispered. "Hot Chocolate sounds nice."

Viktor smiled down at his boy before helping him up onto his feet. Yuuri wanted to grab Viktor's hand more than anything because it made him feel safe, but he knew that given the circumstances, it wasn't the best idea.

"Are you feeling better?" Viktor double checked with Yuuri before they left the room. Yuuri nodded and Viktor smiled back at him. They walked together to the small cafe, and Viktor ordered two hot chocolates and a cookie. Yuuri loved hearing Viktor speaking Russian. It was among his favourite things in the world. He loved how the words rolled so effortlessly off this tongue. Yuuri just loved every single detail about Viktor.

They sat down and began drinking their hot chocolates, not exchanging any words as they observed the busy airport around them. Viktor took a bite of the cookie before offering it to Yuuri, who thanked him before having some.
It was nearly half past eleven at night and Viktor realised that they should probably be sleeping. After finishing off his drink, he went to grab his suitcase when he froze.

"Shit." Viktor mumbled and looked around him frantically before realising that he never actually retrieved his luggage off the flight. He shot up from the table and quickly informed Yuuri. "I'm just going to see how I can get our luggage. I'll be back in two minutes, I promise you."

Yuuri nodded and Viktor winked at him before jogging off. Viktor never failed to make Yuuri's heart melt. He would let Viktor take him in a heartbeat. He'd never felt like this ever before. He'd never had such strong feelings or such a connection with another person before.

Yuuri drummed his fingers along the table as he waited for Viktor to return. He took a few more bites of their cookie but he made sure to leave most of it for his boyfriend. He took his phone out and answered his family's texts asking him about his flight. He made sure they knew that he was safe, but left out the bit about the reporters just for good measure.

He looked at his clock and realised at Viktor had been gone for more than five minutes, and started to feel uneasy. He knew that there was probably a logical explanation behind it, but that didn't stop him from worrying. It wasn't as if he could help it. His fingers started twitching and he became all fidgety. He began checking his phone far too many times per minute, making every second feel longer than necessary. He was in a foreign country, he knew no one (except from Yurio (who was in Moscow)) he only knew basic Russian that Viktor had taught him. He breathed slowly. He was just overthinking it. Everything was going to work out just fine.

"Yuuri!"

As if on cue, he heard his name being called and whipped his head up to see none other that Viktor himself. He thanked God that Viktor had come back and his nerves slowly died away.

"I'm sorry, love. There were loads of people and I ran into a few fans." Viktor apologised before reaching over and taking all of the cookie onto his mouth.

"It's okay." Yuuri said, and yawned straight after.

"Tired, are we?" Viktor laughed, earning a groan from Yuuri. "C'mon. We best be heading to my apartment. You're going to love it."

"When was the last time you Visited here?" Yuuri asked, looking over to Viktor.

"April. It's been awhile. I'm sure Makkachin would have loved to come back for a bit. He's always loved the snow." Viktor smiled, his eyes shining.

And I've always loved You, Viktor wanted to add, but he knew he couldn't. Not here anyway. Maybe later, when they were alone.

----------

Yuuri was half asleep by the time that they finally reached Viktor's old apartment, and was draped over Viktor with half lidded eyes. The only thing on Yuuri's mind was curling up next to Viktor and sleeping for 20 hours. Viktor reached into his coat pocket and rummaged around for the key that he hadn't used in around 8 months. He unlocked the door and hauled Yuuri and his luggage inside.

Yuuri was too tired to properly register that the was in Viktor Nikiforov's apartment. He just wanted sleep. And food. He was willing to skip the food bit for now because he just really wanted a nap. He let Viktor drag him to his bedroom, he was so exhausted from everything that had happened today.

Viktor rummaged through his drawer and found some of his old pyjamas and handed them to Yuuri. They were much too big for him but it was better than ransacking his suitcase at this time of night. The pyjama shirt he was wearing was grey, and had little flowers and bee's over it. In the middle "Bee happy" was written and Yuuri groaned at the awful pun. He rubbed his eyes and removed his glasses before placing them down on the nightstand. Yuuri couldn't be bothered to brush his teeth, so once Viktorhad finished changing (Yuuri had a hell of a time looking at his muscles), he crawled into bed next to him.

It was unsettlingly cold in the apartment, and Viktor realised that he hadn't turned the heating on. It had been over half a year since he'd been here last though so he didn't expect it to be warm. It was okay though, he had Yuuri to cling to. That was all that he needed.

Yuuri fell asleep alarmingly quickly. He was curled up next to Viktor, and he looked absolutely adorable. Viktor stroked Yuuri's hair until he too became quite sleepy. It was so strange to Viktor, being back it St Petersburg. He never thought he'd actually leave the place, but now he was back after being gone for around 8 months. Then again, he didn't expect Yuuri to pop up in his life and sweep his off his feet.

Viktor decided that he was hungry and slowly crawled out of bed, making absolutely that he didn't disturb Yuuri. He headed into the kitchen and smiled at the familiar surroundings. It was weird not having Makkachin by his side. Makkachin had lived with him for as long as he'd owned this apartment. There were still dog toys and the occasional treat hanging around after being left there by Viktor when he moved to Japan.

It was weird. Viktor was a completely different person since he'd visited here last. He wasn't the Viktor who was Void of love and happiness anymore. He wasn't the lonely Viktor who longed for someone to care for him and be by his side. He was now the Viktor who's world was filled with colour and happiness. He'd never felt so loved in his life. And it was all thanks to Yuuri and his family.

He smiled and opened the fridge door, but his face immediately dropped when the odour hit him. He coughed and spluttered for a bit and quickly slammed the door shut. He hung his head in shame after he realised that he'd forgotten to empty his fridge all those months ago before heading to Hasetsu. He didn't even want to imagine what everything looked like. He was praying that there weren't any maggots and decided it was best if he cleaned it out ASAP, but being Viktor, he decided to neglect his responsibilities (like always) and promised himself that he'd do it tomorrow (that wasn't going to happen).

Viktor found a bag of crisps in one of the cupboards and decided that it would do for now. He opened it and began eating them, the cheese and onion flavour not very appealing to him. Halfway through the bag, he came to the conclusion that they taste more like feet than cheese and onion, and left them on one kitchen counter. He'd much prefer the taste of Yuuri's lips, and smiled at the memories of kissing is favourite person in the world.

Viktor headed back to bed, but not before turning the heating on so that both of them would be warm in the morning. He lifted the covers and climbed into bed, and snuggled up to his favourite person ever. He kissed Yuuri on the nose before closing his eyes and falling asleep quickly.

------

Yuuri woke up to the distant sound of a radio blasting and a sweet voice singing along to whatever song that was playing. A pleasant smell wafted through the air, and he opened his eyes slowly to an unfamiliar room that was bursting with light. Yuuri stretched before sitting up and grabbing his glasses. He ruffled his hair and stared out the large windows which were letting in all the light. He winced slightly at the brightness outside, and could see that there were small snowflakes falling from the clouds. It was a beautiful sight.

Yuuri got up off the bed and made his way out to what he assumed to the be the living room. He found Viktor in the Kitchen, cooking what looked like bacon and eggs. Yuuri was gobsmacked that Viktor had attained the skill of cooking without burning anything. Viktor hadn't noticed him yet, and Yuuri decided to take that to his advantage by sneaking around and wrapping his arms around Viktor's waist from behind when he was least expecting it.

"Ah! Shiiii- Yuuri!" He yelled, and Yuuri couldn't help but burst into laughter. He apologised and let go of Viktor for a moment. "As I have a guest, I took the liberty of going out at 8am to collect some foods for breakfast, so here you go!" Viktor cheered while dishing up the bacon and eggs on a plate for him and Yuuri.

"Viktor, I'm pretty sure that this isn't a part of my diet. N-not that I'm complaining!" Yuuri grinned at Viktor, who melted at the sight.

"Would you prefer a mouldy carrot that's been in my fridge for 8 months then?" Viktor asked in a sickly sweet voice, as if he was mocking Yuuri. Yuuri assured him that everything was fine and that he was more than happy with the breakfast that they were eating now.

"How didn't you managed not to burn this? You burned eggs just a few months ago. Eggs, Viktor! They're nearly damn impossible to burn." Yuuri questioned Viktor, who was looking extremely sheepish.

"It's called the internet, Yuuri!" Viktor huffed, and showed Yuuri the website that he'd been on. Yuuri smiled to himself. Viktor was so precious. This man was 27 years old. "I wanted to do something nice for you...."

Yuuri reached over the table that they were sitting by and cupped Viktor's face with one of his hands. Yuuri gently stroked his cheek with his thumb, making Viktor's face turn a light shade of pink.

"Viktor...please don't think that you have to do nice things for me. Being with you is enough for me..." Yuuri half smiled and searched for a reaction in Viktor's eyes.

Viktor smiled at Yuuri. A proper smile. His eyes shone and it heart swelled up. He put his fork down and placed his hand on his face where Yuuri's was.

"What did I do to deserve someone like you?" Viktor smiled took Yuuri's hand off his cheek and kissed it. His smile grew even wider when Yuuri started blushing uncontrollably.

They sat in silence for the rest of their breakfast, Yuuri occasionally making eye contact with Viktor (who was staring dreamily at Yuuri). Viktor was shamelessly swooning over Yuuri and he refused to look away from him even when Yuuri caught him. He reached over the table to lace his fingers with Yuuri's as they finished their breakfast.

"I'll clean the dishes later. We really should be heading to practice now." Viktor stood up and ruffled Yuuri's hair. Yuuri agreed and dragged his suitcase and training bag to the bedroom so that he could change.

"Yuuri?" Viktor called as Yuuri was in the middle of changing.

"Yes?" Yuuri popped his head around the doorframe.

"Take some spare clothes to practice, we're going somewhere afterwards." Viktor said and then went back to tying his shoes. Yuuri looked slightly confused but he did as he was asked.

They left Viktor's apartment for practice soon after, and Yuuri admired the beauty around him. He'd never visited Russia before, this was a knew experience for him. Viktor's apartment must have cost a lot because 1) it was absolutely stunning and 2) it was located by the sea and the view was breathtaking.

Yuuri was nervous to be training at a different rink for a day. Viktor had promised his that it was fine and that the Russian team were already in Moscow so he wouldn't have to meet any new people. He couldn't quite believe that he was going to be training in the same rink that Viktor had been previously. If someone told young Yuuri that one day he would get to train in the same rink that Viktor grew up in, he would have probably cried.

They reached the rink after a long walk and Yuuri was astounded at the size of it. Yuuri knew that Russians took figure skating incredibly seriously and that they'd produced some of the best skaters that the world had seen (Viktor being the best example), but the rink was massive. Far more spacious than the one back in Hasetsu.

Viktor entered the building with Yuuri trailing behind him, and Viktor found himself immediately being surrounded by people as they welcomed him back to Russia. He didn't know over half the people who were surrounding him but he figured they probably knew him from working at the rink. After all, he used to visit every day before flying off to Hasetsu.

When Viktor realised that Yuuri was no longer by his side, he became panicky and started looking around frantically for his boy. He called his name a few times and relaxed when he saw his angelic face staring at him from the edge of the crowd. Viktor quickly excused himself and headed over to Yuuri to who he apologised over and over to. Yuuri just shook it off and told him that he had nothing to worry about.

They headed to the rink after Viktor picked up some skates and sat on the benches to tie them. Yuuri took off his bag and left it in one of the lockers after he'd pulled out his skates. He proceeded to sit next to Viktor to put on his skates, and observed the people who were currently on the ice. He was lucky- Yuuri had been worrying that he'd have to train with some world class skaters on the same ice as him because he knew that he wouldn't be able to live up to their standards- but it turned out that a class for kids was taking place, so Yuuri relaxed.

At first, he was scared to step out onto the ice that Viktor had trained on for so many years. It was like some sort of holy ground for Yuuri. He just kind of stared at it before Viktor encouraged him to enter the rink. Yuuri took a deep breath before skating out, but he didn't get far because he somehow managed to trip over thin air and fell flat on his face.

Viktor was leaning onto the side for support as he clutched his stomach from laughing so hard. Yuuri groaned and just wished that he could evaporate into thin air. Why did this always happen to him?

Viktor wiped his eyes from tears before reaching out a hand to help Yuuri up. Yuuri gladly took it and sent a death glare Viktor's way as he brushed himself off. Viktor snorted again and Yuuri nudged him to get him to stop. He covered his mouth with his hand and looked over at Yuuri out of the corner of his eye. Yuuri caught Viktor looking at him and stared back until he could feel the ends of his lips tugging upwards into a smile. They both snorted and Viktor reached out to ruffle Yuuri's hair before speaking.

"C'mon, we should start training. Anyway, we've got a competition to win, haven't we?"

------------

After a draining training session, and a quick shower (Yuuri was fascinated when he found out that there were showers in the changing rooms and decided to use it to his advantage), only then did he remember that Viktor had said that they were going somewhere after practice. He had no idea what Viktor was planning, but Yuuri was just hoping that us wasn't too long of a walk from the rink because he was exhausted.

Viktor popped his head around the corner of the changing rooms as Yuuri was zipping his coat up and wrapping his scarf around his neck. Viktor said it would be best to bring warm clothes because it was pretty cold outside.

He greeted Viktor in reception, and was about to grab the Russian's hand before remembering that it wasn't exactly safe for them to be themselves sadly. It saddened Yuuri that places like this existed. Who was the government to deny people of human rights? Surely everyone had a right to love somebody.

"I need to call in somewhere first." Viktor announced, making Yuuri snap out of his haze.

"Oh, um, sure. Viktor? Wh- where are we going?" Yuuri asked out of curiosity and nervousness. Viktor turned to Yuuri and hesitated before answering.

"You'll see."

Yuuri stayed unsettled at Viktor's answer and couldn't shake off that something bad was going to happen, or that they were visiting somewhere with some sort of significance to Viktor. Yuuri's worries only grew even bigger and an unsettling feeling entered Yuuri's stomach as the dropped into a florist to pick up a bouquet.

Yuuri didn't question anything as they left the shop. Viktor hummed a tune as they continued to walk down the streets of St Petersburg. Yuuri didn't know the exact time, but guessed that it was around five. They were leaving for Moscow at seven. They were originally going to fly there but after the incident at the airport, Viktor decided that it would be much better for Yuuri if they traveled by train. It was roughly a three hour journey, which wasn't too bad.

Yuuri felt extremely unsettled as they walked down the street, heading to the big black gates that were in front of them. Yuuri couldn't quite see, so he squinted through his glasses before noticing where they were headed.

A graveyard. They were approaching a graveyard.

Yuuri kind of zoned out and before he knew it, they were standing in front of the big black gates, and Viktor was holding one open for Yuuri to walk through. Viktor closed it gently behind him, before staring to walk up the lightly snow dusted path with Yuuri trailing behind him.

Yuuri had to admit that there was something strangely beautiful about graveyards in the middle of winter. As much as graveyards scared him, he was in awe of how beautiful all of it looked.

Reminding himself that they were here for Viktor, Yuuri shook his head of the thoughts abs focused on what was happening now. Viktor hadn't spoken a word to Yuuri, and he just seemed out of it in general. He couldn't blame him. There was obviously something- someone that he'd come to visit here so He couldn't expect Viktor to be all sunshine and rainbows.

Yuuri was beginning to think that their walk would never end until Viktor came to a halt in front of a fairly large gravestone. Viktor was kneeling down by it and dusting the snow off it.

"Yuuri, come over here." Viktor called in out of the blue and patted the space next to him. Yuuri obliged and joined him. He examined the stone in front of him, which was black with gold writing on. It was written in Russian so Yuuri couldn't understand any of it, except for the name.

Olesya Nikolaev
  1988 - 2008

Yuuri read it over and over before he realised that he recognised the name. He knew who the person was, and for some reason, Yuuri was terrified of that. He didn't even know they were dead. He just thought it was a suspected-

"She was the bestest friend I ever had." Viktor spoke suddenly. He kneeled down and reached for the memorial vase at the base of her grave, and started putting the flowers in there. Yuuri shifted over a bit to see the word that was written on the front of it.

                            надежда
  
"It means 'hope' in Russian if you were wondering." Viktor smiled when he saw that Yuuri was trying to read it. After finishing with the flowers, he put the vase back at the base of the grave. It looked quite pretty; it gave colour to the seemingly colourless old place.

"Yuuri, do you know who she was?" Viktor asked him it a light tone. Yuuri debated whether telling him or not, because he didn't exactly know what to say in this situation. What significance did she hold towards Viktor?

"I- yes. I recognise her name." Yuuri breathed. Viktor nodded his head. "I remember watching her skate in the ladies singles after seeing the men's when I was younger."

"Mmm. She was my rinkmate since we were around 7 years old." Viktor hummed. "She was an incredible skater. And Friend."

Yuuri hummed in response and there seemed to be a little tension in the air. Yuuri had no idea where this conversation was going but he had to admit that he was slightly curious about the relationship between them.

"Yuuri, sit. I want to tell you something." Viktor asked, and Yuuri hesitated before doing what he was told.

"What-"

"I've never really talked about this before, but I'd trust you with my life and I'm guessing that your curious as to who she was to me." Viktor told him, and Yuuri's face heated up.

"We were extremely close friends growing up, and our families were close too. She was such a sweet girl, she was always trying to make everyone happy. When I decided to grow my hair out, she insisted that she needed to plait it for me nearly every morning before practice." Viktor laughed at the memory.

"We did everything together. We went to the same school, we skated together, we studied together, we were just always around each other, you know? Naturally, people thought that we together and honestly, looking back I can't blame them. I- I liked the idea of being with her, but not as more than a best friend, d'you get me?" Viktor turned to Yuuri, who nodded.

"It was like that with me and Yuko when we were growing up." Yuuri commented and Viktor nodded his head.

"Anyway, when we were 14 we had a school dance coming up, and people were asking each other out left right and center, so I decided to ask her out then so that we could go to the dance together. There was so much pressure on me to ask her though, my parents had been nagging me, my classmates had too. Hell, even Yakov asked me once he found out about it. I had a few girls asking me to go to the dance with them and I felt awful for turning them down.

After that, nothing really changed between us despite the fact that she was my 'girlfriend'. It felt weird using that word to refer to her though, she'd been my best friend and nothing more so I was pretty clueless as to what I was supposed to do. Dating girls had never really crossed my mind before then, but it didn't feel right. Of course I liked her but it was weird seeing her as more than a friend. I'm sorry, I'm rambling too much." Viktor cleared his throat and Yuuri reassured him that it was fine.

"In all honesty, I didn't think we would last as a couple because we were just two teenagers. But nothing really changed between us, we still hugged, we still skated together, we still hung out often. It didn't feel any different than when we were just best friends.

It was like that for a few years until when we were 16, when we had our first kiss" Viktor laughed at the memory.

"Neither of us had any idea what we were doing. It was messy, it was short, and it was incredibly awkward. We kind of just laughed it off, until I realised that I didn't feel anything when I kissed her. I felt awful because of it, and I realised that in fact, I wasn't attracted to girls in general. I think I'd always known in the back of my mind that I wasn't but actually being confronted by it like that was really scary to me. Especially because we lived in a country that was extremely intolerant to certain people."

Viktor looked over at Yuuri, who nodded at him to show him that he was still listening.

"Believe it or not, years passed and we were still dating. Nothing really happened between us- we acted more like best friends that a couple. I think Olesya felt the same way because we never made any advances on each other since the kiss. Sure, we held hands and went out together a lot, but most of our friends who were also in relationships were having sex and stuff like that had never crossed my mind because I'd never... I'd never been attracted to girls in that way. Don't get me wrong though, Olesya was a beautiful girl and she was really sweet.

We were around 20 years old, and we'd gone out on a date to her favourite restaurant, but I could tell that she was upset about something. After all, we'd been friends for 13 years so I could tell when something was wrong. I was never good at comforting her though. I never have been good at comforting people." Viktor laughed and turned to Yuuri.

"Trust me, I know." Yuuri smiled and Viktor carried on with his story.

"I asked her if she wanted to talk, she said that she did but she wanted to go somewhere quieter. We finished our food and then decided to head to the beach because that had always been a favourite spot of ours. We sat on the rocks, and it took awhile, but she finally started talking.

I remember her apologising over and over and she started crying a lot, which made me worry because in all the years I'd known her, I'd only seen her cry once before. She told me that she was scared, and that she was really sorry. I was obviously concerned for her and wanted to help her, of course. I asked her what she was scared of and it took awhile, but she told me that she'd never really been attracted to guys and that she had known for quite awhile that she was gay, but she was scared because of what her parents would think and of what I would think.

I remember telling her that there was nothing wrong with feeling the way she did, and that I, too, was Gay and I'd known for awhile. I think we just cried together then, half out of happiness for each other, and half out of fear of what people would think of us. We decided that it would be safer for us to maybe carry on 'fake dating' for awhile because both of us knew that it wasn't safe to come out. She admitted that she'd had a crush on one of the girls who worked there for a few months but she didn't tell me because she didn't want to loose me it upset me. It really really gets to me when people are scared of being themselves because of who they love. Everyone deserves the right to love, regardless of gender. It baffles me that people are looked down upon because of that." Viktor shook his head.

"Olesya ended up going on a date with the girl that she liked, and it was nice to see her truly happy. It was so nice that we could finally be ourselves around each other and we didn't have to act like we were into each other when we weren't. It was nice to be able to talk to someone too, because both of us had been holding in these feelings for so many years. Everything was okay for awhile, and then shit hit the fan.

We hadn't told anyone that we'd broken up, so we still had to do mildly coupley things together around our parents and for the press so that nothing seemed too 'out of the ordinary'.

I can't remember how it happened, but I accidentally let it slip to my parents that me and Olesya had broken up, and the first thing that asked was why. I knew that I couldn't lie to them, but I begged them to not mention it to Olesya's parents. Of course they became suspicious and worried, so they just nagged me endlessly. The even asked my sister to try and get it out of me.

I was so scared, Yuuri. When I finally snapped at them and told them why, I'm not even lying, I was planning everything in my head about where I was going to stay and how I was going to live without them because I genuinely expected that I was going to be thrown out. I kind of broke down in front of them and it was just a huge mess because I was just preparing for them to start shouting at me.

I couldn't believe it when my mother pulled me into a hug with her and my father because that was the last thing I was expecting to happen. They told me that they loved me more than anything and that my sexuality didn't matter to them, as long as I was happy. I think we all just ended up crying that night because I never expected my parents to be so supportive of me. I told my sister too, and she was cool with it. I was so terrified of being myself that I didn't realise how many people were ready to support me and love me through it."

"I'm glad everything went well with you and your family." Yuuri smiled at his boyfriend.

"Yeah, they were really supportive and so was Olesya. I'm lucky that I had such lovely people in my life. Everything was fine for a few months, and then everything just... just went downhill pretty quickly."

Yuuri shuffled uncomfortably, knowing by Viktor's expression that this bit was going to be hard to talk about. He recalled Viktor telling him something about loosing someone to suicide, but Yuuri hadn't heard him mention anything about it so far.

"I came home after a day of practice- as I normally did, and went into the kitchen to get food- as I normally did. I phoned Olesya to see if she wanted to come over, but I didn't get an answer which was strange because she never missed my calls. I'd just noticed too that my parents weren't home and they'd usually be sitting in front of the TV or preparing dinner when I arrived from practice. I brushed it off and just carried on my usual routine until my parents came home, and I could tell that something was off, but I knew better than to question them.

The next day, Olesya didn't turn up to practice for the first time in years and I think I knew at the time that something had happened, but I was in denial with myself. I remember being concerned and I texted her a few more times to tell her to let me know if she was okay. Yakov was grumpy that day too for some reason which didn't help, it was probably because i didn't have my hair up for the first time in ages and I kept flinging it into his face.

A week passed and I heard nothing from her, so naturally I went to her house to check that she was okay. I- I knew something was wrong, but when I got there her parents answered the door."

Viktor paused and breathed for a moment.

"They- they told me I could never see her again. They shouted at me to leave and I remember just before I left, seeing her on top of the stairs mouthing 'sorry'.

That was the last time I saw her."

Viktor paused and Yuuri felt his heart sink. He could tell that Viktor was struggling, who wouldn't be? He shuffled over to him and breathed before reaching out to grab his hand and intertwining their fingers.

Viktor breathed again before continuing.

"I went back to my house, and my parents told me that we needed to talk. They sat me down and told me that they'd accidentally told Olesya's parents that we'd broken up and that they'd found out that she was gay. Yuuri, I'd never felt so terrified in my life, it was horrible because her parents were extremely homophobic and I didn't even want to imagine what she was going through. Apparently they were sending her to therapy sessions to try and cure her from being gay. I wish I could have been there for her, Yuuri. I wish I could have done something because in the end it was my fault and my responsibility that this was happening to her and I felt awful. Heck, I still feel awful because I know it's my fault." Viktor rambled and Yuuri told feel him trembling slightly.

"Viktor, blaming yourself is only going to make things worse, even after all this time." Yuuri told him, and squeezed his hand.

"I didn't see her for awhile then. In fact, I- I never saw her again. God, I miss her Yuuri. We were sat in front of the Tv, it was me, my sister, my mother and my father. We turned it over to the news, and- oh god, I remember it so clearly. I just remember seeing "famous figure skater Olesya Nikolaev found dead at her home in suspected suicide case" on the screen, and just dropping my glass and letting in smash over the floor.

Everything was a blur after that. I lashed out at my parents and blamed them for her death, even though I mostly blamed myself. I can't remember much. I remember crying a lot. And shouting. I ended up moving out. That was when I moved into the apartment I'm in now. I cut my hair a few months later. It didn't feel right to keep it long when Olesya wasn't around anymore. The only reason I carried on skating was because I knew she would have killed me if I quit. I'm glad I did though because I found it a lot easier to express my emotions through skating..."

"I'm glad you carried on too." Yuuri commented.

"I'd never have met you if I did." Viktor replied. Only then he realised that so many things would be different if she was still alive. She'd have adored Yuuri, Viktor knew that for certain. But if she was still alive, would he still have met Yuuri? Would he be where he was now?

No.

"God, I miss her. I wish you could have met her. I miss her so much Yuuri." Viktor said, and bit down on his lip to stop himself from crying. "It's been six years. I've been holding onto her for too long. I think it's time for me to let go of her." Viktor looked up towards the sky.

"I'm sure she'd understand. She sounded like a lovely girl." Yuuri said, also looking up to the sky.

"She was. We shared so many good memories. She'd kill me if I ever forgot her though, I just think I've been holding onto her death for too long. I think I can finally accept it now." Viktor hummed.

"I'll give you a minute." Yuuri whispered before sliding past Viktor and followed the path that they'd come on again. He waited outside the gates for Viktor, who didn't take too long. Yuuri could see that his eyes were glassy, he couldn't blame him. He really wished that he could have met Olesya.

"I'm tired." Yuuri yawned and put his head on Viktor's shoulder. He looked out and saw that the sun was setting slowly. Viktor ruffled his hair and reminded him that they had a three hour train journey ahead of them, making the younger man whine.

"C'mon Yuuri, let's go home." Viktor smiled. It felt weird using the word 'home', because it wasn't.

Viktor wasn't sure where he belonged in all honesty, Hasetsu or St Petersburg. But for Viktor, home was wherever Yuuri was, and for Yuuri, him home was wherever Viktor was.

----

Saturday rolled around far quicker than Yuri had anticipated. His short program was that evening and he was already getting nervous. He was stood in the corridor of the star hotel, waiting for the lift. He tapped his foot impatiently, wanting to get back to the hotel room as soon as possible. Viktor was in the lobby being interviewed, and Yuuri understandably didn't feel like being interviewed just yet after what happened a few days ago.

Yuuri looked to his side and recognised that  Seung-gil Lee was standing beside him. He went to open his mouth to greet him but realised that he'd never really spoken to him in his life. He shook his head and went back to waiting for the elevator.

Yuuri jumped slightly when he heard the little ding noise. As he waited for the doors to open, he could hear muffled voices coming from inside. When the doors opened to reveal some of his fellow skaters arguing, he stepped back to get out of their way.

"Don't you dare lay another finger on her! If you want to date her, you'll have to go through me first!" The guy Yuuri recognised as Michael Crispino yelled. He'd competed against him at last year's Grand Prix Final and came 5th.

"Sorry, Calm down Mickey! We were only going to get food!" The other man held his hands up in defeat. Yuuri mildly remembered him, he was Emil Nickola from the Czech Republic. He was always talkative and extremely friendly.

"Emil's right, Mickey." Sara Crispino huffed, Michael's twin sister. She rolled her eyes and turned to face Yuuri and
Seung-gil Lee. "Hi Yuuri!" She smiled.

Yuuri nodded and smiled back.

"Hi Seung-gil Lee! Would you like to come with us to g-" Sara started.

"No." He rudely interrupted her. Sara frowned and Mickey looked disgusted.

"You could have put it in a nicer way." Sara told him, but he took no note to her comment. Yuuri just watched as he let the drama unfold in front of him.

"Do I get any benefit from being nice to you?" He frowned. Sara stood there, baffled by his rudeness while Mickey practically attacked him.

Yuuri was done with all of the drama by that point and slipped out of the way and went to the other elevator. It opened straight away and he pressed the button after stepping inside. The doors were about to close when someone's leg stopped them. It was unexpected and made Yuuri jump. He had an idea of who it was through.

"What are you doing, sneaking around like that?" A familiar blonde Russian asked him as he stepped into the elevator.

"Yurio, it's good to see you." Yuuri greeted him with a smile, to which the younger boy scoffed at. Yuuri stood awkwardly as they both waited to arrive at their floor. "Uh, good luck to both of us in the Rostelecom Cup..."

"Don't get me wrong, I'm going to crush you here and qualify for the Grand Prix Final. I'll have Viktor stay in Russia." Yurio replied, and Yuuri visibly tensed up.

He'd been trying so hard to compress the thought to the back of his mind. He had to rank higher than 4th to qualify.

If he didn't, then what would Viktor do?

Yuuri had never been good at dealing with pressure, but this season had been far tougher than any other for him. Not only did he carry all of Japan's hopes and dreams, along with his friend's and family's, but the eyes of the world were now also on him because of Viktor.  And boy did they have high expectations for him.

The elevator dinged and Yuuri walked out, saying his goodbyes to Yurio as the angry teenager walked the other way. He sighed in relief having parted ways with him, not having to feel tense anymore. He liked Yurio, he really did- but he couldn't help feeling a little tense around him because he could be a little inconsiderate to people's feelings sometimes. Yuuri knew that Yurio tried to act tougher than he was, but he knew on the inside that he was a real sweetheart.

Yuuri took the key out to their hotel room and opened it quickly. He shut the door behind him and placed his bag down by the door. He unzipped his jacket and chucked it on the floor somewhere, before flopping down on the bed and taking a deep breath.

They had just been over in the arena for a few hours, finishing up perfecting their short programs. Yuuri was tired- he hadn't slept properly the night before and didn't really want to let his tiredness affect his performance. Viktor had told him that he used to sleep before competitions in the Cup Of China, so Yuuri used that as an excuse to take a quick nap.

When Viktor arrived back at the hotel room to find Yuuri curled up under the bedsheets, sleeping peacefully, he could do nothing else but stare in awe. He made sure to tip toe around the room and be as quiet as possible because he didn't want to wake his boyfriend. Viktor sat down at the edge of the bed and stroked Yuuri's hair gently. He placed a kiss on his forehead and went off to prepare everything ready for the competition.

Somehow, Viktor managed to entertain himself for three hours, mainly scrolling through his phone and looking at the pictures he'd taken of Yuuri. When he checked the time and saw that Yuuri should be preparing, he leaned down next to Yuuri's sleeping figure and shook him slightly.

"Viktor..." Yuuri grounded after he'd opened his eyes slightly. "Wha- what time is it?"

"Time for you to get ready, love." Viktor ruffled Yuuri's hair. "Get up, lazy bones."

"You're one to talk!" Yuuri replied as he stretched. He ran a hand through us hair and looked at Viktor.

"Go and have a shower now. I'll do your hair for you when you come out, and we can change in the arena." Viktor informed Yuuri, and he went to it straight away.

Luckily, Yuuri wasn't one of those people who took like 20 years in the shower (unlike Viktor). Maybe because he was anxious about competing, it made him do this quicker. He didn't know, he wasn't sure. Although he was sure that he was anxious about competing.

He was out of the shower in no time, and quickly blow dried his hair before heading over to Viktor so that he could style it. Viktor loved doing this- it was one of his favourite things to do. Yuuri's hair was always so soft and silky that it should have been illegal to have hair as good as that. He combed it from the tangles and added the gel bit by bit as he worked his way through the hair. Yuuri sat peacefully, enjoying the feeling of Viktor combing and running his hands through it.

Yuuri thanked Viktor before going to change into his training clothes. They'd decided to leave the costume in the dressing room after practice yesterday so that there'd be less fuss. He grabbed the bag with his skates in and flung it over his shoulder, and zipped up his Japan Jacket before heading out of the hotel room. Viktor locked it behind him and they both started walking towards the arena.

Yuuri was jittery on the walk to the arena where it was held, he was understandably nervous about qualifying for the Grand Prix Final. He was considerably less nervous than last time- although there was more pressure on him here. He was in enemy territory too, everyone in Russia hated him for taking Viktor away from the skating world. What if people booed for him when his name was called? Yuuri had never been to gandle rejection well, and having a whole crowd against him was one of Yuuri's biggest fears.

They arrived as a few of his fellow skaters were heading for warm up, and were interviewed a few times before Yuuri was whisked off by Viktor to get changed. Yuuri didn't really know any of the skaters he was competing against enough to call them his friends (except Yurio), so he was worried about talking to them if they were in the dressing room. To his luck, it was only Yurio on there.

"Yurio, I haven't seen you for ages!" Viktor greeted him and practically threw himself onto the teenager.

"Get off me, you old man!" Yurio yelled and tried to pry the silver haired Russian off him. "I'm going to win here and you're going to stay in Russia with me."

Viktor took a step back and stared at Yurio for a second.

"What makes you think that I'd want to stay with you?" Viktor smiled mockingly at him, getting him rilled up pretty quickly. "Anyway, good luck in the short program, be sure to watch my Yuuri's skating!" Viktor beamed and dragged Yuuri over.

"I'm not watching that pig, what makes you think that I need your good wishes?" Yurio asked and tilted his head. "You'll be sorry for ever mocking me. See you. Skate well."

Yurio shut the door behind him and set off to find Yakov. Yuuri breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed now that the angry teen was out. Yuuri didn't understand where all of his anger and salt cane from, because Yuuri knew too well that he was a little sweetheart on the inside.

Yuuri made sure that he grabbed the right costume before taking it off the rack that they'd left it on. He looked around to check that no one was in the room before removing his clothes and gently pulling his costume on afterwards. He turned around so that Viktor could do his costume up, but the older man just stood and admired him for a moment.

Yuuri's skin was always so soft, nearly too soft to be legal. Viktor wanted nothing more than to run his hands over it and just kiss him and hold him. Yuuri Katsuki was easily the best thing that had happened to Viktor. He never wanted to let go of him.

After Viktor was done, he handed Yuuri his Japan jacket and they headed out of the dressing room. Group 1 were already on the ice, warming up. Yuuri was in group two so he had plenty of time to stretch and warm up. He also had plenty of time to think over his routine and the possibilities of him messing up, which wasn't very good at all, but it wasn't as if he could help it.

Seung-gil Lee was the first skater to perform. Yuuri and Viktor moved over to one of the TV's on the wall so that they could watch him while Yuuri warmed up. Viktor whispered something along the lines of that 'he looked like a tropical bird', causing Yuuri to snort and draw attention to them.

He could see JJ down the corridor from where they were, and Yuuri would have walked over to him to wish him good luck if he'd known him better. Yuuri was much more comfortable at the Cup of China because Phichit was there and he got to know Leo and Guang Hong, but he knew no one here well enough to call them his friend.

Seung-gil Lee was doing well until he fell during his triple axel, but he got up straight away. So far his short program had been very good- it was similar to Yuuri's in some ways, except he was probably far more comfortable with the sex appeal bit than Yuuri. Once his performance had ended, he turned to Viktor who had an amused look on his face.

"What are you two doing here?" A familiar voice came from behind them, and Yuuri spun around to see Yurio with his hands in his pockets.

"Oh, I-I'm just warming it,
Seung-gil Lee just finished his program, it was good." Yuuri answered him, and went back to stretching.

"Why has that prick got to be everywhere?" Yurio mumbled and glared at someone behind Yuuri.

Yuuri looked over his shoulder to see JJ leaning against the wall. Yuuri didn't recall interacting with him before, and didn't really fancy it either. His confidence in himself was admirable, but Yuuri wasn't really one for people who had loud personalities so he tried to keep away from him.

Yuuri laughed and turned his attention back to the TV where Emil had just begun his program. Emil was an extremely friendly person, and he was an amazing skater too. The height on his jumps were incredible, something that Yuuri envied. He managed to land a quad toe loop, making everyone eager to watch the rest of his program.

"Did you see Emil Land his quad toe loop?" JJ cheered and walked over to Yuuri and Viktor. "Viktor did the same jump in last year's exhibition, do you remember? I want to see it again!"

"I don't recall." Viktor answered simply, earning a whine from the Canadian.

"Awe, it was so cool!" JJ chimed and then went back to stretching.

"C'mon, let's head to the rink. Group 2 is on after Michael Crispino." Viktor guided Yuuri through the curtains and out to where the rink was. Truthfully, Viktor wanted to get away from JJ, not because he didn't like him, because he was slightly overbearing and he didn't want Yuuri to feel uncomfortable.

Emil had Just received his score and Michael Crispino was getting ready to skate. He could see his sister standing by the side as he skated out to the centre. She was an awfully sweet and bubbly person, she was at the Grand Prix Final last year and offered him nothing but support despite him feeling alone and lost. He felt extremely guilty for turning her away.

Yuuri jumped when the music started and watched as the performance started. Yuuri was trying to ignore the fact that he was up next, and tapped his foot nervously. He took a look around the arena and tensed up when he realised that it was more or less full. He couldn't afford any mistakes- on both his and Viktor's behalf. Everyone probably wanted to see him crash and burn to get Viktor to return to staking.

Unfortunately, Michel flubbed his Quad Salchow, but apart from that it was a nearly flawless performance. He kissed Sara's hand once they were off the ice and headed to the kiss and cry to get his score. Yuuri looked behind and saw JJ and Yurio, and smiled at them before walking towards the entrance of the rink.

"Viktor, could you tie my skates for me please?" Yuuri asked, and his Coach's face lit up and he nodded frantically before kneeling down to do them. He frequently did them, and knew just how Yuuri liked them- tight with a double knot, but he had to tie the right one before the left one.

Yuuri looked down at him with determination written across his face. He was going to have to skate his best today- he didn't want these to be his last days with Viktor. Viktor grinned up at him, excited to see what Yuuri's Eros performance would be like today. Viktor had no doubt he'd do brilliantly though- Yuuri always did amazingly, he just needed to build on his confidence.

A few minutes later, the warm ups for group two were announced and Yuuri was first to take to the ice and skate around freely for a bit. He decided that it probably wasn't best to practice any jumps in this warm up because last time it only knocked his confidence down. It would be fine anyway, they all went well during morning practice. Step sequences were his forte anyway, and decided to work on them and his spins.

The warm up ended far quicker than Yuuri'd expected, and he was pretty sure that his stomach dropped to the floor. He gulped and skated over to where Viktor was. He took a deep breath before drinking some of his water and running a hand through his hair.

Yuuri could hear the quiet chants of Viktor's name around the arena, but they soon grew louder and louder until nearly everyone was chanting his name. Yurio looked disgusted and had his fingers in his ears to block the sound out.

Yuuri gripped onto the half wall of the rink, and dug his nails into it. He wanted everyone to quieten down. He wanted Viktor's attention on him, and him only. Viktor was his. His boyfriend, his coach. Why was the world constantly trying to steal Viktor away from Yuuri when Yuuri only asked for a little bit of his time? Viktor was laughing and waving with everyone, wasn't he supposed to be focused on Yuuri right now?

Without second thoughts, he wrapped his hand around the top of Viktor's tie, and pulled it down so that his head flew to face him. They were level now and Yuuri would have been lying if he said that he didn't enjoy that.

"The performance has already begun, Viktor." Yuuri said, and a small blush crept onto his cheeks.

"You're right." Viktor replied.

"Don't worry, I'll be sure to show the whole of Russia my love." Yuuri whispered before skating off. Viktor could have sworn that he saw Yuuri wink at him, and was practically melting because of him.

His name was announced as he skated to the middle, and cheers erupted around he arena. Obviously, there weren't as many for Yuuri as the previous skaters because everyone though that he'd stolen Viktor away. He was surprised that no one had booed for him, he was kind of expecting it.  He couldn't let the crowd intimidate him, he had to be the one to intimidate them.

The music started and Yuuri moved his arms gracefully around his body before skating backwards and throwing his head back. He blew a kiss in Viktor's direction, making some people gasp.

He commenced with his routine, moving his body to the music as if it was he who was making it. Yuuri had grown to love the piece, and thinking about this possibly being the last time he'd perform it with Viktor as his coach scared him. He wasn't ready to let go of Viktor. Not just yet.

But wasn't that what people wanted? There probably wasn't one person in the whole arena what wanted Yuuri to win, because that meant keeping Viktor from the ice for longer. And people didn't want that. Everyone in the skating world wanted their 5 time world champion back, but Yuuri wasn't ready to give him back just yet. In fact, he didn't want to give him back at all. He wanted to stay with him for a long, long time after the Grand Prix series was over. And the thought that people might hate him for that excited Yuuri for some bizarre reason.

The second half approached quickly, and Yuuri was just hoping that it would go as flawlessly as the first half had. He was surprised that he'd managed to pull it off because of the pressure that was on him, maybe that's what fuelled  him to skate better.

He took off for the first jump of the second half; a triple axel and landed it flawlessly. He felt a warm sensation in his chest and he let himself smile brightly before the next jump approached. Yuuri had only landed a Quadruple Salchow a handful of times in competitions, including the Cup of China. Messing up wasn't an option here. He needed to land it flawlessly.

Yuuri took a deep breath before Jumping and rotating in the air. He landed smoothly and carried on with his program with a smile on his face.

"Yuuri! Amazing!" Viktor shouted out to his boyfriend. He was so proud of him. He was skating absolutely flawlessly and Viktor couldn't take his eyes off the beautiful man in front of him. He wanted to shout out to the world that Yuuri was his boyfriend because he was so, so proud of him.

He nailed the Quad toe-triple toe combination at the end and started the combination spin. He had put everything he had into his performance today and was exhausted. He had hopefully gotten his message across to the crowd through his skating, and as the music came to an abrupt stop and cheers drowned the arena, he was sure that he had.

Yuuri caught his breath and smiled to himself. He was extremely, extremely pleased with his performance today. Yuuri hoped that Viktor was as proud of him as he was of himself. After all, it was a basically flawless performance.

Yuuri waved at the crowd before spotting a cute plushy that had been thrown for him. He picked it up and smiled at it. He skated back to the entrance with a massive smile on his face, hardly believing that he'd managed to perform to a standard that he was content with.

He was about to step off the ice when he saw Yurio standing in his way. Yuuri blushed and his jaw was left hanging open.

"Out of my way, pig." Yurio spoke. Yuuri just stared as he let him pass. He looked angelic with his long blonde hair. This was Yurio's true Agape. Yuuri and Viktor beamed at each other and cheered for him.

Yuuri stepped off the ice and immediately put his skating guards on. Viktor hugged him once it was done and ignored the clicking of the cameras as he told him how proud he was. They reached the kiss and cry and awaited nervously for Yuuri's score. Yuuri was fumbling with his fingers to try and relive his nerves as Viktor tried to convince him that his score would be great.

"The score for Yuuri Katsuki." The announcer came on and he held his breath.

"109.97"

Yuuri's eyes widened and he beamed as Viktor stared at him with a massive smile on his face. He'd surpassed his personal best again. He'd done it. He was currently in 1st place. He was so overjoyed. He'd done it. He couldn't believe it.

He had hope. He had hope for qualifying for the Grand Prix Final.

Viktor was overwhelmed and kneeled down to kiss Yuuri's skate. Yuuri smiled as the cameras clicked away, and caught Yurio looking at them strangely. He waved at him and beamed.

"Yurio! Davai!" Yuuri shouted at him from the kiss and cry.

"Yurio! Gamba!" Viktor cut across Yuuri and yelled at the 15 year old.
Yurio looked like he could have killed the both of them, and in his burst of anger, skated off to the middle of the rink.

Yuuri and Viktor got up out of the kiss and cry and went to stand by the side of the rink to watch Yurio's short program. There was probably a lot of pressure on Yurio, especially performing in his home country so Yuuri felt a bit sorry for him.

The music started and Yurio began his routine. It had been hard work, but he'd managed to refine his program to a standard that he was happy with. He wasn't very happy with his program today though- he wasn't feeling Agape at all, especially because his grandfather wasn't there like he'd promised too. He tried to brush it off and continue his routine.

After his flawless spins and step sequences, his first jump approached; a triple axel. Yurio was known for his ability to do triple axels flawlessly, so when he failed to land it and fell on the ice, it was a shock to himself and the spectators. He got up quickly and resumed his routine. He couldn't let himself be effected by it any longer.

"Yurio! Hang in there!" Viktor shouted out some words of encouragement to him. Even if he didn't show it, he was thankful for them despite the way he acted towards Viktor and Yuuri.

He managed to land the rest of his jumps perfectly and let out a sigh of relief as the last notes of the piece and out through the arena before the cheers erupted. Yuuri and Viktor clapped and shouted a few 'well done's' before they left the rink and went back through the curtains, and headed to the changing rooms.

Seung-gil Lee was the only skater in there, probably waiting for the competition to end. Yuuri went to get his phone from his training bag and then they both headed out to the corridor again to watch the last performance.

"You were amazing today, Yuuri. Your program was flawless." Viktor commented and put an arm around Yuuri. He thanked Viktor and went back to watching the TV. JJ was already on the ice, they'd missed Yurio's score, although Viktor predicted he was probably around 3rd or 4th place.

"What is JJ wearing?" Viktor whispered into Yuuri's ear, making him giggle slightly. "He looks like a purple cabbage."

"Viktor, don't say that!" Yuuri laughed and shook his head. Viktor shrugged and went back to watching the performance. There was no doubt that JJ was an incredibly talented skater, it's just that Yuuri felt he could be a little arrogant about his abilities sometimes. It was good that he had the confidence but maybe he'd gone slightly to far, and it had turned into cockiness. Yuuri brushed it off and decided that he was probably a nice guy off the rink.

Yuuri jumped a little when he felt his phone Vibrate in his pocket. He excused himself for a minute and walked away from the crowd that were gathered around the TV before answering it.

"Yuuri, it's Mari." His sister said from the other end. He was slightly confused as to why she was phoning him in the middle of a competition, but didn't question anything.

"Is everything okay with you?" Yuuri answered. She took a deep breath before replying.

"Well- uh, Makka managed to get into the steamed buns and... and one got stuck on his throat. I'm at the vet now, that aren't sure he'll make it. What do you want us to to?"

Yuuri froze for a minute. Oh god. This was a nightmare. He wasn't sure if he was dreaming or if it was just reality. Yuuri needed to think fast, but he'd already made up his mind.

"Viktor!" Yuuri called him. Viktor came out of the crowd and Yuri felt so guilty while breaking the news to home and just seeing his face fall. "You need to go back to Japan. I'll face the free skate alone tomorrow."

"Yuuri, you know i can't do that..." Viktor mumbled, and ran a hand through his hair while trying to think of something to do. Truthfully, he wanted to be with Makkachin, but he also wanted to be with Yuuri. This was a disaster.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Yakov and instantly had an idea. He jogged over to him and paused for a minute.

"Will you be Yuuri's coach for one day? That's all I'm asking you." Viktor begged him. Yuuri just stared.

Yakov? As his coach? Yuuri was scared just by looking at the man. And Yurio? His face was priceless but Yuuri knew that it was no laughing matter. This was serious.

Then it hit Yuuri. He was going to be without Viktor for a day. He was going to be without Viktor's for his free program, which was about his love for him. How was he going to do it without Viktor by his side? Yuuri knew he was too dependent on people sometimes, but he couldn't help it. Viktor felt like home for him, Viktor was where his heart was and where all his love was. It was going to be hard to do it without him by his side. They hadn't left each other's sides since April. He didn't want Viktor to go he really didn't. But he had to. He had no choice

And it was just now that Yuuri had really realised how helpless he'd become at the thought of loosing Viktor

•••••••••
Started: 10/2/17
Published: 4/3/17
Words: 15,051

(Okay I'm really really unhappy with the second half of this chapter, I hate the way I've portrayed Yurio, I hate the fact that the end is shit and there's no tension and I'm really sorry for that. I'll sort everything out in the morning and read over my grammar mistakes and correct them. I'm really sorry, I'm so tired.)

Also, do any of you happen to watch BBC casualty? I love it and the spring trailer fucked me up.

Thanks for reading!