TW:  panic attack, anxiety, anger, and breakdown

Dishonorable Mentions: objectification of women, misogynistic comments

A/N:  You see him cry for the first time, part 2.

~ ~ | ATEEZ | ~ ~

🍁 Choi San 🍁

It was two hours before the boys' first ever concert.

You were backstage with the boys, providing encouragement and moral support. This was their big moment they've been working so hard for, and you were so proud of them all.

Your eyes wandered around, looking for your boyfriend, San. You'd seen him about a few hours ago before he'd left for wardrobe, hair, and makeup. But now he was nowhere to be seen, and they still had to do final mic checks and other important stuff before showtime.

"Jongho, have you seen San? I can't find him," you told the youngest member.

Jongho shook his head. "I'm sorry, noona. I haven't seen San hyung in a while."

You nodded and bit on your lip, getting worried now. Where could he possibly be?!

You were brought out of your thoughts when Mingi came running in your direction. "Y/N!"

"Mingi?" You asked. "What's wrong?"

"It's San. He's in his dressing room, and he won't stop crying."

You ran to the dancer's dressing room and opened the door, your heart breaking at the sight you'd seen.

San was on the loveseat, bawling as he huddled his knees to his chest. He looked almost frail in this state, and it made you feel almost afraid to touch him.

"Hey Sannie," you greeted gently. You began to rub his back. "Tell me what's going on in that beautiful mind of yours, hmm?"

San looked at you, his eyes red and puffy from crying. His cheeks were still wet with tears. "I-I..." he tried, but couldn't get words out. "I'm scared."

You leaned over, kissing his head. "It's okay, baby. It's okay to be scared. Did you get scared of performing live for the first time?"

"Yeah," San nodded. "There's going to be a lot of people."

"Of course there's going to be lots of people — it's your first ever concert, San. Know that I'm backstage the entire time, cheering you on like I always do. I'm so proud of you, Sanshine. I love you so much."

San began calming down, and his tears ceased to exist after a few minutes. He sat up, pulling you into his arms and pressed kisses all over your face. "Thank you so much for that, sweetie. I love you too."

After giving San some good-luck cuddles, he fixed his makeup and walked with you out of the dressing room. He wasn't afraid of performing anymore; he was excited about it!

San made a mental note to never forget about what you did for him. It showed how much you loved him.

🎤 Song Mingi 🎤

Singing isn't just a calming technique that helps babies and young children — it can help teenagers and adults, too.

Mingi hadn't been feeling on top of his game lately, and you could tell. He was restless at night and he always felt like his heart was racing and his body was clammy. It worried you that something was wrong, but you didn't know what it was. And it's not like Mingi had said anything to you about it.

You were helping Seonghwa cook dinner when Mingi ran past you both, ran up the stairs and entered the nearest bathroom, locking himself in it.

Hearing the click of the door lock made you stop what you were doing. In the time you'd known Mingi, he was never one to lock a door.

"Do you need me to finish this, Hwa? Cause something's wrong with Mingi. I don't know what, but something's wrong," you told him.

Seonghwa gave you an understanding look. "I can finish this, Y/N; Mingi needs you more than the food does."

You bolted upstairs, standing outside of the bathroom door. It was hard to hear, but the sound of strangled sobs could be heard coming from Mingi. You bit your lip as you listened. Poor Mingi!

"Min? You in here?" You asked carefully, not wanting to upset him any further. "It's Y/N."

The sobs were a bit louder now, and so was the shattering of your heart. You kept your composure and pressed your hands against the door.

"I'm right here, babe. I'm here," you promised. "Could you please unlock the door? I want to come in if that's okay."

For a few seconds, it was quiet. You heard the rattling of the doorknob and slowly backed away from the door. When it opened, you saw Mingi with tears all over his face.

You carefully walked into the bathroom, your movements slow so that you didn't startle or scare Mingi. You closed the door behind you, locking it once it was closed.

You took a seat on the floor across from your boyfriend, who was sitting against the wall. You were far enough not to be in his face, but close enough to hold his hand. It felt very clammy.

You didn't say anything for the first couple of minutes, wanting Mingi to have some time to cry. After a good while, you began to speak.

"Tell me what's wrong, baby. I might not understand or know what to do, but I want to know so I can help."

Mingi took his sleeve and wiped at his face, squeezing your hand in his. "I just feel so... anxious. I don't know why, but the anxiety is just eating me alive. I can't sleep, I'm a little paranoid, and I don't feel good at all, Y/N. I don't know what to do."

Your heart ached for Mingi, and it saddened you to know he was suffering from such terrible anxiety. "It's okay, Mingi. You did the right thing by telling me. Your anxiety just got the best of you, yeah?"

Mingi nodded at your statement. "I usually don't have a problem with this, and it's scary to feel this way."

You thought of a way to help Mingi calm down. A thought came to you:  sing something for him. When you were a little girl, your mom would sing you to sleep if you were scared or couldn't get to sleep. Maybe it would help Mingi some.

"Is it okay if I sing to you? My mom used to do it for me when I was little. I don't know if it'll help, but it's worth a try."

Mingi thought about it for a minute, before nodding. "Can we lay on the floor? And will you hold my hand?"

"Of course I will, baby." You answered.

The two of you maneuvered so you were laying comfortably on the floor. You took Mingi's hand in yours and looked at him. "Is there anything specific you want me to sing, Min?"

The rapper shook his head. "No."

You nodded and sang a few lines of R.E.M.'s 'Everybody Hurts,' your voice soft but emotional. It was the best choice in this situation, as Mingi was hurting right now.

As he listened to your voice, he felt this wave of calmness wash over his body. It was peaceful and it made Mingi feel okay.

When you stopped singing, he pressed a kiss to your lips. "Thank you, baby girl. You don't realize how much I appreciate this and you. I love you."

"I love you too, Min," you said to the rapper. "We'll get you the help you need, okay? Whether it's medication, a psychologist, or both. I hate seeing you so down, and I want to help you."

"Thank you," Mingi replied and kissed your nose. "You're already helping me, Y/N; you're being here for me. And I will do whatever it takes to have better mental health, I promise."

You helped Mingi up off the bathroom floor, giving him a proper hug. "I love you so much, Song Mingi."

💎 Jung Wooyoung 💎

Anger is never something to hold onto.

You noticed a big change in Wooyoung's demeanor from the moment he and the others got home from another rehearsal. He walked right by you, without so much as a 'hello.' Considering how much Wooyoung enjoys talking to you about his day, this was a shock.

You turned to the others, a certain look in your eyes. "What's wrong with Wooyoung? Did something happen? Somebody start talking."

Yunho rubbed the back of his neck. "Y/N... some guy at the studio made an inappropriate comment about you in front of Wooyoung. He's angry about it."

"What did he say?" You asked. Silence. "What did this pervert say to make Wooyoung so pissed off, huh?"

"He said," Hongjoong started, "he said that if he were Wooyoung, he'd show you what it really means to be a... good girl."

"Did he say anything else to Woo?" You pressed.

Seonghwa took a step towards you. "He also said that if he was Wooyoung, he would make sure to remind you that you're only around for his pleasure."

You nodded, letting the information sink in. You usually let this kinda stuff roll off your back. But now that Wooyoung was in the picture... it became a lot more personal when guys made inappropriate comments about you. "Okay. I'm going to go talk to him."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Yeosang asked. "Wooyoung is frightening when he gets angry."

"Someone messed with my Wooyoung; he needs me right now."

With that, you walked upstairs and went straight to Yeosang and Wooyoung's room. Wooyoung had his hands clenched into fists, and his eyes were swimming with unshed tears.

You took a seat next to him, putting a hand on top of his clenched ones. "I know what happened, Woo. Do you want to talk about it?"

The pink-haired boy licked his lips, thinking of something to say. "I wanted to punch him. He had no right to talk about you like that. And to say that in front of me? He's lucky I didn't beat the hell out of him."

"Woo, I hate to say it, but there are guys like this perv all over the world. These guys objectify women — they see them as property." You explained. "And there will be times where we might run into someone like that, and they'll more than likely make a comment about me that's rude and extremely inappropriate. But you can't let it get to you; it shows them that their words are getting under your skin. It gives them power, and they will push you until they get the reaction that they want out of you. You can't give them that, Woo. You can't make them think that their words hold any sort of power over you."

Wooyoung couldn't take it anymore. As soon as you finished talking, the tears began to fall. "He made me so angry. To have the nerve to talk about you like that in front of me... I was disgusted."

You pressed a kiss to his cheek, letting him put his arms around you. "I know that you're angry, babe. And I'm so thankful that you didn't start anything with this perv. Just let out your frustrations, Woo. I'm here. Let it all out; I promise you'll feel better once you do."

That was the start of his sob-fest.

It was painful to see Wooyoung cry, but you knew he'd feel better once he did.

Once he finished crying, he held you just a little bit tighter. "Thank you so much for being with me, sweetie. I feel better now that I've calmed down. I love you so much."

"I love you more, sweet boy. I love you so much more."

🐚 Choi Jongho 🐚

What do you do when you know someone who's having a breakdown? Comfort them.

Jongho had been having a couple of really bad weeks. Because of the comeback, he had to readjust to a lot of things. Late hours at the studio, a few sleepless nights, and just feeling frustrated about everything that went on.

You tried your best to help him by doing some little things that usually make him smile, but he was so mentally drained that he couldn't find enough energy to smile. You were seriously considering going up to KQ and giving Eden a lecture about not noticing the recent changes in Jongho and his behavior.

It was the end of the third week, and you were ready to give Jongho an intervention. You were sat on his bed, scrolling through your phone while waiting for him. You looked up when he walked into the room, confusion on his face.

"What's up, Y/N? Is something wrong?"

You patted the spot next to you, and Jongho sat down where you'd motioned. You gave him a concerned look.

"Jong... you know I love you, right?"

"Of course I know that," Jongho replied. "I love you, too."

You sighed and grabbed one of his hands. "You're acting different, Jongho. Your behavior is different, and I've noticed it. I didn't want to say anything until I knew it was the right time to talk about this. Is there anything going on that you haven't told me about?"

The youngest member of ATEEZ bit down on his lip and looked at his lap, refraining from letting everything go. You put his hand up to your lips, kissing it.

"Baby... don't hide this from me, please. I need to know what's going on with you. I'm worried about you. Please tell me what's wrong."

"Everything," he cracked. He looked up at you with tears in his eyes and on his cheeks. "Everything is wrong. This comeback is taking a lot out of me, and I haven't had any time to myself in weeks. I'm just so tired and drained."

You pressed a kiss to his hair, letting the boy cry as much as he needed to. He'd been keeping so much in that he hasn't had the chance to let it all out.

"It's okay, Jong. Just let it out," you'd encourage periodically.

Jongho managed to cry himself to sleep. You tucked him in and left the room for a few minutes to sort some things out.

~ ~ 1 hour later ~ ~

Jongho woke up to you getting into bed next to him.

"Hey there, gorgeous," he greeted with sleep lacing his voice.

You gave him a small smile. "Hey yourself. You feel any better now?"

Jongho nodded, wrapping his arms around you. "I feel a little bit better. Thank you so much for letting me have some time to break down."

"You're very welcome," you said softly. "So I talked to the boys and to Eden. We all agreed that you are going to take a few weeks off of the comeback, and that some changes need to be made to the rehearsal schedule for you guys. This comeback may be important, but so is your mental health, Jongho."

The maknae pressed kisses to your face. "I love you. You really are my guardian angel, aren't you?"

"I love you too, babe. Of course I'm your guardian angel; what kind of self-respecting girlfriend isn't her boyfriend's guardian angel?"

~ ~ | ATEEZ | ~ ~

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Published:  4/15/2021