Genre: hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, established relationship.

Pairing: Jongho x Kami (oc)

TW: Suicidal thoughts.

Word count: 1.4k

Mood sampler

      Humming a familiar song between wavering breaths, Kami sat on the edge of the balcony, her thighs struggling to fit through the bars just so she could swing them back and forth like a child.

       It wasn't supposed to be this cold right now— it was almost July— but Kami found herself shivering ever so slightly. She hugged the thin jacket around her body.

     She muttered the lyrics of a song to herself as she watched the cars speed by the highway 13 floors below her. Something about how everyone seemed to have somewhere to be made her want to grow smaller and smaller until she wished to disappear completely from this earth.

       Her hands held the cold metal railing so she could lean her fevering head against it. Kami let out a faltering exhale.

        She can still remember first moving in here with Jongho like it was yesterday; oh, how excited they were. Somewhere along the way, that feeling must've died—for her at least.

       Kami grew too familiar with this balcony for her liking, sharing memories with it she couldn't entrust anyone else with; the cause of her sleepless nights, the ripped papers drifting down to be lost amongst the walking crowd, the lost dreams trying to find a home within her, and the cinnamon tea warm enough to burn down her throat.

       When she was about to sing the next few words of the song, Kami found herself silenced by the weight of them on her chest, but she pushed it down with a gulp as if she was punishing herself by forcing the words out of her. "So please, hurry, leave me. I can't breathe," she shuddered, "please don't say you love me."

      It felt like her head was throbbing, and nothing really felt real. The broken singing seemed like the only way her presence didn't efface off the face of the earth once and for all. So, she kept singing, despite how much it hurt her to do so.

       "One word from you, and I would jump off of this ledge I'm on, baby," she hiccuped as Jongho flashed through her mind, making her feel all the more guilty about being the way she is. He deserved better, yet she wasn't willing to let him go.

     "Tell me 'don't', so I-" she took in a sharp breath involuntarily, "I can crawl back in." The way the words scratched against her throat in just the right way to make her feel like a disgusting animal was what made this song her favorite on days like this.

       She shut her eyes, the sound of the traffic growing louder and louder in her ear; she could almost hear the breathing of every being on this planet all at once, making her head almost erupt. Kami was waiting...

      Waiting for someone to come, pick up her pieces, and put her back together so she could enjoy breaking herself all over again. She was waiting for Jongho, but today, she wasn't sure if he'd make it in time.

       Despite most of her limps being numbed by sitting here all evening, Kami forced herself to stand up as the sun began to set, and once she was up, she had to grasp the metal bars tightly to support her weak legs.

        Kami hated sunsets. They came with this feeling of uneasiness and apprehension. They made her chest feel heavy and constricted as if she were losing in a race against time. She grieved the death of another day with hot tears as she stared at the distance between her and the ground; she took in a sharp breath.

      She wondered when she would start regretting it. By the 7th floor? Or perhaps the 3rd when it was truly too late? Maybe she wouldn't regret it at all.

      Kami's body only shook more at the thought, knowing she was regretting just the thought of it from all the way up here.

       Her jaw clenched tightly in an attempt to stop her shivering, but it only made her headache worse.

      It was a question of her pain against his, and she knew she would never be her first priority.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

       "I just really couldn't believe it!" Jongho laughed as he told her about his crazy day at work and why he was late as they both sat down on the balcony later that night. Kami drowned out most of his words, focusing more on the sound of his laughter, the way his eyes lit up, how his smile turned his cheeks into apples, and how happy he seemed to be.

        She smiled; it looked like it was a sad little forced smile, but Kami knew she had never smiled like this before. Her love for him was too much, it made her chest feel tight, but she loved finally feeling something.

       "Oh," he uttered, his eyes fixed on the top of her head, "stay still."

       "What is it?" she spoke, her unused voice coming out hoarse, making her clear her throat.

       "Mosquito," Jongho whispered, and in one swift move, he smushed the poor insect between his big hands. The sound of clapping made Kami flinch momentarily, but once she heard Jongho giggle in success, she couldn't help but chuckle along.

        "You scared me," she sighed, leaning back to put her head on his shoulder while pulling the quilt to cover her more.

         "Sorry," he smiled, unapologetic before his arm pulled her closer to him after flicking the dead mosquito off his hand. "Why don't we just go insi-"

          "Let's just stay here for a while," she spoke back immediately, shutting down his suggestion. "Please," she added quickly, her voice sounding tired. "Didn't you originally like this place because of this balcony?"

          "Oh," he thought back on it, "yeah, you're right." His fingers went up to comb through her soft short hair. "It's nice here, I just have this feeling you're getting sick." His palm rested on her forehead to check if she had a fever.

          She giggled loudly at that. "I'm always sick, Jongho," she said, her words not really meaning anything too deep like he interpreted.

        "Then I'd have to always take care of you," he answered as if he knew she would say that a day earlier and tailored his words perfectly to the size of her wounds. He bent his head down a little to peck the crown of her head.

        Kami raised her head to look into his eyes; they were soft, round, and always had this glimmer even when he tried to be intimidating. Much like a fabricated flashback, she could imagine how they would turn dull, red, and swollen if she had let herself go today.

        Her shaky fingers cupped his face, and her thumb gently stroked his soft skin.

        "You'd do that?" she asked in a whisper, but there wasn't any bit of skepticism in her voice; she knew his answer already, and he scoffed, almost offended she asked.

        "For however long you need," he confirmed softly, his eyes growing a bit too moist; he knew her too well to not want to even imagine what could've happened today. He saw it in her eyes the moment he came in.

        She let out the breath that she seemed to be holding since forever, before guiding his face closer to hers. "I'm here for you, too. Every day, I chose you, Jongho," she vaguely confessed against his slightly parted lips before shutting her eyes as she encouraged him to kiss her by nuzzling her nose against his. He lowered his head and allowed his lips to slot against her soft ones. He kissed her like he wanted to comfort her; to take her pain away even at his own expense. He kissed her like he meant it, and she tried her best to reciprocate.

       "I know," he muttered once they parted, his forehead resting against hers with his eyes shut. "Thank you, Kami," he spoke, the sincerity in his voice made her shivering stop. Her arms worked their way up and around his neck to pull him into a hug, her head fitting perfectly in the junction between his jaw and shoulder. Jongho placed his chin on her head gently before breathing in the refreshing scent of her lavender conditioner.

        "I love you," she spoke, and although she said it a plethora of times before, each one carried a different meaning. I'm safe with you.

        "I know," he said again with a certain light-heartedness. "I love you, too." I'll always protect you.

       "I know," she giggled, feeling the summer's warmth, at last.

        Kami's struggles weren't going to suddenly vanish, but maybe with Jongho by her side, she would fight to get to a point where they do.