Joaquin De Vera
🏁

[Ninang Thea: Okay, see you at dinner. Goodluck!] She ended the call. It's been two days since the last time she visited me at home — offering me a job, a position rather, at her own company. I'm actually on hiatus.

I've been focusing on my racing career for the past three years and the two years were... Well, trying to live a life and searching, until now. In total of five years... Five damn years... Just to find out she was just around the corner the whole time.

The last time I was in Spain, she was there, too, having their business trip. I had a racing competition in France two years ago and she was there, too! Their company's having their fashion week. The last time I was having a photoshoot in L.A., she was there with her family. She's with people both connected to us the whole time and I didn't even know it.

How did I find about all of these? I found a magazine of my godmother's company in my bookshelf three days ago. Naroon ang mga milestone ng kompanya nila. Ninang Thea is very appreciative. She always acknowledge the hardworks of her employees. She give them the paybacks they deserve. And I thanked her for putting her name on the pages.

"Bakit hindi ka mapakali r'yan? Konti na lang mababali na leeg mo," sabi ni Raven nang makarating na rin siya sa pwesto ko. I know she's here. Ninang told me she invited all of her employees to watch the race kahit wala namang audience impact para manalo.

"Ayun siya, oh!"

"Sa'n?" Nakitingin din ako sa kanyang tinuro.

"'Yan ang bilis maging giraffe," asar niya. Napailing na lang ako saka na isinuot ang helmet at pumasok sa sasakyan. I once again looked outside but there's still no sign of her.

Ang tanging naroon pa rin ay si Ninang at 'yong secretary niya. I started driving instead. Nag-focus na lang din ako sa karera ko. Whatever, I bet she wouldn't want to come here after all. For some reasons...

🏁 

"Joaquin, congratulations, my dear," Ninang greeted the moment I reached their table. Even the rookies did as they enjoy every bit of their dinner. Then there's only one... A woman busy with her own plate. I smirked as I watch her.

You're really good at hiding but the world is on my side sometimes. 

Keira Denise Monteza
Chief Executive Officer

You finally really made a name for yourself... After all these years... I'm proud.

My lips formed a little smile as I look at her pero s'yempre hindi ko iyon ipapahalata kaya dinaan ko na lang sa ngisi at sa kunyaring pagmamata ko sa kanya. Kung hindi pa siya ipinakilala ay mukhang hindi rin talaga siya tatayo. "Wow, you seemed casual. Do you know each other?" tanong ni Ninang.

"Hindi po-"

"Yes."

Nagkatinginan kami agad. She looks so defensive. Everything was denied. Well, she have her reasons anyway. Wala rin akong karapatan mag-second emotion doon. Hindi na rin ako nagsalita pa muli at hinayaan na lang siya. Hindi ko rin naman siya masisisi.

Hanggang sa matapos ang dinner ay halos hindi siya nagsasalita, maliban na lang kung kakausapin siya ng mga kasama namin. Para akong multo sa kanya ngayon na dinadaanan lang ng mata niya. Pero mukhang okay na rin 'yon, kahit paano ay nadadaanan. 

Naging paraan na rin ng aking pagsulyap ang hindi niya pagpansin sa akin. She got a little taller, intimidating looks since, but her voice got a little softer when I finally heard it again after five years. Parang akala mo hindi ka niya yayayain mag one-versus-one sparring, and what I missed the most, her curls. She always kept it short.

As I observed how she presents herself, she became more confident and sophisticated. She didn't change a lot, but some things leveled up, and I bet she became a stronger woman than she ever was. At isa sa mga hindi nagbago sa kanya...

"Sorry to interrupt you, Miss, but your oil is low. Clearly saying you don't have gas."

"Ay, oo nga, 'no? Ang bobo...I'll just book a ride."

Ay iyong hindi niya pagtanggap ng tulong, maliit man o malaki. Of course, I wouldn't let her go off alone. My what ifs are already killing me. I will never forget she got kidnapped before, pati na rin ang kinuwento sa akin ng kaibigan niya.

Hindi ko alam kung hanggang ngayon ay nasa kanya pa rin ang alas na iyon. Sinubukan ko siyang kumbinsihin hanggang sa tuluyan na rin siyang pumayag. Dapat lang. At the end of the day, it's always her safety that matters. 

🏁

"I like you, Joaquin." 

We had a college reunion last year. In honor of Primo, Aira, her sister, siya ang pumunta sa reunion namin, and she travelled all the way here to confess. Matagal ko na siyang kilala, at kahit buhay pa si Primo, wala kaming kahit ano ng kapatid niya. I respect him, even his family.

"I like someone else," I turned her down immediately, no further excuses. Akala ko ay hahaba pa ang usapan namin dahil panay siya tanong tungkol sa taong gusto ko. Nang wala na siyang narinig sa'kin ay lumabas na siya ng trailer truck.

Gulat din ako nang makitang nasa labas si Keira at may bitbit. "Ah, pagkain mo. Pinadala ni Ma'am Thea para sa'yo." At nagmadali na naman siyang umalis. Hindi ko naman siya kakainin.

Kinuha ko ang supot na inabot niya at binasa ang nakasulat doon: To: Joaquin & Keira... Happy lunch :). Binasa ko iyon ng malakas para bumalik siya rito. Gumana naman. "How sure are you na para sa ating dalawa nga 'yan? Maraming Keira sa mundong ibabaw." Ang dami niya talagang sagot palagi.

Siya lang din naman ang Keira na nandidito. Tinawagan ko na lang si Ninang para sigurado at... panalo ako, para sa aming dalawa nga. Niyaya ko na siyang kumain, mabuti't hindi na umangal. 

'Wag na talaga dahil baka mamuti ang mata ko sa pakikipagtalo sa kanya. Matapos din naman no'n ay parang walang nangyari. Hindi rin pala nagbago sa kanya ang pagiging maldita niya. 

Mayroon din namang hindi nagbago sa'kin, and that's, I still celebrate her birthday even after we ended. Her birthday was something. That was the day we bumped into each other, and it happened again today.

🏁

An employee's birthday is one of the important events my godmother's company has to celebrate and I'm still not into drinking outside, and she probably don't want to see me around.

"I still have errands to run. Just tell her happy birthday, best wishes," iyon na lang ang sabi ko kay Ninang bago ako magtungo sa parking. She'll understands. Nag-text pa si Ninang sa akin na mag-ingat ako pauwi. Kahit ngarag na iyon ay nabasa ko pa rin ng maayos.

I was about to type a reply when I saw someone entered my car. Dali-dali akong tumakbo papunta ro'n. "Hey, you fuc— Keira?!" My jaw dropped when I saw her almost asleep on the driver's seat. "Excuse me." I poked her. "You're in the wrong car." 

Dahan-dahan niyang iniangat ang kanyang ulo at pilit na minumulat ang kanyang mata. I thought she'll recognize me but... "Please, not here," I murmured, trying to open the door near her but it was too late.

"Oh, fuck it." Buntong-hininga ko na lang nang tuluyan niyang isuka lahat sa lapag. Well, mukhang ayos na 'to kaysa sa manakawan ako ng sasakyan. 

Napailing-iling na lang ako habang inililipat siya sa backseat. Tinawagan ko na rin si Ninang, kahit ang iba pa niyang kasama roon sa bar na may contact ako ngunit ni isa ay walang sumagot sa kanila.

Gusto ko man siyang dalhin sa bahay ngayon pero mahirap na. She might kill me if she wakes up under my roof. This is an important matter anyway — already calling Kenzo. I never spoke to the other two since. It's just, everything changed after what happened. 

Nang sabihin sa akin ni Kenzo na muling bumalik si Keira sa dati nilang bahay ay dali-dali ko siyang hinatid doon. Kabisado ko pa rin naman ang address kaya hindi na ako nahirapan.

"Where's your keys?" I asked as if she would respond. Damn, I looked like I'm carrying a corpse. I sighed before checking her purse. Thanked God the keys are with her. Habang paakyat kami sa kanyang kwarto ay saka ko lamang siya narinig na nagsalita.

"What?" I stopped on the fifth step and leaned my head so I could understand her drunk language.  "I don't speak drunk dragon language." Pagpapatuloy ko na lang dahil hindi ko siya maintindihan.

"Gusto ko ng malamig." Liyad niya ng kanyang ulo. Finally, a human language. Muli akong napatigil sa paghakbang. Hindi pa naman ako nangangalahati kaya bumalik na lang ako at nagpuntang kusina. Pinaupo ko siya saka ako kumuha ng tubig. 

"Hindi na ako iinom ulit..." Bumagsak ang kanyang ulo sa mesa. "Niloloko mo naman sarili mo," sagot ko na lang sa sinabi niya kahit hindi niya ako naririnig. Itinayo ko na siya ulit.

Sinubukan ko siyang palakarin mag-isa pero agad siyang bumagsak sa sahig — alalay ko naman. Mayamaya'y humawak siya sa kanyang t'yan. Senyales na 'yon. Dali-dali ko siyang itinayo at itatakbo sana sa lababo ngunit huli na naman. Napamura na lang ako nang makitang nasa damit ko na iyon lahat. 

"Goddamn it..." I had no choice but to take my clothes off. She's hell dead on the floor already. "You're still a pain when it comes to this..." Buhat ko muli sa kanya. 

Nakahinga na lang ako ng maluwag nang tuluyan ko na siyang mailapag sa tulugan niya. Ang tanging nasa isip ko na lang ngayon ay ang iuwi naman ang sarili ko, but when I looked at the window, thoughts of her not being safe alone slapped me.

"I'll go home in sunrise. The heavens witnessed everything." I raised both my hands. Bababa na sana ako nang makita ko ang sarili sa salamin. 

Shirtless. I can't go home like this. Kinuha ko ang damit ko sa kusina. Sarado ang banyo ro'n kaya sa banyo ng kwarto niya na lang ako naglaba. Mag-aambag na lang ako sa babayaran na tubig.

Sa wakas at nakaupo na rin ako. I took a look around the place. I smiled when I observed it had a little makeover. Parang ang hindi lang napalitan doon ay ang lamesa nila sa kusina. 

Saka lamang din ako nakaramdam ng antok. Matagal pa naman bago tuluyang mag-umaga. A little nap won't hurt, and errands can wait for another sunrise. Napahikab na ako at nagsisimula nang labanan ang antok. 

🏁

"A-anong ginagawa mo rito?!"

"And that's how you greet people." I woke up with a broom pointed at me like a gun and a damaged nose just now. That hit was kind of personal. I said I'll leave before the sun is up, ouch... Nagbanta na ring tatawag ng pulis.

I understand where that grumpy dwarf is coming from, and for her peace of mind, I told her everything that had happened last night. Ayaw niya pa maniwala sa'kin. Kahit naman ako. Ayoko nga ring maniwalang nakatulog na ako rito kahihintay na matuyo ang labada ko sa banyo niya. 

"Hayaan mo 'kong bumawi."

"We'll see about that. Bye, Ms. Monteza." I smiled the moment I stepped outside. That proud feeling whenever I get the chance to call her that. Keira and Ms. Monteza are two different women for me, either way, I'm happy they've come this far.

That was also the last time I saw her. Well, wherever I go, I feel like she's just around me. Museums, cars, anything vintage-like, coffees, even Womenscape reminds me of her. Parang kada sulok na puntahan ko ay naroon siya.

I can still imagine her walking around and welcoming customers, how bright her smile was whenever she entered a museum, how badass she was when she drives, and how beautiful the morning was when I wake up smelling her hair scent. 

Sa kahit anonng lugar, parang kahit anong gawin ko, kahit anong bagay na mahawakan ko, siya ang naalala ko. Keira Denise, you actually didn't leave me after all. 

🏁

Been a while, Milan... 

"Joaquin! Felice di vederti." Yakap sa akin ni Kenzo matapos niya akong pagbuksan ng pinto. Binati na rin ako ng kanyang asawa. Nang malaman kong narito sila ngayon ay dali-dali akong dumiretso rito matapos ang flight. Matagal-tagal na rin ang huling bisita ko sa kanila. Nakalaro ko pa saglit ang anak nila pero hindi rin nagtagal dahil kaylangan na nitong matulog. 

"Buona notte, zio Joaquin," aniya habang nagkukusot ng mata. I lowered myself to kiss him on his forehead. "Buona notte, amico." I waved at him. Sinimulan ko na ring ligpitin ang pinaglaruan namin. "Just leave it there. Ako na ang bahala r'yan mamaya." Katok na sa akin ni Kenzo. Hindi ako nakinig sa kanya at tinapos na pa rin ang ginagawa. Well, always do claygo. 

We sat on the dinner table — having a little chitchat, 'til five minutes later, someone arrived holding a box of pizza. Napasimsim na lang ako sa wine na iniinom ko at umiwas ng tingin. I didn't expect her to be here!

"Sir Joaquin, pizza po?" Alok niya na para bang hindi talaga kami magkakilala. Sabi ko na lang ay mamaya na. Kung kakain man ako, hindi ako sigurado kung payapa ko ba 'yong malulunok. Lalo na't nahuhuli ko siyang masamang sumusulyap-sulyap sa'kin, like a tiger giving me warnings.

🏁

"Why are you not answering?" I'm starting to get a little annoyed contacting my stylist. The show will start anytime soon. Tuluyan ko na lang itinabi ang phone ko nang sukuan ko na ang paghihintay. Mayamaya'y kumatok si Aira. Nakabukas lang ang dressing room, mukhang napadaan siya at nakita ang sitwasyon ko ngayon. 

I was only half prepared, and half of my time was wasted on waiting someone to arrive but never show up. "Sir, tulungan na po kita," she approached me in a very casual way. She started fixing my hair pero hindi rin naman siya nagtagal nang dumating si Keira.

"I want to live longer than answer a phone call in the middle of a business with the dragon."

Habang nilalagyan niya ako ng eyeliner ay parang kahit anong oras ay bubugahan niya ako ng apoy sa mukha sa bigat ng paghinga niya. I'm sure she heard about my stylist not showing up on a very important event.

Wala na rin akong balak makipagtalo sa kanya dahil alam ko namang talo na agad ako. I'll let her win this time. I don't want to cross lines with the Chief Executive Officer of the company for now.

🏁

"Position for a new stylist is now open. We're hiring starting today," Ninang told her secretary to print and post an ad about it. Right after that fashion show, she fired Ms. Ortega. Matapos no'n ay nagsimula nang mag-rant sa akin si Ninang na matagal na pala silang may problema no'ng empleyado na 'yon.

"So, nakapili ka na ba kung sino ang gusto mong temporary stylist while we're still looking for a permanent one?" Balik na ng atensyon sa akin ni Ninang.

"Aira will do, I guess..." I shrugged and gave the tablet back to her. She showed me a little of the employees profile, suggestions of who can be my temporary stylist. I never interacted with most of them and I think I can be comfortable with Aira.

"Oh, actually, I forgot to tell you, Aira is a busy bee. She's fully loaded with work and ang main focus niya sa kompanyang ito ay photography. Hindi naman pwedeng kumukuha siya ng litrato at inaayusan ka backstage. It'll be hassle for both of you."

Nakatingin na lang ako sa labas, malalim na nag-iisip hanggang sa may maalala ako. Sabi niya babawi siya... "Is your CEO free today?" I turned the swivel chair to face her.

"Yes, why?"

"Favor?"

"Sure, son. Go ahead."

"Please tell her to see me after your dinner. I like to have a conversation."

"Okay." She smiled sweetly at me. Bumeso na rin siya sa'kin before leaving me in her office. Nagpaikot-ikot ako muli sa swivel chair, pinag-iisipang mabuti ang desisyon na gagawin. Well, hope she say yes.

🏁

"Ihahanap na lang po kita. I'm sorry for turning down your triple salary offer."

To be honest, I was speechless with her answer! Maybe I set my expectations so high that she won't decline and it shattered. That's already a triple salary!

Sa sobrang hirap niyang pilitin, nauubusan na ako ng paraan kung paano pa siya kukumbinsihin, lalo na't sinasabi niyang wala raw siyang maintindihan at maalala sa mga sinasabi ko. Sinimulan ko na lang kausapin ang papel na hawak ko. Bahala na. 

"... she's drunk as hell that time..." asar ko na lang hanggang sa tuluyan na din siyang pumayag. Mukhang naalala niya na ang lahat. Okay, I won. She will be my temporary stylist for now. Temporary...  Keep that in your fucking mind, Joaquin. No extensions until.

"Ayoko ng maingay habang nag-aayos kung ayaw mong ipitin ko ng eyelash curler 'yang dila mo." She rolled her eyes. That and... 

"You are always harsh, Keira." 

"Only to you." That. Being mean only to me is something that really turns me on. The deal starts here and I'm confident enough to say that we're doing a great job. Despite the cat and dog attitude these past few days, we're handling each other well now. Huh...

I asked her to rate my runway walk when I get back and she did. She gave me a one. Napailing na lang ako habang ayaw kong maniwalang ganoon lang ang ratings niya sa akin. The crowd and the flashes of cameras say it all!

"And zero," she continued. Doon ako napatigil at tumingin sa kanya ulit. A smirk formed inside my mind. I knew it. "Critiques don't always mean bad, though." She shrugged. 

Wow, hearing that felt like I won a lottery. Being complimented by a Keira Denise Monteza is a rare thing! Damn, she really knows how to make butterflies go wild! You're indeed something I could never expect sometimes, Keira... 

Five years, and I will never be ashamed to say I haven't moved on yet. Well, I didn't even really try to.