Joaquin De Vera
🏁

"They died in this place and this will be the last time I'll be stepping on it."

I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't focus. It feels like half of my life was taken away from me. Parang kaunti na lang ay mababaliw na 'ko sa galit. I locked myself back in my room since that day Alva told me. I shut down everyone. Everyone except her.

"Thank you for being here, Eia." That nickname, I saw it on one of her bags when I visited her walk-in closet. By just holding my hand, somehow, it's giving me chances to breathe and continue to live despite losing a lot of leaves.

Alas tres pa lang ng umaga kanina ay nandito na kami kaya naman nang makabyahe na muli pauwi ay hinayaan ko na lang siya matulog. Nang makarating na sa bahay ay binuhat ko na lamang siya dahil ayoko siyang maistorbo. Baka kapag ginawa ko 'yon ay may sumalubong na kamao sa'kin. She really does hate being disturbed in her sleep.

"She can join us for breakfast." Rinig ko sa boses ni Alva nang maisara ko ang pintuan ng aking kwarto. Walang emosyon akong tumango sa kanya at nagtungo na sa kusina upang maghain. Ako na ang maghahanda ng pinagkainan niya dahil wala akong tiwala sa kanya. "How was she?" tanong ko kay Raven nang makarating na rin siya rito sa kusina.

"She didn't leave your dad's office. Ngayon lang no'ng dumating kayo."

"Bet she got hungry."

"So? I'm just here to keep an eye on her as you said but I wasn't born to be at her service." Saka siya lumapit sa pwesto ko para tignan ang aking niluluto. Nang tangkain niyang kumuha ay agad kong hinampas ang kanyang kamay. "Para kay Keira 'to. Magluto ka ng iyo," sabi ko kasabay ang paglalagay na ng mga plato sa mesa.

"What? I'm your family, too," he said in disbelief.

"Wife first," pang-aasar ko pa.

"Ulol mo, gago." Mahina niya akong sinuntok sa braso. Binawian ko siya dahil muntik nang matapon ang kapeng ginawa ko. I went back upstairs and finally saw her awake. Ilang minuto lamang din ay narinig namin ang boses ni Alva. Gulat pa akong niyayaya niya si Keira na kumain.

I don't want us to have breakfast with her but Keira's eyes convince me to let things slide for now. For now. Wala na lang akong nagawa. Raven and I were silent, listening to her luxurious experience stories she had from Europe. Nagkakatinginan na lang kami ni Raven. This witch in front of us had fun while we were trying to save our lives back here.

Pasimple na lang din akong umiiling habang pinapakinggan ang tiyahin kong ang sarap ng buhay. Binilisan ko na lang sa pagkain. Ganoon din si Raven. Si Keira ay halos malamig na ang pagkain dahil naka-focus kay Alva.

I wanted to pull her out of her seat and leave but thanked God for giving me patience. Nagpalaam na lang akong lalabas saglit. I pulled my vape out of my pockets. Ngayon ko na lang ito ulit nagamit. Naupo ako sa isang hakbang ng hagdanan at sinimulan nang humipak.

🏁

I was left behind with all of these works, giving me no time to mourn. But on the other hand, I have something to get busy with, to distract myself from the grief. The renovations are almost done. Our other Womanscape branches are also hiring. Our business is starting to grow slowly as it should be.

"Makakaraos tayo, Dad..." I said to myself after closing the doors of my office, leaving our Womanscape branch in Laguna. Ito na ang pinakahuli kong pinuntahan ngayong araw. Tuwing umuuwi sa bahay ay sa kwarto na ako nadiretso. I'm exhausted, feels like I'm just surviving the days.

Madalas na ring nakapatay ang phone ko just to avoid social bullshits. Kung bubuksan ko man ay para lang tawagan si Keira, or to check emails. Pumarito rin muna si Raven simula nang malaman namin ang balita kina Daddy. He never left. At least I have someone to hate Alva around.

🏁

"Someone wants to see you." Raven knocked on my door while I'm busy checking all the emails. I wasn't really expecting any visitors except Keira. And if we're going to see each other, sure my house wouldn't be the best choice to meet.

"Who?" I scratched my eyes. I also took a glance at the time. It's almost 11:45 p.m. Bukod kay Keira, wala na akong ibang kikitain ng ganitong oras. Who the heck would someone visit me at this hour besides her?

Nang makababa na ako sa sala ay gulat na lamang ako nang makitang si Agatha ang naroon na naghihintay sa'kin. Napatayo siya nang makalapit na ako sa kanyang pwesto. Iniwan na rin kami ni Raven saka kami nagsimulang mag-usap. She's not saying any words yet but I can see her lips trembling. Now I have a bad feeling this conversation won't be good.

"I'm sorry about the sudden late visit. I just know she won't tell you and I'm not in the position to tell you about this either but," she paused. My heart started racing fast. Napalunok din siya bago magpatuloy, "Keira has been kidnapped."

"What?!" My brows furrowed. Feels like my whole system stopped after hearing those words. I don't want to believe it. "Please, hear me out first and promise me... Hinding-hindi ka magagalit sa kanya."

My chest starting to feel heavy whenever I breathe. Tumango na lamang ako kay Agatha bilang pagsang-ayon sa kanyang sinabi. Hindi pa siya ulit nagpapatuloy pero kung ano-ano na ang sumasagi sa isip ko. "It happened last week. She's safe, for now. Nakatira siya ngayon kanila Kuya Kelvin. But we won't be at ease yet. She has something she shouldn't have right now and I want you to come with me quietly so I can show you."

She looked around, checking if someone's listening besides me. There's no one. Alva went on a trip two days ago and we had no idea when she will be coming back. Well, it's best if she won't. Pumayag akong sumama kay Agatha. I just left a note on Raven's side table 'cause he's already in a deep sleep.

Malayo ang bahay nila Agatha. We had no choice but to drive our way there. I know routes where I'm sure no one can follow us. Pinagpatuloy na rin ni Agatha ang mga dapat kong malaman habang nasa byahe kami. At sa bawat naririnig ko ngayon ay sumasabay ang pagbigat ng aking mga balikat - nanghihina.

Matapos ang isa't kalahating oras ay nakarating na kami sa kanila. Dumiretso kami agad sa likod ng kanilang bahay at sa hindi kalayuan ay nagtungo kami sa maliit na parang gubat. There, she showed me a spot. On top of it were big rocks. Isa-isa namin iyon itinabi sa gilid saka sinimulan nang magbungkal.

Underneath was a notebook, it looked vintage and the first thing I noticed was the laurel leaf. "That's the thing Keira has that she shouldn't have," Agatha handed it to me.

I started looking at the pages. At sa bawat buklat ay pinagpapawisan ako lalo na nang makita ko ang pangalan ni Primo at Mr. Clarkson doon. Nanginginig akong napahigpit ng hawak sa kwadernong 'yon habang may pinapaliwanag pa si Agatha sa'kin.

I lost a best friend. She's been kidnapped. My family died and now there's a killer just living down the streets. Napaupo ako sa malaking bato na nasa likuran ko lang. Itinukod ko ang aking siko sa aking mga tuhod habang nakasapo ang isang kamay sa noo.

I know how hardheaded she was but I didn't think of her hiding dangerous things like these... "Bakit ngayon lang..." Iyon na lamang ang nasabi ko matapos huminga ng malalim.

"Alam kong gusto na rin sabihin ni Keira sa'yo ang mga ganitong bagay pero mas pinili niyang 'wag na."

"Iyon na nga, Agatha. Bakit?"

"Simple lang. Ayaw ka niyang madamay. Alam niyang mabigat ang alas niya ngayon at alam niya ring magiging mabigat ang kapalit kapag nakuha ng mamamatay-tao ang bagay na 'yan sa kanya."

"You're saying she's willing to sacrifice herself for this?"

Tumango siya.

"I won't let her." Tumayo na ako saka tinapon pabalik sa hukay ang kwadernong 'yon. "How can I help?" Sinimulan ko nang tabunan iyon ulit.

"I don't know exactly. But all of Keira's plan is to know who is the person behind that name." Tingin ni Agatha sa aking kamay dahil isinulat ko ang pangalan ng may-ari ng notebook na 'yon. Jane Pre Yzso. "Then everything will be put into place," she continued. I don't know where to start either but I know It'll be a very long run.

🏁

"I missed you. How are you?" Since that night I have known about her secrets, it didn't make me sleep anymore. As much as I wanted to ask her, I promised Agatha I won't mention anything related to that stuff.

"Anong mayro'n?"

"Nothing. Can't I take you out on a date just because I wanted to anymore?"

There's a lot going on. There's a lot going on about her and I'm so guilty of not knowing anything about it. She might be safe for now but my mind can't still be at peace. Kahit ngayon na magkasama na kami ulit. "Bilis, bilis!" Tumakbo siya pabalik sa pwesto namin upang kumuha ng litrato.

Seeing her smile happily in front of me feels like a stab of a knife. Knowing she's hiding a very dangerous secret that can put her life on the line. "Three, two-" I didn't let her finish and kissed her. I can feel my eyes wanting to shed tears as I close it. "I love you," I said when our lips parted. I'm here when you need me... I can risk, too...

🏁

"Morning, blood related," I greeted Raven when I reached the kitchen for coffee. Hindi niya ako pinansin at abala lang siyang nanonood ng TV sa sala, seryosong-seryoso. He's not really the type to watch news everyday unless it really caught his attention. Guess like today, it did.

Matapos kong magtimpla ng kape ay tumayo na rin ako sa tabi niya at nakinood. I was about to sip when I heard my name being mentioned on the TV. Ibinaba ko na muna ang hawak kong tasa at sinubukang mag-focus doon. And what shocked me was that it wasn't just about me... Her name's being flashed on the screen, too.

"Don't tell me your manager's behind this." Lingon na sa akin ni Raven. Umiling ako. My manager knows everything. He knows Keira and her family are harmless. He knows about our deal.

"Who the hell would know about this except us, then?"

"I don't know. I had no idea." I checked my phone — my socials rather. The news is circling the internet that fast. Same posts, different comments, and most of it is not pleasing to read. Agad kong tinawagan si Keira pero wala akong natanggap ni kahit isang sagot mula sa kanya. Shit... Now we're into it.

🏁

As expected when that news came out, people started to flock outside my house. Kapag may kaylangan akong puntahan ay bigla-bigla na lang ding may lalapit. Joaquin this. Joaquin that. I'm so used to this, Just before I entered the world of this kind of spotlight, I know this will happen to me. I want to treat all of them nicely as much as I can but some really don't know where they should put their boundaries.

"Joaquin, may kinalaman ba ang kapatid ni Kenzo Monteza sa pagkamatay ng inyong magulang?" Sa lahat ng sumalubong na tanong sa'kin ay iyon lang ang aking pinansin. Matalim kong tinignan ang lalaking reporter.

"Keep your stupid questions to yourself." Marami pa akong gustong sabihin pero lahat ng iyon ay manggagaling na sa galit. Lucky for them that I can control myself.

"Go away! No pictures!" my manager, Mr. Ivaro Ko, yelled at them before closing the car window. Malakas din siyang bumusina para paalisin ang mga nakaharang. Naupo na lang ako sa likod at pilit na pinapakalma ang sarili. Bakit nila kaylangan idamay si Keira sa usapin na 'yon? People should keep their stupidity to themselves.

"You okay, boy?" Tingin ng aking manager sa rearview mirror upang makita ako. Tumango na lamang ako habang hindi inaalis ang tingin sa labas. "When are you going to post a statement about this? You need to clear things as possible as you can bago pa lumala ang issue na 'to. You take care of this, and I'll take care of the renovations and other stuff. 'Wag kang mag-alala, tutulungan pa rin kita."

Tumango na lamang ako at hindi na nagsalita. I've been writing about it since the day that news came out. Wala na rin akong ibang naiisip bukod kay Keira. I know how much she hates this. She'd been here before, and I don't want to put her in the same situation she fought so hard to get out.

"I want you to choose which one I will put on the very last." I am already done writing a statement. But there's only one thing I need before I post it. As much as I wanted to claim that we have a thing now, I think it'll just make the issue worst. Kinakabahan ako sa magiging sagot niya.

The way she looked at me was saying something I don't want to hear. But whatever it is, all I can do is to understand. I have to, I need to. "I want you to deny me." And she didn't take it back.

🏁

Sometimes staying is worse than setting someone free. Hindi ako pinatulog ng mga katagang iyon. The way she held me that night scares me, too. Parang may gusto nang ipahiwatig sa'kin. Matapos din ang gabing iyon ay mayroon nang nagsisimulang hindi ko gusto mangyari.

🗨️ To: Responsibility
are you free tonight?

when can i see you?

keira pls reply

At marami pa iyon and it took me three hours to have a reply
We had conversations. Little conversations. I sighed when I read her message.

💌 Responsibility:
Sorry may work ako next
time na lang :)

I was just staring at it for five minutes before I threw my phone on my bed. What am I supposed to reply? Our conversations didn't last long this past few days unlike before. It was almost never ending. Minsan na lang din kami makapag-usap. At 'yong minsan na 'yon kakaunti na lang din siya mag-reply. Everything started to change since the last time we saw each other and I'm afraid where it can lead us.

🏁

From small conversations to nothing. Everything just went just like that one day. I was left clueless, staring at nothing but our last chats. My notifications are always full but there's nothing to see from her in it. I had no choice but to follow her around secretly, waiting for the perfect time to approach her - to have answers... And I ended up having one.

I was looking at them from afar, obviously having a good conversation. Is this why? Gustong-gusto ko na silang lapitan pero hindi ko magawa hanggang sa makita ko na lang na naglalakad na sila papunta rito kung saan nakaparada ang sasakyan ko. Alam kong alam niya kung kaninong kotse ang tinitignan niya ngayon but she chose to ignore it at sasama na sana sa lalaki.

"No, you don't," I whispered to myself before honking in front of them. I was expecting her to ignore it, too. But it surprised me... "'Wag ka na magpaligoy-ligoy. Sabihin mo na lahat ng gusto mong sabihin," panimula na ni Keira.

I was actually speechless seeing her with someone. But as much as I wanted to, hindi ko magawang magalit. Ang dami kong gustong sabihin pero umaatras ang dila ko hanggang sa marinig ko na lang, "I lost interest."

T-that fast? So what's the point of all of that, then? "You're really good at playing games." Unti-unti nang bumibigat ang aking paghinga. I'm hoping. God, I was hoping so bad that she'll take those words back but she didn't. My grip on the steering wheel was getting harder as I control myself not to burst out but I couldn't either. "Sabi mo mahal mo 'ko... Mahal mo 'ko, Keira..."

Gusto ko pang lumaban. Pero paano kung ang gusto kong makasama ay gustong-gusto ng bumitaw? Para akong sinasaksak ng kung ano nang maramdaman ko na ang pagbitaw ng kamay niya sa'kin. Dire-diretso na rin siyang umalis, nakasakay sa kotse ng ibang lalaki. And I was there... Wondering... Hoping she'll turn around and run back here but no. She disappeared just like that. Like the wind blew it all in a second. That was so easy for her to do it, to say things.

Keira Denise, you're all I had...