Ang sikat ng araw sa umaga ay dumaan sa manipis na kurtina ng kuwarto ko, nagbigay ng malambot na gintong liwanag sa mga dingding. Nag-unat ako, unti-unting umaalis ang antok sa aking katawan, ngunit natigilan ako nang mapagtanto kong wala si CL sa tabi ko.

A pang of disappointment, unexpected and sharp, coursed through me.

I threw on a thick sweater, padded across the room, and made my way downstairs. The smell of sizzling garlic and eggs met me halfway, warm and familiar. Mags stood by the stove, spatula in hand, humming a tune that reminded me of childhood mornings.

"Good morning, Ate kong tulog mantika," pang-aasar niya sa 'kin. "Halos 7AM na tapos kagigising mo lang?"

"Nasa'n si CL?" I asked, looking around as if he might appear from behind the couch.

"Relax," sabi ni Mags, tumatawa. "Nasa palengke siya kasama si Mommy. They left at 5AM to beat the holiday crowd. CL even offered to drive her and carry everything. Surprised me too."

A smile tugged at my lips. It was a small gesture, but something in the idea of him weaving into the routines of my family filled me with a warmth I hadn't expected.

"They should be back by now," Mags continued, turning back to the stove. "I mean, they left when it was still dark."

I glanced at the wall clock. The minute hand ticked towards seven, and I nodded absently, trying to picture the scene in my mind—CL navigating the bustling market stalls, the banter with my mother over prices and vegetables. It was an image that felt both strange and sweetly familiar.

Bago ko pa ito mapag-isipan nang mas matagal, ang tunog ng pagkaluskos ng harapang gate ay nagbalik sa akin sa kasalukuyan. Lumapit ako sa bintana at sumilip sa labas. My heart did a little flip.

There they were: my mom, animated and laughing as she gestured with one hand, and CL, holding all the grocery bags with an ease that spoke of his strength and, somehow, of care. He nodded along, listening with that attentive expression I had come to know so well, as if every word she spoke was worth absorbing.

My mother turned to say something, and CL's face lit up in a smile so genuine it reached his eyes. For a moment, it was like they had known each other for years, as if he had always belonged here, in the heart of my family's world. The sight left me rooted to the spot, an ache in my chest that was both exhilarating and terrifying.

Mags' voice broke through my thoughts. "Nandiyan na sila," sabi niya, sumilip sa likod ko. "Mas mabuti pang tumulong ka, baka si CL na lang ang magdala ng lahat sa kusina mag-isa."

I nodded, but before I could step outside, I lingered just a moment longer, soaking in the sight of them—CL, standing with the sun warming his profile, laden with bags, and my mom, already half-telling him to set things down before he hurt himself. And me, caught somewhere between the past I thought I wanted and the present that was slowly reshaping everything.

***

The afternoon sun cast a golden hue over the neighborhood, casting long shadows as we bustled about, preparing for the Christmas Eve dinner.

Ang kusina ay buhay na buhay sa tunog ng mga kaldero at kawali, ang amoy ng bawang at mga pampalasa na naghalo sa hangin, at ang himig ng usapan na pinapalamutian ng tawanan.

I wiped my hands on my apron, moving between the stove and the dining table where Mags was arranging a centerpiece made of fresh pine and red candles.

Amid the cheerful chaos, my phone buzzed insistently from the counter. I glanced at the screen and, seeing Jaron's name, felt my shoulders tense. "Work?" I muttered under my breath, half-annoyed. I picked up the phone and accepted the video call, ready to air my frustration.

"Jaron, it's Christmas Eve! If you're about to make me draft something last-minute, I swear—" I started, only to be met with the sight of Jaron, his dark hair ruffled and wind-swept, hands gripping the steering wheel.

"Teka, teka. Kalma," putol ni Jaron, tumatawa. "I'm not that heartless. I'm not Architect Carlo, remember?" Kumurba ang kanyang mga mata sa mga sulok habang siya'y tumatawa, at hindi ko maiwasang mapangiti. Memories of last year's holiday rush—the nights spent under harsh fluorescent lights drafting endless plans under Architect Carlo's unforgiving gaze—flashed through my mind.

"Okay, fair," I conceded, a smile tugging at my lips. "So, anong meron? Bakit ka tumatawag?"

Jaron's expression softened as he shifted gears. "Send me your address, will you? Nasa NLEX na ako."

I blinked, caught off guard. "Pupunta ka dito? Sa Bataan?"

"Yup," he confirmed, glancing at the road before throwing me a brief grin. "I'm not bringing work, if that's what you're worried about. I'd never survive your wrath on Christmas Eve."

Tumaas ang kilay ko, malinaw ang pagdududa sa boses ko. "Eh bakit?"

"Dahil may sumira sa mga plano ko," pang-aasar niya. "For years, it's been a tradition for CL and me to spend Christmas together at his family's place in Baguio. But since you decided to drag him all the way to Bataan, I figured I'd follow him there."

"Jaron!" sigaw ko, kalahating tumatawa, kalahating naiinis. "Sana sinabihan mo ako nang mas maaga. We could have prepared—"

"Relax, Shan," CL's voice interjected as he entered the kitchen, having overheard the conversation. His hair was slightly tousled from running errands, and he still wore a playful grin. "Jaron's family is spread across the globe. It's been that way for years. His parents are in Japan, his brothers in Singapore, and his older sister in Australia. They only reunite every couple of years, so spending Christmas with us is... special for him."

Ang inis ko ay natunaw sa sinseridad ng boses ni CL. Tumingin ako muli kay Jaron sa screen, na pansamantalang tumahimik. Ang kanyang mga mata ay mabilis na tumingin sa dashboard bago tumuon sa kamera, ang kanyang ngiti ay naging mas banayad na ngayon.

"Thanks for letting me crash the party," Jaron said, with a touch of shyness I wasn't used to seeing.

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Well, if you're bringing good stories and not work, you're more than welcome."

"Dadalhin ko pareho," pabirong sagot ni Jaron, na nagdulot ng tawa kay CL.

"Be safe on the road," I said softly. "We'll see you soon."

As the call ended, I looked over at CL, who gave me a knowing smile.

"See? He's not so bad," CL teased, nudging me lightly.

"Yeah, yeah," I said, rolling my eyes, but there was a warmth in my chest I hadn't felt in a while. Christmas was shaping up to be unexpectedly full—with friends, memories, and the laughter that made the holiday special.

Later that evening, he doorbell rang, startling me. CL moved to answer it, and I followed closely behind. Si Jaron ay nakatayo sa pintuan, nakabalot sa mabigat na coat, ang kanyang mga pisngi ay namumula mula sa lamig ng Disyembre. Nag-alok siya ng isang nahihiyang ngiti, habang pinapadaan ang kamay sa kanyang magulong buhok.

"Finally made it," Jaron said, stepping inside. Ang kanyang boses ay may halong ginhawa. Nagpalitan kami ng mabilis na sulyap ni CL bago ko maayos na tinanggap si Jaron.

"Come in, warm up," CL said, clapping Jaron on the back. Dinala ko si Jaron sa sala kung saan abala sa masiglang pag-uusap sina Mommy at Mags.

"Mommy, Mags, this is Jaron," I said, gesturing to him. Mom's eyes lit up with a mix of curiosity and warmth.

"Nice to meet you, Jaron," Mom said, extending her hand. "Katoliko ka ba? We're heading to Christmas Eve mass soon, and we'd love for you to join us if you're comfortable."

Lalong lumawak ang ngiti ni Jaron. "Opo, Katoliko ako. I'd be honored to join."

Matapos ang mga pagpapakilala, nagbihis kami at umalis. Ang lakad papunta sa Our Lady of Fatima Chaplaincy ay maikli, at ang malamig na hangin ng gabi ay nakakapagpasigla. The chapel stood out in stark white, its facade adorned with colorful, albeit somewhat garish, Christmas decorations. Jaron's eyes swept over the display, his brow creasing slightly as he suppressed a critique.

"Don't even think about it," I whispered, nudging him with my elbow. "This is a chapel, not one of your projects. Tigil-tigilan mo 'yang binabalak mong laitin 'yong kung ano mang gusto mong laitin."

Isang ngiti ang sumilay sa kanyang mukha. "Fine, I'll behave—for now."

The mass was serene, with candles casting a soft glow and the choir's rendition of "Silent Night" echoing in the nave. As the service concluded and we filed out into the night, I felt a sense of peace settle over me.

Back home, the dining table was laden with dishes for Noche Buena, the centerpiece being a steaming Cajun Seafood Boil. The room buzzed with chatter as we settled in, everyone sharing stories and laughter. It didn't take long for Mags and Jaron to realize they had something in common.

"Ikaw rin?" tanong ni Jaron kay Mags, tinuturo ang hindi pa nahahawakan na hipon.

"Yep. Shrimp allergy. A cruel twist of fate, isn't it?" sagot ni Mags na may dramatikong buntonghininga.

Jaron laughed, a genuine sound that softened his usual composed demeanor. "Finally, someone who understands my pain."

CL leaned over to me, chuckling. "Looks like Jaron found his match."

I glanced at Mags and Jaron, who were now deep in conversation. "Maybe he has."

Halfway through dinner, my phone buzzed on the table. Ang pangalan ni Cam ay lumitaw sa screen, at ang puso ko ay tumalon sa kasiyahan. Anim na buwan na ang lumipas mula nang huli kaming mag-usap. I swiped to answer, a wide smile spreading across my face.

"Merry Christmas, Shan!" Cam's voice was as familiar as ever, instantly warming me. I turned the phone so Mom and Mags could see, their faces lighting up at the sight of him.

"Cam! Ngayon na lang ulit kita nakita," I said, my voice nearly drowned out by Mags' enthusiastic wave.

"Hi, Cam!" Mom said, leaning into view. "Merry Christmas!"

Ngumiti si Cam at kumaway pabalik. "Merry Christmas po, Tita! Mags!"

I shifted the phone toward CL, who had been quietly watching. "Cam, this is CL."

Cam's smile widened with recognition. "Ah, the famous CL! It's about time I got to see the man who's making Shan so happy."

Tumawa si CL, unti-unting nawawala ang kanyang karaniwang pagiging tahimik. "Good to finally meet you, Cam. I've heard plenty about you."

"And Shan, I have someone I'd like you to meet," sabi ni Cam, habang lumalambot ang kanyang ekspresyon. Isang babae ang lumitaw sa tabi niya, ang kanyang maitim na buhok ay bumabagsak sa malambot na alon. "This is Mia. We've been dating for a year now."

My eyes widened, and then joy replaced the surprise. "Cam, that's amazing! It's so good to meet you, Mia. I'm so happy for both of you."

Mia smiled warmly. "Shan, I've heard so much about you too. It's great to finally meet."

We exchanged promises to catch up soon, and when the call ended, I noticed CL watching me, his eyes thoughtful. The room buzzed around us, but in that moment, it was just the two of us.

"Okay ka lang?" tanong ko nang mahinahon, hinahawakan ang kanyang braso.

A small, reassuring smile lifted the corners of his mouth. "I am. Just... thinking. You know, sometimes moments like these remind me of the past, but not in a bad way. I'm here, with you, and that's what matters."

I nodded, understanding the unspoken weight behind his words. The shadow of his ex's betrayal still loomed at times, but I knew CL would never let it cloud us.

"Sigurado ka ba?" I asked again, searching his face.

He took my hand, his grip gentle but firm. "I'm sure. Just because it happened before doesn't mean I'll project it onto you. I trust you, Shan. And I love you."

A wave of relief and affection swept over me. Hindi ko napigilan na lumapit at magbigay ng mabilis na halik sa kanyang pisngi. Narinig ko ang boses ni Mags mula sa likuran, na nagpagulat sa akin.

"Finally, isang lalaki na hindi seloso o insecure," pang-aasar niya. "Remember Shan's first and last ex-boyfriend? What a possessive, obsessive jerk."

The sudden mention made my chest tighten, memories of harsh words and clenched fists flashing in my mind. I forced a smile, but it faltered. "Excuse me for a moment," I whispered, pushing back my chair.

I stepped into the cool, quiet hallway, closing my eyes to steady myself. Footsteps approached, and a warm hand rested on my shoulder.

"Hey," mahinahong sabi ni CL.

Tears welled up as I met his eyes. I took a shaky breath, feeling the old, familiar ache. "I thought I was over it, CL. After all these years... I really thought I was."

"What you're feeling is okay. And you don't have to talk about it if you're not ready," sabi niya nang malumanay.

"The thing about healing," CL said, his voice steady and thoughtful, "is that it's not a straight path. Some days, you'll wake up feeling like every part of you is infused with light, as if your heart has finally adapted to its new shape and the wounds are stitched up. There will be moments when you take on challenges you once avoided, and those leaps forward will be full of joy—life will seem so beautiful, hopeful, and rich with growth. But there will also be days when it feels like you've been pushed back, when old wounds resurface and familiar aches echo inside you. You might find yourself running so fast toward hope that you trip over it, or something as simple as a song or a fleeting memory will remind you of what's still tender. And that's okay. Healing is not about always moving forward; it's about allowing yourself to feel, even when it's hard."

I stared at him for so long, and for a moment, I didn't know what to say. What he said was...true and comforting.

A tear slipped down my cheek as I whispered, "I love you so much, CL."

He wrapped me in a hug, his voice steady. "I'm here now, Shan. And I promise, no one will ever hurt you again—not with words, not with anything. You're safe with me."

I clung to him, the hallway no longer cold as warmth and safety surrounded me. The past didn't disappear, but with CL by my side, I felt like I could finally let the light back in.

________

a/n: 5 chapters left before the Epilogue! :))