rubatosis (n)
the unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat

______
it was the kind of fear that made your ears clog up,
it made it seem like you were drowning.
your senses seemed to dim and the world around you fades into static noise.
the only thing you're aware is there,
is the rubatosis,
the unsettling ba dum ba dum of your blood rushing in your ears.
every pump of your heart seems to vibrate all over you.
your lips pulse in rhythm,
so does your fingertips and your teeth.
everything beats.

and as the seconds tick by and I watch your face comes closer to mine,
I am overcome with anxiety.
that mixes with my fear like koolaid,
a tart mixture that leaves me pinging.

I feel like I'm about to explode.

and just when I can't take it anymore,
your lips crash into mine and I come plummeting back down to earth.
hurling like a comet from outer space.

at first it was scary, but then your fingers tightened around my neck.
and I knew it,
you'd be there to cushion my landing.