chapter fourteen - revelation

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MOUNT JUSTICE
OCTOBER 1st — 18:13 EDT

"pe bune?" dick whispered under his breath. kaldur had gone for a punch but drastically aimed too low. even if their training sessions usually ended with dick winning, that was just evil. "how short do you think i am?"

"165 centimetres?" kaldur smirked, dodging a kick from dick. a dick kick. a non-dick dick kick kick.

"i'm a good 170, thank you very much."

"i'm 170 centimetres!" m'gann exclaimed, entering the room with connor. "and i'm taller than you, robin."

yeah, dick was lying.

dick punched kaldur in the face, immediately apologizing after. "perhaps the reason that i'm the best at training simulations is because i'm the shortest."

"yesterday you couldn't reach the top shelf and had to make kidflash grab you the candy up there!" captain marvel yelled out. him and zatara were watching them train; they were the 'den mothers' for the week. that position was not supposed to come with mocking dick's height.

"i could have gotten them easily." dick rolled his eyes, sweeping kaldur's leg and knocking him to the ground while he was unbalanced. "asking wally was simply sardonic."

failed: aqualad—b03

"i think-" dick stuck out his hand, helping to pull his taller friend up. "that everyone here is just freakishly tall."

apparently that comment was incredibly romantic, because connor and m'gann started giggling and flirting and overall making everyone else in the room uncomfortable immediately after he said it.

"i think they finally realized that they're dating eachother," dick said. it was funny, mostly because it was hypocritical. wally and him were dating for months before they were actually dating too.

"i'm happy for them," kaldur said to dick. "they complement eachother very well."

"if by 'complement' you mean stopping connor's rage issues and m'gann's whole thing with people-pleasing, then i agree with you."

kaldur had the tiniest, most bare smirk on his face at the comment, but it was enough to make dick cackle. "i wonder when they're planning on telling us."

dick glanced over at the opposite side of the room, where wally and artemis had just walked in. they were laughing about something, which was always nice to see. their friendship was a topsy-turny emotional rollercoaster, but ever since bialya they've had more laughs than fights.

okay, that's a lie. but now it was, like, at least 50/50.

"well it's just wally and artemis who don't know." dick shrugged. "they're... obtuse. too bad it isn't our place to tell them."

wally and artemis made their way over to where dick and kaldur were standing. "so, if zatara's our den mother, why's marvel still here?" wally muttered.

"literally!" artemis exclaimed. "like, wh-"

"and WHY is he eating my SNACKS!" wally said it very loudly, obviously hoping that captain marvel would hear that and stop. he didn't.

recognized: batman-01

bruce walked out of the zeta beam like he was on a mission. like a furry on their way to a convention. like a bat on the hunt. like a man who was pretending to be a bat on the prowl.

"good evening!" dick bitched as bruce walked right passed them.

"everyone meet for a briefing. you have five minutes."

-

wally walked over to dick, raising an eyebrow. "a mission at dinnertime? i wish criminals had manners."

dick laughed, running a hand through his hair, which was still messy from fighting kaldur. "crime should only happen when it works for us."

"babe, you're so right."

dick rolled his eyes at the nickname, watching as bruce was staring at his watch. even though everyone (even connor's wolf) had gathered already, he was true to his word. (and also annoyingly meticulous; but dick was one to talk.)

"five minutes."

"one black coffee," wally whispered.

bruce tapped the computer, turning on a dozen different newsfeeds, all showing a similar fright, a giant plant ripping apart a city. "this is metropolis right as we speak. these... kobra venom plants are growing and they're... incredibly difficult to contain for any amount of time."

"despite the intervention of the justice league," one of the newscasters spoke crisply. "there seems to be no end in sight."

"how did ivy get her hands on kobra venom?" dick wondered aloud. "she's working with the brain? or sportsmaster? or bane?"

"are we going out to help contain the plants?" m'gann asked.

"no." batman tapped the computer again, showing a screen that looked a lot like a red-thread conspiracy board. "the league can—will—control the situation. that's not why i'm here. according to your intel, sportsmaster supplied cadmus' blockbuster formula to kobra, who combined it with bane's venom to create kobra venom. which the brain then used to create his animal army."

"and upgrade wolf," connor said, petting wolf sweetly.

"the brain also used the same inhibitor collars used at belle reve penitentiary," m'gann added.

"and now these plants have kobra venom too?!" dick exclaimed. "hell of a coincidence."

bruce nodded. "all these unrelated criminals with the same technology? it's now apparent that they're working together, across the globe."

"like... they formed a league of their own?" wally thought aloud.

"more like a secret society." artemis huffed, crossing her arms.

"and this attack on metropolis is just the beginning-" batman began.

"yikes!" dick interupted, eyes on his hologlove and ears tuning everyone else out. "you've got that right. plants have sprouted in gotham, paris, taipei, star city, rio de ja-"

as if avenging batman, the computer interupted dick by glitched, spazzing out into a mix of black and rainbow lines.

"dude, what are you doing?" wally asked, staring at dick, who still had his hologlove out.

"it's not me!" dick whipped his hand off of his hologlove. unfortunately so, as he was in the middle of now looking up any traces of kobra venom with other criminals around the world that they may not know about. "someone's hacking the satellite!"

suddenly the glitching stopped, cutting to video-feed of the joker, smiling. he always was predictable. dick's blood ran cold, the joker only brought bad memories.

"hello, hello, hello!" the joker laughed, backing away from the camera to reveal six people behind him. six villains behind him. "anyone there?"

"the joker, count vertigo, poison ivy, black adam, wotan, ultra-humanite, and atomic skull?" wally named them, sounding oh-so-much like a tumblr blogger. "talk about a crossover."

"we interupt your regular scheduled programming-" joker frowned dramatically, pulling an already-bloody knife out and beginning to fidget with it. "to bring you a special announcement!"

dick frowned too, typing a few things on his hologlove. "he's hacked into... everywhere. everyone with a screen turned on is seeing this right now."

"we are the injustice league," the joker laughed maniacally. "we are responsible for the numerous plant attacks across the globe. and, if you wish for us to cease and save them, all that's required is for us to receive a sweet, sweet cheque for $10 billion american."

artemis' eyes went wide at the number. "does he not know that we're philanthropists? how are we supposed to get $10 billion?"

"both the united states government and the united nations have recieved our delivery instructions," count vertigo took over. "but there is no time limit-"

"however," the joker interupted, "the longer you take, the more i destroy! now, tootaloo, my nemeses!" he blew a kiss at the camera and the livestream ended.

"seven powerful cunts." artemis crossed her arms. "probably responsible for... well, everything."

"they're not much of a secret society," dick said, raising an eyebrow. "more like a very violent gardening club."

"perhaps after india they figured that it would be more successful to reveal themselves instead of hiding the fact." kaldur shrugged. "we would have figured it out either way."

bruce turned away from the screen, frowning deeply. he reached his hand up to his ear, radioing in on his comm. "prepare the $10 billion as a fallback. communicate with the UN and provide a portion of the JLA fund. but it won't come to that."

"aw, yeah!" wally started stretching his legs, preparing for the long evening ahead of them. "i'm ready to fuck up some plants! i'm ready to go allllll vegetarian on ivy!"

living with barry was rubbing off on wally in two noticeable ways:
1) wally was much happier and... free.
2) wally was suddenly much more creative and downright dorky with his insults.

bruce tapped the screen, changing it to show footage of the numerous plant attacks worldwide. "these attacks are simultaneous. the... injustice league must be controlling all these plants from one central location. i want you all to locate and destroy the central control system. the justice league can hold off these plants for now, but not for long."

"woah, woah, woah," zatara said, holding up his hands. "don't you realize what this means?"

"they're ready." batman's voice was gruff but... confident.

"what does it mean?" wally asked, pausing mid-lunge.

artemis rolled her eyes. "if the JLA are fighting the plants, who do you think we're fighting, genius."

wally stood up straight again, (well, as straight 🏳️‍🌈 as he could. ha, haha... ha.), looking at the seven criminals pictured on the holo-screen. "oh."

"well, batman," zatara grumbled. "i hope you're correct."

kaldur turned to zatara. "is there any way you can track the injustice league?"

dick probably could've tracked them through the video broadcast, but whatever.

zatara nodded. "wotan's involvement leads me to believe that sorcery lends a hand in the control of these plants. i can track for a global concentration of sorcery, i just need a globe. robin, if you will?"

"laever ot em erehw eht tsegral noitartnecnoc fo cigam no htrae tsum eb!" zatara commanded, holding his hands over the hologram screen, which dick had switched to show a world map.

after a beat of nothing happening, a trail of golden dust appeared from zatara's hands, heading for america. the dust landed smack-dab in the centre of louisiana.

"bayou bartholomew, louisiana," zatara confimed, ushering the team out toward the hangar. "we'll go fend off those plants. good luck."

dick saved the exact coordinates to his hologlove as the team rushed toward the bioship. awkwardly, captain marvel rushed too.

"captain!" bruce called. "for this plan to be successful, the entire justice league must be seen fighting the plants. you are needed elsewhere."

captain marvel's face fell, but he walked back toward zatara and batman regardless.

dick saluted his advisors. "kick those plants' asses, b!"

bruce sighed, nodding and stepping into the zeta beam. "will do. kick joker's ass for me, won't you?"

BAYOU BARTHOLOMEW
OCTOBER 1st — 18:52 CDT

"what's with the duffel bag?" wally asked, gesturing to the grey duffel bag kaldur was holding feverishly.

"plan b."

dick squinted his eyes, trying to determine how kaldur was feeling but he just looked... sort of calm. dick had a suspicion about what this "plan b" was, but he prayed that he was wrong.

unfortunately, dick was never wrong.

he double-checked his utility belt. he had refilled it last night, it was still full. why was he so anxious?

"i feel dizzy."

"what, m'gann?" connor asked, spinning his chair to face her.

"do you think she looks greener than usual?" wally asked dick. it would have been funny if dick wasn't in the middle of a pre-fight freakout about the joker.

"there's a... a disturbance. i'm- she's disoriented. we won't—can't—stay cloaked for much longer." m'gann shook her head, peering out the window.

dick followed suit, standing and peeking out to see count vertigo just below them. artemis stood up, throwing her quiver over her shoulder as kaldur swung the duffel bag over his.

it seemed like everyone was preparing for this to go badly.

"we're visible- AHHH!" m'gann screamed as the figure of black adam loomed toward their front window. he hit it with the force of a thousand men, sending them catapulting into the swamp below them.

after much spinning, yelling, and tumbling, dick opened his eyes, blinking haphazardly. he was laying on the floor of the ship, staring out at the water-level windows. "that hurt."

kaldur seemed to have successfully managed to sit down in his chair once the tumbling began, but artemis had definitely done some rolling too. the moment they landed in the brackish marsh, large plants covered their windows, pulling the bioship underwater.

wally rushed over to dick, pulling him up off the ground. "are you alright? we flipped like, four times. black adam should play table tennis."

"i'm fine too, thanks," artemis huffed, standing up and wiping her now-dusty hands on her legs.

dick nearly laughed, nodding that he was alright. he probably would've answered with actual words if black adam hadn't begun ripping the fucking door off.

"she's HURTING HER!" m'gann yelled, holding her hands to her head.

connor ran up to it, punching him back out the moment that black adam had gotten through. with a door gone, though, the ship started to fill with water. (as ships tended to do when impaired by a giant hole.)

dick and artemis both froze for a millisecond, both staring at the water as it whooshed in, splashing at their knees.

the water was almost at the roof now. "i hope you can swim," dick said, taking one last gulp of air.

dick reached his hand into his utility belt, pulling out two rebreathers and tossing one to artemis. "i learned better since last time."

"we have gotta stop near-drowning when we hang out." artemis smirked, sticking the rebreather in her mouth, before pulling it back out to add one more comment. "three missions in a row where i almost drown is genuinely fucked up."

"escape hatch," m'gann yelled over the sound of the water pouring in, pointing to the floor of the ship. sure enough, a fleshy hole was opening just for them.

everyone nodded, taking turns diving out of the hole and then swimming toward shore. it was swamp water, and it was disgusting, and dick was concerned about the families of alligators that definitely lived here, but at least wally seemed to enjoy sharing a rebreather with his boyfriend!

as soon as m'gann climbed out of the water, she turned back to the team, still swimming and following her. "she'll need time to recover!"

and the moment dick finally reached dry land, black adam punched him square in the face. superboy was being held up by count vertigo's mind-waves and, though wally tried to run over to black adam and attack him, he was slowed to a stop by the very same waves. kaldur used his water-bearers to pick up some of the brackish water, turning to count vertigo.

"vertigo!" wally croaked out, trying to keep his attention.

"that's count vertigo to you!"

before kaldur even had a chance to attack count vertigo, black adam rushed at him, knocking him a dozen metres away.

robin and miss martian, disappear! kaldur's voice echoed loudly through dick's head. we will hold them off.

dick nodded, cradling his nose in his hands as it was now gushing blood. his eyes were watering and his whole face ached with pain, but he managed to shoot his teammates a thumbs up before jumping right back into the swamp water.

-

i've lost contact with the others. m'gann sounded worried as dick lead the duo, swatting plant life out of their way. should we-

no. dick cut her off. he wasn't entirely too sure you could cut someone off mentally, but of course he would find a way. sorry, but that's not our mission.

he held his hologlove in front of him, watching as the two little blue dots got so close to the big red dot that they were practically touching. they were here.

dick lead m'gann a little bit left, swatting flora out of their way and hoping that fauna was not anywhere near him. as he maneuvered around a wide tree, a giant building made of glass and cement came into view. a giant plant grew from the very top, reaching up into the sky like a giant beanstalk.

the central control system. dick gestured to the building, standing beside m'gann now, instead of in front. seems like that plant's being used as some sort of an antenna to control every other one worldwide.

"boy wonder!" poison ivy's voice was light, as if it were laughing at him. dick felt a giant plant wrap around him, enveloping his entire body. like quicksand, the more he struggled the more claustrophobic he felt as the plant tightened and tightened and tightened.

ultra-humanite walked up behind ivy, a machine gun half his size in his hands. he growled, aiming it to dick's left—to where m'gann was tied up in another plant.

the martian narrowed her eyes, violently killing the plants with telekinesis. plant guts exploded as both the plants and dick and m'gann fell. as they were falling, ultra-humanite began shooting at the where they had just been, two feet above dick's head.

the second that dick's feet touched the ground, he took off running, heading straight for the forest.

"sorry for fucking with your little... reconnaissance mission!!" ivy yelled. she wasn't quite right about the type of mission, but one can appreciate her effort.

the sounds of plants erupting from the ground followed dick as he ran. he could sense them getting closer and closer to him, scanning the area around him. dick jumped on a non-ivy plant, climbing up it until he was high enough to jump onto a tree branch above him.

dick flipped around the branch, picking up velocity as one of the plants shot up at him. dick flipped off right as the plant decimated the branch, and though he was falling very fast and very ungracefully, dick managed to land on his feet. from the sky above him, dick could see a golden cage floating toward the control system. there was no doubt that in the cage was the rest of his team.

robin! m'gann was somewhere fighting ultra-humanite, dick believed. she's made contact!

i'll keep ivy busy.

"is that all you got?" dick yelled, out of breath and already tired of this fight. he pulled out a couple bird-a-rangs, launching them at poison ivy's malicious plant army that were bent on killing him.

god, he hated being the distraction.

"oh, you want to meet more of my plants?" ivy smirked, batting her eyelashes and extending her arms. five more green stems emerged from the dirt, all slithering toward dick like vegan snakes.

"come on, ives, we've been at this for years," he yelled, dodging one of the plants as it launched at him. "face it: you'll never win."

ivy's face went red as all eight of her plants slammed into him from every direction. it felt like he was hit by eight trains all at once. it fucking sucked.

but, the plan worked beautifully.

from just above him, he saw wotan knocked to the ground by the bioship, and the golden cage he was previously flying with disappeared. dick's four teammates fell out of the sky beside him.

dick picked himself off of the ground, yelping as one of ivy's plants twirled its vines around his feet, holding him upside down.

"this is why i'm never going vegetarian." he cackled, sticking a bird-a-rang into the bottom of the stem and shielding his face.

it exploded, and he dropped to the ground, in the shallow part of the marsh. he was drenched and dirty, but right beside him was the other five members of his team. they hadn't even rehearsed that, they are simply that cool.

unfortunately, the amount of swag the six of them possessed at that moment did not ward off the injustice league.

ultra-humanite cocked his gun, aiming it at wally's bright hair, before being tackled by a yelling superboy. poison ivy meandered over to the rest of them, a vicious grin on her face. artemis threw her arms back to grab her bow, but found that she'd been disarmed. they'd all been disarmed.

except for dick.

"looks like we're line dancing tonight," wally said, rubbing his hands together. it was a horrible line to begin a fight with, but apparently it worked, as immediately after, wotan and black atom decided to arrive.

dick dodged ivy's plants, quickly scanning the area. about 300 metres north of them was the control centre. dick watched how the giant purple and green plant wiggled from the very top of the roof. it made him uncomfortable.

dick ducked into the shadows, running as fast as he could straight for the building. he had to dodge tree branches and wild bushes, but no one from the injustice league seemed to even be looking for him.

once there, he completely emptied his arsenal of explosives, rigging them all over the mother plant. he wasn't a gardener, but that ought to do the job. even if it did take his entire month's supply of bat-a-rangs and bird-a-rangs.

dick slid down from the control centre, landing on the ground and tucking and rolling to absorb the impact. he ran toward his friends and away from the control centre, more focused on that last part.

-

he was about almost at the team when he could hear the sound of his explosives beginning to beep. in no time at all, the beeping sped up until it was just one, continuous high-pitched noise in the back of his mind.

"sorry i'm late!" dick yelled, throwing a punch at count vertigo, but instead he fell to his knees, getting trapped in his horrible mind waves. his ears rung, his head ached, and he already felt like he was running a fever.

luckily, the count's attention was grabbed by a giant boom. the greenhouse was ripped to shreds and burned to ash and the mother plant was dead.

"timberrrr." dick whistled his appreciation about his own work. narcissism is beautiful.

"NOOOO!!!!!!" ivy screamed, turning toward dick with pure rage on her face. "YOU KILLED MY BABY."

she sent the most vicious and humongous plants at him. dick ducked, but luckily m'gann stepped in front and broke each plant into two.

"MUST YOU FUCKING CHILDREN RUIN EVERYTHING?" the joker screamed from behind dick. it was oxymoronous, his scream was, because the smile never left his face.

it was also frightening, because that meant that the entire time dick was running to meet the team, he was being followed by the joker and didn't notice. he was leading the joker straight to where the team was.

count vertigo screeched, pointing a malicious finger at dick's face. "KILL HIM. KILL THEM ALL."

ultra-humanite ran full-force at connor, which was a horrible idea on his part. because, as everyone knows-

"I HATE MONKEYS!" connor yelled, knocking ultra-humanite across the swamp and directly beside wally. in turn, black adam tackled connor, flying him a ways away and punching him over and over again.

the ape threw wally against a tree, where he screamed in agony and crumpled to the ground in a ginger heap. dick stared, unblinking, at his unmoving body.

atomic skull shot lasers at dick as he ran into the treeline to avoid his gaze. he watched as count vertigo knocked artemis down onto her knees in the shallow marsh. soon enough, she was knocked flat, her face pushed into the water with no strength to pull it out.

"vertigo!" dick yelled, stepping out from his cover. he was not going to let artemis near-drown again.

vertigo pulled his gaze from artemis as dick rushed him. she managed to pull her face out of the water as m'gann grabbed her and flew her away from count vertigo. dick, however, was caught in his mind-waves and all he could rhink was ow, ow, ow.

kaldur ran at count vertigo from behind, kicking him violently. all this did, however was then entrap their team leader. at least dick was free from the pain though!

wotan sneered at the heroes, floating a few inches off of the ground and blasting the six of them with pure, negative magic. it was silver and scalding, yet cold to the touch, and it hurt more than anything dick had gone through in like, at least a year.

the entire team was crumpled on ground except for kaldur, who looked to be holding the magic in his hands. apparently, his affinity with the mystic arts was useful!

"PLAN B!" kaldur yelled, and m'gann's eyes went green as she stared in the direction of the bioship.

dick clenched his fists, forcing himself to breathe as calmly as he could whilst suppressed onto the ground. it felt like his old elephant from the circus was sitting on top of him. heavy, heavy, heavy. BREATHE. he watched as a duffel bag fell from an invisible ship and he stared as kaldur pulled the helmet of fate out from inside it.

at the sight of it, wotan's magic stopped. he stared at kaldur, pure shock on his face. "the... helmet of fate?" he asked.

"NO!" wally, now awake, screamed, writhing in both pain and moral turmoil. "DON'T."

black adam shut wally up with a punch to the mouth that sent him careening into a tree.

kaldur shakily held the helmet, closing his eyes. "plan b," he whispered, putting the golden helmet on.

wally continued to protest from the tree but to no avail. kaldur'ahm slowly disappeared, replaced with a golden outfit and a no-bullshit-here attitude.

doctor fate rose into the air, wotan's magic no longer affecting him. he lifted a hand, blasting a golden ankh at the injustice league member. wotan turned all of his attention to the doctor.

"fuck." wally pinched his nose bridge. "fucking shit."

poetic, really.

unfortunately for everyone who didn't have a magic helmet to solve all their problems, the injustice league advanced. they crawled toward the team like termites toward wood, smirking and jabbing derogatory insults at the teens.

dick pulled out his escrima sticks, holding them tightly. he much preferred throwing bird-a-rangs at his opponents (it was very fun) but he was a trained fighter. he is the weapon.

it was really too bad that everyone seemed to be a weapon. atomic skull had a fucking laser on his head. and he went around blasting that shit like it was nobody's business. it was only the fact that skull was pretty much blind and also had terrible aim that saved them.

"wonder boy!" the joker grinned with pure giddy. "how i've missed you."

dick spun around, seeing how the joker had managed to sneak up on him again. the lasers had taken his attention and it was going to cost him a lot of bruises.

"fuck off," dick said, though he sounded nervous. he watched as the joker pulled out a dagger from his sheath.

"i've always wanted to carve you." he smiled. "one time is never enough."

the joker laughed wildly, but his gaze never left dick.

dick held up his escrima sticks, using them to bonk and beat the joker whenever his guard was down.

"AHA! HA HA HA!" the joker screamed, advancing toward dick erratically. he stabbed and sliced the air right in front of the robin, but the hits from dick's escrima sticks didn't even faze the madman.

from every corner of his eye he could see ivy and vertigo fighting artemis and wally. artemis was bleeding in more places than one and wally's arm was bent out of shape and covered in bloody flesh and suddenly dick understand why kaldur put the helmet on.

while he was focused on his teammates' injuries, the joker managed to slice him in the gut. dick cursed under his breath, his eyes shooting open in pain. he was a fucking idiot. wally seemed to always distract him at the worst times.

the joker laughed maniacally, stepping closer to stab him in the heart. out of muscle memory, dick did two back handsprings to evade him. this was a horrible idea and he could feel his gut ripping even more and blood running down his leg.

dick panted with pain, sweat forming at his eyebrows. his hands were getting shaky and his aim was getting worse.

"look who kills the birdie~" the joker sang, whistling along to a tune that didn't exist. "i'll hang your body up right beside your par-"

dick kicked joker in the chest, knocking him down onto the wet mud.

"LA NAIBA!" dick yelled as his back suddenly burned with pain. he fell down onto the mud beside the joker, groaning. doctor fate was losing his battle against wotan and dick was paying the price.

"wonderboy!" the joker smiled, his eyes blinking slowly. "how nice of you to drop in."

he raised his dagger toward dick's neck. the ebony just stared at his constant, unwavering smile. the joker was a fucking psychopathic freak who was overjoyed to be murdering a kid. and yet dick felt too tired to move, what was the point of fighting him?

clang! the knife was knocked out of the joker's hands by... what looked like a bat-a-rang?

dick flipped onto his back, staring up at the sky. from the stars descended the justice league. green lantern was carrying the non-flying members on a platform, and they seemed to land quite gracefully.

already, zatara had joined the fight, knocking wotan down fast and violently. dick held his gut, clambering up and sticking his escrimas back into his utility belt.

dick's eyelids drooped as he limped away from where the joker was. dick wasn't quite sure when he hurt his leg—sometime when all the adrenaline wouldn't let him feel it.

"rob?" wally called from a bit away. he was gripping his left arm, pain marked all over his face. "you okay?"

dick began limping over to wally, watching as the criminals slowly got down onto their knees, putting their hands into the air.

"it's over." batman landed on the ground, half of the entire justice league behind him.

"then we surrender," count vertigo bemoaned, staring at the ground. "we will just have to meet another day."

"you WHAT?" joker yelled, walking over to wally, just like dick had. "AFTER ALL THE HARD WORK I DID? this is what i cannot allow. i just cannot allow this."

he pressed a button on his watch and suddenly all of the plants surrounding them, leftovers from ivy's attacks, grew purple spores on them. the justice league watched, transfixed, as the spores turned into white flowers, opening and releasing joker gas.

wait.

"NOBODY BREATHE!" batman yelled, stepping closer to the joker and punching him in the face. it knocked him to the ground, unconscious. "IT'S JOKER GAS!"

dick fished out his rebreather. he had enough experience with gotham's criminal's gas for the rest of his life.

"fear not!" doctor fate rose out of the trees, creating a giant ankh above him. the ankh drew in every bit of joker gas. "for fate has intervened!"

slowly, everyone stopped holding their mouths shut. doctor fate landed gracefully on the ground. dick, still clutching his gut, sat down. wally, staring at him, looked concerned.

"i can't believe you let him put it on," wally said, turning to m'gann. "don't you get it? nabu took him! there's no getting kal back! ever!"

m'gann opened her mouth to reply when, miraculously, dr fate reached up, slowly pulling off the helmet. kaldur stared down at the gold, before tucking it between his hip and his arm.

"nabu let you out?" wally asked, bewildered. he walked toward kaldur, staring up at the taller man.

"i believe it was actually your friend kent nelson," kaldur replied with a smile. "he says hello."

wally grinned, looking up at the sky rather metaphorically. he knew that kent nelson's spirit was in the helmet, not the stars. right?

batman took his place in front of the team. "the secret society has been neutralized. your performance was... satisfactory."

"satisfactory?" artemis furrowed her eyebrows, crossing her arms. "we spent half the day fighting off cunts in brackish water! we managed to overtake seven of the biggest villains in the world!"

"dude," wally said, stopping her complaining. "that is like, the highest praise i've ever heard batman give to someone other than rob. i've known him for six years."

artemis just huffed, muttering under her breath about how "a good leader knows when to give compliments" and "even her family could say better things than that."

"now," batman continued. "most of you need the infirmary immediately. miss martian, can you bring the bioship here?"

dick shakily stood up, turning to wally and raising an eyebrow at the piece of purple cloth he was clutching in his right hand. "planning to start wearing bandanas?"

wally looked confused for a few seconds before understanding what dick was joking about. "no, no. it's a souvenir!"

"it's a cloth."

"it's vertigo's cape," wally boasted. "or, at least part of it."

dick laughed for One Second, then stopped because it hurt. he took the cloth out of his boyfriend's hands and using it to make him an arm sling, much to his own contempt.

"dude! that's my souvenir!"

"it's also the only thing stopping your arm from speed-healing while out of place and possibly ruining it for life."

wally rolled his eyes, giving dick a single finger gun. "good thing i'm right-handed. and also super sexy."

dick pinched his nose bridge, half because wally had no concern at all for his own injuries, and half because wally was sexy and it made dick blush just to think about it.

"okay, sancho, let's head back to kansas and get you a cast."

and with three clicks of dick's boots, they did.