This story is a fable. Why is it a fable? I'll explain. Fables are stories with morals. This is a story with one very simple moral.

Asteroids suck.

Seriously, I'm not kidding. The worst thing in the multiverse is an asteroid. Those things are the worst possible things you could ever come across. Bloody blood-suckers. Murderers. Thieves. 

I'm already warning you, you may not like me too much. I'm a little too brash, a little too exciting, a little too honest, you know?

The name's Gerthud Fig, by the way. You may have heard of me, I'm a big-time asteroid collector. The most exotic and beautiful asteroids all over the universe, and I'd go with my small crew of 4 to hunt them down. My crew was my family. The only ones who could ever handle my pizzazz. The names of these awesome people were: Hofro- a Spider Man (Homo Arachnus, to put it scientifically, but Spider-Man sounds cooler. I think it was the name of some superhero from the past), Fleira- an ordinary Homo Sapiens, Buv- the techie Romo (different technology-obsessed species from Huther) and finally, me. Gerthud Fig, the Homo Deus, the ultimate human, the sum total of all human effort for centuries.

Anyway, I must be boring you. Let me get down to the real deal.

I was polishing the latest asteroid I'd gotten- a Lyttus 50, which was one of the most beautiful asteroids I had- when Buv barged in.

"Cap'n, I'm pickin' some seriously crazy shit on the rec-machine!"

"Eh?"

"Readin' is all over the bloody place! It's emittin' an insanely high levela Gader Waves!"

Gader Waves, by the way, are waves that indicate the value of an asteroid. They're usually very dull, and don't show a reading of over 500 waves per second.

"How much?" I enquired.

"Frickin' 1 billion waves."

"What the- Gimme that, let me take a look" I grabbed the Gader Recorder from him, and gasped. It was actually showing 1 billion, and steadily increasing! I looked at him firmly, ensuring my eyes didn't belie my shock, and calmly said, "Get the vessel ready."

"Yes Captain!" he saluted and scampered away to get the ship ready. As soon as he went away, I sank into my seat and clutched my head in my hands. For 50 years, I'd been getting by on the bare minimum, offering my many services to anyone who needed them for a small fee, and constantly been on the verge of bankruptcy. If I got this asteroid, I'd finally get the lucky break I had wanted for so long and once I was able to sell it, I'd have all the money I needed to fund my excursions into space. 

Suddenly, Hofro leaped in front of me. 

"Hey, boss! Why ya lookin' so dull, man?"

"Hofro, I'm good. Just a little overwhelmed, you know? This could lead to our entire lives changing!"

Hofro nodded his head understandingly, and leaped away.

A few hours later, Buv peeked through the window. 

"Ship's ready, boss!"

"What are we waiting for?"

*******************************************

"Approaching the asteroid now, Captain"

"Right. Put it on screen."

"Aye. Here it is, our baby. But-"

"What? What happened?"

"Why don't ya take a look yourself?"

I shoved Buv away to look at the screen. The Gader waves had led to a blackout of more than half our systems. However, I had prepared for an eventuality like this.

"Switch the damn recorder off, Buv."

"Yes, Captain."

Soon, all our systems came back online, and we all exhaled in relief- except for me.

"Alright, switch the Transporter Beam on, let's bring this baby in."

Instantly, the ship shot a beam out at the asteroid, made of thousands of nano-bots which disassembled it and then brought its parts in, reconstructing it in front of us. 

I rushed towards it, and caressed it. "Ooh, look at you. You're beautiful. Ahhh, that texture is so smooth."

"How much will it fetch, Captain?" asked Fleira.

I glared at her. "Always practical, eh? This little baby should fetch 500 trillion units." (Just to put this in perspective for you, one unit is worth a 1000 dollars of your day, or 730.7 pounds)

They all expressed suitable awe, and moved forward to touch it too.

"Enter Velocity 2."

"Aye, aye, Captain."

He pulled the lever, and suddenly, all our systems failed again. Our emergency suits instantly surrounded us, and allowed us to breathe normally.

"What the-"

BOOM! A humongous explosion knocked me out, and then I knew no more.

**************************************************

Next thing I knew, I woke up in a medical ward, back on my planet. I struggled to speak, and hoarsely whispered, "Hof... ro.... Buv.... Flei... ra.... are they... f- fine?"

Instantly, two doctors surrounded me, looking at me with an expression I knew all to well. 

"And the asteroid?"

"Intact" one of the doctors said, smiling at being able to deliver news that he thought would allay my anger. 

I instantly jumped to my feet, and grabbed his throat. Three men instantly ran into the room, and wrestled me back into the bed, but not before I knocked the son of a gun out.

"DESTROY THAT ASTEROID! DESTROY IT!" I screamed.

____________________________________________________

The next day, I took a crude hammer and snapped it into a thousand small pieces myself.

So, there you go. That was my story. You could learn so many things from it, but the only thing I'm really trying to convey here is that asteroids are the most vicious, evil omens of death and destruction in all the multiverse, here only to bring about the fall of man and everything he holds dear.

Basically...

Asteroids suck.