***SAM’S POV***

After eventually falling asleep last night after hours of staying awake thinking about Megan and my head, I had woken tired and my head still throbbing. My stitches hurt and I felt gross, mostly because I hadn’t showered yet and my body felt slightly soar.

I lifted myself up, feeling pain throb through my skull as I cringed in pain. This sucked, and the more I woke up the more the pain intensified.

But it was nothing compared to the feeling I had when I thought about me and Megan’s conversation last night.

After an entire day of dwelling on the thought over Wednesday night and how Megan had totally came onto me in her drunken state, I had come to find out she didn’t even remember it. And if she was just deciding to act like she didn’t remember it for the sake of our “relationship” then that hurt ever worse.

So was she lying about not remembering anything over last night or was she being absolutely honest with me?

I slowly got out of bed as if I was drunk and didn’t want to stumble over, careful not to strain because if I did my headache would just get worse. I quickly showered and brushed my teeth, and then I remembered that Megan was moving out today.

And I had offered to help.

After yesterday I really didn’t feel up to it, because on top of the whole “I still hate my mom and my car is in the shop cause I’m stupid” thought, there was the fact that Megan had no idea what she had done to me Wednesday. I didn’t understand why I was so hung up on it, but honestly, could you blame me?

Megan, someone almost five years older than me that was also my teacher for Christ’s sake, had literally almost gotten down on me in the parking lot behind Jinx’s. A woman who I had extreme lust for but had been refused to act upon it because of multiple reasons we all know and hate. She had said things, things that meant a lot but shouldn’t considering she was so drunk, but it only made me believe them more. She had managed to tear me up by giving me such a haunting memory, and although I knew I shouldn’t care so much…

I did.

The memory was burned into my brain, and the more I spoke, looked, or even thought about Megan the more it replayed in my head.

I remembered the way her lips had kissed me, and how they were hungry and filled with lust and something else I wasn’t familiar with. There was something different in the kisses I shared with Megan, but I figured it was because Megan was a woman, not just some girl. I remembered the way her body felt against mine, how she had burned my skin with just a touch of her hand. I remembered how it had made me insane feeling her against me and knowing I was expected to hold back and be responsible.

But I had wanted nothing more than to touch her Wednesday night. I had wanted to let her do exactly what she had originally planned. I had been craving that exact feeling and affection from Megan, but of course she had to be drunk when she had decided to actually do it.

So it just felt wrong like that.

Then I heard a light knock on my door as I answered, “Yes?”

Shawn opened it up and spoke, “Why are you up? You should be resting.”

I shook my head, “Shawn, I can’t sleep anymore. I can’t stay in this house all weekend.”

He sighed, looking back at Megan who looked ready to get a move on. She was looking at me skeptically but I didn’t bother holding eye contact with her, not after last night.

“So you want to come with us?”

I nodded, knowing that if I had one more day with Megan outside of school I wanted to spend it with her, even though I wasn’t planning on talking with her. Shawn was still acting weird, and when we had left last night from the hospital he had been majorly pissed off.

I figured he was mad at me. I mean I did wreck my car and end up in the hospital. I’m sure he had to pay a pretty penny because of me, so I didn’t blame him for being mad at me. I was just hoping he wouldn’t stay mad at me for too long, I hated knowing he was upset with me.

I followed him into the kitchen as I briefly saw Megan glancing at me, probably wondering if I really wanted to do this. Shawn spoke to Megan, “We’ll meet you at your apartment.”

She nodded, dismissing herself to the door as Shawn and I locked up and got into our own car. I missed my car, and I was so relieved hearing that she wasn’t messed up too bad. If I had lost my car I’m pretty sure I would’ve lost my mind.

People would kill for my car.

Shawn started on the road and he remained quiet, which made me want to ask him if he was okay. I knew he was upset, I just wasn’t sure what he was upset over, and it was actually bothering me a lot.

I asked, “You okay?”

He didn’t hesitate, as if he had been pondering the same thought as me, “Sam, I need to set some things straight with you.”

I felt my heart throb in response knowing that nothing good was about to come out of his mouth. I was expecting him to say, “You owe me three grand,” or even worse, “I’m kicking you out.”

But instead he said, “You’re grounded, until further notice.”

I just stared at him, not sure how to take this punishment. Was he seriously grounding me for accidentally getting into a wreck? Was it something else I didn’t know about? And if so, what had I done to deserve it?

I spoke, “Why…?”

He explained, “Because, you’re habits are getting way too out of hand. You drink all the time, you drive drunk, you’re hanging out with people who are going to drag you down, and you’re associating yourself with something that could land you in jail for a long time.”

Hearing all of this really did shock me, and I looked at him with disbelief written all over my face. I responded, trying not to sound weak and hurt that he was doing this to me again but it really was painful to accept.

“Shawn, what are you talking about?”

He looked at me, “You know exactly what I’m talking about. No more drinking, no more drugs, no more going out. If I find out you’re going out to bars with Blair or Emma I’m going to kick you out. If I find drugs anywhere on you or in my house I’m kicking you out. If I catch you smoking weed you’re out. I’m not being lenient anymore, and after last night I just can’t trust you enough to let you make adult decisions.”

I felt as if my heart was being ripped out, mostly because I had no idea what I had accidentally done yesterday would’ve had this kind of impact. I didn’t know he was still beating me up over this, and I knew I couldn’t expect him to be completely passive, but I obviously hadn’t expect this.

I questioned, “Why are you being so harsh?”

He sighed, “Because, you’re hurting yourself and I can’t watch it anymore. You need to get over whatever you have going on inside of you without access you alcohol or drugs. You need to grow up Sam. You’re going to end up in jail or dead, and I can’t watch you do it anymore.”

His words really did hurt, and even though I probably deserved it, I still felt like I was being talked down upon. Knowing Shawn was doing this to me out of spite and anger didn’t help the situation either, it only made it hurt worse.

I questioned, “What did I do so wrong, Shawn? Is this really because I wrecked last night? Because-”

“We’ll talk later tonight,” he put the car in park and turned it off, and I realized we were at Megan’s new place.

So the talk would have to wait.

He exited his car and joined Megan as he began helping her haul boxes of stuff inside her new apartment. It’s not like I really wanted to help, but now I had the perfect excuse not to, considering my concussion.

I followed them into the apartment and sat on Megan’s couch, flipping through my phone and finding a text from Blair. I knew I would have to tell her everything that happened yesterday because she still had no clue.

But that was a conversation for another time.

I watched Shawn and Megan walk back and forth from their cars as they slowly unloaded everything, and then Megan got down to unpacking.

Then Shawn spoke, flashing a set of keys, “I’ll go run to the storage unit to get the last of your things.” Then he looked at me, “Sam, stay here.”

I rolled my eyes as I lied back on the couch, ignoring both of them because now I was upset on both ends. Megan had done some really unexpected and inappropriate things to me the other night and couldn’t remember it, and Shawn had just grounded me for reasons I wasn’t quite sure of.

So screw both of them.

I continued to ignore Megan, not even giving her the pleasure of seeing me glance at her because I refused myself to look her way. I was upset and hurt over the entire Wednesday situation, and as much as I told myself I shouldn’t care so much, I did. It wasn’t fair what she had done to me, and it sucked that she didn’t remember because now I couldn’t bring it up and talk about it without seeming completely desperate.

And I was not desperate.

Then as I had subconsciously predicted, Megan spoke, “You’re quiet.”

“My head hurts.”

She looked up at me from the floor where she was unloading everything from boxes, and then stood and walked over to a cabinet in the kitchen. She pulled out a bottle of pills and fixed me a glass of water, then walked over and handed it to me.

She smiled sorrowfully, “It might not help a whole lot but, it’s all I have.”

I swallowed the pills and nodded, “Thanks.”

Then I went right back to ignoring her.

I could tell it was eating her up that I was being so short with her but I honestly had nothing to say to her. If she would simply remember Wednesday night and what she had done then I would have a shit load to say, but she didn’t, and that was that.

So there was nothing I wanted to say to her besides, “Screw you for putting me in that heart-breaking situation and then not remembering it.”

Not to mention I was still pretty pissed over the entire Shawn situation and him grounding me until further notice. Like what the fuck did that mean anyway? That I could be grounded for the next year because Shawn had the right to do this? Was he really doing this to wean me off of the partying and the drinking or was it something else?

Then Megan’s voice cut through my daydream, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

I rolled my eyes, “Do I look okay, Megan? I have a huge bruise and stitches on my head.”

She sighed, facing me from the floor as she sat cross-legged, “No, I mean you seem upset.”

I laughed sarcastically, “I mean, I am stuck here with you. That should give you all you need to know.”

As much as I was trying not to take out all my frustrations on her, I couldn’t help it. I was still majorly upset with her, and I hadn’t expected Shawn to leave us alone here, which was stupid on his part. If only he knew everything we had been through in the past few months.

She frowned, “You’re upset with me?”

I nodded slowly, not really knowing where I would run with this, “Yea, slightly.”

“Then why did you choose to come?”

I sighed heavily, “Because Megan, this is the last time I’ll be alone with you as a friend, might as well get out and torture you with my presence one last time.”

As much as I wanted to hate her for not remembering Wednesday, maybe it was best that she didn’t. Maybe it was a good thing, a sign from God that it wasn’t the right time or place to have this discussion. Maybe it was a sign telling me that it wasn’t supposed to be Megan and I, but rather someone else.

Maybe it was just a mistake that was better left forgotten in Megan’s mind.

She seemed to hear the tone in my voice hinting that I was a bit sad she was leaving, but she refused to comment on it. She obviously hadn’t expected me to say that but at least she knew how I felt about it, I still didn’t quite know what she felt about anything.

She questioned, “Is that the only reason you’re upset? Or is there something else?”

The thought of Shawn’s punishment came to mind, and suddenly the anger was back. I laughed, “Well, I got 25 to life from Shawn. He grounded the shit out of me on the way here for reasons I’m not sure of and it sucks.”

This seemed not to have much effect on her, but she responded, “He grounded you?”

I nodded, “No going out, no parties, no drugs, no alcohol. He’s pretty much forcing me to be an eighty-year old grandma until I move out.”

She just looked at me, as if she wasn’t sure what to say to me. Honestly, I was extremely pissed over the situation, but taking it out on Megan wasn’t right. She had no say-so in this punishment, and I’m sure she had no idea why he had decided to punish me anyway.

So I couldn’t really take my anger out on her.

She stood then, completely changing the subject, “I’m going in my room to unpack my clothes.”

I then stood, not even realizing that I had automatically gotten up to follow her. I knew out of every place I shouldn’t go it would be Megan’s room, but I couldn’t help but want to stay next to her.

God I hated the way she made me feel.

I lied on her bed as I watched her move around the room, obviously unsure of my stare on her back. Ever since Wednesday I couldn’t help but keep my eyes on her, even when I had been upset over the fact that she didn’t remember anything past her fourth drink. Megan was easily the most attractive girl, or woman, that I have ever been involved with, and I technically wasn’t even involved with her. Our relationship was clearly fucked up in many ways, but the thought of not being able to have her just made me want her even more.

“Sam.”

I already knew what she was going to say, so I blurted, “I’m not staring at you.”

“Yes you are, I can feel your eyes on my back.”

I rolled my eyes that had in fact been staring at her, but I wasn’t going to admit that. I pressed, “You know, not everyone stares at you Megan, just saying.”

She turned around, “Sam, I know you were staring at me. Just grow some balls and admit it.”

I smiled, “And make you more conceited than you are already? No thanks.”

She groaned, “I’m conceited? How about you take a look in the mirror!”

I laughed, “I do, about twenty times a day.”

“Point made then.”

She started hanging clothes in her closet and I watched her move around the room, looking beautiful as ever. I didn’t understand anything I felt for Megan, which was nothing new to me because I had been confused over it for a while. I didn’t know how to tell the difference between what was normal and what wasn’t, mostly because everything I felt for her was foreign. A part of me didn’t want to understand it, simply because we would never ever confess anything we felt for the other because of our situation. Then the other part of me did want to, just to find out if she felt the same, but that was obviously not my forte.

But with her moving out I knew the coming distance in our relationship would only be a matter of time.

I noticed she was being particularly quiet, which only confused me because just minutes ago she couldn’t stand the silent treatment I had tried to give her. I knew she figured I had been upset with her, but now that she knew I wasn’t she had clammed up and stopped talking.

She was so fucking confusing.

I questioned, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

She turned, picking up a stack of clothes and placing them on the bed next to me, and she started filled her drawers. She sighed, “I’m fine, I just have a lot of stuff to do this weekend before school starts back up Monday.”

“I’m sure us students wouldn’t mind if you just wanted to take it easy Monday.”

She studied me, “You know, you really need to get serious about school Sam.”

I laughed, “Well, I won’t have much else to do besides that since Shawn decided to imprison me again.”

She nodded, “Well, I think it’s a good idea for you to stay home and focus on what’s important.”

Her comment made me unsettled, “You like the idea that Shawn punished me like that with no probable reason?”

She sighed, “You said he didn’t give you a reason, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have one, Sam.”

I rolled my eyes, “He has no reason to ground me, I didn’t do anything wrong!”

She looked at me, “Maybe he’s worried about you, maybe he’s worried about you wasting your final year in high school doing nothing good for yourself. Maybe he’s worried about you failing, or maybe he’s trying to make sure you don’t get arrested before graduation.”

None of this made any sense to me.

I retorted, “Why, because I accidentally lost control of my car last night? Sure, I was speeding, but I wasn’t drunk. It was an accident.”

She shook her head, seeming to have nothing more to say on the subject, “Maybe he’s trying to protect you.”

Ugh. Why was everyone trying to “protect” me? As if I was the scared little pig and the world was the Big Bad Wolf. I wasn’t a child anymore, for Christ’s sake I was nineteen!

I growled, “I don’t need protecting.”

Megan turned once again, locking eyes with me and giving me a sad but serious look. She shook her head, “He loves you, Sam. He’s doing the only thing he knows.”

Hearing Megan talk like this was weird, especially whenever she spoke about Shawn loving me. I knew my brother loved me, and even if Megan was trying her best to make me understand, all I could really focus on was how she said those specific words to me. The way she had said love, it was laced with something I was too afraid to analyze and figure out.

But before I could respond Shawn walked in through the front door.

I just stared at Megan as Shawn rounded the corner and into her room, “Hey, I got the rest of your things in the car.”

Megan looked at me and then nodded to Shawn, “Okay.”

Then they left me to sit and ponder what had happened in Megan’s bed.

The more I tried not to analyze what Megan had just said the more I did involuntarily. She had looked right into my eyes and said something, something that had an underlying meaning she didn’t want me to see.

 But I had seen it.

I sat lifelessly in Megan’s room while her and Shawn unloaded his car, and eventually I knew it would be my time to leave. I knew I should want to leave, I shouldn’t want to stay alone with Megan, but I never felt anything I was supposed to feel. I was always ass-backwards, no matter what the situation.

And with Megan it was no different.

Knowing that in a few more days I would be back in her classroom staring up into those amazing blue eyes that always got me carried away depressed me. I would be her student, I would no longer see her at home, which I had come to actually enjoy at some points. I could literally feel the separation already taking place between us the closer I became to leaving her apartment.

And it was a shitty feeling.

Not only did my head hurt, but now something in my heart was also hurting, aching for something I wasn’t sure of.

I just knew it had to do with Megan.

Then Shawn peeked his head around the corner and spoke, “Ready to go?”

I nodded slowly, feeling a dullness wrap around my heart as I stood from Megan’s bed. The knowing of what was going to happen between Megan and I was depressing, and the further I walked towards the door the more sad I became.

Shawn opened the door, waving to Megan, “See you later, Megan.”

And before I walked out her eyes locked with mine, as if she knew exactly what I was feeling right now.

Like she was feeling the same thing.

I knew I shouldn’t get carried away and get my hopes up, because getting my hopes up with Megan was a dangerous thing. I shouldn’t ever assume anything with her, mostly because it was never guaranteed.

So hoping that she was feeling the same emotions about moving out was a long-shot.

I climbed into Shawn’s car and he put it in drive, pulling out of the parking lot and away from the apartment complex. As he pulled onto the street I attempted to resume our previous conversation, “So, ready to explain what the hell I did so wrong to deserve the third degree?”

He sighed heavily, “Sam, you know what you did. You know that you’re making bad decisions, I’m just trying to make you admit it to yourself.”

I rolled my eyes at his lack of answering, “Shawn, what did I do?”

He stopped at a red light, “I know what happened that night you went to the frat party, Sam. And let me tell you, I’m still pretty pissed.”

I shook my head, “What?”

I was genuinely confused by this point.

He continued, “Sam, I heard about the drugs and the cops. I know everything.”

I scratched my head, not understanding why he was reacting like this over something that happened a really long time ago. I continued, “Okay? And how’s this? Considering it was nothing serious.”

He groaned, “You almost got arrested Sam! You were in a house that got busted by the cops with underage drinking and shit, Sam. Do you know how much trouble you would’ve been in?!”

This was extremely confusing and unfair.

I shook my head, “I didn’t almost get arrested?”

“Sam, Megan told me everything, stop trying to lie.”

Something inside me shifted at the mention of Megan’s name. Pieces of the puzzle started falling into place as I tried to comprehend why all of this was happening.

What did Megan do?

I questioned, “And you’re gonna believe her over me?”

He nodded, “Damn right I am. Megan has no right to lie to me about things like this, and honestly I wouldn’t put it past you to do something stupid like that.”

I clenched my fist, trying to contain the anger that was welling up inside of me. The frat party hadn’t been anything drastic, the most drastic thing that happened was me and Blair’s kiss for shit’s sake.

Then I asked, “And when did she tell you about this?”

“Last night, at the hospital.”

I was seeing red I was so angry, and the more I tried to understand what the fuck was going on the more sense everything made. Last night Megan had done something when she had left my room, she had told Shawn a lie to get me into trouble. She was the entire reason I was punished, because for some reason she felt the need to lie and get me into a heap of trouble I certainly didn’t deserve.

She was such a bitch…

A vile taste in my mouth surfaced as I looked out the window, feeling all of the nice feelings I had towards Megan suddenly evaporate into the atmosphere of the car.

How could she do this? Why did she do this?

The respect I had for Megan, which also took a really long time to develop, disappeared. I no longer had the desire to talk to her, I didn’t want to think about her, and the last thing I wanted to do was talk to her. She had lied to Shawn on purpose, she had acted like she had no idea why I was grounded when she was the entire reason. She was a liar, and she had lied straight to my face and Shawn’s face.

And she had broken the trust I had in her, and it felt unrepairable.