~ ~ MEGAN’S POV ~ ~

Kissing Sam had never been intentional, hell, it took me everything I had to keep my composure in front of her and not let her see the way she made me act. But when she had kissed me that night when she came home from the bar I had felt elated and destroyed all in the same instant.

She wouldn’t understand the way I felt, she was still a teenager, someone who wasn’t familiar with rules and consequences if you broke them. She knew it wasn’t legal for student teacher affairs, but she didn’t think anyone would find out. She didn’t know things could get out, the wrong people could hear you over-talking, and then you’re in a jail cell with the worst label possible as a teacher.

Thinking about the kiss, or more accurately kisses, made me feel anxious and sad which was a horrible combination. A week ago I had felt guilty and dirty, but when I began to actually think about what happened, the kiss had actually been pretty perfect.

I remembered the way her lips felt against mine, and how my heart had refused me sleep that night. I remembered the taste of Jack Daniels and cigarettes, but also the hint of mint gum she had probably chewed before entering the house. The way her hands felt holding my face to hers had been perfect, as if they were two things that fit perfectly together.

But I had to remember, Sam Carson was someone who did this with everyone. She knew how to do it, she was a pro, and I had probably been nothing but a challenge. I was her brother’s best friend, someone who’s older and much more mature, and I had let her win at her own game.

And here I was dwelling on how “perfect” I had thought it was.

She was probably going to fuck Emma tonight with a smile on her face.

I mentally slapped myself, knowing Sam was probably cockier than ever inside her own head from me finally allowing her to kiss me. I had given her a victory, another trophy on her wall of accomplishments, and she was basking in the thought of how she had managed to do it.

“Megan, you okay?”

I looked up at Shawn who still looked a little shocked from Sam’s outfit, “Yea, just a long day.”

“Bad Friday at school?”

I nodded, not being able to answer him honestly with any words.

He sighed, “Would you like a drink?”

“That would be great.”

~ ~ ~ ~

I sat awake on the couch, feeling regret as I looked at the half empty glass of wine on the coffee table. Shawn and I had drank for hours while we talked about the last month, and now he was passed out in his room and I had no want to join him. I figured I would take the couch from now on, considering I no longer wanted to bunk with Shawn, and moving back out seemed like a good option now.

Why had I moved in here in the first place, with one of my students that I was actually attracted to? I was a horrible person, and just thinking about Sam made me sick to my stomach. I had gone from enjoying the kisses to utterly regretting every moment.

I guess alcohol made me bitter.

I stood, attempting to walk over to the sink to pour the rest of my wine out as I felt dizzy and light-headed. This was a horrible idea, but I was grateful tomorrow was Saturday and I had nothing to do.

Then reality hit me as I looked at the calendar hanging on the fridge.

Tomorrow was November first, the morning my sister had been found dead in her car.

The night quickly replayed in my head as I felt my heart ache from the memories. I remembered the phone call before, how she had sounded fine, as if nothing was wrong. How could I have not realized she was depressed?

I could’ve helped her, I could’ve saved her…

Then the door opened, revealing a tipsy, but very sexy Sam Carson.

She looked at me but didn’t say anything, she just walked right over to me as wrapped her arms around me. I touched my face and realized I was crying, which must’ve been why she was doing this in the first place.

Why was she being so sweet when I had done nothing but push her away since the kiss?

She whispered through the dark, “Megan, what’s wrong?”

What was wrong? One second I was thinking about my sister and the next I was checking out one of my students. I tried pulling myself back into reality as I let my eyes take in Sam, which was a bad idea considering her attire.

Her legs were clearly visible, and her boobs were pushed up from the tightness of her dress. Her hair was down as always, tousled and sexy as ever. She never ceased to look her best even when she had partied all night.

And here I was looking like a hot mess.

I whispered, “Nothing, just… I’m really fucked up.”

“I know you smell like Merlot.”

I shook my head, “No Sam… like I’m a fucked up person.”

I realized I was leaning into her shoulder as she held me, which was oddly comforting. She shook her head, “You’re a fucked up person? That’s completely untrue.”

“No it’s not. I’m living with my best friend whose sister is my student, then on top of all that I kiss you. I kissed one of my own students! I’m just a fucked up person.”

She just stared at me, confused at my outburst. She then responded, “Well, I’m fucked up too. I kissed you first. Then on top of that I’m gonna have to break a girl’s heart eventually by telling her I cheated on her. A girl that has been nothing but accepting and awesome to me Megan. That’s fucked up.”

I just looked at Sam, wondering if she was beating herself up like I had been. Now that I actually took notice I realized she had been quite depressed since the kiss, which could be from her guilt or the fact that I had been ignoring her.

Or both.

She whispered, “Megan, why were you crying?”

I shook my head, looking at the calendar and wishing I wouldn’t want to tell Sam everything. She had a way of making you want to confess everything to her, your emotions, thoughts, everything. I couldn’t help but answer her.

“Lacey, my sister.”

Her grip on me tightened, “Megan, it’s okay.”

“She technically died on Halloween but they found her the next morning.”

I couldn’t help but reveal my true reason of being upset, and Sam didn’t seem phased. She seemed actually pretty sympathetic as she held me close to her in this weird side hug, which felt awfully nice.

She continued making me feel better, “I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Megan, but it’s not your fault, no matter what you think. Lacey doesn’t blame you for this, and she’s not in pain anymore like she had been. She’s happier, and she wants you to know that.”

Sam’s words seemed to hit the spot, which was weird because she wasn’t the best with trying to make someone feel better. Hell, she obviously didn’t do it on a regular basis, but she had managed to stop my tears.

I shook my head as I wiped my eyes, “Thank you.”

She smiled, pulling me in for a tight hug, “I don’t like seeing you cry, it’s scary.”

“Are you saying I’m scary when I cry?”

She shook her head laughing, “Not in that sense you idiot.”

I smiled with her, missing the way we could be so innocent and fun when we weren’t all serious. I could relate to Sam better than most people, simply because she knew how to deal with pain, considering her family had abused her quite a bit. She was strong, she had to be, and I found myself envying how strong she really was.

She looked down at my hand then, which I hadn’t realized was on her bare thigh. She smirked, “I think my costume is making you feel better.”

I retraced my hand quickly as I felt my face heat up. I hadn’t even noticed my hand, but when I did I had gotten… turned on? No, it had to be the alcohol I had in my system. I couldn’t think like that about Sam.

But it was so hard.

I distracted myself, “Had fun tonight?”

She shrugged, “Not as much as I hoped.”

“Even with Emma?”

She seemed to grow annoyed as she shook her head, “She got so fucked up that I had to bring her home at like, 11:30.”

“And Blair?”

“She went home when I brought Emma home.”

I sighed, “Sounds like a shitty Halloween.”

Sam shook her head, “Yea, it’s been a pretty shitty week, figured tonight would’ve made up for it but…”

I looked at my hands, already knowing why she had such a shitty week. It was obviously because of me and how I had been ignoring her the entire time since the kiss. I hated being sober because I was serious, and I hated being drunk because I let my guard down.

And my guard was way down right now.

I whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“For?”

I looked at her, “You know what for.”

She looked down, as if she was ashamed herself, “I’m sorry too, for putting you in this situation. I was drunk, and I didn’t mean to cross a line… I just, I couldn’t help myself.”

I looked at her, questioning, “You couldn’t help yourself?”

She shook her head, looking as if she was hoping I wouldn’t ask any more on this subject but I couldn’t resist.

I pressed, “What do you mean by that?”

She studied me, smiling slightly, “Megan, I don’t know if you know this, but you’re pretty perfect. Like, you’re just gorgeous, and your body is perfect… and when you have that natural look you’re just… irresistible.”

I felt myself blushing, “You say that to everyone.”

She shook her head, “Only to get them in bed. I’m actually being completely honest with you.”

My heart beat picked up in my chest as I listened to her, knowing she was actually being genuine by the tone in her voice. It still freaked me out when I heard Sam talk like this with me, and in the moment I had forgotten we were five years apart in age difference.

She just seemed so mature right now.

I laughed, feeling the wine persuade me, “So you’re not just trying to get me in bed?”

I watched her blush this time, shaking her head, “Megan, if you wouldn’t be my teacher I would have already succeeded in that area.”

I shook my head, “I’m not that easy.”

“Yea I know, trust me. It took me almost three months to just kiss you.”

I laughed as she finished her sentence, and my hand landed on her thigh again out of instinct. I couldn’t stop touching her, and her leg felt so good against my hand. It had been forever since I had felt someone like this, and the way I felt about Sam was obvious.

Our eyes met first, but it wasn’t long till her hands were in my hair and her lips were on mine again. I felt myself give into her as she pulled me closer to her, mouthing my lips as I tried to make myself stop kissing her but I just… couldn’t.

She stood, pulling me up with her as she led me to her bedroom. My heart was hammering so hard in my chest I thought it was going to explode, and looking at Sam with her sexy little jail costume only made it worse.

My back hit her sheets as she climbed on top of me, holding my hands above my head. I had never felt a kiss this strong before, not even with Nikki, and I had been convinced I loved her. This was so much more, and I was scared we were going to go too far.

Sam’s hands had begun working on my buttoned shirt as her lips kissed against my neck, hitting a spot only Nikki knew about. I writhed under her as her hands touched my chest when the first few buttons came undone. Her bare legs were straddling me as she continued to kiss me, arousing me to the point of no return.

I whispered involuntarily, “Sam…”

Then before she went any further she was off of me, standing against the wall as she straightened herself. She was shaking her head as I sat up out of shock, not understanding how someone like Sam could just… stop.

She shook her head more, “I can’t… I can’t bring myself to do it. You can sleep in here tonight, I’ll take the couch.”

I whispered again, “Sam…”

She grabbed a change of clothes and exited her room without another word, leaving me alone to wonder if I would’ve stopped on my own if she hadn’t.

And I realized I probably wouldn’t have.

~ ~ ~ ~

I awoke to a massive headache and the smell of coffee, something I was unfortunately getting used too. I hauled myself out of bed and to the bathroom connected to Sam’s bedroom, straightening my hair and wiping the makeup from under my eyes.

I looked around then, realizing I was alone in Sam’s bed because Sam had offered to take the couch last night.

Since when did she do that?

I walked slowly back into her room, taking it in as I willed myself to stay just a little but longer. It smelt like her, and I realized I now smelt like her because of her bed, which was covered in burgundy sheets and a black and red comforter.

I slowly picked up a few pillows I had knocked off as I walked around, seeing her school booksack lying next to a pair of her familiar black boots. As I took everything in I couldn’t help but actually feel safe in here, as if it was a sanction I could escape too.

This was actually the first time I had been in her room.

I decided to make her bed as I lingered a bit longer, trying not to wake up anyone who still might be sleeping. I straightened the sheets and comforter, along with the throw pillows as I tried to glance around one last time.

Then I opened the door to Sam sitting at the counter looking pretty rough in her over-sized T shirt and shorts.

Her hair was a mess but she still managed to look pretty damn good, and her tired blue eyes looked up into mine as she sighed. She spoke to me, “Shawn got called to the office, he had an emergency business meeting or something.”

I walked to the coffee maker, pouring my share as I searched for some pain killers. I couldn’t respond to Sam just because I remembered what we had come close to doing last night, and it frightened me.

We had come awfully close to having sex.

She spoke, “You’re going to ignore me again.”

Her voice sounded tired and sad, which only made me feel worse as I looked at her. I knew I shouldn’t talk to her, and I knew I should continue to try and distance myself from her, but it was so hard. She looked so vulnerable, which was weird because Sam was never vulnerable, and she looked sad which was because of me.

I was really screwing this girl up.

I sipped my coffee as I attempted to come up with something to say to her, but I found no words. I was confused, hurt, and a little guilty over what had happened between us, and it was a really shitty feeling.

Maybe she felt the same way.

She stood then, taking her coffee with her as she disappeared into her room and slamming the door. I closed my eyes as I flinched, realizing I either needed to fix this or let it be, and maybe letting it be would be the best thing to do.

We couldn’t keep doing this to each other.

I needed to get out of this house and give us space, which was the entire problem at hand here. We were attracted to each other, that was obvious, but we couldn’t be together, which was the problem. Sam was my student, whether she liked it or not, and that held priority over everything else no matter what.

It was hard to accept, but it was a fact.

I couldn’t bring myself to follow her into her room, not after last night, so I did what I needed to do. I pulled out my laptop and I began searching for apartments.

No matter how much money I owed I needed to get out of here, for me and Sam’s sake, because if I stayed here it would only get worse.

~ ~ ~ ~

The incident with Sam on Halloween had managed to start something that made Sam not only bitchy to me, but almost rebellious. I knew it was going to get tough whenever I didn’t apologize and continued to ignore her, but her behavior was getting… drastic.

I knew she wanted my attention, whether it was good or bad, but I couldn’t let her get to me. I felt pain in my heart over the situation because I honestly hated hurting her, but I had no other choice. I needed to protect my career and she had to know that, she just didn’t really want to accept it.

But there was nothing I could do.

I had also managed to find a cheaper apartment not far from school, and ironically not far from Sam’s place, and I had told Shawn about it. He had agreed to help me move out when the time came because at the end of November I would.

I just hadn’t broken the news to Sam yet and we were already in mid-November.

I knew she was going to be upset, whether it was because I was leaving her or because of my financial situation but I had to tell her. I owed her the respect of letting her know this was me telling her we couldn’t be as close as we had been, even though I was pretty sure she hated me.

But I didn’t blame her if she did.

The bell rang then, snapping me out of my day dream as my third hour exited my classroom. I knew Sam would be coming through the door soon, and I found myself fixing my hair and straightening my clothes.

Oh get a grip Megan.

Another thing that was approaching was Thanksgiving holiday, which would be an entire week without being at school and have me alone with Sam.

Yes it worried me but it was an entire week and a half away.

I heard students walking through the hallways as I remained at my desk, not bothering to stand at my door today. I didn’t want to see Sam, not right now at least, I wanted to prepare myself to face whatever she was going to throw at me today, which could be anything from a pencil to her entire booksack.

Yes, it had gotten that bad.

Then I heard her, “Watch where the fuck you’re going.”

I looked up as she nearly shoved a guy to the floor as she took her normal seat in front of my podium, and I figured I should move her again. I couldn’t keep looking down at her every time I was up there, so I would plan to make a new seating arrangement.

Maybe I could do that now.

I walked to the front of the class, directing, “There will be a new seating chart assigned today.”

Sam didn’t bother turning around as I walked up from behind her towards my podium, but I could see her shaking her head. I heard the rest of the class groan as I spoke, “The entire first row can move to the last, unless you have vision problems.”

I watched students move and shuffle around the classroom but Sam remained sitting.

I spoke, “Sam, I don’t believe you have seeing issues.”

She looked at me, “I have trouble seeing the point in this new seating chart.”

I ordered, “Get up and move.”

She grabbed her booksack and stood, almost getting eye level with me, “Fine.” She walked quickly to the back of the classroom and to the seat closest to my desk. I rolled my eyes at her ballsy move as she ordered the boy, “Get up, I’m sitting here.”

The boy didn’t even hesitate to move to the front, as if he was actually scared of Sam, which worried me. She was mean whenever she was upset, and she was actually a bit of a bully.

She sat, dropping her bag as she smirked, “Happy?”

 I turned away from her swiftly before I said something I would regret as I continued to change up the seating arrangement in my classroom. Finally everyone had a new seat and I was farther from Sam when I stood at my podium, but ended up with her closer to my desk.

I had misjudged my plan.

I watched her distract herself as I began the notes on the PowerPoint, knowing she wasn’t paying attention at all. I didn’t even want to call on her anymore, which was bad because she was one of my most needy students.

And her grades were dropping rapidly.

I had also checked with her other teachers who had said the same thing. She didn’t seem to care anymore, as if she was throwing everything she had worked for away.

And it was all because of me.

I felt the heaviness in my heart as I watched her, wondering what exactly I could do to ease the pain in her heart. I knew she was taking this personal, which in a sense was, but she needed to understand that I had to do this. There was no other option for us.

And I was worried about her flunking out.

I couldn’t have something like that on my shoulders, not knowing she didn’t give a damn because I had shut her out of my life. I knew she had a thing with abandonment, which is what I was doing to her, and I knew she was taking it hard.

But it wasn’t my fault.

Then the bell rang, dismissing the class as I watched Sam silently from the front of the classroom.

She pulled on her jacket and her booksack, gathering her things as she stood to walk out. I watched her, wondering what exactly her reaction would be if I would ask her to stay after class.

I spoke, “Sam, you need to stay. I need to have a word with you.”

She looked at me, and I mean dead in the eye and spoke, “No thanks, I’m not interested in anything you have to say anymore.”

Then she walked out.