it's insufferable going
day by day, broken and hurt
scared to close my eyes
because of the horror movies
that play on my
eyelids every time i want to sleep

fear and hatred clouding
my mind every second of
everyday, i can't escape the
worries of not being good enough
i already fake my happiness
and my smiles are wearing out
you tell me it's all in
my head, my worry is a dream
i should be able to wake up

i try, i try all the time
i hope and i hope that it's all
in my head
that it's not real
but i can't close my eyes
to pray for it to leave
because then he's there
and he's hurting me again

my pain is not fake
my scars are all real
i am not a phony
sadly, it's not all in my head
it all happens in real time everyday
the bottles smashing are too loud
to be fake
the screams are too harsh
to not actually hurt
and you're ignorance to
my suffering is too obvious
to overlook

i don't want to die
i just don't want to live
my brain and the people
tell me i should kill myself, my
life isn't worth living
even my body is giving up on me
throwing up every meal like
i constantly have the flu
making me act out and scream
i hurt myself and the people i care
about when they take over

but there's a small part in
my brain, telling me
urging me to not give in
because i am worth it
and death is terrifying
but the bad part is too loud
and it drowns out the hope

i take one last step
i'm free falling
i feel free, the most alive i've
felt all of my life
i close my eyes and feel
nothing

goodbye.

𝚒'𝚖 s̸o̸r̸r̸y̸ 𝚒 d̸i̸s̸a̸p̸p̸o̸i̸n̸t̸e̸d̸ 𝚢𝚘𝚞.