19th Chapter
In Prince Bayezid's palace
Somebody knocked on Bayezid's doors.
- Get in! - Bayezid said as he excepted Cevri Kalfa brought Aslihan Hatun back to Palace.
Cevri Kalfa came in ashamedly and looked all the time on the ground.
- Cevri, is Aslihan fine? Did she come back safely? - Bayezid stood up and asked her.
- I am sorry Prince, but Aslihan Hatun didn't want to return to Palace. - Cevri said to Bayezid.
- What? Tell me you are joking. - Bayezid started walking towards her.
- Prince, I wish I am. She said she doesn't want to return to Palace, and that if you wanted you could go and ask her that. I am sorry. - Cevri said while she was really afraid of Bayezid's answer.
Bayezid was so angry at that moment so he used all his power and broken his working desk. He started breaking everything he had on his desk. He was full of anger, like he never was before.
In Beyaz Hatun's house
All the time I had to help Beyaz Hatun. It was hard to get used on it after being treated like a princess in harem, but I didn't mind it. I worked hard while I lived with my father.
Since my father died, I've always questioned myself, what would my father tell me about everything that happened in my life after his death? Would he approve my relationship with Bayezid, or he would be angry at me because of that? For sure, if he was alive, I would never go with Bayezid.
Even though it wasn't directly my choice, I didn't complain a lot about moving to Kutahya. I really thought I will enjoy my life with Bayezid and that soon we are going to have a family.
When my father met Bayezid, he liked him. I am sure he would be happy for me when I was with him, but for sure he would be disappointed after all of this happened.
The thing which hurted me most was that Bayezid wasn't even capable of coming here to see me and tell me what he wanted, but instead he sent Cevri Kalfa. He thought I would go with them? While he didn't even show a bit of his effort. It only showed me how I am not important to him, because if he wanted, he would come here by himself.
That day, Beyaz Kalfa had to go to Kutahya Palace to check if Defne's health in pregnancy is fine. Every time I remembered she is pregnant, I've felt only worse.
I thought here I will forget about everything what happened, but Beyaz was working in Palace and she was always talking about what is happening there so I didn't have a lot of chance to forget about all of it.
I had in my plan to move to Istanbul soon. Not right now, but in few months. Because I didn't want to be close to Bayezid anymore. I lied, I want to be close to him, but not after everything he did to me.
I wanted to never again hear about anyone in this palace, except for Bulbul aga and Cevri Kalfa which I became really close with.
Stories Cevri Kalfa told me that I could become powerful Sultana one day only made me laugh now. This showed me how situations changed really fast and how one day you have a potential to be with man who will access the throne of Ottoman Empire one day, and next day you came back to your normal life, or at least you try to.
That day I was cooking. As I knew Beyaz will stay for a whole day in Palace, I had to make something for myself to eat. I actually enjoyed the silence in the house, as Beyaz was really talkative and she was interested in everything. And I was a person who didn't like to talk about my personal problems. It was easier to me to carry them in myself and suffer alone.
I was almost done with my lunch, when somebody knocked on the doors. I thought its some Beyaz's friend who wanted to see her. I walked and opened the door and I could see very similiar face. I saw Bayezid standing there. At that moment, my heart started beating faster and I was in shock what is he doing here.
- B.. Bayezid.. - I barely could say that from shock that he came here.
- Aslihan. - he told me and watched me. This time I couldn't recognise if he is angry, because he was acting weird.
- Beyaz Kalfa is not at home. She went to check Defne's health. - I told him trying not to show any interest or emotions towards him.
- I came here because of you, Aslihan. - he told me and entered the house. I closed the door and went to sit next to him on couch.
- My name is Nadia. I don't want to remember those things that happened in last few months. - I told him really insensitive, but my heart was hurt at my every word.
- For me you will be Aslihan. Why are you punishing me like this? Why didn't you even told me reason you left the palace? Why didn't you even visit me before you left? - he asked me while he was looking at me with bit of anger and disappointment.
- I tried to visit you but you weren't free. You told main door keeper to tell me to come later because you were busy with Defne. - I told him arrogantly because I didn't even want to remember about that night.
- If I knew it was about this, I would talk to you at any moment. Defne is carrying my baby, I have to take care of her Aslihan. I didn't want you to hurt you like this. Maybe I was too excited about getting a heir. - he told me trying to soft my heart, but his words made me only feel worser.
- It is normal you are excited about your child, but this is not only thing you did to me. - I said and raised my head in front of him.
- What else have I done wrong? - he asked me which shocked me. Was he that stupid not to realise those things, or he only acted stupid?
- Bayezid, don't act like this now. Since you found out Defne is pregnant you abandoned me. Every time I went to visit you, you were busy with Defne. You always refused me. You never even called for me or decided to visit me. You made me feel so worthless there that I couldn't stand being there for one second more. - I told him everything that was in me for those days and things that made me only suffer from sadness.
- Aslihan, I promise you I didn't want it to be like this. I never thought to make you feel abandoned or worthless. - he told me trying to comfort me, but he couldn't do it now. With every his word, he made me only care for him less.
- You promised a lot of things but all of these were lies, don't you remember? - I asked him sarcastically.
- What I lied to you? - he asked me angrily this time.
- Bayezid, you promised me there will be no more women. You promised. But maybe I understood your promise wrong, because after that you were only with Defne. Maybe promise was to her. - I told him and my words broke my heart. I was ready to start crying, but I didn't want to do that in front of him.
- Aslihan. I don't have anything intimate with her. Its rule I have to be close to woman which is pregnant with my child, and do you know that this child will give me all hope to survive one day. Selim has sons and that makes him more safer candidate to the throne. - Bayezid told me angrily and I didn't want to listen to him when he is angry. I wanted to comfort him and stop his angriness when he is like that usually, but this time I didn't care for it.
- I understand your worry about the throne, but this is not good excuse to not even visit me for a second in one month. You couldn't even find one or two seconds to see me. I didn't ask for anything else. - I told him and I couldn't stop myself anymore. I wanted to tell him everything that was on my mind that time.
- I love you and I didn't wanted it to be like this. Maybe I am so stupid not to realise some things. And I am wrong, I know it. - he told me looking at the ground.
- Of course you are wrong, who else could be? Maybe I who every day went to visit you but I was refused every night? Maybe I who cried to sleep every day and hoped the next day will bring me some luck and fortune or even happines but next day would be only worser than the previous one? - I told him and tears came into my eyes. I couldn't hid them anymore. I felt so broken after this conversation.
- Aslihan. Forgive me about all of this. I didn't want things to be like this. I am wrong and I am stupid for not doing something about those thinfa. I promise you this will never happen, but please return to palace with me. Palace feels so empty to me when you aren't there. - he told me and had a sad expression his face, but this time he was sad for real. I could see it in his eyes.
- Doesn't it feel the same as when I was there because you didn't even see me? How its different then? - I didn't stop talking about this and I didn't care anymore. He deserved to be sad and to be hurt same like I was. My words for sure didn't hurt him as much as his acts did to me.
-Aslihan. I told you already. I will do whatever is important to get your forgivness. Please let us start from beggining. Its my fault for everything what happened. And I promise, I would never again do something like this. - he told me and touched my hand, but I removed it.
That was the first time I saw real sadness in his eyes. I still loved him more than anything and seeing him sad hurted me, but he did this to me. It was his fault for everything I survived and I won't let myself fall on this all because of his sadness. He deserves to feel at least half of what I've felt.
- I don't know if I can ever trust you again. - I told him really insensitive which made his eyes full of tears, but he tried to act strong. This was the first time Prince Bayezid, known for his anger issues and emotionless, was ready to start cry.
- Why are you doing this to me? I never loved in my life woman like I love you. Nobody in my life hurted me this way. - he told me trying to act cold, but it wasn't easy for him. I wanted to hug him so strongly at that moment, but I couldn't let myself do that.
- Because that is nothing compared what you did to me. - I told him and stood up. He stood up the second I stood up and came closer to me.
- Aslihan, please dont do this to me. Dont make me suffer so hard. - he told me and looked me straight to my eyes.
- Now you see how I've felt all this time. - I fake smiled to him.
- Aslihan. - he took my hands, but I removed them from his' immediately.
- You can enjoy your life with Defne and your future child now. I hope your child will be born healthy not matter which gender it will be. I hope you will have happiness in your family, the same one I wanted to have with you, but you destroyed all of it. - I said to him looked directly in his eyes.
He was just looking at me so hurt. He went to walk towards the door. He opened them, stood there for a moment, looked at me once again.
- I will never have happiness with a woman like I've had with you. You broke my heart now and nobody will be able to stop that pain. - he said trying to sound insensitive and left the house.
His words killed me in my heart. But I knew I did what was right. I knew I said what I should have said.
Here is a longer chapter because I didn't post whole weekend because I was busy! Hope you enjoy it!
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