⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 ASKING FOR IT ╱
Watching You, Watching Me.𖥔˚
chapter NINE

After Kate's abrupt exit from dinner, the three had only been able to sit still for a rough twenty more minutes until Carmen was itching out of her skin to chase her friend down. Tyler had taken his hand from her's without a fuss━━━something that did not make Carmen pout━━━and waved her on. I'll check the barn, he said, you check the house. Cathy insisted she was fine with cleaning up alone when Carmen frowned at her, and there wasn't much more that had to be said before she was shooting out of her seat like a rocket.

She didn't find Kate in her room, or in any other room in the house, so she made her way to the barn under the cover of night. Just a few feet out, it was easy to pick up voices inside of the lit structure, but their words didn't come through clearly until she pushed the doors open.

"'Using superabsorbent polymers to reduce moisture in the updraft, trying to collapse it like a house of cards.'"

Immediately, the words of Kate's old experiments and scribbles became apparent, and Carmen shuffled into the barn a little bit faster. It hurt immensely to see the look on Kate's face━━━that could only be described as a caged animal━━━and Tyler's obliviousness.

"Tyler."

"I mean, you'd have to drop a silo of it in a funnel for any real effect," he continues, unaware of the warning low in her tone.

"Well, yeah, that's why we were trying to use different reagents to enhance it." Kate could never not talk about science when presented the opportunity, no matter how possibly inappropriate. As she realizes what she's saying, her mouth twists into a thin line. "It's a dumb idea."

"Yeah, some of your reactants are off. A few of these solubility rules skew..."

If Carmen wasn't so focused on the energy spinning around Kate, a cluster of no-good and too-old hurt and disappointment, she'd take more time to be impressed by Tyler's words. Instead, she steps toward the man and only says, "Tyler, let's not."

Kate sighs, and Tyler chuckles. "What? You really think I'm an idiot, don't you?"

"No," she denies, crossing her arms against her chest and reaching for the notebook again uselessly. "I don't think you're an..."

"Hey, modeling's got so much better." He continues to barrel on, somehow still oblivious to the energy between the two women, one silently begging and the other growingly despondent.

"Tyler."

"I can upload this to my laptop, link up with a supercomputer."

"Stop," Carmen says at the same time that Kate goes, "No, no..."

"I'm telling you," he's smiling, thinking he's helping. Thinking he's coming up with the answers and solutions they didn't know they were looking for. Unaware of the ghosts he was aggravating and taunting. "We can get a new model running."

"That's okay." Kate shakes her head harshly. "Please, can you stop?"

"It's a great idea." Tyler smacks a hand on the notebook, looking up at both of them. The girl closest to him, reaching for his arm to pull him back to solid ground where he can see what's right in front of him, shakes her head a second too late. "How did you not tell me about this before?"

"Because I got it wrong!"

The shout clears all other sounds from the barn in an instant, and Carmen gets to watch in real-time as tears fill Kate's eyes and Tyler's face drops in realization━━━finally. The harsh panting Kate is forced to make, to try and breathe through the emotion ripping at her, is all they're left with for a long moment. Then, she barrels on, like she can't be stopped now that it's out there.

"In the field, in the moment, when it mattered, I got it wrong." Her eyes are wild, and Carmen would step toward her if she didn't think she'd spook. Instead, she slowly takes the notebook from Tyler and tries to take some of the threat away. "Okay, I underestimated what we were up against, and I pushed it too far. And for what?" She sobs softly. "Some childish dream I had that I could make a difference? It was never gonna work. And I h... I have to live with that forever."

Her eyes find Carmen's then, flowing tears meeting those unshed. "We have to live with that forever. Because of me."

"Kate," she tries immediately, only to stop when her friend shakes her head. She doesn't want to, it goes against everything in her to, but she does. Her nail finds its way between her teeth. Beside her, Tyler grabs her hand. When she looks at him, she's surprised to see tears in his eyes as well. She squeezes on reflex.

"You know, uh, EF1 or EF5 tornado rating...it's not based on size or wind speed. The power we ascribe to it, it's based on damage. Now, it's only after the fact we can really define it. What it destroys, what it takes from us. I'm sorry for what happened." He sighs. "But how much more are you gonna let this thing take from you?"

The damning question might have haunted her for years, but no more than Kate. Somehow, Tyler knew just how to cut to the bone when he asked, and Carmen held her breath and she waited for an answer.

Finally, "You know, you should...you should get some sleep," she sniffles. "Don't want to miss any storms tomorrow."

Carmen's shoulders sag with the answer, but Kate only clears her throat and exhales, before turning on her heel and leaving the two in their place.

"I━━━" she exhales, turning to look at Tyler, who's already smiling at her softly and nodding.

"I know, sweetheart. Go."

There are a lot of thoughts that run through her head in that very moment, as they tend to do. It's a wonder of how? How do you know? A demand of tell me. Tell me how you've somehow come to know exactly what to say. A plea of don't go. Don't go anywhere until I get back.

It pains her to admit the last part is her biggest fear at the moment; that when she gets back from chasing Kate, as she always will, Tyler will already be gone and on his way home for the night. That she'll have lost him tonight, just as she did the night before, by choosing to chase Kate when the storm became too much to bear and running was the only option left.

It pains her even more to admit that if that's what ends up happening━━━it's the sign she didn't want to see. If going, following Kate, cost her Tyler? It was a price she'd pay, no matter how much it hurt━━━even when it shouldn't.

She goes.

Kate refuses to talk to her, meaning Carmen stands outside her door uselessly for fifteen minutes until she finally accepts no progress will be made tonight. She shudders and lets out a breath that feels too loud in the otherwise silent hallway.

Sometimes, it's impossible not to feel the weight on Kate's shoulders. Not when it was so heavy that it took up all the space around her━━━forcibly encroaching on others without even trying. There was no way Kate knew, and Carmen would never tell her, but the fact remained.

Shoulders slumped, she makes her way down the hall. The guest room is the next door on the right, the bathroom across the hall. The door was closed, and the light on showcased someone's presence inside. Carmen swiped a hand through her hand messily, assuming it was only Cathy and that she'd have to forego saying good night to the older woman.

Sleep was seeping into her bones, adding a weight that was all too tempting in dragging her toward the bed she knew was waiting for her.

As she stepped into the room, she didn't take stock of the cowboy boots at the end of the bed━━━two sizes too big to be hers━━━nor the white Stetson she's definitely not the owner of taking up space on the top of the dresser. Instead, she focused on the bed in front of her as she hooks her fingers in the waistband of the leggings snug on her hips.

Just as she's about to pull them down, leaving her clad in nothing but the blue fabric that lay underneath, the door swings open. It's nothing to be proud of, the yelp she lets out━━━it's loud and high-pitched and all too dramatic, what with the hand over her heart━━━but it's the truth of the reaction pulled from her as the door is opened wide. 

"Calm down, darlin'," Tyler chuckles, stepping into the room. His hands continue to muse the towel in his hands through his hair. "It's just me." The brown strands are dripping wet, and it's easy to see in the space he doesn't take up in the doorway━━━not a lot of, but there━━━that the bathroom is now no longer occupied. Not Cathy, then.

"Jesus, Tyler. What are you doing here?" Her hand drops from its place trying to keep her heart in her chest, and begins to swing at her side uselessly. You're still here, she doesn't say. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she's reminded it's the same hand that had been holding his only an hour ago.

Chuckling deeply, he knocks the door shut with a single swing of his hand and raises an eyebrow at her. There's a mirth in his eyes, but also something fond that she's still not used to seeing there. She doesn't want to let herself. That feels like a dangerous road to travel, and no matter how many times she's run head-on into danger, this felt too closely like toeing the line.

There was a stark difference between the way her father broke her heart all those years ago and the way Tyler could break it now━━━if given the chance━━━but they also felt too similar to ignore.

"Cathy told me I could take the guest room for the night. Said something about you going to stay with your folks?" He poses the end as a question, dragging an eyebrow over her to display the very clear fact that she was not at her parents for the night.

"Oh," she sighs. "Yeah, she probably assumed I'd go see my mom since we're in town and all. I probably should've," she admits, running a hand through her hair again and looking toward the ceiling. Stupidly, tears sting at the very back of her eyelids. "I had thought about it." Somewhere between getting to Sapulpa last night and dinner this evening, the idea had come and went. "It's been too long since I've seen her. So long she's been alone. I just...just can't seem to do it."

Tyler doesn't say anything, just steps forward and wraps a steady arm around her waist. His other hand comes up and clamps down on the nape of her neck, and most of the tension leaves her in an instant. It also means her tears run in warm rivulets down her face in an instant, but the man doesn't seemed fazed.

Instead, the space stays open and waits for Carmen to continue, and she finds the words spilling over her lips. "My dad died doing it. Chasing. My mom always resented that I continued to follow in his footsteps after it happened. It was like she couldn't see it was all I had left of him." Her breath hitches, the knot in the back of her throat harsh and growing bigger the more she speaks, but the words don't stop. "It caused this huge rift between us, and I left the moment I was old enough to. Only ever gone back a handful of times, and only ever after the incident."

She doesn't have to clarify what she's talking about.

"At some point, it was easier to realize that while I kept chasing because it was all I had left of him, my mom hated it because I was all she had━━━and she was worried she'd lose me the exact same way.

"Still, even after knowing that I━━━and she didn't━━━"

Her breath hitches again, caught on the emotion once lodged deep and now rising to the surface, and her words jumble and fail to make sense. This time, Tyler doesn't wait for her to continue because somehow, he still understands. "You couldn't stop, and she didn't understand that." His hand slides from the nape of her neck to cup her cheek, and his thumb wipes at the tear tracks there softly. There's no judgment in his tone, no disgust at the idea of what she's put her mother through, just pure understanding.

Shaking her head, she shudders. Her forehead drops and connects with Tyler's chest, and he does nothing but hold the back of her head in support. After a moment, his fingers run through her hair carefully, and she aches to cry harder.

"It's not your fault, Carmen."

It's one of the only times he's used her name in place of a pet name, and the weight it carries does not go unnoticed by her. It's also not the first time she's been told that. Plenty have said it over the years. Enough times that she has to pretend to believe them. "I know."

"Carmen." The hand on the back of her head slips to the nape of her neck again, and he squeezes lightly, guiding her head back so their eyes meet. His eyes are set and demanding as they lock with hers, and the breath in her lungs catches quickly. "It's not your fault."

"Oh," she sobs, falling back into his embrace harshly. He's ready for it immediately, taking the brunt of her weight without question. Taking all of her, without question.

He doesn't protest the entire time they stand there, no matter how long it means he's got to support the weight of a girl who's become more of a puppet with her strings cut. His hand just runs through her hand soothingly, the other a solid reminder of his presence from its immovable place on her hip.

Part of her knows that they're some of the only things holding her together at that moment.

When she finally feels like she can breathe normally and the energy hasn't been completely sucked from her limbs anymore, she pulls back enough to look Tyler in the eye again. He's waiting for her with a soft smile, and the corner of her lips quirks just slightly. It's too weak to be anything but a twitch, but she knows he sees it. He's seen everything else.

"What did you mean?" she asks, swallowing roughly and forcing herself to continue past the confusion in his eyes. "That first night. When you said you were starting to know me. How could that have been true?"

There were fleeting moments in the time since that night in the parking lot where she had let herself dwell quickly on the words Tyler had said, and the look on his face when he had. It never really got her anywhere but feeling more flustered than she had ten minutes before, but it was impossible to ignore completely.

Maybe it was because she had wanted to believe him so deeply. She wanted someone to look at her, someone who didn't know her before, and tell her they still saw her for who she was completely and that she hadn't been totally lost that day. It had felt like that's what he had done━━━or been attempting to.

"I watched you," he admits after a stilled moment, hand lifting from her neck once again. Fleetingly, the tips of his fingers run over the skin of her forehead as he brushes at the wild hair squished there, from her time hiding in his chest. The touch was soft and perfectly disarming, that bastard. "I watched you with Kate and Javi. How fiercely you defended her, how observant you were with their feelings, and made sure to value them. I knew there was no way in hell you'd be doing what you were if you had known. Or at least, I had hoped you weren't."

Despite the mood of the moment, she lets herself form a smile just on the side of teasing. "You were watching me, were you?"

The laugh the cowboy holding her lets out is more teasing than offended. Yet, his eyes are weirdly serious as he looks down at her. He pulls her an inch closer, their chests brushing together as they breathe. She suddenly can't. "It feels impossible not to," he admits lowly. "Has since the moment you walked into that field after Kate and threw my life sideways."

"Oh for fucks sake," she grumbles, fisting the front of his threadbare t-shirt in her hand and pulling him down until their lips press together. What else was she supposed to do when he was looking at her like that? Saying things like that? From the way both his hands found their way more securely to her hips and he returned the kiss almost immediately, it only seemed he'd been waiting for it just as long as she had. Maybe longer, the way he was implying things.

"Damn you," she grumbles, the words pressed directly against his lips when she pulls away to breathe because she couldn't bring herself to separate further than that. It also means she can taste his smirk right before he presses it against the side of her neck. The gasp she lets out is too loud in her own ears, and she has to remind herself Kate and Cathy are down the hall as she tilts her head back. "Where do you get off just saying what you think like that, huh?"

It's meant to come off as demanding, maybe even powerful, but the hands squeezing her hips and teeth nipping at her neck have the uncanny ability of turning her into a pile of goo, so it comes out so breathy it's almost impossible to understand.

Pulling away with one more brush of his lips over the mark that is definitely going to be all too noticeable in the morning, Tyler smirks down at her. "I think this is just proof you like it, cowgirl."

"Oh, shut up," she groans.

"Make me." His response is predictable and immediate, and she rolls her eyes in a manner that's almost fond before pushing at Tyler's chest harshly.

The desired effect is imminent, and she smiles as he stumbles back toward the bed and collapses onto it ungraciously. The smirk stays ever present on his face through it all, and she takes great pride in wiping it off as she follows after him, swinging her leg over his thighs and settling on his lap easily.

"That can be arranged."

▬▬ mads speaks     ╱     me? back after almost
a month with an update? believe it baby!
i was giggling almost the entirety of this chapter
y'all...like my babies finally KISSED!!
their story is coming closer to the finish line, and
i can't wait to give them a completed story soon
also, this was edited but poorly, so forgive me
until next time, xoxo