Haley was so preoccupied with her jumbled thoughts, she hardly recognized the luxurious limo parked outside her home. Nor did she recognize the sexy hunk alighting, until he held her at the elbows and was smiling down at her.

'Xanthus ---you're early,' she smiled awkwardly.

'Isn't it obvious why?' he grinned and without a thought hoisted her into the air, twirling around with her in his arms.

'Oh?' she smiled down into his eyes, wrapping her arms around his neck. 'You're hungry? Dinner will take like twenty minutes,' she bit on her lip.

He laughed, gently lowered her to the ground again, took her key and opened the door.

'I missed you,' he drew her into his arms again inside the house and hungrily kissed her.

'It's hardly been twenty four hours,' she laughed.

'Too long ---,' he was tearing away her clothes.

Suddenly her debilitating guilt overwhelmed her. Xanthus was everything she wanted in a man... as a soul mate.  Anxiety engulfed her. She should come clean with him.

'Xanthus --- I have to tell you something.'

Her shirt was completely unbuttoned. His head was buried at her cleavage. 'Tell me later,' he murmured hoarsely.

Her fingers raked into his hair. 'It's important ---.' She sighed as he unhooked her bra.

'You can't be wanting to end our relationship,' he smiled arrogantly. His lips teased the pulse throbbing at her throat. Her head fell back. His tongue traced the velvety column.

'I --- no,' she groaned, pressing into him, loving the promise of his arousal, eagerly anticipating the imminent joining of their ravenous bodies, 'but ---.'

'You have to work now?' he mumbled dejectedly.

'No,' she smiled, cupping his face.

'Something wrong with your health?' His eyes met hers, filled with concern.

'No---no. My health is perfect.' She tried to shift her mouth away from his distracting lips. 'It's about --- us.'

'Then it can wait. I'm happy about us,' he chuckled, lifting her up again in the direction of her bedroom.

She knew she should be more assertive, but her body had other self- indulgent ideas, and the idea of procrastination won over the intent to make her startling confessions.

'I want to go make us super,' she laughed, when Xanthus determinedly refused to allow her to leave the bed.

He leaned over her chest, looked into her eyes, smiled. 'Let's dine out.'

'But we're home already and I'm comfortable,' she murmured, pulling his head down.

'Pack a bag,' he instructed.

"'Bag?'" She repeated.

'Stay over with me.'

'For how long?'

'For as long as I want you to,' he grinned, lifting her onto his chest and taking her place on the pillow.

Again she felt the attack of anxiety, but immediately she regaled it to the back of her mind, making the effort to enjoy her precious time with Xanthus.

'Well I'm starving now,' she lifted the sheets, 'you better feed me real quick.'

As she walked to the shower, Xanthus was reaching for his mobile.

They were in a fancy restaurant, smiling into each other's eyes, sipping their expensive wine, waiting for the meal they'd ordered. Haley was giggling at Xanthus flirting at her like he was trying to hit on her. She was thrilled when he'd reached across to take her hand in his five minutes ago.  His thumb was erotically caressing her wrist.

'Your eyes are glowing,' he teased mischievously.

Her cheeks flamed red. 'Like I just had sex "glowing?"' she squeaked.

'And why should you be embarrassed about that?' he asked with only the faintest mocking edge to his voice.

'I'm not,' she denied and her cheeks grew redder.

His one eyebrow shot up, his eyes danced with mischief but he said nothing.

'Xanthus.'

'Yes.'

'Can we talk about the weather?'

He threw his head back and roared with laughter. It was a beautiful sound. He was beautiful. 'I hear the temperature is going to be sizzling hot tonight,' he gave her that wicked grin again.

'I'm going back to my place,' she taunted, wanting to smack that arrogant grin out of his face.

'No you're not,' he ordered. 'You're spending the week with me.'

A week! She'd thought may two, three, four days. But her suitcase in his boot had enough clothes to see her to the end of the week, plus she did have one or two of her work attire at his place.

'I didn't bring enough clothes.'

'Your nose is going to get longer.'

Just then their meal arrived. She was saved from his ribbing. Haley ordered fish and a salad. Xanthus was brave he'd ordered lobster. She would have gone for the thermidor variety, where the meat is skilfully cooked and replaced into the clean shell. But he'd gone for court bouillon style, oven grilled, heavily seasoned, served with crusty bread.  A vintage floral and fruity, dry white wine accompanied their seafood meal. Judging from the way he was expertly dissecting his meat from the intricate lobster shell, he had reason to be brave.

'Want some?' He smiled, when he saw her staring at his platter.

She shook her head. 'You must teach me how to do that.'

He angled his head. 'I can give Yuri the night off, one of the evenings and tutor you, if ... all you wear is an apron,' his eyes gleamed.

'Take your mind of the gutter and eat.'

She was rewarded with a chuckle.  They ate in companionable silence. When the main course was done and they waited for dessert, Haley was concerned and asked about Ducas. She thought he might take offense at her intrusion into his private affairs, but she breathed a sigh when he smiled and responded.

'Mama called me earlier today. She said Ducas had apologized to her for his recent poor behaviour.'

Haley was pleased. 'You won't ---lash out at him again, will you?'

There was the feint clenching of his jaw. He went still. When his eyes met hers, all she saw was regret and grief. 'I promise.'

She breathed again. Believed him. Smiled. Reached for his hand, clenched her fingers into his supportively.

      'Did you tell him?'

Haley looked up from her keyboard at Lizzie. She blinked. Shifted her absorbed attention away from her response to the teenage girl who wanted help, because she was cutting herself to death. Haley didn't pretend she did not know what her friend was questioning her about. She minimized the window and leaned back in her chair. Lizzie perched herself on Haley's desk.

'I wanted to last night –-- but ,' she started.

'But what?' Lizzie spoke softly with concern.

Haley rolled her eyes awkwardly.

'Sex got in the way?'

Haley shifted in her seat. 'You don't understand Lizzie when I'm with him---.'

'And I'm sure you want to enjoy the fireworks for much longer, so you owe it to him Haley. You know the consequences.'

'You're telling me! You think I don't know that? Hello, what do you think I do for a living?' Haley got up and began pacing about her office.

Lizzie narrowed her eyes.

'I'm staying over at his place this week. I'll try to find an opportunity to tell him. I have to.'

'You're in love with him, aren't you?'

She could not deny it. Not ever. It would dishonour what they had between them. ' You've seen what he looks like,' Haley threw her hands into the air. 'When I'm in his arms I forget who I am, what I do or how to be myself. Heck, he does not know that I'm an author or even that I'm a clinical psychologist! All he knows is that I work for a fashion magazine.'

'What the hell do you talk about!'

Haley grinned. 'Not much talking gets done.'

'I don't blame you,' Lizzie smiled. 'He sure is some serious eye candy.'

'He's the total package Lizzie,' Haley gushed. 'He's intelligent, caring, entertaining and sexy as hell,' and he does not love me back.

'You wanna continue enjoying the lovey dovey stuff, you know what you have to do,' Lizzie stood up.

Haley sobered. She looked into her friend's eyes and nodded. As Lizzie walked out, Haley heaved a breath and sat down again, getting back to the problem with the young teenage girl.

Self-cutting was a grave problem, not only for young girls in America, but all over the world. And it seemed to respect no class of society. Whether the young girls were from low economic backgrounds, wealthy homes, single homes, children with both parents, celebrities, the disease of self-cutting broke all divides. There were documented cases of a late princess loved by the world, young celebrities in the film world and a well- known high powered American TV journalist who all succumbed to self-cutting.

Haley understood from her studies that self-cutting filled that need for some of these girls -- just as anorexia did for others. Apparently girls searched for a sense of self that's not about how they look, but more importantly about who they are.

The studies were very clear that girls who cut themselves suffer depression, anxiety, doubt their self -worth but that they were NOT suicidal. More importantly, the girls don't want anybody to find out. They don't want to be discovered. That's why they wear long sleeves, so nobody will see their wrists; or, more often nowadays, they cut themselves on the upper inner thigh, where nobody will look. Cutting themselves with razor blades, or burning themselves with matches, becomes compulsive, almost addictive for some of these girls. Self-harm is perceived as a way of coping with problems.

It made sense to Haley that cutting helped to express feelings that can't be put into words, that distract from life. It seemed to be a way to release emotional pain. Afterwards, the cutter would probably feel better, at least for a little while. But then the painful feelings return, and one feels the urge to hurt one's self again. Cutting is a way of expressing and dealing with deep distress and emotional pain. Cutting makes one feel better. In fact, one feels like one has no choice. Injuring oneself is the only way to cope with feelings like sadness, self-loathing, emptiness, guilt, and rage.

Haley acknowledged the problem with cutting is the relief that comes from self-harming doesn't last very long. It's like slapping on a Band-Aid on a bullet wound when what you really need are stitches. It may temporarily stop the bleeding, but like cutting; it doesn't fix the underlying injury. And it also creates its own problems.

Haley expressly debunked the myth that self-cutting is a call for attention; or that people who self-injure want to die or that it a sign of being crazy. It was NONE of those observations. She recognized from her in-depth readings, cutting was often a result of anxiety; depression; lack of confidence; feelings of self loathe.  Her studies taught her how the cutting helped girls to; express feelings that can't be put into words, releasing the pain and tension one feels inside, distracting one from overwhelming emotions or difficult life circumstances and relieving guilt and punishing one's self.

She remembered the debates during lectures, where they had to prepare arguments against the topic:
If self-harm helps, why stop? 

She  cited from her hypothesis where she got a distinction, she responded to the letter from the teenage girl.  Although self-harm and cutting can give temporary relief, it comes at a cost. In the long term, it causes far more problems than it solves. The relief is short lived. It is quickly followed by other feelings like shame and guilt. Keeping the secret from your friends and family members is difficult and lonely. You can hurt yourself badly, even if you don't mean to. It's easy to misjudge the depth of a cut or end up with an infected wound. If you don't learn other ways to deal with emotional pain, it puts you at risk for bigger problems down the line, including major depression, drug, alcohol addiction and suicide.

Haley encouraged the girl to identify somebody who in her life makes her feel accepted and supported, perhaps a friend, teacher or religious leader. But one does not necessarily have to choose someone, one is close to. Haley reached out to the teenager, offering her, her personal mobile number, if she could not find somebody to confide in. Perhaps it would be easier to talk to a faceless unknown entity. Deciding whom you can trust with such personal information can be difficult. It was safer to choose someone who isn't going to gossip or try to take control of your recovery.

Eventually through a process, one will want to open up to one's inner circle of friends and family members. Sometimes it's easier to start by talking to an adult who one respects such as a teacher or religious leader, especially who has a little more distance from the situation and won't find it as difficult to be objective.

Haley listed the following tips for talking about cutting to the young teenager girl. For her to focus on her feelings. Instead of sharing sensational details of the self-harm behaviour, rather what specifically she does to hurt herself. More importantly to focus on the feelings or situations that lead to it. This can help the person one is confiding in, to better understand where you're coming from. Communicate in whatever way you feel most comfortable. If you're too nervous to talk in person, consider starting of the conversation with an email or text. Never feel pressured into sharing things you're not ready to talk about. You don't have to show the person your injuries or answer any questions you don't feel comfortable about.

Talking about self-harm can be very stressful and bring up a lot of emotions. Don't be discouraged if the situation feels worse for a short time, right after sharing your secret. It's uncomfortable to confront and change long-standing habits. But once you get past these initial challenges, you'll start to feel better. The bottom line: self-harm and cutting doesn't help you with the issues that made you want to hurt yourself in the first place. She hoped the young girl will contact her.

Haley determined tonight she was going to sit Xanthus down and explain her initial ---reason for taking him to bed. She shut her eyes and cringed. It sounded disgusting even in her own mind as she played around with how to word her confession. But surely when he realizes that she felt differently about him, was attracted to him, had strong feelings for him, he will understand that her intentions now were honourable, that she wasn't with him only for the sake of Chapter 5 or for 'freebies.'

Would he believe her? Would he trust that she was now being truthful? Or would he send her packing? A bitter cold ice block settled around her heart. She had to sort this out tonight, and it couldn't wait.

Haley was about to knock on the door when it was opened by the highly efficient butler.

'Hello Yuri,' she smiled.

'Good evening Ms Stafford.'

'Everybody else calls me Haley,' her smile broadened.

'Yes ma'am.' He bowed and stepped aside to allow her entry.

'May I offer you a drink ma'am. Mr Laskaris is not yet in.'

'Thank you. A glass of fruit juice please.' She needed her wits about her.

'Certainly. Dinner will be ready in thirty minutes,' he announced.

'Thank you Yuri.'

Haley was preoccupied with her mangled thoughts. She tried to make herself comfortable in Xanthus' lounge, picked up the remote and insouciantly flicked through the channels. She hardly focused on what the screen displayed. She tried to anticipate Xanthus' response to what she would tell him. She walked over to the shelf of books and browsed the titles. There appeared to be quite a diverse range of subjects on the shelves, from autobiographies by successful businessmen, to books on corporate leadership, economics, stock market analysis, many books on fiction and poetry and a much wider range of thrillers and industrial espionage stories. Haley smiled, lifted one of the thrillers, slipped off her heels and sunk into the deep cushioned single seater.

She was deeply engrossed in the chilling, dark twisted, atmospheric thriller, when the beep on her mobile attracted her attention. She hadn't realized that forty minutes had passed since she'd arrived and it was Xanthus on the line.

'Hey,' she smiled as she answered.

'Where are you?'
She felt his seductive smile as he answered back.

'In your lounge, waiting for you.'

'Dressed or undressed?'

'Xanthus! You pervert. Yuri is about the place,' she looked nervously towards the doorway.

His roar of laughter brought a smile to her face.

'I'm running late,' he announced after a moment's silence.

'Oh.'

'I think Yuri has dinner already. You want to start without me?'

'But how long will you be?' She asked disappointedly. She'd psyched herself up to talk to him tonight and now he was going to be late.

She heard him sigh. 'I've walked out of a meeting to call you. We've got quite a way to go.'

'So you're --- at the office ---working?' She didn't know what made her ask the stupid question.

That rich laughter rung melodically in her ear again. 'You're welcome to come and join us as an observer,' he murmured softly.

'Don't be silly. I --- trust you.'
More that you should trust me

'Could have fooled me.'

'I'm sorry,' she apologized. 'I'll take a lengthy shower and hopefully you'll be home by the time I'm done.'

'I like the sound of that,' he answered huskily.

'See you soon,' she smiled.

He cut the call with a goodbye greeting.

Shower done.  Her stomach was rumbling, she tried to play various scenarios in her head on how to broach the discussion with him, but none portrayed any hope at all for her. Haley walked bare-footed down to the kitchen. She'd spoken to Xanthus more than ninety minutes ago and still no sign of him. There was a juicy grilled chicken in the oven, she carved a piece, helped herself to some delicious looking potato and mayonnaise salad, more fruit juice and ate at the kitchen table. She longed to indulge in some pleasant white wine, but she refrained. When Xanthus comes, she will feed him, sit him down and explain her sorry saga to him. She crossed her fingers they would still be in a relationship by tomorrow morning.

           -end chapter ten-

A/N:     I've taken the liberty to address a very serious issue young girls are grappling with today. If  you  know someone who is a cutter, help them get help. If you are a cutter I want to encourage you to stop ... PLEASE.

You CAN overcome this. Cutting is not the solution to whatever you are contending with.
Find somebody you trust and get help.
As I mentioned in the body of the chapter: The bottom line is, self-harm and cutting does not help you with the issues that made you want to hurt yourself in the first place.
Just like drugs and alcohol, it numbs the pain.
For just a little while, you forget your emotional pain and anxiety, but when the effects of the drugs and alcohol wear off, the pain and trauma you are dealing with returns, sometimes very much more severely.
You are most welcome to in-box me, if you want to talk.

DISCLAIMER:  The author is not a  medical doctor, nor claims to be one.  Information supplied is purely from research undertaken.