Me: (Sees date) Oh shoot, I need to hide.

Kaede: Senpai? Where are youuuu! Someone's here to find youuuuu..... And it's my birthday today......

Me: (jumps outside the building) I just realized. I'm on the third floor.

???: Hmm? (Sees me falling) My Love?? (Catches me) What are you doing, my Love, jumping from a building?

Me: .... Kira-nee?

Kira: Yes. (Hugs me tightly) I'll never let you go.

Me: Someone save me.

- Meanwhile -

Naegi: How the hell did he get down there? I saw him a few seconds ago on the third floor.

Kyoko: Me too.

Kaede: (comes in room) Hey, you two loverbirds, have you seen Senpai?

Naegi: He's already on the ground floor. Being cuddled by someone.

Kaede: Thanks, Naegg! I ship you two btw.

Naegi/Kyoko: (blush)

Kaede: (opens window and jumps as well)

Kaede: Whoooo!!!!

Me: I'm in hell. Someone save me. (Gets hugged by Kaede as well)

(Everyone is watching it unfold)

Mahiru: They're assaulting Shiro!!!!

Hiyoko: Ew, that's gross!

Taka: That is not allowed on school grounds! I'll go down and scold them.

Mondo: Hold it, bro. They're actually not harassing him, the two are just hugging him.

Taka: Okay. I guess I'll accept that here. If that's for reunion purposes.

Me: (manages to take out cutter, blades himself and writes this using his blood:) Help Me. I'm being harassed!!!! (True story. Remove the writing part tho)

Taka: Roger! (salutes and goes down quick)

Chiaki: Isn't that suicide? He's cutting himself.

Hajime: Mikan, please go down as well. Shironeko needs bandages.

Mikan (still in ExpAU form): Of course, if it's you ordering, Hajime-senpai. (Climbs down from le window)

Hajime: I'm a senpai now?

Kuro: Yep. Because Shiro ships you and Mikan rather than Mikan and Junko, which is also creepy in my opinion. He also ships you and Chiaki obviously, and Mahiru and Ibuki for some reason.

Ibuki: Shiro ships Ibuki x Hajime?

Kuro: Odd ship, right? He doesn't ship a boy x boy ship though, except for Nagito and Hajime.

Chiaki: Pftt.

Hajime: Oh hell naw.... I'm out! (Dabs away)

Kuro: Ask or Dare, guys. (Turns off camera)

Kira: My Love!!! (Starts to wrap bandages around his neck)

Kaede: Senpai!!!

Me: Help me, Taka. (faints)

You heard Kuro, guys.