"Hello new friend, my name is Fred.
These words you hear are in my head.
I say, I said, my name is Fred
And I've been...very naughty."

(Have the music on top of the story play throughout the story, why don't ya?)

Cents: No. No. No, never, not in a million years, no way hosay, no sans malans.
Bill: Oh, but Cents, you have to. It's a dare, after all.
Cents: Great. Now I'm regretting adding dares to the things we can do.
Tad: TO THE HOME FOR FREAKY BARBERS!

*Later, at the asylum, the Cipher kids are looking for Fred Bagges's cell*

Cents: You know, I'm usually all for mental asylums, BUT NOT WHEN EVERYONE HERE IS TRYING TO SHAVE OUR EYELASHES OFF!
Bill: Oh, please, the people here aren't all bad.
*Random arm burst through the bars of one cell and grabs Bill*
Unknown freaky barber: GIVE ME YOUR HAIR! GIVE IT! GIVE ME YOUR EYELASHES! I'LL RIP THEM OUT OF YOU IF I HAVE TO!
Bill: LUCIFER! *Hits arm with cane, arm retreats back into the cell* Ok, so there are a few...aggressive ones, but they're not all bad.
Tad: Right! They're not all so bad.
*Random green arm with 3 fingers comes out of the cell and starts stroking Tad*
Salad Fingers: Oh, hello! You must be called...Edward Snider. You hold a welcoming texture...a pleasure for the tips.
Tad:...Ok, enough of you. *Floats off*

*A few minutes of looking later*

"That's when my tired eyes beheld
Dear Little Cents, like a circle she smelled.
C-E-N-T-S is how she's spelled
And that's how I spell...naughty."

Cents: *Sigh* Why did I even go to Moe's Tavern in the first place?
Bill: JUST GET IN THERE! *Pushes Cents into the cell*
Tad: Do you think she'll be fine? You know who protective Cents is with her eyelashes.
Bill: Please. Just because Fred has unicorn hair and a razor doesn't mean Cents is doomed.

*Meanwhile, in the cell*

Fred: *Sitting with a big, crooked smile on his face*
Cents:...I'm doomed. So...umm, Fred, I was forced here by Princess__of__Hell, so don't get any wrong ideas about this!

Fred: "Alone was I with the one that was purple
And her lashes on her eyes that had pupils in the shape of circles.
And those lashes did leave my mind in mashes
And tempted me to be...naughty."
Cents...
Cents: Ohsatanohsatanohsatanohsatanohsatanohsatan.
Fred: Your lashes...
Cents: NONONONONO.
Fred: It reminds me of the first time I knew...just how...I felt about hair.
*Fred rips off a random shower curtain and uses it as one of those sheets barbers use, places Cents on the toilet*
Cents: Why did I ever kiss you in the first place?
Fred: "It was a day I'd not forget.
The day in which I met my pet.
Oh, what a lovely gift to get.
I never felt so...naughty."

"My fuzzy friend is what he was.
This adorable little ball of fuzz.
And oh that fuzz, it does demand that I be...naughty."
*Fred starts pulling out his razor from his bag*
"My pet looked at me with fetching eyes
And those fetching eyes did...hypnotize.
I filled with joy, I filled with sighs, and that's when I got...Naughty."

Cents: *Hides in the toilet, makes weird, inhuman sounds*
Fred: *Looks inside toilet, pulls up toilet lid* Now, now, Cents. *Pulls out Cents, who has 2 of her top eyelashes shaved off* You shouldn't play in the toilet.
Cents: I'd rather be going down the drain than being here with you.

Bill: *In the van reading "Demons Daily" newspaper*
Tad: Bill, do you think we should go get our sister now?
Bill: Nah. She's perfectly fine. I wouldn't be surprised if she was having a tea party with Fred right now. *Blatant lies*

*Fred drops the dripping wet Cents on the floor*
Fred: "Those dripping lashes, their droopy curl
Unfurls memories of a girl.
And her hair, it twist a twirl
And tempt me to be... naughty."

"Barbara my love was named
And her fair hair, a mane untamed!
Until one evening, I'm ashamed
I got a little... naughty."
*Fred shaves off more of Cent's lashes as Cents starts screaming and flailing her arms, Fred blocks out the noise by hearing children sing in his head*
"The look upon my young love's face
Was sweet as lace.
But in this case, I realized that she...
Needed space."

Fred: I never more was naughty. Well...maybe not never.
Cents: *Trying to dig her way out through the sink, gets grabbed by Fred*
Fred: Playful little scamp...

*Meanwhile, Bill is out at the movie theater watching 'Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street'*
Bill: Ahh, nothing like watching a man killing other humans with scissors, am I right, Tad?
Tad: While I enjoy this movie as much as you do, don't you think we should go help Cents now?
Bill: Nah, I sure she's perfectly fine. *More blatant lies*

Fred: "Dear Cents, you lashes not remind
Of anything found in human kind
Except for one fellow, who did find
Me to be...in a certain mood."

"Into my shop he walked one day
With a bush above and a beard bouquet.
That's no toupee, I prayed, no way,
I could help but be...you know.
I've never such hair before.
His bangs, they sang.
His neck, it beckoned.
Eyebrows, armpits, all were reckoned!
Soon I figured, what the heck
And guess how I was. Naughty."

Cents: *Has bottoms lashes shaved off now* You know, there are several times where I regret reading minds. This is one of them. I GET IT! YOU'RE NAUGHTY! NOW LET ME GO!
*Axe starts cutting down door to Fred's cell*
Bill: ALRIGHT, CENTS! TIME'S UP!
Fred: *Sighs* So ends our little story.
Cents: WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG!?
Tad: Bill decided to start loafing off and forgot about you for a while.
Bill: Yeah, I just forgot about you when I was out watching a movie! *Do you even need to tell you how blatant these lies are?*

Fred: "And then, Cent's brothers did presume
To free her from my porcelain tomb
And ferry her away from my room
Your barber, ever doughty."

Bill: So, how did it go?
Cents: Terrible would be putting to nicely.

Fred: *Starts walking towards Cents*
"Goodbye, dear Cents, it hurts to say goodbye."
Cents: Ugh, this day cannot get anymore humiliating.
Fred: "I'll miss your brother as well, one smart and one full of lies."
*Fred grabs Cents's arm*
Fred: And tell the Princess__of__Hell that I say hi.
Cents: *Turns towards Fred* Oh, what is it now, you freak!?
Fred: "And please, thank Princess__of__Hell for allowing me to be... naughty."
*Fred kisses Cents on her third eyeball*
Cents: *After Fred let's  go* Aaaaa....babehbuhbebuhbluh...akiosanknofa?
Bill: WOAH....*Locks Fred back in his cell* That's enough of you.
Fred: "With love, Fred."
Tad: Oh dear. It might take a while for Cents to recover from this.
Cents: Whbebebe. What was that!? Did-did-he just?
Bill: Oh, he just.
Cents: OOOHHHHH SATAN! I-I-I'm gonna go hid in hat town, if you don't mind. *Hides in hat*
Tad: I hope Cents can forget about this soon.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok, let's be honest here, I've become the holder of ultimate horrific mind of the century. I just had an insane barber who shaves off all the hair off his victims kiss a purple dream demon in the shape of a circle No, those two won't be a real pairing. Cents doesn't like her lashes being shaved off.