the day I saw your picture on instagram

time stopped.
everything ground to a halt around me
the world became fuzzy at my fingertips
and I felt like I was trapped in a wind tunnel
and there had to be some mistake.

no.
this can't be happening.

it must have been a cloudy day
the last day that you were with your brothers
and nobody knows where you are anymore,
empty microphones a symbol of the life you left behind
and they killed you
the system silenced your angelic voice
and I refuse to believe otherwise

how many more days must I walk through this snowstorm
until I get to you?
how many more sacrifices will I make?
how many times will I say, no, I don't want to be over you
because if I'm over you, then I forget you
and forgetting you is even more painful than losing you

when he lays my head in his lap
and runs his fingers through my hair
he reminds me of the words that saved me
the words that were unable to save you
and I love him, jagi, I love him

but he is not you.