I know LOTS of people have been asking me, "what is this Winter Recess thing you're talking about?" So to just set the record straight, here's what's up:

I will be on a mandatory hiatus from all social media, including Wattpad, from December 15th to December 23rd, EST.

This is something I have to do every year. It's not fun. NOTHING ABOUT THIS TIME OF YEAR IS FUN.

"But Aster, isn't it Christmas in America? Don't you like Christmas?" Well, yeah, I did like Christmas, until something really bad and horrible and traumatic happened and it WRECKED my Christmas that year. Since then, Christmas has been a mix of "I am TRYING to get into the holiday season" combined with "I am laying in bed because I cannot function because this traumatic thing won't leave my brain alone."

And the BEST thing about this is that social media has this NASTY habit of reminding me that this event's anniversary is coming up! ESPECIALLY this year, with the people I hang out with, the feeds I follow, and et cetera. I've catered my Twitter feed to exclude triggering information (for the most part -- I need OOMFs to STOP posting about it) but considering that it's this time of year, EVERYBODY is gonna post about it, EVERYBODY is gonna make a big deal about it, and I can't see ANY of it or else I'm gonna fall the hell apart. You know. Like I don't already on a regular basis.

Now: some of you might have figured out what was so triggering to me, especially since you all roughly know the days I have to peace out for, but this is your general reminder: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT unless I approach you first. I am now used to spending this time of year all alone, by myself, in the cold, hating myself. And while I can't change or effectively get over my triggers any better during Winter Recess, I can try to make the most of it. And part of that is shutting out all social media so I'm not surrounded with DUMB SHIT.

What This Means:

I will be COMPLETELY ABSENT from the following websites during this time:

-- Wattpad, not even to answer DMs

-- ALL of my Twitter accounts, not just Asterhythm

-- my IRL Facebook account

-- Instagram

-- YouTube, GOD ESPECIALLY YOUTUBE IT IS THE WORST OFFENDER

-- Probably Spotify since it recommends me stuff, sorry I can't stream the boys

-- Basically from the Internet in general

During Winter Recess, I will be able to:

-- Get on AO3, I think. Wattpad is a social media network. AO3 is *not.* I will probably be using some of the time I'm on recess to cross-post the remaining fics I have on Wattpad to AO3 (the Magnificat series and the start of Big Hit Pride). I don't know how much fic I will be reading while on recess, just because I have to REALLY monitor what I take in (Via, I'm looking at you and your Infamous Tag of Doom).

-- Write, since I do my writing on Google Drive. I have a list of things I want to write, including some requests I have gotten from people for my TXT oneshot book. (If you haven't sent a request yet, you have until December 14th to get it in, or else I will miss it during recess.) I will also be using this time to do some worldbuilding for some new projects. While I may write NeoNara during recess, it will not update. Neither will Sweetness and Light nor Midnight Lady, even though they are completely written.

-- Answer text messages from the few people who have my IRL number. I notably have at least one friend on call at all times to send me pictures of Soobin to make me happy.

-- Exist in the real world. Probably sit on the couch and watch actual television for a while (American television won't report on it, they barely do a good enough job of reporting on BTS). Immerse myself in campy Christmas specials. Do some drawing. Play with my cats. Probably go drive and see Christmas lights. Possibly organize my taxes like a Real Adult. Maybe I'll be able to borrow my partner's VR headset for a while! And a place very near and dear to my heart is reopening just in time for the recess, and I hope to make my way out there a good bit to take my mind off things.

After Winter Recess:

-- My partner will be going through ALL of my social media on the evening of December 23rd and clearing the feeds out, tagging all of my DMs as read, etc. This means if you DM me during Winter Recess, I will not get it. Please wait until the period is over. This way there is nothing left that may be seen as triggering, and hopefully I can get on with my daily life.

-- I will message here and on Twitter that I am back, though I'll probably be kind of quiet considering the next couple of days are Real Christmas, LOL

What You Can Do To Help

"Wow, Aster, this sounds like a lot, is there anything I can do to help you through this tough and difficult time?"

No.

Pretty much...no.

It's just really freaking messed up and I hate that I have to go through this, every damn year, but here I am again, a broken individual who still hates themself for not being able to function like a regular human being.

I won't be able to get your messages when I'm gone. The only thing I could think of is that, once I'm done with hiatus, on the 24th you can message me. Think of something fun that will convey that you've missed me while I was gone. Send pictures of Soobin. (I will never deny pictures of Soobin; they will just get lost during Winter Recess.) If you really miss me, get some writing done during this time, and I'll do my best to read it when I return.

I'll be back to normalish after all this ends. I promise. I just...one of these years, I look forward to a time when I don't break down during this time of year. A year where I can have a normal pre-Christmas period, and be active, and talk to people, instead of being scared that something's going to come up and ruin everything. This -- me disappearing -- is all I know how to do right now, all I can do to try and love myself in the midst of a harsh and cruel winter that overtakes me.

(I just know better now. The boys told me: no darkness, no season is eternal.)

If you're looking for more information, you're out of luck, since I don't answer DMs or questions about this. Well...mostly. While I'm gone, if you want to know why I'm gone, you can start here. Just remember I won't talk to you about it. But it may explain a few more things for you.

https://noas-asterhythm.carrd.co/

I've lost a lot. I've found so much more. I wish I could focus on that in the future.

Thank you all for your understanding. I hope to see you on the other side.

-- Aster