@princesstigerlilli asks: A question for ALL OF YOU... If you wanna answer it. So, you're at the bus stop, and it's raining. There are 3 people/trolls there: You, Your Best friend/moirail who needs to go to the hospital, and the matespirit of your dreams. You have 1 smart car with 2 seats. What do you do?

~~~

JOHN: oh boy! i don't have a girlfriend yet, so me and dave would probably just go for a joyride. karkat could ride on the roof :B (John, Dave would need to go to the hospital...) oh! the joyride can wait then! (Dumbass.)

ROSE: Interesting. I suppose Kanaya would suffice as both, so there would be no need for the third party. Though, she does have a seemingly fatal wound in her abdomen, here she is alive and well. I don't think she'd be in too much danger.

DAVE: shit. uhhh karks and john are just about tied for the best bro slot, so since karkles falls more into both categories, we'll go with him and pretend John doesn't exist so I don't have to leave someone behind.

JADE: i don't know that i can choose just one best friend! i guess that means i'd take my crush and bestie dav-- uh... anonamous by myself!

JANE: I've just about had it with all of this gosh darn romance talk! Roxy and I would go alone and that would be that!

ROXY: tbh im torn. lyke i wanna take dstrides bcuz hes my man (but not legit my man sadly ;c ) n then i wanna take jonh 2, but i obvi cant take both. so ya i guess ill just roll w/ janey up up n away 2 da hospital in our triked out smart car and kick the boyz to the curb.

DIRK: Since my "matesprit" and I aren't together anymore, I don't think that would be much of a concern. Oh. Wait. That's right. My ex and my best friend are the same person. How ironic. So, correction: it would be the biggest fucking concern and of course I'd have to help him. I'm a douchebag, but I'm not that big of a douchebag.

JAKE: Jesus christofer kringlefucker! Dirk is always somehow ensnared in my answers isnt he? Bollocks... Alright fine. I suppose i would take him despite our ups and downs. I mean he was my best chap for... Gadzooks im not even sure how many years at this point. One little relationship shouldnt ruin all that right? Im sure he cant be THAT broken over it still. . . Can he?

KARKAT: I GUESS "BEST BROS" AND "BFF'S" ARE THE SAME THING? AND SINCE DAVE IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS ILL EVER GET TO A REDROM INTEREST, IT WOULD JUST BE THE TWO OF US. ALONE. IN A TINY CAR. HEADED TO THE "HOSPITAL". FUCK--

ARADIA: even though he made a number of mistakes id take sollux in a heartbeat. forgive and forget right?

TAVROS: uHH,,, iD LOVE TO TAKE GAMZEE BUT,,, hE DID SOME THINGS THAT UMM,,, wERENT VERY FRIENDLY,,, aND NOW IM NOT SURE THAT I WOULD WANT TO BE IN A SMALL SPACE WITH HIM,,,

SOLLUX: my quadrant2 are 2o fucked up riight now ii dont even know who would fall iinto what category anymore.

NEPETA: :33< between equihiss and karkitty? that's a pawsitively impurrsible decision! i think i would have to take equihiss. i wouldnt want him to curl up and die! what would I mew without him? sorry karkitty!

KANAYA: I Am Not Entirely Sure. I Am Certain Rose Would Understand If I Left Her Behind. Then Again, I Do Not Know How To "Drive", So Perhaps I Would Ask Her To Do This For Me. Karkat Is Light Enough To Sit With Me In The Second Seat. I Believe That Is How I Would Handle The Situation. We Would All Go And Karkat Would Just Have To Sit With Me.

TEREZI: BLUH! 1V3 H4D 1T W1TH R3DROM FOR 4 WH1L3! >:[ VR1SK4 1S TH3 ONLY COMP4NY 1 N33D. GU3SS 1TS M3 4ND H3R SORRY DY1NG 4SS!

VRISKA: Hmmmmmmmm........ That's a hard one! I guess I haven't 8een red flirting with anyone long enough for it to matter, so fuck that. I guess out of the sheer kindness of my blood pumper, I could help my scourge sister out ;:::)

EQUIUS: D--> Nepeta is my number one concern. Nothing will get in the way of me helping her... Unless... I was given an order to do otherwise... Fiddlesticks... Where is Arthur with those towels?

GAMZEE: Aw ShIt MoThErFuCkEr. Of CoUrSe Id AlL uP aNd HeLp KaRbRo OuT. wHaT aRe PaLe BrOs FoR? :O)

ERIDAN: oh cod. no one wwould take me in my time of need, so wwhy should i help them? wwell... maybe fef. just maybe. its a long shot! but maybe.

FEFERI: Whale... Sollux is kind of my matesprit still, and Eridan will always be one of my best fronds, so i t)(ink i would take Eridan to the )(ospital and leave Sollux be)(ind. Even if he did krill me 38(

KANKRI: N9w 6efore we begin, I w9uld like y9u t9 n9te that we will 6e at this f9r s9me time in 9rder f9r me t9 c9ver all gr9unds. 6ut, at the risk 9f derailing the dial9gue y9u initiated, I w9uld like t9 take a m9ment t9 say h9w thrilled I am that y9u asked this question. I w9uld just like qualify my entire analysis 9f y9ur question 6y saying that, in c9ntrast with life 9n 6ef9rus, while y9ur pe9ple may have 6een engaged in vi9lent, lethal acts f9r milli9ns 9f sweeps, 6y n9 means d9es this imply that the 6ef9ran way 9f life was entirely with9ut pr96lematic elements. They were, perhaps, even m9re distur6ing and insidi9us f9r their lack 9f ackn9wledgement and 9pen discussi9n, particularly as a c9nsequence 9f what in my view were widely and dismayingly unexamined systemic s9cial injustices resulting fr9m the entrenched p9wer dynamics in play. . . (6lah 6lah 6lah)

DAMARA: 私はそれらの恩知らずのために使い道がありません。私は彼らが私の性的欲望を満足させる必要があります。彼らはゆっくりとブリードアウトのように私はそれらをファックします。

RUFIOH: Tough question, doll. Let's just st1ck to our guns on th1s one and go w1th Horrus just for the h*** of 1t, even 1f th1ngs aren't peachy between us at the moment...

MITUNA: KURL0Z G07 HUR7...? 0H G0D5 WH3R3 15 TUL4 WH3N Y0U N33D H3R??? 4GH5D3LFU7C8K1NG2H1D4M17!!!

MEULIN: /(=OMO=)\ < OH NO! CHOOSING BETWEEN PURRLOZ AND HORHISS?! I DON'T THINK I'D BE ALLOWED TO GO ALONE. I'LL HAVE TO PONDPURR THIS A WHILE... (=TMT=)

PORRIM: I do+n't have a mo+irail, so+ there's really no+ need to+ answer, no+w is there?

LATULA: tun4 4lways com3s f1rst. don't worry, b4by! m4m4's com1ng!

ARANEA: Oh. Well, I suppose since things 8etween a certain someone and I are no longer a concern, I'd 8e free to take Meenah myshellf. *facepalm 2x com8o at the fish pun*

HORRUS: 8=D F*ddlest*%... Pardon my foul language. I'm in a bit of a pickle. I believe it would only be right to tend to my moirail first.

KURLOZ: WHO NEEDS FRIENDS WHEN YOU HAVE THE MIRTHFUL MOTHERFUCKIN LORDS TO BIDE BY? 

CRONUS: *nerwvous laughter* ivwe got so many friends and babes around, howv can I choose just one?

MEENAH: that loser up there is a fuckin liar. anyway. so ive gotta choose between the serks? whale i guess its sistas before hoes. araneas shrimp ass would be lost without me 38D

CONDESCENTION: KRILL THEM BOTH.

CALLIOPE: oh! i'm not sUre i have a "matesprit". if i did, it woUld probably be my darling "moirail" ^U^ she and I woUld ride in the "smart car" to the "hospital". now, woUld someone please explain what all of these terms mean?

CALIBORN: THERE IS NO TIME FOR FRIENDSHIP. THERE IS ONLY TIME FOR COMPLETE AND TOTAL DOMINATION OF THIS AND EVERY uNIVERSE.

DAD: The only friend I need is my son. Have I told you how proud I am of him lately? Because I'm so proud of that young man--

MAYOR: *clings to Dave and Karkat needily*

MAIL LADY: *paps Mayor fondly but mAIL WAITS FOR NO MAN. SORRY. YOURE A GONER.*

AIMLESS RENEGADE: *WILDLY SHOOTS GUN*

WINDSWEPT QUESTANT: *is a queen and has no time for things of that nature* *also doesn't know what a car is*

SPADES SLICK: *stabs friend* *stabs car until it explodes* *stabs flaming remains*

DIAMONDS DROOG: *punches car and dying friend into next panel*

CLUBS DUCE: *playing with tiny scottie dogs on dead friends corpse*

HEARTS BOXCARS: *shrugs and walks away*

~~~

Author's Note

This took like a year to write. I'm sorry but I'm giving up on this chapter. Everyone is out of character and this is longer than a normal chapter of one of my real stories so have a nice day.

~L3X1B1RD~