"This isn't something special. It's just a record of a girl who was chosen by this strange disease."

This disease, why did it choose me? – Ikeuchi Aya

Okaasan, what is my purpose of living? – Ikeuchi Aya

Whenever I think about the future, tears would be coming down. – Ikeuchi Aya

Don't you think that humans are just animals that are full of hope? – Asou Haruto

There is nothing wrong with taking shortcuts or taking the long way around. There's no need to rush. We can try a lot of different things, and sometimes we can also be a little bit reckless. – Ikeuchi Aya

My life is like a flower that hasn't bloomed yet. I want to treasure it and have no regrets.

You tell me that my daughter's disease is incurable. I won't just easily agree and accept that. – Ikeuchi Shioka

There are still a lot of things she has to do in the future, yet her body will not be able to perform well in the future. How can we believe that? – Ikeuchi Mizuo

Okaasan, in my heart I know I can always trust you. From this point forward, I leave it to you. I'm sorry for always making you worry.

These things can't be hidden forever. – Dr. Mizuno

What is the use of giving her false hope? – Dr. Mizuno

I am a man who always cherishes things and people. – Asou Haruto

Sometimes, I feel like my own body doesn't belong to me. – Ikeuchi Aya

I want to be more useful while I'm alive. – Asou Keisuke

I want to be a doctor someday and cure daddy's disease. – Yuka

Human life and death aren't that of a big deal. Those who are supposed to die will die, those who are supposed to live will live, and the environment will be balanced once again. – Asou Haruto

Haruto: For humans too, there is no need to try and prolong a life by force.

Aya: Do you think that it's okay for someone important to you to die of a disease?

Today I'll know the answer to the one thing that I must find out about. I won't hide from it, but if I hear this answer maybe I will change. – Ikeuchi Aya

This may be the last time that I am needed for something. – Ikeuchi Aya

She is already at her limit. She must be suffering a lot by herself. – Dr. Mizuno

He told me to give him back his time. – Dr. Mizuno

This is an important moment for her to not have any regrets. – Dr. Mizuno

I just want her to smile and to try my best to tell more jokes. And I hope that during this crucial period of time, she'll really be able to enjoy it. – Ikeuchi Mizuo

This disease, why did it choose me? Fate. It can't be put into words.

I will do my best, so it's okay. – Ikeuchi Aya

We still don't know what will happen afterwards. Why is it me? I'm only 15 years old! This is too much. God is too unfair! – Ikeuchi Aya

I think it was better when I told her. – Ikeuchi Shioka

I'm not going to give it up. Even if I have to see all the doctors in the world, whatever happens, I will find a way to cure Aya. – Ikeuchi Mizuo

The view I see now is the same as yesterday. The street I walk on is still the same. But my whole world has changed. I definitely cannot smile like that again. Who I was up until yesterday will never show up again. – Ikeuchi Aya

The real pain will start now. – Dr. Mizuno

Will it be like that everyday? I'll slowly not be able to do anything? I'm afraid of tomorrow when I close my eyes. When I wake up in the morning, there might be somewhere in my body which no longer functions. I'm afraid of time. – Ikeuchi Aya

You said God is not being fair to you, but you're doing unfair things to yourself. – Ikeuchi Shioka

There are no "buts". If you give up things that you can do just because you are sick, you don't blame God. You're doing this to yourself. – Ikeuchi Shioka

I saw my Okaasan's happy face. I will believe in myself to keep moving forward. – Ikeuchi Aya

I told her this so that she will have the confidence to fight the disease. – Dr. Mizuno

It seems like the family doesn't really trust me. – Ikeuchi Ako

It seems that it's really amazing when it comes to love. – Tanabe

I decided to put all my effort into the things I can do now. – Ikeuchi Aya

That's the king penguin. I heard that the couple who are taking care of the kids will always be faithful to each other. When the male penguin is hatching those eggs, the female penguin will be looking for food. During this time, no matter how hungry he is, or how bad the snow is, he will always protect the eggs and wait for the female penguin to come back. Animal parents are really great. – Asou Haruto

Thank you for coming for me. – Ikeuchi Aya

You said before, right? Humans are greedy and selfish. Perhaps we really are greedy. Forcing ourselves to go after things isn't really good, right? I want to go back in time. I want to make a time machine and go back in time. – Ikeuchi Aya

If it wasn't for this disease, not only could I enjoy falling in love but I also wouldn't have to rely on anyone and live by myself.

I will become stronger. – Ikeuchi Aya

It's fine if I'm in pain by myself, but I'm also bringing trouble to the people around me. – Ikeuchi Aya

This is just a problem with the society. There is no person who has never troubled others before. You shouldn't be an exception either. – Dr. Mizuno

Do you think doctors are gods that can do anything? The things that a doctor can do are limited. – Dr. Mizuno

The things you say and do are completely different. – Ikeuchi Ako

This is all my fault because I have become like this. I'm creating such bad memories for everyone. I'm sorry. – Ikeuchi Aya

This disease isn't your fault either. No matter who is sick, of course everyone in their family will be helping them, right? – Ikeuchi Shioka

Have more courage to be able to face this. – Ikeuchi Shioka

As long as you try your best, you will be accepted by this society too. – Ikeuchi Shioka

When someone is facing difficulties, you should lend them a helping hand. – Ikeuchi Mizuo

I am still me. – Ikeuchi Aya

I shouldn't be saying "I'm sorry". I should be saying "Thank you." – Ikeuchi Aya

Can you watch me and make sure I won't cry? – Ikeuchi Aya

Don't lie to yourself, just cry. – Asou Haruto

I really don't want to say things such as "I want to go back to how things were before." I recognize how I am right now, and I will continue to live one.

Hopefully she won't lose to those discriminating glances. I hope she can get over this. However, among those glances there are also those who care about her. – Ikeuchi Shioka

Treasure it a bit more... the soccer ball and your nee-chan too. – Asou Haruto

What are you ashamed of? Aya-nee is amazing. If I had her disease, I wouldn't have her courage to leave the house. If other people gave me strange looks and said strange stuff about me, I wouldn't be able to smile like her. – Ikeuchi Ako

I don't mind how others look at me, but I didn't think about Hiro's feelings. He must've been hurting, because he's a really good kid. – Ikeuchi Aya

Guys can be really sensitive, you know. – Asou Haruto

Even though I have been hurt before by those heartless glances, this also helped me understand that around me exists some gentle glances. Therefore, I definitely won't run away. That's what I'll do. Definitely, always.

Friends are great. I hope that I will always be with them. – Ikeuchi Aya

In the future, I want to have a job where I can help others. – Ikeuchi Aya

Quitting without saying anything is just too much. – Mari

Getting the disease isn't unlucky. It's only inconvenient. – Oikawa Asumi

It's great to have a place that accepts you. – Asou Haruto

I've given up a lot already. – Ikeuchi Aya

I fully understand that I'm not able to do the same things as everyone else. – Ikeuchi Aya

Without my friends, I won't be myself. – Ikeuchi Aya

I like the sound of the ball echoing in the gym, the quiet classroom after class, the view outside the window, the wooden floor of the corridors, talking in homeroom. I like all these. I'm likely to cause trouble for people. And it might not really do me any good to stay here. Even if it's like that, I still want to stay here. Because this is the place where I am.

To be able to be seen as an equal by my friends, I'm really thankful.

Letting the children worry about finances is shameful. – Ikeuchi Mizuo

I can't see the path of how I can live. I can't see the small light of hope. Because of this disease, my life has been shattered. Even though it's sad, it's the reality. It doesn't matter how much I cry, I can't run away from this disease. Even if I want to return to the past, I can't go back in time. Therefore, for me, how I am right now, I want to live like how I am now. Because though my body has become this way, I realized a lot of things. Just staying by my side, my family has made me realize how important they are to me. The hands of my classmates who are so willing to support me are so warm. With regards to health, just health is such a blissful thing. Acquiring this disease wasn't just about losing my health. The body that I have is now me. As for this obstacle, I will take on the burden with me and continue to live on. From now on, on the road that I chose for myself, step by step, I want to find that light. To be able to smile and tell everyone this, I have at least cried one litre of tears. – Ikeuchi Aya

What's wrong with falling down? You can always stand up again. – Ikeuchi Aya

If you look up at the sky after falling down, the blue sky is stretching limitlessly today as well and smiling at me... I'm alive.

There are still four days until school ends. Seems like because of me, everyone is folding a thousand paper cranes. The looks they had when they were folding diligently, I'm going to keep them deep in my memory. Even when we've been separated, I will never forget them. But I'd rather hear them say, "Aya-chan, don't go."

It can't be like it was before. – Ikeuchi Shioka

I think that our worlds have become completely different. – Ikeuchi Aya

The most important thing in communication is the meaning you want to pass on and what others want to receive. Don't give up on trying to get people to understand what you want to say, for those people who are really listening will definitely understand. – Dr. Mizuno

Deep in my heart, I didn't want to admit it. – Ikeuchi Aya

I don't know what's going to happen in the future. But right now, what I'm feeling is 100% not a lie. I can say that with confidence. For me, as long as it's you saying it, it doesn't matter how slowly you say it, I'll still listen. – Asou Haruto

Right now, I might not be that reliable. One day, maybe I'll be able to help. Things can't be the same as they were before, but there's this kind of feeling that's linking us together. I don't think that we're living in different worlds. – Asou Haruto

I, with regards to you, I like you. Maybe. I like you, maybe. Probably. – Asou Haruto

In front of the school gate, there is a wall.

The morning light dawns upon the wall.

One day, when I look up, the wall will quietly sigh.

This wall represents my disability.

Even if I scream aloud, or cry out, it won't disappear.

But at the moment the sun is shining, doesn't it shine on this wall?

So even if it's me, it seems like I'll be able to find it.

I will go and find it!

Don't worry. I will fulfill your dreams. – Ikeuchi Ako

To stop my pace and live in the present even though there will be a day that I will lose it, isn't it great that I could pass on a dream that I had to give up? – Ikeuchi Aya

People shouldn't dwell on the past. It's enough to try your best in all that you're doing now.

Some sounds have become hard to pronounce. I can only breathe out air instead of saying it. So I cannot communicate with others. Recently, I have been talking to myself a lot. I didn't like it before, but to practice pronouncing, I have to do it. I will not give up on speaking.

The Other Sound of Suffering

Everyone feels pain.

But surely, after suffering satisfaction will arrive.

Even with sports, studying, or other ordeals.

With life, it's like that for everyone.

If we can beat the pain, on the other side,

A rainbow of happiness awaits us!

That will definitely become a treasure.

Let's believe in that.

Step by Step

When my existence seems to disappear,

I will look for the place where I can do the best I can.

From now on, I'll deliberate slowly.

I won't be impatient.

I won't be greedy.

I won't give up.

Because everyone takes things step by step.

No matter how little the matter is, I want to become a useful person to others. – Ikeuchi Aya

The feelings of everyone stay deep within my heart. But mom, what I want is not a place where I feel comfortable in. From now on, I am thinking about how I am going to continue living. – Ikeuchi Aya

I naturally have a will to keep going when I see her. She's the source which pushes me on, no matter what. – Dr. Mizuno

Because of her, he changed a lot. Since he found a goal, he became a lot happier than before. – Dr. Asou

I can't sleep. I'm scared of closing my eyes. I wanted to call home. I wanted to hear mom's voice. Save me, mom. There's nothing left. The things I can do, there is nothing left. – Ikeuchi Aya

I have things to write down. – Ikeuchi Aya

Asou-kun,

               There are some things that I can't say to you face to face, so I am writing a letter. For always being by my side, thank you. For always encouraging me, thank you. You've found what you wanted to do and are now working towards it, and seeing that makes me happy. You'll gain a lot of knowledge and meet a lot of new people. From now on, you'll continue to live on. Your future is expanding by infinite proportions. But in my case, it's not the same. In the future that I have left, how should I go about living it? That's it. That's all there is. There's nothing we can do about this difference. Everyday, I'm fighting against myself. I'm worried, and it's painful. To try to suppress such feelings, I've used up all my energy. Here's the truth: It's painful to be with you. Wanting to do this. Wanting to do that. Thinking that if I didn't get this disease, then I would be able to do them all. When I'm with you, I'll keep on wanting a dream that can never come true. Of course it's not your fault, but I envy you and I feel sorry for myself. It doesn't matter what I do, but with me right now, I'm becoming more miserable. If it stays like this, I won't have the courage to live on. Thank you for doing so much for me. For saying that you like me, even the way I am now, thank you. I'm sorry that I can't that I can't give you anything in return. I can't see you anymore.

Aya

Would I be able to get married? I knew it. But even if it's like that, one day when it comes, I want to sleep amongst a lot of flowers. – Ikeuchi Aya

Reality is too cruel, too brutal. I don't even have the right to dream. As I think about the future, the tears will come out again.

Where should I head to? Even if there is no answer, I'll feel better by writing it down. I looked for a pair of hands but I couldn't feel then, couldn't see them. I only face towards the darkness.

I can't remember the old me anymore. – Ikeuchi Aya

What am I still living for?

The diary is evidence that I'm alive right now. – Ikeuchi Aya

It's mom who has helped me find the reason to live on. – Ikeuchi Aya

The patients haven't given up. How can a doctor give up? – Dr. Mizuno

When I first met you, I thought it doesn't matter if humans live or die. But now, it's different. For you, it doesn't matter if it's greed or force. I want you to live on. – Asou Haruto

I thought I was going to be left behind, because I always show no improvement. – Ikeuchi Aya

I won't leave you. I never will. Because you are my patient. I will never give up on curing your disease. Therefore, you can't give up either. – Dr. Mizuno

I want to help other patients with the same disease. – Ikeuchi Aya

Just that one statement, "I won't leave you," encouraged me a lot.

Is it okay to be selfish? – Ikeuchi Aya

As I place my hand on my chest, I can feel my heart beat. I'm so happy that I'm still living.

Human fate can't be easily altered. – Dr. Asou

You really are trying hard to live on. – Asou Haruto

Live on. Live on forever. – Ikeuchi Aya

After all, Aya-san was a great person. – Dr. Mizuno

Aya,

          It's already been a year since I haven't seen you. Are you walking? Are you eating? Are you able to laugh out loud and talk? Even though okaasan isn't by your side, everday are you well? I am only worried about these things. "Why did this disease choose me?" "What is my purpose of living?" You said these things, right? Suffering through all the pain. You who had cried countless tears, what was the purpose of your life? I am still thinking about that. Up until now, I still haven't been able to find an answer.

          But, Aya, because of you, a lot of people have started thinking about their purpose of being alive. Thinking of that to be able to spend everyday normally gives me a really happy and warm feeling. And to feel the warmth of those around them, to those who have the same disease as you and are in pain, they realized that they aren't alone. Even though you cried so many tears, you produced your many phrases and have touched many people's hearts.

        Over there, you won't be crying anymore, right? Okaasan wants to meet the smiling you, just once more, I want to see you.

Okaasan

Live on.

May 23rd, 1988. 12:55am. Kitou Aya, 25 years old, lay asleep forever. Surrounded by flowers, she passed away.