Sometimes, when I'm alone, I try to close my eyes and talk to them, just to see if they'll listen. I know the mysterious angry voices in my head are still there, waiting at the back of my mind for the next time they see fit to strike.

I don't want to admit it, but I'm scared of them.

However, Novakit is always close to my side, clinging there as if he's holding onto something. He's the only one, although Sparrowkit looks my way sometimes and is still civil in DarkClan meetings. Nettlekit, too, is always a little more distant now. I hear others murmur about me sometimes, but on the bright side Sharpkit never bothers me anymore.

On the bright side, no one really bothers me anymore.

Knottedstar, the new leader, has already made Titanpaw a warrior. Titanfoot is on her way to becoming the sassiest, bossiest cat in the clan. I purr just thinking about her. Even if we aren't friends by any means, she's popular. Everyone in the clan just knows and respects her in the way they respect Knottedstar.

However, Knottedstar was late to go to the Moonstone and as such has garnered a lot of rumors stemming from one fact- three days after Shadowstar died, she still hasn't picked a deputy.

"Crowsong! Crowsong! Crowsong!" I'm snapped back into the moment by the cheer of my friends. Our new medicine cat, Crowsong, better known as Crowkit, looks around, her eyes glittering with excitement.

Novastar looks around at all of his warriors. "Well, we should get back to work. Does anyone have those pine needles?"

We all look around but in our excitement to see Crowsong made an official member not a single one of us has done our morning duties for the clan. We all scramble off to see who can find the precious pine needles for 'medicine' the fastest.

We're not allowed to pillage the real medicine den so we make our own herbs up. It might not be a perfect solution, but it's always worked well enough. After all, if we needed real herbs, we'd also need a real medicine cat.

I hear a rustling in the bushes and my ears twitch a few times, my neck craning to hear the sound. I hear it again, this time louder, and my fur prickles. No DragonClan cat would feel the need to hide for so long.

"Who's there?" I hiss.

Something stirs again with a frightened 'eep'! Curious eyes watch me through the bushes. I instinctively unsheathe my claws, bristling as a small cat falls through the bushes. "Are you DragonClan?"

Everyone in DarkClan turns around. I notice a few other cats come to the scene, pelts rushing past me, claws unsheathed.

There lies a small black cat with dazzling green eyes and thick fur. She's clearly well fed, but also clearly very young. "Don't hurt me!"
I blink, not sure what to do. My tail waves a bit, yet I'm not too scared. DragonClan is known for the rogue population, if Scorchpaw is any indication. He himself is around here somewhere, probably on a patrol.

"What do you want?" Nettlekit mimics the harsh voice that a warrior would have on patrol.

"I-I want to join your clan!" she says suddenly.

"You can't just-" Novakit starts, but there's a loud yell from behind and his fur stands on end. We all turn around to see Titanfoot there, smirking.

"Welcome aboard!" she purrs.Her eyes are focused on the newcomer and she looks terribly happy to see this kit we don't even know.

"Wow! You're so big! You must be a really fierce warrior!" Jade says, looking up at Titanfoot with nothing short of adoration in her eyes.

I think to myself that the flattery is sure to get her nowhere, but she seems to have said all the right things because Titanfoot says, "Oh, this one's good." She nudges the kit. "You! You and I, we're going to be close from now on. With a sweet tongue like that you'll be able to charm all the warriors. The two of us will rule this clan. Say, what's your name?"
"Jade." says the rogue. I catch a breath of rogue scent off her and wonder how anyone can tolerate being near her. She looks back at me with a small smirk and I know that this cat is trouble. However, it seems... almost malicious. It's as if this cat already knows me and is trying, quite purposefully, to antagonize me.

I hiss under my breath, but Sparrowkit catches me.

"Are you going to kill her too?" he whispers in my ear, the one furthest from the others.
My eyes widen. "What?"

"I can hear your song. You're broken all the way to the core. Don't try anything... because next time, I'll stop you." he says deeply.
"I just argued with Shadowstar!" I hiss. "She was already crazy. It was just a stupid spat over a kit clan! Our kit clan!"
He looks away, as if he can't even bare to look at me for a second longer.

"Titanfoot! Who's that?" he asks.

"This is Jade!" Titanfoot says.

He runs to her, and instantly a common kinsmanship forms in their eyes. It's as if they already know each other. I notice Sparrowkit's ears twitching, and something clicks in the back of my mind. My fur prickles as I realize what exactly might be going on here.

"What's up with that one?" asks Jade as she looks my way just loud enough for me to hear. "She looks like she smells something funny."

"Yeah." Novakit says. "Probably got a whiff of you."

Jade prickles but tries not to show it.

"Wow, that's super rude. No way to treat a visitor." snaps Hazelpaw, still as much one of Titanfoot's lackeys as she was when they were both apprentices.
"Future clanmate!" insists Titanfoot.
"Anyhow, she kind of... got into a spat with the leader before she died. She's probably traumatized. Plus, you sort of look like her." Sparrowkit says.

"Your leader?" Jade asks. She looks mock surprised, as if she's been fishing for this for a while and finally got to ask the question.

"Shadowstar. She was our former leader. Black fur-" Hazelpaw begins.
"Green eyes. To be honest, it's more of a blessing than anything." Rubypaw finishes for her.

"She was completely crazy in the head." Hazelpaw adds.

"Terrible leader." Rubypaw tuts, regretfully.
"You don't have empathy for your fallen leader?" Jade looks shocked, almost angry. Her fur prickles as if she's taking personal offense.

Wait... what if she is?

"We would if she didn't practically send cats to their death several times in a twelve moon leadership." sneered Rubypaw.

"She was a terrible leader." added Novakit, completely bereft of emotion for his own mother.

"I never heard about her being awful. None of the warriors ever seemed discontent." I object, trying to hide the anxiety cracking through my voice.

"You kits weren't old enough to know." replies Titanfoot. "Anyhow, they're exaggerating. It makes for a better story if our history has someone to demonize."

"We aren't telling anything but the truth." Rubypaw insists.

Jade takes this all in with wide eyes, and against my will I feel my fur prickle. This is the darker side of DragonClan, things this kit shouldn't know, and here she is, learning all of our darkest secrets. I alone seem to notice the fakeness in her smile, but there's a rustle in the bushes and the warriors are all silent.

Knottedstar comes into camp slowly, walking with power in her stride. Her eyes look from the warriors to the kits, and then she says quietly, "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."
"Of course not, Knottedstar!"

"Good. There will be a meeting at the Highfall at sundown. I trust you all will be there." She looks down. "That includes this little one, here." She walks off, tail flicking, and I look up to see the sun is slowly descending behind the trees.

We scuttle over to the Highfall, fur bright in the scarlet of the setting sun.

Knottedstar is already there, as are the warriors, who seem to have been informed already. She looks from us to them, then them to us, and her expression is warm and caring. "I see we have a new member tonight."

Jade swells with pride and my hackles raise. The whole clan's eyes are on us, and they seem just as hostile as I do when they scent the kittypet smell emanating from her.

Knottedstar catches their attention with one quick 'Ehem'. Her speech is concise, but the whole clan is silent the moment she starts speaking. "I understand all of you are apprehensive about the coming days. The clan has been left in the dark, a darkness that predates Shadowstar's death and though I can not bring the light, I can at least lead you there. It is my new deputy who will have to be the light of this new clan. I am old, and my leadership may be far more brief than I had hoped. Regardless, I am sure this cat will be a good choice. My new deputy will be Amberstreak."

The cats cheer loudly. Amberstreak walks up to the Highfall with her tail swishing. If nothing else, she's the popular choice, and the clan seems pleased with the choice. There's a different smell in the air. The cats are not as angry or standoffish as they were before. For the first time since I was born, everyone seems... relaxed. Happy.

Is this what change feels like?
The thought creeps into my mind and takes root before I can pull it up, and the more it grows the less terrible it seems in my mind.

Maybe Shadowstar was a bad leader.

The other cats might be right, I might not have killed her... but I might have pushed her over. Not what I said or what I did, but simply what I am is what terrified her most.

I am the golden-eyed cat, and maybe... maybe that's not such a bad thing.