It's greenleaf again. The warmth is almost smothering, and I'm in the medicine den with suntouched herbs wafting into my nose. Their combined scent is almost overpowering, to the point to where my eyes begin to water just sitting there, so close I could almost taste them if I stuck my tongue out.

I'm about to get to my paws when he tackles me, the two of us rolling over until I'm on my back against the wall of the medicine den. I stare up into his excited eyes and nudge him with one paw, drawing his face away from mine. "Nice to see you, you silly tom."

"Well, well, well. It's nice to see you too, Ashleap."

My ears twitch as he says my name, drawing it out for a painfully long time. Something about it feels unfamiliar. I shake my head, pushing him off and getting to my paws. My legs shake uncontrollably of their own accord, as if trembling in fear of some greater power.

"Is something wrong?" he asks.

"No." I say firmly, though my whole body feels like I'm on the brink of collapse. "I'm fine."

"In that case..." Pyrewing purrs. "Meet me over by the Highfall. Brownfur should be finishing his vigil any moment."

I nod. "I'll be right there." As he walks away, I stride to the fresh-kill pile and sink my teeth into a rabbit. It's repugnantly juicy, the taste so intense that it makes me spit it out. "Ugh!"

I look around, trying to find somewhere to wipe the taste from my mouth, and instinctively turn to the left.

There's nothing there but more trees, making me feel foolish. What was I looking for, exactly?

Instead, I catch Infernoleap's eyes, meeting his glower with confusion. Though he's usually crabby, today he looks downright angry. Is something bothering him?

"Are you alright?" I ask, my voice flat and uninterested as I walk towards him and sit down again.

He hisses, turning his back to me. "You don't understand how lucky you are."

"What? Is this about Brownfur? Pyrewing? Infernoleap, for the last time, you're part of my family too and-"

"Oh, we know that's not true."

"What?"

"I'm an outcast in my own clan. Sometimes I just want to run away and-" For a second, one perfect breath, his fur is black instead of red and his eyes are a familiar gold. He looks almost foxlike.

"I recognize you." I say.

He opens his mouth to reveal fox teeth. "You have to get out."

"Ashleap!" Pyrewing calls my name,

There are stars inside of his eyes.

Then they're gone.

"I'll be back." I promise.

"Don't bother."

Ignoring his contemptful meow, I walk back to Brownfur and Pyrewing.

"How'd it go?"I ask Brownfur.

My son purrs warmly, though his eyes are blurred over with sleepiness. "S'fine. Tidalwave... she and I... mates."

I manage to muster up some astonishment for his sake, trying to deal with the continued shaking that has crept its way up and is now making my whole body shiver involuntarily. "T-that's great news!"
"I'm just... glad. This family. The clan. Everything is finally pulling together." Brownfur says.

"This is the best day of my life." Pyrewing says. His voice is off. Forced. In an odd way... it's almost like he's threatening me.

I feel like I should be happy, but within me there's only a hollow void of emptiness. I try to conjure up even the most halfhearted of purrs to find that I can feel nothing at all.

"Yes," I say stiffly, "It's... amazing."

"Is something wrong?" mews Brownfur. "You sound like you're about to cry."

"I'm just so proud," I tell him, resting my head against his in an attempt to offset the awkwardness. I take in a deep breath of his scent and jolt back.

The smell of carrion hits my nose. I stare at my son in terror to see a deformed shape with many legs and arms, an abomination staring at me with dead, lifeless eyes.

"Mother?" he wheezes, his voice layered upon many others. "Are you alright?"

"Ashleap." Pyrewing says.

I blink and the voices are gone, leaving only a very confused Brownfur and a slightly angry Pyrewing.

What happened? Why do I feel so disgusting? What was that?

Something is wrong inside my head. It feels empty. I wait for the response or cry of some voice, as if something is about to happen, and unsurprisingly recieve nothing.

What's wrong with me?

I shake my head several times, trying to shake off the feeling and only making my head hurt more. "I'm feeling sick. I just need air." I tell them. "I'm very proud, I'll be with you later, I just..."

Pyrewing presses against me, his fur warm. "We can go together. I know somewhere you love more than anywhere else in the world."

He leads me out of camp as I almost press into him, as once Infernoleap pressed into me the day he broke his leg. The day he learned he would never be a warrior.

I never realized before how intimate it was.

I never had a name for the bitterness in his tone when he talked about Pyrewing.

Jealousy.

Pyrewing's voice snaps me out of my trance. "We're here."

I stare ahead at a hill I know all too well. The yellow flowers blow in the breeze, their scent reassuring. I let the sun soak into my fur and my body stops shaking. The wind is full of voices, some of which I can't recognize.

Do you know why this ledge is important?

"You've been quiet. Are you alright?" Pyrewing asks, nudging me gently. His purr is so kind, so genuine, that it makes me feel sick. I feel dirty just being there, lying to him...

I look down at my paws. The gray is sickeningly bright, warmed by the gentle sun and the hot, humid air that surrounds me like a blanket of leaves. They are the paws of another cat. A medicine cat. Someone who died long ago... am I dead, too?

The sky flickers around me.

"None of this is real." I almost whine the words, my heart thrashing against the sides of my chest as it beats frantically.

"What?" Pyrewing asks.

"None of this is real." I repeat angrily. "This whole world is fake and I'm not Ashleap!" I yowl it so loud it makes my throat hoarse. Every sensation is so real and as I stare at Pyrewing's shocked face, breathing heavily.

"Rushcall."

I stare into his eyes, which are filled with stars again, no pupils visible. His whole pelt is a sweeping field of stars, the trees around us flickering out of existence and all of them made of moonlight.

"Am I dead?" I ask.

"You don't have to go back. You'll never have to leave again. This world is made from your own memories, along with all of the other cats here and in the tunnels. It's yours. We made it for you."

"You... you knew." I hiss, recalling dozens of previous ventures. A million memories burn into my mind, days spent pining for this world that can now be mine forever and yet now that I have it, all I can feel is ugly resentment.

"I've seen you go." he admits, getting closer and closer. "I watch you disappear and every time you get a little bit further away from here."

I back up slightly, ears flattened. "I finally had a reason to live. Others who cared about me. I had a social life, friends, cats who no longer saw me as a murderer..."

"You can't leave me." he says desperately. Novablaze's eyes. Starry eyes. Empty ones. All three of them stare at me as the universe turns around me and my mind turns angrily with it, struggling to reconcile. "I can't lose you again."

I say quietly, "Me neither."

With that, I turn and run.

He races after, a mournful yowl splitting the air as I race through the new DragonClan forest. The world blurs, swapping between the vibrant greenleaf and what I can only guess is StarClan territory again and again. As I run further, the color seems to pale from both until I'm running between ugly trees with no texture or color, and eventually there's nothing at all but gray.

My paws don't make any sound as I keep walking, terrified. There's no sound anywhere and Pyrewing is gone.

No.

In the distance, a single hole awaits me, a long, dark tunnel into nothingness. I step closer and the world comes to life again. Pyrewing stands in the distance, suspended in midrun.

Two voices return to my head.

Rushcall.

Rushcall.

Don't do it.

You can't.

Please.

I look back at Pyrewing, gazing upon his frightened expression. As I lower my paw, I feel a shiver run up my spine. I remember being cold, fear, and last of all Novablaze picking me up.

The trees are real here. The air is fragrant. It's a paradise that I made up in my own mind. A world where I never made any mistakes.

A world where someone better than me takes my place.

Someone... who isn't me.

I lower my paw and spring forwards into the abyss.

For a few seconds, the darkness around me keeps going, plunging me further and further into the depths, as I swerve onto my back in mid air, unable to set myself back upright. As I look up one last time, I notice in the dull light that there are seeds clinging to my pelt.

With that, I close my eyes and let the darkness take me.

Crack.