"Rubypaw, Scorchpaw, and Hazelpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend this clan, even at the cost of your life?" Knottedstar calls in front of the silent clan. Despite recent events, everyone is still excited for the warrior ceremony of three of the apprentices. I'm sitting besides Sparrowkit and Novakit, though Sparrowkit tends to keep his distance.

"I do!" Rubypaw and Hazelpaw say, tails flicking in excitement.

"I do as well." Scorchpaw's voice is more solemn but it's obvious he puts a lot of faith in those words. The clan is looking at Rubypaw and Hazelpaw, and with one quick glance backwards he knows the clan can no longer trust him as a warrior after the recent issue with rogues.

Knottedstar knows their apprehension well, but she shows no sign of worry herself. The clan is watching her like ravenous wolves, yet she's calm. Once again I find myself in awe of how easily she handles them. "Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior names. Rubypaw, from this moment you will be known as Rubyshine. StarClan honors your creativity and kindness. Hazelpaw, from this moment you will be known as Hazelwhisker. StarClan honors your wit and loyalty. Scorchpaw, from this moment you will be known as Scorchclaw. StarClan honors your bravery and determination, and we welcome all three of you as full warriors of DragonClan."

"Rubyshine! Hazelwhisker! Scorchclaw! Rubyshine! Hazelwhisker! Scorchclaw!" The clan cheers them on enthusiastically, though Scorchclaw's name is a little quieter than that of the two clanborn cats' names and some cats on the edge aren't cheering at all.

Regardless of how many are cheering, they aren't the only reason the clan has to be thankful. Peacockwish has given birth to three of Duststorm's kits. He sits alone at the ceremony today, with his mate in the nursery caring for the three kits. While Cherrykit and Maplekit share his brown fur, Jetkit's fur has Peacockwish's dark hues. Not one has opened their eyes and yet they are all irrevocably already part of us. I notice Duststorm slip away as the ceremony ends, and Amberstreak dashes amongst the warriors, giving everyone some duty or otherwise a well deserved break. Midday is warm despite the coming leafbare. Our coats for the cold months have grown in and this temperature, though not terribly warm, is at least comforting.

"That was great. I'm so glad that Rubyshine and Hazelwhisker finally got their ceremonies. I was kind of worried they would never get them." jokes Goldenkit. "You know, because they're always lying around doing nothing."

"I think they worked hard." Sparrowkit says indignantly. "You can hear it in their- I mean, they just seem so devoted, at least to each other. I wish I was that close with my littermates."

"You mean littermate. We're the only two left." I say coolly.
Sparrowkit blinks. "I keep wrecking up today, don't I?"

"Intentionally? The clan is pretty convinced you're not a freak like Jade." Nettlekit says.

"Or Rushkit." Goldenkit says.

My eyes narrow but I say nothing.

"She's not a freak. She's deputy of DarkClan and she's a hero." Novakit's voice is shaking as he says it, as if he's about to cry, but knowing him it's more likely an unorthodox way of conveying a threat.

"Sunpaw says that Rushkit murdered her in cold blood and she got away with it because she's Knottedstar's favorite. Knottedstar thinks she's some deity sent down from StarClan."

"Freak or not, 'she' is right here and 'she' can speak for herself. What really happened, Rushkit?" Nettlekit's eyes gleam with mischief.

"What Knottedstar said." I answer as quietly as possible, but my claws are unsheathed. I notice them after I've said it- I didn't unsheathe them myself. It's as if they knew I was speaking about her and unfurled of their own accord.

"Whatever. It's not worth arguing about. Why don't we go play a game?" Novakit groans, and I can tell he's trying to get me out of the ridiculous awkwardness of the situation. I send him a silent 'thank you' best I can, and I'm sure he notices.

We head towards the river, which is really more of a creek at the edge of camp. There's a large bank with lots of stones in it, which Novakit begins moving.

"What are you doing?" asks Crowkit, curious.

"We're going to play river kingdom! The water is like your territory, and you move the rocks to create a hole so the water comes in. Bonus points if you get a fish!"

"Okay then." Crowkit says, flipping a rock and then jumping back. "Wow! Those are gonna hurt if one falls on your paw! Everyone, be careful!"

"Yes, Crowsong." we all chime in happily. Nettlekit begins clearing rocks quickly, while Goldenkit strategically sweeps the bank for the best location. Novakit places himself in the middle and I find myself close to him and close to the river, where the best silt for digging is. Without as many rocks, it's far easier to shape and build the land.

Hazelwhisker comes to watch us and 'judge our hole building' alone with Scorchclaw, but he gives in and leaves her to watch while he builds a hole to put all of ours to shame.

"Can Sharpkit play?" asks Sparrowkit, who is sitting by Sharpkit's side, apprehensive.

"Of course Sharpkit can play. She's great at digging herself into holes." I snap back, hoping to make a quick retort.

"Same goes for you, murderer! No one's ever gonna-" She hisses, but is cut off by Hazelwhisker, who breaks us apart.

"I didn't come here to judge who could yap each other's faces off fastest, I came here to judge who could dig the best hole." says Hazelwhisker, trying to keep the peace. "Back to digging."

I start digging again scornfully, glancing ruefully at Sharpkit who is leaning on Sparrowkit in a lovey dovey way I just know makes him uncomfortable.

They'll end up together.

They have before.

It will not end well.

You should save him.

Save him, Rushkit! Save him with your claws! Kill her now before she ruins your brother's life!

Ignoring the voices best I can, I begin digging into the soil. Even before I start making the small canal to let the water in, Scorchclaw jumps in, cackling, and water rushes over the edges and fills my tiny water hole. I continue digging, but the dirt is now caking into mud on my claws. As I keep digging, the red dirt churns into the water and it begins to look like blood.

I dig faster, but the blood is running down my paws now, the silt caking between my claws like chunks of flesh, and the hole is now full of blood and I'm digging into Jadekit's neck as she screams endlessly, crying for me to stop it, begging for me to let go and I yell, stabbing my claws in. "Just stop already! Go away! Go away!"
I look up and no one has noticed my outrage except Sparrowkit, who has turned around with remorseful eyes. My reflection within the water, which has settled now, has golden eyes.

It doesn't matter how you try to hide it, Rushkit. You're still a filthy murderer and everyone hates you.

"Scorchclaw got a fish! Scorchclaw got a fish!" All the kits are yelling excitedly and cheering for Scorchclaw as he pounds the fish relentlessly but all the joy has gone out of the activity for me. Without a word, I return to the nursery and lie down.

The kits are in there, all of them mewling and squirming around. As I lie there, oneof them makes its way up to me. I recognize his jet black pelt, which is beautiful but not as vibrant as his mother's. Despite this, he's quite the handsome kit. I wonder fondly if I was this innocent and small after the flood. To my surprise, as he sits there, watching me admire him, his tiny eyes blink open and gaze back into my own. "Hello."

"Hello, Jetkit." I say, still in shock. "What do you think?"

"You look a lot better when I have my eyes open." he purrs.

"Eyes? Open?" Peacockwish says loudly, rushing over to her kit's side. "Jetkit! Your eyes! You did it!"
"I did it, I did it, I did it!" Jetkit repeats happily.

Though it's not my joy, I find myself just as happy as the small family as they rejoice over the tremendous accomplishment. There's a warmth that comes with the simple first steps to growing up, and part of me doesn't care if the other kits ever come back.

I just want this back.

But you can't have it.