Stormy, wild like a hurricane, driven by longing and the memory of a night that left behind painful traces and deepest despair. Urgent lust, palpable desire. Alec's fingers on my heated skin caress gently and with clear purpose, feeling every inch, remembering the power of our passion. We are submerged, drifting beneath the surface of the roiling sea. Waves crash over us, muffled by the spray and the whipping wind, completely at the mercy of the storm of our feelings. It threatens to engulf us and I let it happen.

Alec presses my body against his in a demanding way, rolling hips create a comforting tingling sensation and yet it's just not enough. Forgotten are the people around us, the glow of the stars and the gentle breeze which blows over to us. It smells of lavender and cedar. Cedar, how unusual. A spark flickers in my head, is immediately extinguished by Alec's tongue on my neck. Heat floods my body and I rest my head on the back of my neck, above me the stars and a white flashing light. One... two... Three more beats and my heart resumes its work. Teasing lips glide over my neck, sucking, caressing, and I can barely breathe, gripped by the intensity of my sensations. Alec's hands on my chest, tender, caressing, breathtaking.

"We shouldn't...," I say, feeling Alec's teeth scrape over my skin
"Right," he growls, kissing me stormily, fiercely as if this is our last kiss and reality could crash over us at any moment. That it's all just a dream and Alec isn't lying on my body panting, his arousal pressing against mine, and we're shitting on everything.
"Let me..." he puts in and I finish his train of thought, lightly pushing Alec off me and tugging the shirt over my head, driven by lust and desire. Insistently, Alec looks at my chest, his eyes darting back and forth restlessly. I see the lambent fire, flickering blue and burning hot passion, the same expression I saw in London.

"Compensation," I say harshly, and Alec's shirt leaves his body a blink later. Excited gasps leave my mouth, I don't care how loud the sound is in the protected darkness. I'm hungry for love, clearly. Overwhelmed that the images of my memory seem frighteningly real. We had one night, hours, and it doesn't feel like this one is half a lifetime old. It isn't, either. Three years and Alec still has the same dark fuzz on his chest and the narrow trail which disappears invitingly into the waistband of his jeans shakes my body. I remember the taste of his skin and clawing hands in my hair. I am so lost.

Heart beating up to my throat, I swallow dryly as Alec initiates the next episode of our lovemaking. Gently, his tongue runs over my belly, sliding into the hollow of my navel, and I can't resist the temptation of grabbing his black hair and guiding him into lower realms with light pressure. Alec growls and the vibration of his bass against my skin makes it dance, fine streams of desire flow gently through my veins. Sucking his lips pay homage to my body, nestle comfortably against the excited surface. Full of eagerness Alec opens the buttons of my pants and begging I lift my pelvis. As the first warm air currents waft around my willing flesh, Alec's hot lips kiss my tip and I almost expire with lust, feeling more alive than ever before. The attraction of our bodies is like a utopia, they remember as if not hours, months, even years have passed. No more than a few minutes, blinks insignificant in the infinity of being.

The dialogue in my head has long since fallen silent, no disturbing dialogue simply silence and Alec's fingers delicately caressing my hip. His lips kiss my shaft and I bury my hands in his soft hair, moaning. The stars above us twinkle in a fine glimmer of shining silver. The symbol of eternity, beautiful to look at and silent witnesses. It is these moments, the feel of his lips exploring my body, the taste of his skin on my tongue, the sounds from the depths of his throat drenched in eroticism and sensuality, the intensity of his thrusts ever higher and further beyond the edge of the world. He was always there, Alec and his shadow, which saved me over many a dreary day and night so suffocating.

Sweet torture accompanies Alec's caresses, he kisses, licks and caresses, but does not put his lips around the dripping glans and gives me what I crave. His tongue snakes around the pulsing muscle and I just can't take it anymore, moaning and gasping, clearly signaling what I desire.
"Alec," I press out, pressing my center against his lips and feeling wet hot kisses. I whimper in frustration, pulling at his hair demandingly, and Alec moans, sending arousing waves through my body. He tortures me and his hands tenderly caressing my chest don't make it any better.

Energetically I grab his shoulders, pulling him up to me demanding, sucking the taste of his lips. Slightly salty and pure Alec. He's an incredibly good kisser, playing with the senses and the eagerness of suppressed desires. I don't wait for his approval, I care, it could never be. But I trust that Alec feels the same energy and simply surrenders to the lightheartedness of the moment. Urgent are our kisses, warm breath weaves around every touch of soft lips and dancing tongues fuel the feeling of desire and the sensual rush we are in. The buttons of Alec's pants are no obstacle, sliding through the opening as if by themselves, and even the fabric leaves his hips faster than the mild summer wind blows another soothing breeze to us.

Voluptuously, as if out of his mind, Alec presses his body against mine, unashamedly brash and I can't deny that his behavior excites me greatly. Devoutly, my fingers explore the curve of his buttocks, velvety soft fabric, a touch of nothingness. It feels unfamiliar, different from what I know and yet my fingertips hover covetously over the fine fabric. I feel the tense muscles and the slight trembling of his body. Alec gasps as my fingers gently glide over the cleft of his sweet center. The same intense tingling sound I felt in London, a memory that feels like home. Whenever my thoughts went on a journey, images awakening and emotions taking over, they ended up with him. Alexander.

Always, urges, lust in the heated fire of passion and pure sex ruled my life's journey. I took what I wanted and when I wanted it. Left names and faces behind. Not a memory, not a shred. Alec is the first man after a long journey whose name is firmly burned into my memory. Everything, every moment, every feeling, every sound, the smell of ecstasy and sex are stored so clearly that it seems impossible to forget it ever again. I don't want to forget it, just like I don't want to forget this period in our short lives. His quivering body on mine, lips sucking and the lovely sound, the spell of his desire joyful and aroused.

"Is it okay with you?" he asks tentatively. And how. Never would I have believed that silky fabric would touch me more than heavy cotton.
"Absolutely," I reply, and Alec rewards my words with an all-consuming kiss and his hands restless, frantic in my hair. We're driven by lust and an insatiable desire to feel the other as close as we can, for as long as we can. His lips glisten from the intensity of our kisses and the flickering blue of his irises captures me.
"I've missed this. Missed you," he whispers into the darkness of the night. A breeze caresses our bodies gauzily, catching in the messy tangle of his hair.
"Me too," I reply, letting my fingers slide longingly up his spine to his shoulders and soft hair. Alec lays his head on the back of his neck and I feel goosebumps growing under the crests of my fingers. Soft moans, parted lips, a gentle breeze and the taste of ecstasy fine as a vivid memory.

Alec gyrates his hips, gazes at the shining stars above us. His lips form words, but I can't hear them. Instead he reaches for my hand, the heat of his skin as intense as mine, and reverently he presses my hand against his chest. I feel him, muscles and sinews, warmth and strength, softness and the drumfire of his heart. The melody in my heart mirrors the beat of his beats. I feel the pulsing under my fingertips, wild and explosive. The words in my head deep and meaningful. Dream image, heart splinter, longing, dynamics.

Our interwoven fingers form a tight knot. They remind me of my mother's ring, which she never took off, leaving visible traces of an eventful life. Matte shiny gold, artfully crafted and of high value. The links of the ring formed a Heracles knot, also called a love knot, and were a gift from her parents and their parents before and far beyond our imagination. The love knot was considered a sign of indissoluble love with ominous effect, is symbolic of durability and peace.

"I wish this night wouldn't end," Alec murmurs.
"There's nothing we can do about that," I reply, stroking gossamer over the breath of nothingness, feeling the contrast with the fine silk, Alec's hard penis, and the world stops for a moment as a glistening pearl leaves his eyes and comes to rest wetly on the back of my hand. It dies a lonely death, devoured and thus one with me.
"Alexander. It's okay," I say softly.
"No. It's not," he replies, sobbing.
"I'm not supposed to... fuck, don't... but I want you so bad," Alec declares, and the blazing fire in his eyes, the clawing fingers on my chest are in dialogue with the voices that judge him incessantly. Desperation is on his face, the desire for freedom and love for the person in his heart and the ongoing conflict between acceptance and fear.

Painfully, the nails of his left hand bore into my skin, scraping, scratching and the burning sensation accompanies the pain in my heart. They form a perfect symbiosis, merging and slowly sliding over my skin into his. The other hand is still pressing mine against his chest. The drumming has not lost its strength. Alec struggles with himself and his demons, trying to escape the world we're in.
"We shouldn't do this," I say harshly even though I know my words don't match the desire in my heart.
"Yes," Alec replies with a gasp, driving his hips against mine, and together we sink into the vastness of the New York night sky. Hungrily we cling to each other, long forgetting the insidious attack of our minds, we surrender to the answer to the question of why. We need each other, now, here. Our eyes rarely see the full extent, fragmentary fragments, and I see only Alec and his beautiful face. Radiant and full of abandon, with lips swollen from kissing and his sex appeal.
"How can something be wrong when it feels so right?", asks Alec.
"I don't. Look at me," I say, reluctantly releasing my hands from his body and cupping his face.
"I... you're not free," I sigh, smothering a response with my lips, and Alec drops into the kiss.
"Neither are you," Jonathan's cold voice rings out. Startled, afraid, we jerk apart, both of us looking into my partner's eyes smoldering with anger and rage.