Pulling the wolf back from my fingertips was more complex than I thought it'd be without proper motivation. I'd been triggered by watching Tomas touch Verando, while I knew the Irish man obviously enjoyed the comforts of women, it was something that my feral eye picked up on almost immediately. 

There was a connection there, much as Verando hadn't loved any man before me, something in me caused me to react poorly to seeing the two so close to each other. My warlord fell back into step with the man as easily as breathing, to best friends who's bond had been rekindled. It was unfair to put this on them, to even think that Tomas would try to take him away from me, and yet, I wanted them to be separated. At the very least, I wanted Tomas to keep his hands to himself.

I struggled to focus on the 'layers' she was describing. It was like removing my own skin, uncomfortable, burning, yet something I couldn't fathom doing or even wrap my mind around. 

Perhaps that's why it caused me so much internal suffering to use, with my magic leaking out through my pores, it was no doubt savaging my body on the way through. "Don't think so hard. Just think about no longer allowing the wolf to access your hand." She attempts, arms wrapped around herself in the wind chill. 

I attempt to focus on the snowflakes, just as I had when I first learned to truly control my magic. Receding the warmth from my hand, I allowed myself to feel the chill, feeling the fog of my breath exhale through my teeth. My fingers threaten to blacken, I gasp and release the hold I had on the wolf, the warm rushes to my fingertips but at the same time seals the magic back under the layer.

"Damn." Again and again, I try, but finding the balance was excruciating mentally but not so much physically. Not so much pain, the tension, and exertion it took to expose tiny portions of my body and allow the magic to flow through took every last ounce of my focus. Yet, it did seem to be working.

 No nose bleeds, no blackouts.

"With fire, I'll scald myself." Rowan shows me her hands, covered in scars up past her wrists that wrapped around her thin frame in a spiral pattern. It nearly resembled some of my own scars from use. "My body was not made to withstand the heat so I have to make sure to keep the temperature around my skin neutral, while still maintaining a flame. It's taken years, decades. With a lycan body under your ice, you will have to work to protect it." 

"Frostbite." I sigh. "I've struggled with it before. It's not new, it'll just take some adjusting." 

Darrius tugs on my pant leg, "Tata, I'm cold." his little teeth chatter, Xaiver yawns as he holds onto his hand, rubbing his eyes with the back of his glove. Had we truly already been here that long? It'd felt like only moments.

By the time I can look up, Verando is before me, Tomas trailing behind. "I can take them home." Was he too eager to get away from me? My lips part as Tomas nears, taking all my effort to not insert my own fears into the pair. "Tomas and I were catching up, it'll be fine if you'd like to keep practicing."

Space. He needed space. 

Reluctant, I agree that it'd be a good idea for me to focus on the training while we had the opportunity. In the cold, there weren't many people who wanted to be in the middle of a park, it was a good opportunity to do some low-end magic while we waited for a more permanent residence. I also had no idea of knowing how long we would have Rowan, sure she wanted to stay, but she seemed like someone who had her own life to lead without spending every waking moment attempting to help me. 

Flicking her gaze back and forth between the two of us, Rowan offers a soft smile. "Actually, Adriam asked if we could bring the boys to do some shopping... I think he figured you two might appreciate some time alone. Why don't you let us take them back?"

Verando flinches before I can answer, stiff with the suggestion. "I just got my kids back. I'm not thirsting to be apart from them." His voice is coarse, I nearly touch him, attempting to calm the annoyance in his voice. The prominent fangs, and the flash of his eyes only they seem to brighten instead of darken which gave me a reason to pause. 

"It's alright, Randy. You and Tomas go back, I'll have Rowan drive me home when we're finished here."

Tightening his jaw, he gives her a warning growl low in his throat before gathering Xaiver and guiding Darrius back toward the SUV. Sighing in relief, I run a hand through my hair as Rowan stares after them in shock. 

"Very surprising. I wasn't expecting that response. I was just trying to be friendly."

"Honey, he's in a really weird place right now, but that's kind of how Verando is. He can be very charming, sweet, funny, but he is also ridiculously protective of those two boys." I'm not sure how she will respond to that fact, seeing as he was also her father and she hadn't gotten much of that from him considering he'd left her and her mother behind to go to war with me. 

Absorbing this, finally, she smiles with an air of acceptance. "Good. I like that about him, then. You need me right now, so we will focus on that. Tom really has missed him, I shouldn't have tried to intrude on that anyhow. Honestly, it's nice to be needed." Touching my arm, it seems to bring her as much relief as it brings me. Lycan's thrived on the bond and the closeness, she'd been without much of a pack for who knows how long, I imagine being close to a blood relative was doing a plethora of discomfort to her wolf.

"How are you holding up? I've hardly even asked about you." I gesture for her to follow as we leave the park, holding out my arm for her to link hers into. She accepts it graciously, a small shiver running through her body, I remember Penelope used to get cold, too. The clack of her heeled boots echos off the near vacant streets of the mid day slump. 

We slip into a coffee shop, sitting down at a private table as she cuddles up in her coat for warmth. The startling eyes peering out of me in the mass of hair, she looked almost exactly like Temptrest save for the eyes. "I'm sad. I was hoping he'd have more interest, but it's going to take time. I'm grateful that he's willing to let me help you, my mother always said he vanished because he wanted to be with a man, I guess that was somewhat true but not in the way she phrased it."

"You must resent me." I sigh, folding my hands in my lap as I order a coffee and some tomato soup. She does the same, opting for the chicken noodle instead. 

"Not at all. I'm actually quite pleased." She manages through her clenched teeth, chuckling at her own shivering. Rowan had gotten much colder than she'd let on, I was shocked she held out for so long. "I didn't know what to expect, but you're exactly how I pictured you. Kind, smart, shorter than I thought but... it suits you."

I hold up my hands, showing her my palms before pressing them together. "Penelope did this all the time, make friction with your hands, then use them like heaters. She hated to be cold." I mimic the move her mother use to make, startling the waitress with the crackle of ice and frost that spreads on the table. 

Hesitant, she puts her hands together before attempting the move, sparking the fire onto the menu as we both frantically pat it out. Earning a frown from the waitress, she takes the menus from us as she sets our coffee down. "Guess we better tip her well," I mumble as Rowan hides her embarrassment behind her hand with a large smile that touches her eyes. Dimpling her cheeks, it was contagious as I smile back. 

I genuinely liked her. She was innocent, but not in the way that Helen was. Tomas had not kept any form of life from her, she'd just chosen this righteous path all on her own. 

"My mother... struggled... with my da being gone. She loved Tom, dearly, but it wasn't the same. They never had another child, didn't even sleep in the same room, but they did stay together until Tom decided to go to Mother and become a vampire, shortly after he found out I held Lycan blood. Mum-" Pressing her palms to her coffee, she exhales in relief as the cup nearly rolls to a boil. 

"Mum left shortly after that, she said she didn't want to grow old with immortals. I reminded her too much of Verando, I suppose. Leaving with Tom to go see Mother was the last time I saw her, so she never got to teach me much about the fire. Frankly I learned more from merchants and pick pockets than I ever did from her, but I do wish she'd given me more insight."

It brings up such a strange mixture of emotions. Penelope had never wanted Rowan, though she did love her in her own way, I always wondered how much of it was to torture Verando with the knowledge he'd be tied to her forever. Tomas had stepped in when he didn't have to, helping to raise this woman to prevent her from living the life her father had. 

"I have so much to thank Tomas for." I tell her gently. "You know, I learned a lot of my own methods from your mother. It was how I learned how to wield ice, a lot of my technique comes from fire. I can help?" I offer, happy to see the return of the smile. 

"I'd love that. But please, don't feel obligated. I know you're busy."

There lay the problem, I wasn't. 

The days rolled on like that, I woke up as early as I could to make Verando and the boys breakfast. We played, Verando cleaned up the small space to his own satisfaction before we returned to the park to play with the boys while I worked with Rowan. The better I got with my magic, the less he felt the need to hang around and watch. He was either running with the boys, sparring with Tomas, or going back to the hotel altogether. 

By the time I'd returned home, exhausted from training, he would have dinner prepared and then he would leave to go on a run. I rarely got to see him return, there was a lot of excess energy to burn off and he often convinced Victor to use him as a punching bag for much of that time. 

Adriam seemed happy for the help exercising the brute of a Russian but I was missing my warlord. The boys were thriving, he was actually starting to look happy again, at times I even caught him smiling. Yet we almost seemed to be drifting further apart. 

As we neared two weeks of the routine, the talk of putting the small house into its final days of closing was becoming more and more of a reality. Adriam was pushing him for things like furniture, and necessities, Verando had apparently been going there at night after his run to work on the surveillance system, something I'd had to learn about second hand from Adriam. 

With each passing day, I worried that we would go and he would stay. 

As night falls once more, dinner completed and the boys showered and in bed, I pointedly set myself up on the couch to wait for his return. The weather was not favorable for a long run outside, the sleeting rain wouldn't stop him but it would send him back to the house with his fear of water and I was right to think so. 

In a true downpour, he would be trapped in the other house and he wouldn't allow us to remain here unprotected. As thunder rolls outside, I hear the door open and close as he pulls off his jacket. Still panting from the exertion, he was soaked to the bone, the white shirt clinging to his chest in such a flattering display. His tangle of hair was matted down, and darkened with the water, causing his eyes to nearly take my breath away with their clarity. 

Putting his hands on the counter, he curses at himself, clenching his fist as he grits his teeth in frustration. My poor, damaged warlord. "Bloody spineless." He snaps at himself, only to jump when he notices I'm watching him. "Ah. I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd be up."

"I wanted to wait for you." Standing, I check my outfit, making sure I'm in something neutral. A simple pair of soft, night shorts and a t-shirt that didn't belong to him. I note the casual roll of steam from the chain around his neck and the way his shirt sagged around his shoulders exposing the tattoo in a delicious temptation that almost made my mouth water. 

"You didn't have to do that."

Pulling my lips together, I cautiously approach the island to stand across from him. "Are you alright?"

With a sarcastic laugh, he holds out his hands to display his body. "Do I look alright? Bloody well shaking in my boots from a damned drizzle."

"You were tortured, Randy." I argue back shortly. 

"God damn it." Smacking his fist on the table, he stops himself, gritting his teeth. "It's disgusting what a coward I've become. You could be less understanding of the man who's supposed to be protecting you, perhaps then you'd find it less appealing to-" Stopping himself, he curses and kicks off his boots. "I'm sorry. That was cruel."

"I'll take it, damn it, talk to me." I insist, keeping my voice low as I approach him. He warns me with his eyes, I keep my arms crossed as I pin him down with my gaze. "Do you want me to hate you?"

Frustrated he runs a hand through his hair, the dripping of his clothes and body leaving a puddle on the floor. Sliding away from me to clean it, I cast my hand, yanking the pool up and casting it into the sink. "It'd be easier than you being so understanding." He retorts shortly, trying to put the island between us, but I refuse to give up my pursuit. 

"You're upset because I'm- what? Alright with you not being okay?"

"I'm upset because I'm this spineless coward and I don't understand what you're waiting for Nic. What if this is as good as it gets? What if I don't get any better?"

"It's been two weeks-"

Approaching me, he stands before me, glowering down at me with the imposing heat of his body so close to mine. "How can I even tell this is me? How do I know I'm not Fenrir? How do I even know who I am anymore? He made me do horrible things and there was a part of me-" Disgusted he glares at the ground. "I had to accept him, but it terrifies me that he meshed with who I am so easily. It would have been so easy to just... disappear."

Stiff, I shake my head, "Don't give yourself so much credit. You caught us off guard and we kicked your ass." I whisper, refusing to give in to this game he was trying to play. It was an unfortunate way about him, when he was low on himself, when he was so close to giving in to that deep darkness. 

With a sad laugh, he meets my gaze once more. "I killed and consumed people while I was controlled by him. Even now, being here, smelling your blood in your veins, it's all I can think about. Then you wear something like this-" Gripping my shirt, he pulls me sharply against his body. "I don't know if it's this beast telling me to devour you or ravage you and it scares the fuck out of me."

Swallowing back the shock of making impact with his hard form, my hands spread over his chest as I shudder back the temptation. Tilting my head back to expose my neck, his lips skirt just under my jaw and I catch my lip in my teeth at the sensation of his stubble against my skin. "Gods you're driving me crazy." I manage, my voice hardly above a plea. "Is this my hell? I have to live the rest of my life with you torturing me like this?"

"You're married to the man who holds the end of the world behind a thin silver shackle, perhaps it's what we both deserve." 

"Shut up and bite me if you're so starved." I snarl at him, gasping as his teeth sink into my neck. The sharp pain, the delicious sensation of his tongue passing over the bite mark, the feeling of his lips against my skin. I knot my hands in his hair and practically moan as he clutches me to him. 

"Daddy?" I hear Xaiver and jump, gasping as he releases me, throwing himself back into the countertop to put distance between us. "Tata! Bleeding!" Xaiver rushes back into the bedroom and I quickly put my hand over the bleeding wound with Verando uttering a string of curses. 

"Go. Go help him." He snaps at me, voice heavy with desire, eyes nearly crystal with the brightness of fresh blood entering his system. His red-tinted lips would give him no room to comfort the boy as he pants, attempting to get control of himself. 

Torn between the two, I reluctantly nod. "I asked for this. Don't you dare go anywhere, understand me?"

"Nic-"

"No. Verando. Do not leave this room or so help me, I will drown you all over again and I mean it. We are not done. We are going to get through this, but you're going to have to trust me. Now be a good boy and stay."

The last pass his tongue had made had effectively sealed the bite mark, I grab the washcloth off the sink and scrub my neck quickly before rushing off to deal with Xaiver.