"Come to bed with me?" I plead, earning a frustrated sigh as I press my cheek into his back. The intoxicating scent of him was so alluring, the way I could feel his body wanting to respond to mine. Despite the greed that it took to hold him this way, it was reassurance that he did still want me. I could hear his heart racing, and feel the connection between us like a beacon. 

 Despite how upset with me he was, despite how much we had to work through, it felt so undeniably good to be close to him. As if a hole in my chest was filled, the missing piece of my puzzle reconnected. 

"I don't want sex, I-." I was being selfish again, what he needed was space from me, I was too busy hunting my own satisfaction to see it. Sliding my hands off of him, he relaxes just slightly as I take a step back. "You need time."

"I need time," he responds slowly. "I need you to not touch me without my permission." Our wolves were starved for each other, but he was hurting and that was reason enough to keep distance between us. 

Nodding, I gesture to the bedroom as I cross my arms over my chest. "I understand and I won't do it again. I'm going to learn to control this part of me, I promise." The part that was starved for him, the bit of me that wanted to ravage him every time I was close to him. It would seem the only cure would be exposure therapy, I had to get used to it, and I had to learn to accept rejection without taking it so personally. "Why don't you go to bed? I'll sleep with the kids."

Agonizing over his expression, he watches me with so much reluctance. It was the only peace I gained from any of this, he did still love me or he wouldn't want to be here. This was hard for him, too. "I don't like this either." He murmurs, hesitating, refusing to allow himself to touch me. 

I had to keep believing that that would help us find an end to this. Patience was something I hadn't had to practice much of, now seemed like a good time to develop a taste for it. "It's ok, take as long as you need. I'm not going anywhere."

"I need to hear you say that." He responds, the distress in his tone was enough to threaten to break me. 

I was thankful for the children, though Darrius got up shortly after to go be with his Daddy. Xaiver was happy to cuddle with me and I inhaled the sweet scent of the younger boy for most of the night, giving my wolf a dose of painkiller with one part of my fractured pack. Xaiver smelt the most like Verando, a small reprieve from the loneliness I felt being separated from him.

Come morning, I return the shirt to his clothes, knowing that if he wanted some of my scent he could find it there or he could wash it and be done with it. It was a peace offering of sorts, an apology for attempting to step back into a relationship that was muddy at best. The constant swirl of emotion put me on a war path to dress and make breakfast before my warlord woke up, small acts of kindness would be a good first step.

Working on making breakfast, I ponder to myself what we could possibly engage in that would show him how much he meant to me but I continued to come up blank. 

Verando cared for few things, I and the children topped that list, perhaps the kindest thing I could do was continue on just as he had when I was a shell of myself. Existing in the same space, letting us feed off each other in the sense that our wolves might retain their sanity while we figured this out. There were so few mated pairs of lycans, it would seem with the lack of females, Lycan's tended to prefer those of other species for mates rather than their own kind. 

Perhaps a way to expand the bloodlines. We hadn't met but a few other bonded souls like us, it was uncharted territory, to say the least. I found myself quietly dreading another heat cycle, uncertain of when that would decide to spring up.

Every time he crossed my mind, it was a painful shock to my soul, causing an ache in my chest to seek him out and grovel for forgiveness. 

As I pull the biscuits out of the oven, Verando steps out of the bedroom, dressed in a simple dark long-sleeve shirt, pulled down into a short V that exposed the center of his collar bone, and cargo-type pants. I swallow at the way the shirt clung to his chest, the near mouth-watering masculinity that poured out of the man as he spoke quietly into his phone.

 The glint of the chain caught my eye, it was a constant reminder we were still in the presence of a captured god. He looked positively delicious and I cram the corner of a muffin into my mouth to ward off temptation.

"That would be lovely, Tomas. Nic had already suggested we go to the park, you could meet us there."

I deflate. He didn't want to be alone with me. Taking another bite, I offer him a mug of coffee which he takes absently, focused on his conversation. The wedding ring on his left hind assured me this was only temporary, I swallow my own coffee and attempt to decide if I should put some liquor in it.

Darrius hops up on one of the bar stools, excitedly grabbing one of the biscuits and spoon full of jelly out of the jar. "What's that?" he reaches for my cup as I lift it out of his grasp.

"Adults only."

"Thank you, Tomas. We'll see you shortly." Hanging up, he exhales as he runs a hand through his messy tangled, slightly curled bed head that would make me giggle in any other situation. "Thanks." Taking a sip, he seems to appreciate the offering, dark with very little cream, just the way he liked it.

Our time here was already reminding me of our various other hotel escapades, I couldn't help but wonder if it did the same for him, too. 

We were wild animals at times, my fingers skirt slowly over the counter as I remember freezing his hands to the counter while letting him have his way with me. Shivering, Darrius offers me the spoon and I pop it in my mouth with a small smile. "Good?" I offer the boy who nods excitedly, kicking his feet. 

Sucking the jelly off the spoon, I lick the remnant off the edge of my palm, catching his eyes as I notice the icy gaze watching me. Swallowing back my surprise, I grab a biscuit and offer it over to him. "Hungry?"

"Unfortunately." The double-edged sword of his tone makes me run my tongue over my upper lip. His appetite had greatly increased with his newfound size, accepting it from me, making sure not to touch my fingers. 

Xaiver lifts a jellied hand with a giggle. "Me! Me!"

 "Gods, darling, perhaps don't wear as much as you're eating." Sliding past me to grab a washcloth, I grunt as he wedges behind me so closely in the small space. Attempting to just remain still and not startle him into bolting away from me, I can hardly contain the flush of color that rushes to my cheeks.

If he wasn't thinking about it, it was almost as if we were fine, brushing past me so firmly in the cramped kitchen and feeling his body against mine. Verando scrubs the sticky substance off of the little boy's hands, "We're meeting Tomas and Rowan for lunch at the park, Rowan wants to talk to you about your wolf, apparently Tomas filled her in on your lack of magic and that's something that she's quite capable of." 

It was as if he'd already met her, "Rowan? Your daughter Rowan? How do you feel about that?" I welcomed the distraction.

Taking a bite of the biscuit, he considers this quietly as he wipes the boy's face. "I don't have the mental space to even think about it right now, Nic. Yes, she's my daughter by blood, but she has a father in Tomas and I'm fresh out of room to attempt to mend the bond with another child. I've hardly managed with Helen, let alone a woman whose life I haven't been in since she was just a toddler. Seems unfair to expect any sort of reunion from her." 

Was this my fault, too? Was I causing him too much stress to want to invest in his daughter? He wasn't the most sentimental of people, it'd taken him some time to warm up to Legardo as well.

 "I'm doing this for you, I know you want your magic back, but frankly I'm not much in the mood for seeing the child of a woman I had relations with while we were separated."

The large eyes of our children prevent me from arguing back, I didn't want him to do anything for me when I'd already taken so much from him. Given my own head trash, I wondered if it was some sort of self-sabotage that he wanted to continue to give while I seemed to be doing little other than making breakfast.

 Nodding, offering him a muffin which he graciously accepts, I was surprised at just how much he was willing to eat. Normally he was only interested in a few bites of toast in the mornings. Distracted by the thought of seeing a child I almost adopted, it was comforting to know that in this time period, she wouldn't be a child anymore. She'd be a woman, an adult who'd lived plenty of life.

I skirt part him or he happens to brush against me in some means of contact, subconscious or not, it's a jolt to my system every time it happens. Getting the kids dressed, I pull on a turtle neck and some jeans, amused as he slides on a fluffier vest than I would have pictured him in, the hood oversized and roomy against his back. I assume it was to hide in without getting too warm. 

I, on the other hand, was thriving in the cold weather given my new body. It was a novelty to be able to walk in the light dusting of snow and not feel the chill. The way the material stretches over his biceps makes my mouth water, I scold myself for allowing the lude thought. 

As he turns his back to me, I note that the hood is perhaps to cover the tattoo on the back of his neck.

In a quick drive over to the park, I spot the redhead standing beside the woman who was nearly as tall as him. Her thick, smokey gray hair held heavy, loose ringlet curls that went down to almost her mid-back. A large bow was placed on the side of her head, and her nose was speckled with freckles. 

She was easily in her twenties, yet she was slim and delicate, much like one would think of a late teenager. The large, icy eyes matched her fathers so startlingly, I was surprised to see her in a skirt and black leggings, swallowed nearly whole by a poofy jacket. Adorable, feminine, she was the opposite of what I pictured yet if I was correct, she'd been raised practically as a court lady for the majority of her life.

As we get out of the car, I feel my breath catch. "Randy, she's gorgeous."

"Looks like her mother." He mumbles, helping to take the boys out of the car as Darrius runs full speed towards the jungle gym. 

He glided across the field so quickly, it was almost as if he were taking bounds instead of the normal stride of someone his age. 

Xaiver toddles after him, more and more capable on his feet every day. Tomas extends his hand to Verando, who shakes it with a smirk before the Irish man pulls him in for a hug. "Aye. I missed ya, Randal. Victor were right, ya look like ya decided to go and put on some muscle again. Good ta see ya lookin' healthy."

"Being possessed by a god hell-bent on ending the planet will cause some dietary changes." Verando retorts stiffly, causing Tomas to cackle in a belly laugh. It causes Verando's smirk to crack just a bit, dimpling his cheek. "It's good to see you, Tomas."

"Randal, I'd like you to meet, again, Rowan. Yer daughter. Row, this is your da, Randal. Er. Verando." 

She smiles broadly, wrinkling her nose in a way that is so characteristically my warlord. They were nearing on the same height, and even though Penelope wasn't the tallest, she'd taken after Verando in that aspect. "I was told we were quite the team when I was a baby." She manages awkwardly, folding her hands in front of her, unsure of what to do with herself when he offers no form of contact.

"You loved your Daddy so much." I couldn't stop myself. "You would growl just like him, nobody could put you down either, we argued you might never walk with how much you were carried." 

"Aye, I remember that fondly." Tomas puts an arm around her, giving her a tight squeeze. "She's a good girl, she is. Multiple college degrees in engineering and the sciences, or what have you. Top of her class, lead at everything she tries, she's mah pride 'n joy." With a sniffle, he blots at his eye with the back of his hand and Rowan shrugs out of his grasp with an embarrassed exhale. 

"Tom, you're embarrassing me in front of mah da." Her accent had a very slight Irish tint to it, she'd spent most of her time around him growing up. 

Verando softens just slightly, perhaps it reminded him of his time with his foster parents, he'd loved them as if they were his own family as well. "Let the man be, it seems like you've really established yourself. You should be proud." 

Rowan's shoulders raise as if she was waiting for him to embrace her, but in typical warlord fashion, he doesn't. My husband could be as cold and calculating as polished marble, he would give nothing away and he'd already decided she had plenty in her life without him in it.

 Stepping to the side, he gestures to me. "I was hoping you could help Nic with his wolf. Nic was-"

"King of Dezna, one of the most powerful solomonari's of our time, he could wield water, air, and manage ice as well as perform the dark arts." She recites quickly, as if it were a quiz. 

"Mmm." Verando retorts, pursing his lips, not appreciating the interruption. "Right. Now he's a lycan as well and his magic is locked away."

"I... er.. I can use it some. But it's very difficult and I've had to take enhancers." I scramble, trying to salvage her deflating excitement. 

Turning her icy eyes toward me, she forces a small smile and nods once. "Well that is half of your problem, power much comes from raw energy and yours is all going to your wolf. You've been cheating and now you don't know how to turn it back on by yourself." She holds up her hand, forming a fireball in her palm before closing her fingers and snuffing it out. "It will take practice... possibly years.. but if you're of our bloodline now, then you're immortal and we have plenty of time to play with it."

Verando and Tomas had already left us, the two tracked quietly over to a park bench to sit beside each other and talk, laughing, carrying on as good friends might. I was envious and it looked like she was as well. 

"Well, that was... disappointing." Rowan's voice catches me off guard. 

"Don't let Verando turn you off just yet, he's not the most friendly and he's going through a lot right now. We had to torture him to get him back from Fenrir, this is a particularly rough time to get any sort of interaction out of him. Save for.. Tomas.. I suppose." It did sting me as well with how happy he was to speak to the Irish man. 

Tomas was allowed to touch him, to hang on him, to be so close to him. 

We both longed for that, a connection, a piece of acknowledgment from someone who had receeded back into themselves. "Your father has a darkness, some times are worse than others."

"Tom told me that he was a very sad man, but that he was also very brave. I'll admit, he's a lot more intimidating than any of the pictures showed him to be." Shivering, she turns to look back at me with a smile. "I'm sorry, that's not what I'm here and that's not why I reached out. Lycans are few and far between, I want to make sure I help you as much as I can."

I appreciated the help, she was almost like an anesthetic, calm and placid, sending out cool energy despite her fire ability. "So do you have sparring exercises or something?"

Surprised, she looks a little taken aback. "Oh, no not at all. I approach things much more scientifically. I actually am not a very big fan of all the fighting that surrounds this side of my family, I much prefer to stay out of it honestly. But, I suppose if it helps you visualize, you could mentally spar with yourself." Considering this, she taps her chin lightly before holding out her hand to catch a few of the drifting snow flakes. "You have to start at level zero, right now you have the ability of an infant I'd assume."

Offended, I cross my arms over my chest but she waits patiently until I hold out my hand as well. "Yep, you definitely are your fathers daughter."

"You think so?" She smiles before focusing on her palm. "There are two layers in your body, we know this from studying those with magical abilities. Think of it like a film, it's wrapped around who you are. Yours, unfortunately, is under layers of muscle, under a wolf but because it is who you truly are, it should be easier for you to access it than someone like me who is equal parts of both."

I immediately decide that while she was boring, she would absolutely adore Landon and K. "Ok." Wiggling my fingers impatiently, she giggles, dimpling her cheeks. 

"Sorry, this is actually step one. Comprehension." Exhaling, she coats her palm in a layer of light blue flame. "Peel away the wolf from the part of your body you wish to expose, let the magic come through. It's mentally exhausting, but the more you get used to it, the more you can do. Your magic will never be the same as it was, unfortunately, but you can use it in different ways. Eventually, when you get really good, the wolf can use it, too if it so chooses to."

Twisting her hand slowly, calculated back and forth, I'm distracted by Verando and Tomas laughing. Looking past her, I sigh, irritated that Tomas had his arm around my husband's shoulder. He was so close to him, leaned in, my hand suddenly freezes solid and I flinch. The pain was intense, an electric shock running through me, but mostly from surprise than true damage. 

"Mmm.. ok. Maybe you're beyond infant." She looks at the solid layer of ice around my hand and I blink at the intensity of the magic. 

"Actually that's the most I've done without enhancer."

"What were you thinking of?" Rowan asks curiously, tilting her head. "Emotion definitely plays a factor in your solomonari background."

Hesitating, I pull my lips into a thin line. "Do you know that me and your father are in a relationship?" 

All business, she nods. "I saw your wedding on TV."

"I'm jealous that Tomas is so close to him," I tell her simply. Observing the two, she nods, understanding. "We are arguing... and Verando is upset with me right now. I did something awful."

"You slept with his past self?"

I stare at her, appalled. 

Rowan shrugs. "I read files, Nicolas. All the time. Ron takes incredibly good notes, I like to be informed. I've hardly ever even been in a relationship so I'm really not the right person to help, but what you're feeling is normal. I guess, if it helps, just remember he's a lycan, too. He feels all the same emotions you do, he's just better at controlling them. Now. Let's practice pulling back the wolf again and exposing the ice, I'm getting cold and hungry! "