Falak and I exited the House of the Chriot just as evening meal bells begin to chime, the white streets and ivory buildings near blinding to my previously grey stricken eyes.

When leaving the Firmament, I didn't feel the general relief and happiness I did when normally reaching Heaven. 

All I could think of were Sister Murrays eyes, her pleading voice. 

Her boney thin hands clutching me. 

Something of the Sending had such an echo of wrongness to it.

My stomach churned, and despite it being evening meal time, I was not wishing to participate. I walked alongside Falak, silent and in thought. She said something, but I had trouble catching the light conversation and eventually we were both lapsed into an uneasy silence.

Did Principalities ever do a Sending? 

I rather doubted it. In Heaven, I had never witnessed a Sending. We would be announced of someone who had went to be with God, not to serve as a higher Angel, but as the spirit they had become. Then, in the following days prayer, everyone in attendance would do the prayer of a Sending. 

A shudder ran through me, as the large grey machine with the resounding sound of the door closing echoed in my mind-surely all the Firmament must have heard such a loud noise.

On Earth, all goodbyes had been that of caskets, and sand being dug deep to send the bodies to the Earth that they had resided their lives on. 

As we walk to The Church, my having claimed fasting as Falak ordered a variation of my earlier meal, I close my eyes, exhausted, as I recall the burial of my father. 

I had been very young, it was a sharp memory warped with time and of my age then, but I still could pull it if need be. 

The hills had backed our city, purple as they always were, an evening sun setting an angry emerald between the mounds of sand. The yellow sands of our lands also were what made up that of our villages, and it served doubly that day to house my father for eternity. 

I had dim memories of my father- most of my time spent with my mother and her sister. I recall his soft voice, one that could coax an injured A'Antwanii back to the stables before vicious Ellocks could lay threat to any of their lives, of a time I had fallen-hard-and my arm had needed to be bound. 

Guilty, I realized it had been long since I had thought of him. No longer did I feel pain at his loss, much had happened since I had time to ponder, or even reason. Even my mother, with her sharp thin frame much like my own, dark eyes and darker hair rarely visited me in my thoughts.

Only the lessons she had grilled into me for as long as I could recall.

"They are not of human nature," she always whispered, always forbade my repeating of such thing in my lighter childish voice," you will know when you see them. And it is them you must assert yourself among, never be a sacrifice. Keep your wits about you- the Holy Water will do much to muddle you. If you do manage as such- you will need to exercise wit- a rarity of those in Heaven."

But where my mother had been sharp, commanding-almost angry, my father had been all her opposites.

His red hair had been thinner than her thick tresses, sprouting round his face and most his head forgetting the peak in a growing falter through the years. His arms were naturally wide as were his chest and cheeks, all terminally sucken in with the constant work and even more constant hunger.

"You are doing well - you are a natural Ayira," he had murmured to me often," you must have gentle hands to harness gentle creatures. But not so gentle that they do not convey what it is that needs to be done."

And he would guide my hands along the smooth short hairs of A'Antwanni backs, of the Newa as they chortled and ran in flightless packs round town. Much of life on Earth was centered around survival, of staying in the safety of the towns when the night drew in, of gathering water and distilling it clean, and always- always- struggling to ensure food to eat. 

All the while praying desperate to Ascend. 

Distinctly the memory of my fathers casket as it formed around him came to me. One last goodbye, one last eye upon who he was. 

But, he was no longer with me. His face mangled, as was his body, despite the attempted treatment that my aunt and others had tried to save his life with. None of it had been enough. 

The distant empty look, the cold hands. None of it held the softness and patients he had always conveyed. 

"Ah! Lael, we had worried you wouldn't have joined us! It is rather unlike you to miss a prayer- I hope you are well!"

I snapped my eyes out of my reverie  to the present and spotted Lael nearing us as we slowed our walk to The Church.  I swallowed hard, trying to think of what I would say. What I would do. Would he once again challenge my choice in Ascension?

Would he ask of me what I knew I could never do, even though as the first of my seven given days dwindled to a close my resolve was tested and I feared the cracks it displayed.

He looked at me as he neared, and maybe he saw everything I wished I could say. But I couldn't speak. My throat felt funny, my eyes burned. 

Long had it been since I had shed tears.

"I imagine todays servitude has taxed both of you," he motioned to Falak and I but kept his eyes on me," Then today after prayer. I propose- we spend our time in reflection together before we must retire."

As he said this his hand reached for mine, and I grasped his far harder than he did my own. His hand was worn with the training he did, but held that gentle nature that made me recall my father with the large beasts of earth. His thumb did a few swipes to the top of my hand, and he gave a tight smile. 

"I agree," Falak chirped," The best way to reflect the reason for the Firmament and its struggle is to reflect of its use."

A flash of annoyance went through me leaving me with guilt- Falak had never lived in the Firmament such as Lael and myself. She couldn't understand how it was to live in such a place. It was not her fault, but despite her friendship it always felt as if it were a rift. 

But of course- I wilted with the thought- we never spoke of it. We never spoke of it or of Earth, so how could she know of such things. 

I looked Falak in the eye, to catch them sad at me. I couldn't find the energy for a full smile, but dipped my head in agreement.  As always,  she meant earnestly the best for others. Her purity and perfection were that only Heaven could have birthed. I was amazed that I had been chosen to Ascend.

"Come," I pulled Lael's hand, and he didn't pull away as he had only that morning," spots will be tough to find if we're late"

As I said this some youthful Angels scurried past us  as their guardian reminded them of their destination and behavior.  I wondered not for the first time what it would have been like to grow upon the painless streets of Heaven, to never know violence, hurt or disease. For sorrows to be chased away by Holy Water, for worries to be of unknown and shallow met. 

Again my fathers too pale face, with the back and sides of his cheeks blotched a deep black purple, that bald spot on his head split between a stark white and the deathly hue. 

My thirst grew, unquenched at the memory of the Firmaments only drink.

Would life be easier- if I knew not pain? Wouldn't I have been all the better to Ascend if it were so??

As we made the steps I continued to wonder- would my woes and fears and- the most damning trait- knowledge- be what nailed my fate to that of a Sacrifice? 

The thought pulled a shudder through me. 

And I trembled, wishing suddenly that my Holy Water had been stronger so as to ease away these thoughts, ensure no worries.  They stood too stark and clear, not muddled by the haze gifted to me every morning. 

I schooled my face blank, fearing any of this to leak seen to those around or-worse- to the Seraphim that watched always and everywhere. 

Too hard I had worked, my whole life molded for this, to lose now.

"Oh Serina is to be leading tonight!" Falak clapped in excitement, seeing her young cousin readying at the front in conversation with one of the older Angels- most like seeking a final direction.

My stomach twisted a little when looking up to the young girl.

Serinas hair was, somehow, far more red and wild than Falaks herself. She stood only half my own height, and still held a softness about her cheeks and body that spoke of her youth. But her eyes held that of determination, of every one of us that had been chosen yesterday to Ascend.

"She. . .," I pressed myself to respond as one should to the vision of the young girl, a bright star among her peers and even her elders. I imagined that Falak had been much the same when she had been that young, and somehow Sister Murrays boney face and soft voice came to the forefront of my mind," Is most certain to Ascend."

"She never wished for Seraphim status," Lael's voice lifted in question, but with the gentle squeeze of his hand in mine I realized it was just a reminder. 

The lavender that disrupted her white robes reminded me that she was a Domino, that I had seen her among the throng of others of her class, had witnessed her lay success upon a kingdom on Earth during the last Two Moon season, and realized we were still with only one Moon at night only half way to the Two Moon that the kingdom had thrived under her direction. 

It must have been what ensured her place among the Cherubim. Her judgement was sound, even in someone so young. 

"No," Falaks voice was that of gayness and pride as she waved to her aunt and uncle who had paused in their adoring watch of their daughter to wave the three of us," After all- we cannot all be as pure and honest as Ayira here."

She hip bumped me, and I shook my head, a true smile coming to my face at her silliness , and my worries of the day seemed to be melding away as I moved further into The Church, surrounded by others of my kind. 

Other Angels. 

All adorned with white, some such as us bathed with a grace of color. 

When Serina took the first notes up in a well known Hymn of Trust, to trust God was its reminding message though still I knew not the words individual meaning, I was thankful to her at the reminder. 

The motions of prayer went much as they had every other time since my announced Choosing, and the tension and stress melded away from my body. Lael knocked his foot against mine, I grinned as I tapped my hand to his shoulder. 

I blinked in surprise at the feeling, jerking slightly and looking in my peripheral at him. 

He continued the fluid movement in the next prayer stance along with me and every other Angel present. But I knew he was silently nodding his head. 

Ah- so he had taken much of the day for advancements sake? Even so, never had he missed prayer before. And generally would hint at his upgrades to be had-proud they were to be bestowed to him. 

I knew I would be requesting to see after prayer was finished, before our curfew. 

Prayer finished with us all on the floor bowed in solemn prayer, and at once the congregation rose at the unspoken finish. 

"She did wonderful," Falak was dreamily looking to her cousin, nodding when eyes were met before turning to the two of them," Would have made a wonderous Principality if she had chosen to be so."

We began heading out of The Church with the majority of those who had attended prayer to head to the view point at the end of Heaven that bypassed the homes of all the Angels, and overlooked the setting sun of Earth. 

"Only if she had no ambition," joked Lael and Falak swatted at his arm, blinking and then grabbing it while jumping up in excitement- it was always prior to rest she became so animated and I was sure it was the Holy Water leaving her system. 

A bit of me wished to see such life displayed, if only to bring joy outside of The Church walls. 

"Have you enhanced yourself further Lael?!?" she smiled up at him giving his proffered arm a squeeze," what is it you are trying to advance to my friend? A Throne perhaps?" 

I frowned at the teasing , as for the thought never occurred to me that Lael himself would wish to bypass that of a Power, but then with his training and devotion, it was within reason.

"And why not!" he shrugged grinning down at her, chancing a glance to me as we passed the final throng of houses to the gates that surrounded the city lay. Powers guarded these gates stoically, and nodded to us as we passed by them, gesturing to the bell towers in reminder.

By night bell, return, least you be locked out.

 And that was something worthy of punishment. Something that the Dominos would lay judgement to, and the Cherubim would decide retribution.

It was an infrequent thing, an Angels misdoings. For there was forgiveness, yes, but after how much loss? 

"I must say," Falak sounded wistful as we took to the overlook- a white stone path encircled the city of heaven, but around that various stone walls that gave and built at random interval. The overlook was a part of this wall that seemed to have crumbled in upon it self, creating the perfect view point of the darkened Earth, the shadow of the hills, the hint of the villages and cities by the flicker of firelight," I am happy for you both. But I feel that this Choosing has-."

She cut off.

It would be unwise to voice any displeasure at against Gods will.

"I will miss you Ayira," she corrected herself suddenly, her arm thrown around my shoulders and I swallowed the lump I felt, leaning my head to her shoulder as we watched the darkness that already held the Sheep of Earth creeping closer to that of Heaven.

"I will not be gone," I forced the smile to my face, rubbing my temple to her shoulder as Lael seated himself next to me," even if I do not become of the Seraphim. A part of me will be with our Lord as one of his Sacrificed."

I hate lying, but I knew Falak. I had seen her 4 years ago when Siren had been chosen. When she had not been introduced among the Seraphim. 

Her sadness had lasted as long as that days Holy Water dose. Gone by the next, smoothed over by the drug. 

A part of me greedily wanted her sadness to stay, but another wished that the injection would ensure her forgetting it. 

"You will be a Seraphim I know it," I looked up to Laels face as grey green shadows cast across it. 32 freckles as always, two held closely together near the corner of his right eye," And soon, you will see, I will be a Power. Among those who will greet you in Nirvana, to serve together nearest our God."

The dream was a wonderful one. I allowed myself to participate in it.

"And I shall meet with you often," Falak nudged my side," To help with the guiding. But I must say, I would hope rarely to see a Throne among us, for fear of war or punishment among the guilty to be had. I will rely on Ayira to update me on your well being Lael."

We all sat in silence then, living a dream we all only wished to see the goodness in. Living happier easier roles that were so rarely graced upon the devout. 

"So," Falak piped rarely the silent one," You upgraded yourself did you? Care to give a show as to how much?"

Falak reached across me to tap at Laels arm and he laughed pulling up the sleeve to reveal a slender vein of silver hinted at the wrist and disappearing until once again glimpsed at his shoulder, melding into his prior advancement at the base of his neck.

Too soon the sun dipped its green head down, I missed the color it gifted to heaven, and night bells rang. 

Lael smiled down to Falak and I as he stood," Seems it must wait."

"Ding ding dong," Falak sung lowly under her breath with a sigh, but was already standing and straightening her impeccable robes. 

Before the first chime sang its low tones in the air, we were already moving, well adjusted as to our need to return to the gates. 

We nodded to the Powers at our entering, they received us and a few others. I spied Angelica- recalled she too had been among the Chosen as I had from our house. She reflected her name a temperance on her face, but the redness that lined the eyes of Sean spoke of his struggle to accept it as she and I had. 

To be a Virtue was to be pure, to be devout, and to put all trust in God. 

Angelica played every part of that role perfectly. 

I was a twisted counterpart in comparison. 

We made it to the square that the four apartments encircled, hugging one another a goodnight. Falak made her way across the square to her golden flagged apartment, as Lael and I approached our opposing side, hand in hand following the thinning throng of Virtues and Powers. 

We both wished for more time together, or least I with he. I suddenly yearned that we had years, many years, more than just the days numbered. 

"Ayira," his voice was strained and I stopped. 

There were Angels still mulling to their respective apartments in the square, or further down the lane to lower apartments. 

I looked up to the face, lit now by the white lights strung about Heaven, the electricity a silent thrum compared to the sparce loud imitations of it down on Earth. I saw his chocolate eyes catching some of the light coloring them gold, and something in them sped my heart.

I didn't trust my voice so I just turned fully to him. To his hands that laid themselves on my face, his calloused thumbs stroking my cheekbones. 

Finally," I'm sorry. I am sorry for this morning. For fighting with you ,I have always said I support you and today I have shown fault in my own actions and claim. Please, do not be mad or disappointed with me."

I blinked, having forgotten our earlier argument at the happiness that his very presence at prayer had given me. 

"There is nothing to forgive," I urged him, hands on top of his own as I refused to tare my gaze from his own," I understand- even if in service to our Lord God, what is right is rarely easy."

His stance relaxed, but his eyes continued to blaze in the electric lights. Fewer Angels now mulled about us. Soon we must part, to enter our separate apartments. 

"Just," his voice caught, he cleared his throat and tried again," Ayira. Do all you must, but do become among the Seraphim. Wait for me. For I will do all I can to Ascend to that of the Thrones. And together we can live in Nirvana and serve God- together."

My chest twisted and I squeezed his hands, nodding my head, my vision blurring. How I wished I could be more like my mother at that moment. To have her solid, stone demeanor, her head for only purpose, her heart for only a goal. 

To become among the Ascended. 

And when she had not, to ensure her offspring would. 

I closed my eyes, feeling too much of my father in me, his kindness, his soft eyes to my mother, the love in them at me. 

And I reminded myself that I had came too far to risk shattering. 

So thinking, not trusting myself to speak, I took one of the hands grasped in my own, turned my head to it, kissed it long and hard, before breaking away to race into my Apartment complex.

I forced myself to steady my breath entering the elevator, focused on the open and close of its white doors as my fellow Virtues filed out on their floors, and counted the ivory doors to my apartment. 

I entered, and allowed my first shaky breath to release, but reminded myself of the Seraphim always watching, and didn't allow tears to build up again, or the twisting in my chest to unwind. 

How easy it would have been to be my mother at that moment. I wish I could be so hard.

Walking past the single work desk, white as all things were in heaven, to my bed where my sleep robe lay, I peeled off the days robes, dispensing them into the dirty laundry hamper that was inlaid within the wall as I always did, watching gathed robes slide down the shoot into darkness wondering- when I was gone would some other Virtue newly appointed take residence here? Would do this very same ritual as I did every night?

Donning my sleep robes, I padded to the bathroom for my nightly routine, before heading to bed.

I lay awake as long as I could, closing my eyes, yearning for a world I wasn't part of. To be with my father and his A'Antwanni heard, to be able to recall the sound of rain- though I had only heard it twice as a child- to feel Laels hands in my own, to always be able to count those freckles among the electric lights of heaven as his eyes glowed.

The last thought I had before sleep pulled me under, was that my pillow was wet with silent tears, and I prayed to God that they went unnoticed.