The past week has been long. I first traveled to Aedifex for Travis and Elosie's coordination. It was a short ceremony. Shorter than what was traditional. He's not even King yet and Travis is already changing the rules. 

This was Travis' way of respecting Eloisie's grieving process. But only so much could be done.  Her beautiful orange gown and flawless makeup couldn't hide the puffiness of her eyes or the way her lips quivered when Queen Rainn transferred the ceremonial crown from her head to Eloise's.

Travis was kind to a fault. He knew that mere months could not alleviate the sorrow one felt after being plunged into grief's icy and unforgivable waters. He was a good man. But even good men had afflictions and skeletons in their closets. 

I saw his eyes search the crowd when he turned to pledge his allegiance to his kingdom. To prove his loyalty to his people. His throat bobbed as he read the Scripture of Allegiance. He swallowed Philip's name.

Philip wasn't able to attend the coronation. He was too busy back in Amet preparing for his wedding. Which I would be attending in three days' time. Travis knew Philip wasn't going to be there, but he searched for him anyway, a vain hope. The hope of a broken lover's heart.

I've been known to have inappropriate reactions to serious events. I don't cry when something terrible happens, no right away at least. When my Aunt Lucile died, I wasn't able to weep with the rest of my family when Lilian was brought into the world, but Aunt Lucy couldn't stay. 

Watching the tears roll down the faces of my family members when I was unable to even sniffle. It was extremely uncomfortable. That was the only time I ever saw my parents cry, watching my mother blow her nose made me giggle.

I had to excuse myself from the room in fear of bursting out in laughter. As I watched Travis struggle with his heartbreak I had to stifle my laugh. The Court produced three queer heirs. In one generation!  Who wouldn't find that the least bit comical? 

Before I came to Aedifex, I decided that it would be too dangerous to tell the boys about my gay awakening. Kennedy already knows, and that one person too many. The fewer people that know the better. I've never kept something like this from them before. 

I stayed a the palace for another two days before departing to Amet with Travis and Eloise. My parents took another train back to Legibus. They felt no need to attend Philip's wedding because they would only rule with him for a short time. 

I went to the wedding because Philip is my friend. His bride to be. Which is now his wife was beautiful. Absolutly stunning. I recognized her from the magazines that I looked at when I was younger. Her name was Addilyn, and it was clear that Felicity was no longer the most beautiful person in the Court. 

After the night came to an end I followed the boys with a knowing nod. They found a room deep in the Palace of Amet. I watched fish swim past the window of the room Philip and Travis slipped into. 

We were in the underwater part of the castle, no one would find us here. But on the off chance a guard or servant passed, I stood guard at the door while Philip and Travis erased the only life that had made them happy. 

After what could have only been ten minutes the door opened. I pretended not to notice their wet eyes. We staggered out departure as no to raise suspicion. As I waited with Philip he didn't say anything. 

He didn't have to.

The emptiness in his eyes told me enough. 

Once I arrived back at my own palace the atmosphere between me a Kennedy had shifted. The week following my outburst they avoided my eyes and followed my commands without comment. 

I didn't realize how much Kennedy and I had started talking until it stopped. 

It was unbearable, so I apologized for screaming at them. Kennedy then reminded me of one of the laws in The Rules of the Work. They summed it up as, "What happens in the Court stays in the Court."

I was grateful to have at least one ally in the death trap that was this overwhelmingly oppressive castle. But even though my secret had been revealed, that didn't change the fact that the trail was at its halfway point. The boy's families were coming to visit. 

This is the only time I'm able to see the boys during the trial. Even though they aren't with the trial monitors today that doesn't mean that they aren't being watched. Because someone is always watching. 

I stand at the top of the stairs waiting in the shadows. The boys stand in the foyer waiting for their families. Logan and Gregory are conversing quietly while John stands to the side chewing on his thumbnail. 

RJ Peacock is the first to walk in. Gregory's mother, the movie star. Her full name is Ryan Jackson Peacock but in an interview, she once said those names weren't feminine enough.

Gregory is quick to embrace her, and that's my queue. I make my way down the stairs. I wear a silk dress, the fabric bleeds from white to vibrant violet. My shoulders are exposed and the sleeves cling tightly to my arms and torso. The skirt is flat, the hem in the front falls to my knee, but the back follows in me in a trail, a deep purple snake stalking me. 

As I reach the floor RJ Peacock gazes at me over her son's shoulders. She spared no expense with her outfit. She wears a tight A-line dress that stops at her thighs, the right half is black and the left is white. She has an expensive brown and black fur shawl draped around her shoulders. Her freshly done nails clutch a shiny black handbag with a golden clasp.

New wealth. It's always looked tacky.

I can tell she's trying to read me. Her bright red lips, that look as if they were painted with blood, twist as she tries to study my expression. This woman thinks she's a steel trap because people watch her play a part on a screen. I can read her like an open book. 

A simple celebrity doesn't hold a candle to me. 

But reputations must be kept and introductions must be made. I keep walking until I face Gregory's mother. She drops into a practiced curtsey. 

"Your Highness," She purrs. "It is an honor."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Peacock," I smile. "Please enjoy the day with Gregory. We have set up the visitor's parlor, there you can find refreshments and a place to lounge. You are also free to roam the gardens and visit the horses. My family would be around, they will most likely stop to say hello. Have a wonderful day." 

I dismiss them quickly and they both begin to climb the steps up to the visitor's parlor. I have no doubt that RJ Peacock sees this as an opportunity to climb the social ladder. How high she'll get is up for debate. 

Just as I'm turning around I hear the cry of a woman. Patrica Ryans is running towards Logan. She embraces him and I can hear her laying kisses on his head. Logan's little brother Liam and his father are a bit more restrained. 

Lawrence Ryans claps his son on the back and pulls him into a tight hug. Logan grabs Liam by the shoulder and tosses his hair before giving him a hug. I've never understood why older brothers have felt the need to mess up their younger sibling's perfectly styled hair. 

As I walk up the smell of shaving cream and vanilla perfumes the air. Liam drops in a perfect bow, he's been practicing, Patrica and Lawernce both curtsy and bow as well. 

"Thank you for the opportunity you've given our son," Lawerence says. 

"We really appreciate it, Patrica adds. "I was rather shocked when the letter arrived. Thrilled but shocked."

I have to grin at Logan's parents. They're so proud of him. I've seen my parents wear the expressions they do. 

"Logan is a fine man," I beam. "I would be forever happy to have him as my husband."

"He would like you to be his wife," Liam says under his breath. "You should have heard him after the ball. Emmalyne this, and Emmalyne that. It was so-"

Liam is cut off by Logan slapping a hand over his mouth. "Thank you for sharing," Logan laughs nervously. "But I'm sure the Princess has more important things to do than hear you spew nonsense." 

Smirking I lean down so I make eye contact with Liam. "There is a room next to the visitor's parlor, the children's parlor, my sister Juliet should be in there. You tell her all of this guy's secrets," I tilt my head towards Logan. "she'll make sure to tell me later."

Liam chortles as he looks up at Logan with mischief in his eyes. I tell the Ryans family what I told AJ and Gregory. Once they depart I see John embracing his litter sister Posie. She's in his arms squeezing him around the neck.

John's mother Christine, hold a squirming baby in her arms. This must be the Charlotte Mae John spoke of. His father Henry is looking around the castle with interest. 

They each bow and Christine manages an acceptable curtsy even while holding a baby. I tell them everything I told the rest and they start to go, but Posie, who is back on her own two feet, stops. 

"Posie," Henry says. His tone carries a warning. "Come along now."

"John," she looks back at her brother, disregarding her father. "Aren't you coming?"

I turn to see John standing in the same place he was before. He keeps stealing glances at the door.

Is he thinking about running away?

"You go on. I'll join you in a moment." John waves his family off before turning fully towards the door.

Heney's face turns pink and his brow furrows. Just before he was going to angrily grab John by the collar Christine puts a fleeting had on his forearm. 

"Leave him." She whispers.

Once they are gone I walk over to John and stand next to him. "Is everything alright?" I venture.

"I really thought she would come," John whispers.

"Who?"

"My sister." John stops looking at the door and turns towards me. "I really thought she would come."

"I'm sorry," I say. "You have another sister?"

John sighs and clicks his tongue. "Yes, well sort of. We haven't spoken in a while. She hasn't spoken to anyone in the family for two years."

"Oh." I say 'oh'. Like an idiot. "What happened?"

"Well, just as she finished her ten-year education this boy came along and swept her off her feet. She wasn't able to see the terrible influence he was. Not like the rest of us could. She was going to be a doctor. She had started the courses and everything. But that went out the window the second he came along." John's tone sours at the mention of the boy. "Before I was able to talk some sense into her he had convinced her to run away with him. They got married and moved to the Painted Mountains. We haven't spoken since."

I try and be empathetic on John's part. I really do. But it just doesn't make sense. "If you haven't spoken in two years, why did you think your sister was coming today?"

"I write to her. Not as much as I used to, but I give her little updates on my life. She always sends my letter back. Some of them are opened, some aren't. She never sent back the invitation. I thought, maybe-"

John trials off and looks out the open doors again. "How old would she be now?" I ask my voice soft.

"Seventeen," John answers shortly.

"Were you close?"

"Closer than most siblings," John says. "We fought a lot, but she was also one of my closest confidants. I miss her."

"I'm sorry." I place my hand on John's shoulder. It's what I do to all of my siblings when they're upset and I'm unsure if they want a hug.

"It's okay," John sighs. His voice tells me it's the exact opposite of okay. "I really thought she would be here. I love my sister, and it kills me that she's not a part of my life anymore."

I'm careful with my next question. "What's her name?"

"Madalee."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Thank you for rescuing me," Logan says as we walk around the gardens.

"You looked like you needed rescuing," I reply, with a laugh.

After my conversation with John, I went upstairs to speak with the families. I was being introduced to Gregory's father when I saw my Grandfather step up to Logan. 

My Grandfather doesn't just question people when he talks to them. He interrogates them. I know my Grandfather has never approved of Logan and that he would try anything to find a reason to dismiss him. 

I couldn't let that happen. The Court might not have its mind made up, but I do too. 

I quickly intervened and told my Grandfather I needed to speak with Logan. Then grabbing him by the elbow I practically dragged him onto the grounds. We are now walking along the gravel pathways, and plants slowly succumbing to the cold hand of autumn. 

"You know," Logan stops us by the lilac bush. "It's usually the boy who does the rescuing. Not the other way around."

His hands are shoved in his pockets and he leans forward making us the same height. His blonde hair is hanging in front of his eyes and it smells like the beach at night. 

"Well, sometimes the girl is the only one capable of saving the boy," I reply, also leaning forward. My arms crossing against my chest and my hip jutted out. Something shifts in the air, our noses only have a small space between them. But whatever moment we had, ends. 

Logan must sense something I don't because draws back and looks up at the sky. I nudge his arm and we keep walking. 

We walk into the rows of tulips, most of the petals are beginning to shrivel and a few have fallen to the ground in papery brown piles.

"I've never really liked tulips," I say looking down at the pink ones to my right. "My mother always had them in her room. The smell was unbearable."

"Tulips, huh," Logan's reply sounds distant. "I never liked roses. They always seemed so cliche."

"My middle name is Rose," I say a little too suddenly. "Well, one of my middle names."

"Wait wait wait," Logan says stopping us again. "You have two middle names?"

"Three, actually."

"What are they?" He demands. 

"Rose, Barrie, and Nell," I list each name off of my fingers.

"So your full name is Emmalyne Rose Barrie Nell Faust?" Logan questions his eyebrows disappearing into his hair. 

"The Spectacular," I add. 

"Of course," Logan shrugs as we begin walking. "You can forget The Spectacular.

We walk in silence some more. But it's not awkward like before. It's comfortable. We wind through some yellowing hedges before reaching one of the fountains. The water glistening under the afternoon sun.

"You know-" I begin to try and tell Logan about the fountain my father had built in the honor of Bobby after he was born. 

But I am abruptly cut off by Lohan grabbing me by the waist with one arm and placing his other hand on my cheek.

He kisses me. 

It's not a bad kiss. But it's not a good one either. I don't have much experience with kissing. I kissed one boy when I was thirteen at a Unity day festival and then another two years later. Those were both sloppy and rushed. Logan's kiss has them beat. But not by much. 

Yet, I feel nothing. I kiss him back as a lady should. After the shock registers, I feel my shoulders relax. One of my hands ends up on the back of his head and the other on his shoulder. It only lasts about twenty seconds before Logan pulls away. It felt much longer, and not in the good way. 

He immediately turns red as I dab at the corners of my mouth. "I-I-I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just, I don't know. Sorry." 

"It's all right," I say. "I'm not mad. Please don't worry."

"Yes, of course," Logan stumbles over his words. "Sorry, shall I walk you back to the castle?"

"I would enjoy that." He offers me his arm and we being to walk, the palace seems much further away than it was a few moments ago.

We kissed. No, Logan kissed me. 

I've read about people kissing someone and it feels like time stops. They describe it like lightbulbs popping and the room spins. They could kiss for an hour and it would only feel like a minute. 

My kiss with Logan was mediocre at best. 

It wasn't bad. He didn't hold me against my will. I could have stopped it anytime I wanted. But it wasn't great. 

As we reach the place I excuse myself to go use the restroom. As I'm making my way up to my bedroom one thought keeps popping up in my mind. No matter how hard I force it down or push it away, it keeps resurfacing.

What if he was a girl?