We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack. 

--Marie E. Eschenbach

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Chapter 9 – Leon’s Confessions

It’s Sunday, late in the afternoon and Mom urged me to go out or do something when she noticed that I was fully intent on spending the rest of the day staring defiantly at the ceiling and brooding about internal issues that wouldn’t reach her knowing.

I grunted in an enervated manner at her sudden demonstration of concern.

“I’m not going out, mother,” I yelled as she poked around, passing by every now and then. I sighed, exhaustion claiming me for no apparent reason.

Perhaps it was owing to the fact that I had not been able to get a decent sleep last night. Leon’s bedazzling face kept appearing on the darkness behind my lids. It troubled me how untrue Leon could get; how fictitious it was that he might, in some unknown universe like me.

Yes. I must be having delusions the whole time. That assumption was much easier to accept than that of last night’s.

I rolled over listlessly and reached for the apple on my table. It felt very real to my fingers, smelled quite real too. But somehow the contemplation of me and Leon... his hand pulling me to him... I couldn’t stand thinking of it much longer. My stomach fluttered and the thumping on my chest grew louder.

It was driving me mental!

I focused on the apple, so red and sweet smelling; somehow bringing me to an assumption. If the apple was real, thus, there was at least a ninety percent chance that Leon and that entire blunder last night were true. The ten percent was to the benefit of the doubt and I didn’t quite trust myself when it comes to matters such as these.

Shambling my way down the stairs, I surveyed the perimeter for any presence of Mom, still clutching the apple between my hands, grabbed a sticky note beside the fridge and wrote a on it.

Off limits.

The note attached snugly to the apple and after convincing myself with another thorough check, I stuffed it into the very rear of the fridge, unbelievably pleased with myself. I stood there after a minute or so admiring my work, when Mom entered the kitchen. Alarmed, I hastily threw the refrigerator door shut.

“I see you finally got up.” Mom eyed behind me. I slid to the nearest seat beside the counter.

“Mom... H-how long can an apple last? I mean if it’s in the refrigerator?” I asked inconspicuously.

Mom gazed at me with studying eyes and sat across the table as she scribbled something on the small piece of paper. When she finally raised her gaze, she pushed the paper to me with some cash. It looked like a shopping list.

“Two, maybe three weeks tops,” she replied unswervingly. Nevertheless, there was a suspicious guise about her face.

I nodded silently staring at the little piece of paper on my hand.

“Go and pick those up before dinner.” She stood, replaced the chair carefully on its alignment then headed to the garden.

I stalked her stomping my way as I did. “For the nth time, I am not going out today, mother.” I knew it was her pathetic excuse to get me out of the house because she didn’t fancy the thought of being around with a moping adolescent. Knowing Mom, she would always try to shun things that she could not deal with.

“I am not asking you Sarah. I need those tonight or else, you and I will sleep with empty stomachs.” Her dismal excuse just added to my exasperation.

“Then why don’t you do it?” I demanded feeling exceedingly horrible about myself and the way I treat my mother. But in the end, I didn’t really know how to negotiate with her without a perfectly good dispute which she, without fail countered with pleasure.

She closed her eyes as a vain bulged and started pulsing visibly on her forehead. “I can’t. Look Sarah, I only have one day... one day to spend my hours not having to deal with work and schedules, so please, do me a favor and get your sulky butt out of your room. Get some fresh air. It will clear you head.”

I grunted infuriately. “Fine!” I stormed my way to my room took a quick glacial shower which nearly froze my brain then slid bitterly into some warm wintry clothing.

A glance in the mirror made me feel more miserable. I stared at the scrawny, pallid girl in the mirror. My hair was dripping wet but the blower wasn’t doing any progress so I just threw it away. The red purplish puffy bags under my eyes were the worst; I could probably pass for some ghost character in those Japanese-adapted horror movies.

I grunted. “I give up!” I bellowed indignantly at my own reflection. It was curious that I suddenly felt the necessity to look pleasant; an overstatement I could never achieve a million years; not that I ever needed to be reminded of it.

It just confirmed why I doubted myself; how I considered it with utter incredulity that a heavenly being such as Leon Walden would actually like me. What were his motives? Why would he make my already miserable life a living hell?

I slammed the door shut and avoided my mother’s disapproving eyes as I left. “I’m going now.” I muttered with refuelled anguish mostly to myself.

“Be back before dark,” she called, her eyes stalking me. “And Sarah, be careful,”

The guilt of ignoring her gnawed at me as I trudged through the slippery side walk. The snow was almost gone but the wind was chilly all along. The evergreens shook off the white crystals that accumulated on their branches over the winter with a renewed glow for the impending spring. The melting snow from the gutters of the somewhat identical houses in the street dripped melodiously against the damp ground.

I pocketed my hands in my jacket and hugged myself tightly as I walked through the cold windy lane. The blurred sphere that was supposed to be the sun hung low near the horizon among the bleary clouded silvery-gray skies. Great! Just what I needed to cheer me up.

I took a right turn on the next block and reached the main street, teeth chattering; my breath fogging my spectacles. “It will clear my head, she says,” I muttered sourly. “Try freeze to death.”

The main street was practically empty when I reached the bench near the bus stop. The trees on both sides of the road swayed with the frosty, dancing to a mute tune, the dreary weather giving it a more dramatic effect. Who would want to go out in this cold? I was dragging myself on the edge of the bench into a comfortably languished slouch when I heard my name being called from a distance.

“Sarah!” the voice called. I would have known that voice from anywhere; mellifluous, gentle, now with a hint of rasp—perhaps due to the cold.

I would’ve closed my eyes and sit there blissfully for the rest of my miserable life, listening to his voice. Instead, I staggered to my feet and froze at the sidewalk, too afraid to glimpse the one who called my name.

“Sarah!” he panted, hands leaning on his knees as soon as he reached where I stood. “I was... waiting for you... to get out.”

I stood there in silence, brawling with the urge to look at him but after two seconds, my eyes betrayed me. Leon was in his nerd suit again—thick wide-rimmed glasses, fake braces, a brick red woollen cap over his dark locks, a dark brown corduroy jacket over a gray turtle neck, faded baggy pants and white sneakers. But all of it didn’t matter to my eyes. It was his mere presence that took the wind out of me; that had me gasping discretely when he stepped nearer to where I stood.

“Are you alright? You seem pale.” He placed a warm palm on my forehead worriedly which I mindlessly shoved away, taking a couple of steps back. His touch made my brow tingle which immediately flooded to my spine.

“I... I’m always pale. Err... I have to go now.” I mumbled in a pathetic attempt to avoid a longer dialogue.

His blue eyes fixed on me narrowing into slits as frustration took over his concerned smile. “W-wait! Are you avoiding me?” There was resentment in his voice that made me want to burst into tears for some unknown reason.

I breathed deeply against the surging lump in my throat that was choking me, blinked my eyes rapidly to dry out the haziness that formed on them and took the quick steps aimlessly with the intent to get away from Leon as swiftly as I could.

I thought I saw him kicking at the air and assumed that that was his way to vent out frustration. I quickened my pace when I realized that he was jogging to catch up with me. Once he did, Leon barricaded his body between me and the rest of the road.

“What’s wrong with you?” he muttered with much exasperation when I averted my gaze from his daunting eyes.

It felt like my lungs were collapsing; my chest in a tight grip that made me afraid my heart wouldn’t work anymore. The pain was clawing its way out of me.

“Everything,” It left my lips, not much more than a whisper. My voice started to break as I rambled. “I can’t... I can’t do this. I’m clearly no good... for you... So why do you have to make everything so difficult? Are you afraid I would blow your secret? That’s the only reason why you’re suddenly being so kind to me and even pretend to like—“

“Shut up!” His voice rumbled through the vacant main street, as he closed his eyes to control his frustration.

I clammed shut, flinching half a step backward as he glowered, clenching his fists.

“You are the most insecure, self-torturing, pigheaded girl I have ever known, you know that?” he growled, his intense eyes mellowing to a tender gaze. “Yet, I find it ironic that I am so drawn to you—that I feel normal when I’m with you. For the first time I felt human.”

Leon fixed his gaze on me, hunching until his faultless face came level with mine then lifted my chin with his fingers. I was aware now of the tears I’ve fought so hard to hold back welling from my eyes. His thumb ran through my cheeks as if tracing where the tears flowed freely. His face lit with a sad little smile that made me want to melt in front of him, despite the fact that it was actually freezing.

“B-but you’re Leon Walden.” I croaked in a desperately hushed tone that made me marvel that he was able to hear it.

Leon’s brows furrowed, his jaws tensing on both sides one after the other, then gave me that look again; questioning, diffident, almost begging. “What’s so wrong with me?”

My eyes met his for a moment of silence, trembling with the fear of losing control. “Nothing,” I sobbed breaking down eventually. “You’re perfect. Too perfect... that’s what’s wrong. You’re so unreal... too good for someone like me. And I—“ He caught my lips with his thumb before I could go on rambling for ages.

“Sshh...” The corners of his lips twitched upward into a lopsided playful grin. “Is that what this is all about? Is that all?” He sighed with relief as one of his arms looped on my nape. My heart jolted violently inside my chest but the tears never ceased streaming from my eyes. Nonetheless, the reason was now an unexpected gush of exhilaration.

A soft chuckle left his lips as his arm finally freed me despite the fact that I wasn’t struggling against him this time. We locked gazes for what seemed like eternity; at least that was exactly how I felt whenever I probed into his magnificent blue eyes.

“I honestly wish you could peek through my eyes...” He pulled me again without any resistance (I’m transforming into a stupid, stupid limp rag doll a lot whenever I’m around him). I could feel his breath playing with my hair and I almost jumped when he stooped closer to my face. “So you could finally realize how perfect you are to me,” he whispered.

I stood there petrified, my face only a couple of inches from his face. Slowly, he inched closer and closer. Almost a hair’s breadth now... I closed my eyes (yes, well a stupid thing to do) as if expecting something wonderful… I dunno… A kiss, maybe? Any moment now... Three... Two... One!

Screech! A big light blue bus stopped in front of us, startling me, making me jump, my head bumping onto Leon’s chin again. Well, you get it... the problem of me being so short.

He chuckled softly seemingly amused then pointed a finger on the tip of my nose. “Disaster magnet, indeed.” 

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So the Leon -- Sarah relationship started to blossom, or will it?

see for yourself on the next chapter :)