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Chapter 48 – Separate Ways

The night was deep when I opened my eyes. I hadn’t realized how tired I was. It must’ve have been a couple of hours drive from Nathan’s home.

The waning moon reflected on the dark rippling waters of Sta. Monica beach and apart from the sound of waves and the occasional sea bird, the stark silence was unnerving.

“Get some sleep. I’ll wake you up when we get to Winfred’s,” Leon said barely glancing at me. It wasn’t hard to tell how tired he was. There were purplish red bags under his bloodshot eyes and his face was pale.

I nodded sensinga sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t think I could do it. I couldn’t make myself hurt him that much even though I was sure it was the right thing to do. Maybe I was being selfish, but I couldn’t break up with him. I simply didn’t want to.

“Sarah,” he called my name, his eyes fixed on the road. “I’m really sorry. I… I should’ve told you earlier about Gerald’s plan but I knew you’d react this way.” His knuckles turned white as he clutched on the steering wheel.

“And how is that my fault?” I meant to sound derisive but my voice broke in all the wrong places.

With a shake of his head, Leon averted his eyes from me and manoeuvred the car to the roadside. Silence prevailed for several seconds before he finally stopped staring at the empty road and fixed his clear sea-blue eyes at me.

“I…” he opened his mouth then hesitated. The next thing I knew, Leon was banging his head on the steering wheel, cursing silently. His whole body trembled and through the dim light from the waning moon, his eyes glistened as though tears were starting to form on them.

“Stop! Leon, p-please stop doing that,” I mumbled weakly with a raspy voice, swallowing the choking lump that formed in my throat. Just the sight of him in that miserable state began to break my heart. It made me just wish that I could hold him, comfort him.

He shook his head and faced me.

“It’s all me. At first it was just to keep you silent, but believe me, I love you. You did nothing but to make me happy every single day, Sarah. I’m afraid I’d lose you. I’m a… coward. I’m not expecting you to understand but,” he mumbled fervently.

I looked away and choked a sob. The edges of his eyes were red as he stared at the car’s ceiling, perhaps to hold back the tears. Never had I saw him break down like this. He had always been the composed, happy-go-lucky, exuberant Leon with occasional anger management issues but I never pictured him this way.

When Leon finally managed to look at me again, he swallowed hard and took my hand.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me but I just wanted you to know that even though I’ve lied to you so many times, what I felt for you was true. When I said that I’d never love anyone else more than you, I mean it. I’d do anything. I’ll wait until you can finally forgive me.” His mellifluous voice was so honest as he put my palm on his cheek.

Before I could even answer, a tear rolled down my cheek as I forced a smile.

“Remember when I said you should only think about leaving me if you don’t love me anymore?” I choked the words out asthe twinge of pain in my chest almost had me suffocating.

With adiscouraged sigh, he gazed at me with those probing crystal eyes.

“I take it back,” I whispered faintly as the tears I forced to blink back started to fall one by one. “I’m letting you go…”

“No,” he mumbled shaking his head, his eyes vacuous. “No… No! I don’t want you to!” Leon’s feverish voice resounded against the dampening silence of the night, his eyes smouldering into mine.

Brushing the tears from my cheek, I bit my lip and stifled a sob.

“I’m giving you your old life back. You don’t have to pretend to be someone else anymore. I’m sure by now, Nathan already knows how wrong he has been and you could be you again—“

“I don’t want my old life back!” he retorted, his face overwrought with panic for a few seconds before his eyes mellowed, almost pleading. “I just want you… You’re my life now Sarah. And I’m not letting go of you no matter what. So please, don’t give up on me.”

It felt like my chest was being ripped open. The pain was unbearable but I knew I had to do it even if it felt like dying.

“I just did,” I blubbered as more tears trickled down my cheeks.

As soon as we slowed down to a stop in front of Winfred’s mansion, I got out of the car without another word to Leon. The apprehensive silence between us just made me feel horrible. I just broke his heart. But it was for the best, wasn’t it?

Someday, I wish to see his dazzling smiles again even though I know they wouldn’t be meant for me anymore. He deserved someone better—someone he could be proud of becauseshe doesn’t act or look stupid all the time, someone who doesn’t look like she borrowed all her clothes from her non-existent dorky older brother who could only say something throughshout-out shirts. He needs someone who could make him happy, someone whom he could love without having to pretend as Leonard Dunn, someone not me.

Emma emerged from the front door, her gentle face worry-stricken. Winfred came running  as soon as he saw me.

“Are you okay?” his baritone voice was shaky as he tentatively held my shoulders.

“Dad!” I crashed onto his sturdy chest, tears welling from my eyes.

Diffidently, Winfred folded his arms around me and kissed my forehead.

“Sshh… It’s going to be okay now, Princess,” he whispered tenderly. I buried my face on his chest and began crying. He towed me into the living room, leaving Leon standing alone outside in agonizing silence.

It would’ve been easier for me if he got angry, if he just groused vehemently on what pathetic excuse for a girlfriend I had been. But I knew it wasn’t like him to do that.

“I was so worried sick, Sarah,” Mom said as soon as Winfred disappeared into the kitchen to get me a glass of water. “I thought something horrible happened to you.”

“I’m sorry Mom, for worrying you,” I said.

Straightaway, I heard the pitter-patter of raindrops against the pavement. I pushed the curtain to the side to take a peek through the window. At first, it was just a light drizzle but a minute later, the rain was already pouring heavily.

I clasped my hand on my mouth. Leon was still there. He stood motionlessly in the rain, on the same spot right where we left him. For one second, he lifted his gaze to my direction and I wondered if he could see me. Quickly, I closed the curtains and faced Emma.

“Just don’t do that ever again. And you’re grounded,” Emma said almost half-heartedly.

“I know,” I nodded as I inadvertently glanced where Leon stood.

Why isn’t he moving? What is he thinking standing in the rain like that? He could get sick. I should tell him to come in. Stop. I shouldn’t be thinking about him anymore. That’d just make life a lot more difficult for both of us.

“For… for the rest of your life,” Mom said, her voice shaking a bit. She was really worried about me and I had seen that one coming.

“I know,” I replied, still distracted with Leon.

Unexpectedly, Mom sat beside me and almost smothered me with a hug. “If you’re worried about him, why don’t you tell Leon to come in? It must be freezing in there.”

When she finally let go of me, I shook my head and threw her a doubtful look. “I broke up with him. I’m not sure if I did the right thing.”

“The thing about love is, Sarah, that it’s a risk. You always have to take chances, make mistakes and try again. There’s no insurance that no one would get hurt even if you do the right thing,” Emma said.

It was the first time we talked for more than three seconds civilly for a long time now and of all people I’d admit that I didn’t expect her to be the one lecturing to me about love. But somehow, I felt really grateful.

She stood up and picked an umbrella from the rack near the doorstep and with a faint smile, headed for the door. “I should probably tell him to go home.”

Dad sat with me as I watched Emma and Leon talk outside. It seemed as though Mom was having a hard time talking some sense into him.

“Coco?” Winfred offered a cup to me which I appreciatively took. “Leon’s a good kid. He had a complicated life. I guess sometimes people just make bad decisions.”

Leon still stood there unresponsively as he ogled vacantly at the pavement.

“When you left us… was it a bad decision?” I asked staring at Leon, then to my cup of hot coco.

Winfred’s face darkened a bit. “It was. And believe me, I’ve regretted the day I stepped out of your Mom’s door. I miss you every day.”

“Then why didn’t you see me? Even once, you didn’t come to see me.” I muttered glumly.

When I heard the smooth hum of engines, I was slightly relieved that Leon finally decided to stop acting foolishly and go home. Some part of me wanted to run after him, take back what I said, say I’m sorry—that I didn’t mean to hurt him— because deep inside I knew I love him like my own life.

For a second, Winfred looked flustered. “I was afraid…” he said.

“No.” It was Emma standing glumly from the hallway. “You know you don’t have to be the martyr here,” she said to Winfred, sighing deeply.

“It was my fault Sarah. I forced him to leave us. I thought that what I did was for the best. Somehow I had imagined one day you’d blame me for taking away the life you wanted for yourself, Winfred,” her voice broke as she avoided Dad’s eyes. “I pushed your Dad away, Sarah. I guess that’s just what I do. I push people away, like what I did to you. Dealing with you has been very difficult for me because I see much of your Dad in you,” she said blinking her eyes hastily to conceal the tears.

A contemplative silence filled the air as I shifted my gaze from Mom to Dad. Deep inside, I knew my family wouldn’t be whole again. But then, it seemed as though a missing puzzle piece in my heart had just been replaced.

I knew I wouldn’t feel complete anymore; not after what I did to Leon. Despite everything, I was glad I met him. Most of all, I could never be more thankful that I had the chance to love him.

Mom was packing my stuff when I woke up the next morning. I rubbed sleep from my eyes and scooted up from bed.

“Good, you’re up. Our flight’s not until four so you better get ready,” she said zipping up my luggage.

“Can’t we stay for just a few more days? I… want to spend time with Dad,” I mumbled picking up my towel as I headed for the bath room.

With that note, Emma’s cheeks flushed all of a sudden. I honestly thought adults don’t blush anymore but as astounding as it was, Mom did—like a teenager. Ugh.

“What?” I demanded with a slightly livid tone, it made me marvel how much I sounded like Emma when she’s scolding me. “Mom! Tell me!”

Almost mechanically, she dropped the blouse she was about to fold and avoided my eyes. It was really frustrating how immature adults can sometimes get.

“Me and your Dad,” she cleared her throat, letting out the words cautiously as though she was speaking to a three-year old. When I threw her a prying look, she finally stiffened and turned to me. “We decidedto be together again,” she mumbled quickly, her words didn’t even have time to sink into my brain.

“What?!” I blurted, dropping the towel.

She forced a wry unconvincing smile that was perhaps, to reassure me. “I mean… your Dad and I will live toge—“

“I know what it means Mom! What I don’t understand is why on earth you’re doing this!” My voice raised an octave as the panic started to take over me. I was gone for like two days and voila! They’re back together just like that. It was driving me crazy and no amount of therapy could get me through this.

Speaking of the devil, Winfred nearly broke the front door with a battering ram— also known as his big burly hands—when he came in. There was an alarmed look on his face and a fresh stain on his turtleneck shirt which suspiciously looked like coffee.

“What’s going on here?” Winfred asked bemusedly as I exchanged meaningful looks with Emma.

I folded my arms in front of my chest and glared at my parents. “Seriously?”

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So there. It took a while to upload. It's really hard to juggle stories at a time. I do appreciate all you comments and votes and I am glad to inform you readers (if any) that LATBNerdy will be ending soon and I mean in not more than ten chapters. There are a lot of surprises in the ending and maybe a bonus chapter after the epilogue. So, tell me what you think! I'll be waiting!

Hugs and Cookies from MaRS

~shim