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Chapter 14 – Promises

Dear Winfred,

I think I’m at this time undoubtedly, illogically and unfathomably in love with Leon Walden… Which is bad. Very bad, indeed.

I know. I’m too young to say these things. You’d probably say that it’s probably just a crush or infatuation but it’s way deeper than that. I found it horrifying to arrive to the realization that I couldn’t imagine a future without him anymore. This is when things start to turn out for the worst, doesn’t it? Tomorrow I’d probably say I couldn’t live without him.

And in the end, he would still have to leave; that would be the end of me…

Love,

Sarah

“Are you sick?” Mom eyed me the next morning.

I craned my neck to look at the window to Leon’s house. A huge delivery truck was hindering my view so I just gave up. I lost sleep over the nagging thought that Leon would suddenly disappear again. Call me paranoid but that was exactly how I felt. I was just being realistic. Sarah Johannes Littman, also known as Nerdy wasn’t exactly a face that launched a thousand ships.

“No Mom. I think I’m having the insomnia again.” My fork played mindlessly with the scrambled eggs on my plate.

“Then I have to make an appointment with Dr. Jensen right away.” She sipped anxiously from the glass of orange juice in her hand.

Dr. Jensen, a psychiatrist, was the one who helped me recover from severe depression. I was only five when Winfred left us and I was so devastated back then that I had to undergo therapy. She was the one who urged me to keep a diary for my Dad.

“Don’t panic Mom. I’m fine,” I grumbled with unmasked annoyance. “Maybe I just needed more Vitamin D or something.”

She was about to say more only to be interrupted when the phone rang. Mom got up to answer it mumbling incomprehensibly.

“Hello?” she nodded then turned to me and handed me the receiver. “It’s Rebecca.”

I turned away before speaking as Mom pretended to resume eating her breakfast. “Hello Becky, what’s up?” I said as soon as I was out of eavesdrop.

Becky’s girlish voice was unreasonably shrill. That could mean two things. Either she was really upset or extremely excited.

“Sarah! Do you have any plans for today? Matt and I are going downtown… and he promised me we’ll go to the beach after that. I was thinking maybe you want to come with us.” Becky sounded really optimistic.

I groaned. “Becky, you’re finally having a date with your dream guy and you want me as a chaperone? Tell me this isn’t your idea.”

“I sort of mentioned to Matt how you loved the beach and he immediately agreed that you should come.” She said wryly. “I mean, you should come. You know how scatterbrained I get when I’m with him. I need you there… so I won’t make a total fool of myself.”

I paused pretending to consider the odds. “Very persuasive… I do love the beach.”

“Yay!” she exclaimed.

“No.” I sighed. “Enjoy your date Becky.”

“B-but Sarah…” She whined managing to make my name sound like a three-syllable word. Becky’s tiny pleading voice was difficult to resist and I could imagine her already pulling off that puppy dog eyes, but I had to turn her down. “I’ll make Matt pick you up at three, okay?”

I grunted. “I’ve some errands to do you know? Even nerds get a life one time or the other. Hey, I really can’t come. I’ve to be… somewhere else.”

She replied with a faint hump. “And where is that?” Her tiny voice erupted to a challenge.

“Well…” I covered my mouth with my hand and craned my neck to see if Mom was anywhere near. Coast was clear. “You see, I… I’m sort of going to Leon—ard. Err… to his house; I mean, he asked me to come,” I stumbled with my words.

There was a brief pause. “You mean Leonard Dunn?” She sounded quite skeptical. “Aren’t you two like… mortal enemies? Sarah, are you in trouble? You know what, I’ll go—“

I butted in. “No Becky, he sort of… made it up to me.”

“Are you sure? He got you in detention! Leonard Dunn…” She was screaming so loud with that shrill girly voice that I had to yank the receiver a few inches away from my ear.

“Yep… he is… more or less my b-boyfriend, I think?” I muttered with much hesitation it sounded more like a query as my cheeks suddenly turned warm.

I can hear her gasp loudly then screamed again until my eardrums shattered. “Sarah, oh my gosh! That’s great! Since when? Why didn’t you tell me? Some best friend you are… You’ve got to tell me everything! Promise me!”

“Alright… So, am I off the hook?”

“Absolutely not! You’d come — I couldn’t care less if you drag Leonard along. You better get your cagey butt in here by three, or else…”

“But Becky…” I imitated her version of a persuasive tone.

“Okay, it’s settled then, see you at three!” she said playfully.

“No Becky—“ She hung up.

I breathed furiously. That Matt! Urgh! I’m going to kill him! Sprinkle MSG on him then feed him to the sharks! Where did I put that voodoo doll I made to curse him with a lifetime of catastrophe again?

“Sarah!” Mom knocked on my door twice and just like any other day, came in any way without my permission. “Len came and wanted to give you t-this.” She heaved the large box to my floor. “I said you’re pretty upset so he just left a message.” Mom scrutinized my reaction, then eyed on the sticky note with Leon’s handwriting, haphazardly attached on the lid of the box.

“You should’ve at least let him in, Mom.” I moaned as she left, rather reluctantly.

“Sure, next time hon. So, are you going?” It was obvious that she already read Leon’s note.

“Yes Mom, then I’m going downtown with Becky and her boyfriend.” I added just for Mom to nod absentmindedly, telling me to keep out of trouble.

Once I made sure she was downstairs, I scurried to kneel before the box, the size of an average T.V. My hands quivered as I read his refined narrow penmanship. It was even better than mine. Was there anything, anything at all that I could do better than him?

Sarah,

I’ll explain you-know-what later. Are you okay? Come by at two if you feel better.

xxx

Leon

A smile trailed on my lips on the three little X’s wondering what those meant. Leon was real, no doubt. My cheeks burned when my train of thought swerved to last night’s kiss. Thud! Thud! Thud! The thumping became very loud despite my efforts to snap out of it.

This is bad. Seriously.

I focused on tearing the packaging tape from the lid even though my hands quaked an intensity five warning. After a while of rummaging in the box, I sighed gazing at the assortment of things on the floor. Two unlabeled CDs, a mobile phone and a bulky package covered in yellow paper and lots of masking tape; probably a sleeping bag or some camping equipment. An exasperated grunt left my throat. I felt genuinely upset that he had to give me these things.

Did he have to be overly generous at this point? As if he needed to do that when I already, however secretly, worshipped the ground upon which he treaded. I slapped my face.

“Ow…” I winced rubbing my cheek wryly. Leon, you’re driving me insane!

I ran the first CD in my computer and found a music video entitled Invisible to You. My stomach lurched when my trembling fingers diffidently hit the mouse button.

The video started with Leon; the blond haired version of him—without the nerd suit of course, sitting in a classroom wearing a grayish blue coat and tie uniform; a slight smile on his perfectly rehearsed façade as he gazed outside the window. A gentle piano accompaniment played as a raven-haired girl in glasses (she’s really pretty by the way, as in Julia Roberts-pretty, though I’ve never seen her in T.V. before) sat beside Leon mindlessly.

He gazed at the girl fondly and she didn’t seem to see it which was totally ridiculous since he was quite dazzling and flawlessly beautiful.

Look at me before I forget how your eyes shimmer

You’re unreachable, incredible, despicable in my eyes

Leon pretended to write on his notes with an otherworldly smile that would have had my heart skip a few beats. Strangely enough, it didn’t. He brushed his hair with his hand as he sang softly to his gullible seat mate who appeared to be completely unaware that he even existed.

The scene seemed familiar to me. Hmm… maybe I saw this in some movie.

Please smile at me; Glittery, like the ocean in summer

It’s irresistible, adorable, condemnable in my head

Leon stood leaning on one of the many shelves in a huge library, with his face buried on The Hollow Man paper back, bringing the book down only, when the bespectacled girl passed by in slow motion. Still, for some unearthly excuse, he remained unperceivable to her.

I promised not to play in your cruel games, you know it’s true

That if I could I’d touch your face and feel your breathing

Hold you tight, look into your eyes because I’m dying

Close your eyes, come to me, hold me tight, just for tonight

I can’t stand being here just to be invisible to you

This time Leon was playing with a band in front of the girl’s window, but she still ignored him. I hit pause.

There was something jarringly unnatural about how he smiled, how he gazed and how he moved. I’ve always pictured Leon with his lighthearted laugh, the candid boyish smile that never failed to dazzle me, the lithe strides of his feet, the permanent brooding look that lingered in his sea blue eyes, even though, at times docile, so impenetrable enough to give me the oddest urge to stare.

The Leon in the video was somehow unreal; poles apart from the one I came to know. It was as though he wasn’t Leon — not my Leon.

I sighed deeply. The reality that me and Leon were worlds apart flooded ruthlessly, crashing to me once more. I slapped my own face to finally comprehend that this madness will never to be on my favor. Perhaps, a visit to Dr. Jensen wasn’t such a bad idea. But then if I was insane while being the happiest girl in the universe, I would almost certainly cease to see the point of being sane.

Leon stood holding back a smirk, with his back on a blue Audi parked in front of his house, crossing his arms while he waited for me to cross the street. The sun shone in an extreme generosity, simultaneous with burgeons of hibernating bulbs to delicate flora; the seemingly lifeless bare branches now slowly coming to life. All of those wondrous miracles of nature seemed fitting to be his background which I photographed in my memory.

“H-here,” I breathed heavily as I handed him back the mobile phone, its package, still unopened. “I’d give you back the heavy stuff but I couldn’t carry it downstairs.” I grimaced at the thought of my desperate attempt to heave the bulky whatever-it-is from its spot on my floor to the door. I might as well be lifting an elephant.

He looked confused, a slight line creasing on his forehead. “Why? It’s yours.”

“I couldn’t. I can’t possibly pay for that.” I managed a wry smile, fidgeting with my hands so as to circumvent his intense eyes.

His eyes mused as if to scrutinize me. “You already did.”

“I—I did? When?” I mumbled, in a skirmish to steady my breathing.

A playful smile drew his lips into a thin line. “Last night.” His fluid voice lingered in my head and played over and over again like a broken record. “Well then, if you’re too guilty to accept it, you could pay me back… again.” One corner of his lips pulled up.

I could feel my face heat up and it took me several seconds to speak again, with the loud thumping becoming more ominous in my chest. “I hate you.” I mumbled feebly throwing a scowl.

Resentment crossed his face. “Do you really?”

I was flustered by the sudden shift in his frame of mind. “N-no… not really,”

He searched for my hand only to press it to his warm cheek. “Then I never want to hear it again. Promise me.”

The tip of my fingers tingled against his, sending shivers through my entire body. His eyes were so sweet when they swept gently to my face, lulling me to a daydream. “I promise.”

He finally smiled that smile I love; just like a little boy opening his first present in a Christmas morning. I would have done anything to see that smile every single day of my life and I promised myself that I would.

A red sports car with two perpendicular stripes on its hood came to an abrupt stop before us, its wheels squealing angrily against the concrete that stretched upon us, causing me to cringe a step back just for Leon to catch me before I trip and smash my face to his car’s window.

Matt’s dark head emerged from the red car with a smirk on his face. He waved eagerly. “Hey Nerdy, are you ready?”

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Hey There! It's me again!

As I've said I'll post the three next chapters and I hope you keep voting on it... I really needed the push oh well... I should blame my mental block but I surely hope to update very very soon after the 15th... so please please keep those votes coming while I'm gone. Pretty please *puppy dog eyes*

hahaha... I really do hope you enjoy

lotsa love

shim <3