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Chapter 13 – In the Arms of an Angel

“Becky…” I muttered pacing back and forth in the hallway. Becky was outside, in the empty soccer field to talk to Matt. How long has it been? Three, maybe five minutes? I promised her I would wait but I couldn’t stand it anymore.

I cursed under my breath. I should’ve told Becky everything in the first place. She’d think badly of me after this. What if Matt told her everything? It would break heart! And it would be my fault for not—

My eyes grew wider. Do my eyes deceive me? I squinted through the light to take a better look. Becky emerged from the field, blushing with a bashful smile playing on her lips. Matt trailed after her, meeting my eyes with an unreadable air about him. I gulped. There, they walked, her tiny hand delicately entwined in his. I felt my forehead crease involuntarily, which I immediately straightened out with a rub from my fingers.

What in the world was going on?

Becky ran to me with a rather giddy chuckle and hugged me until I almost suffocated.

“Sarah, I’m so relieved! I thought he wouldn’t like me, but as it turned out, he agreed to be my boyfriend before I even asked him!” she said excitedly in a hushed tone as I threw a skeptical look at Matt who stared back at me with a pair of vacant dark eyes.

I nodded blankly at Becky whose exhilaration was unaffected by my astonished façade.

This didn’t make any sense, not that it would be of any importance anymore. Becky was happy and that was all that mattered. I managed a twitch on the corners of my lips to what was supposed to be a smile and hugged her back.

“I’m glad that you’re happy.” I played with the words in a way that I could say them with sincerity and it felt true to me; as long as she was happy…

Becky danced back to Matt and caught his arm. She towed him towards me and I was afraid he’d react violently but to my relief, he seemed reasonably patient enough for Becky’s wishes.

“Now, I know we had a rather rough start but I hope that you two can get along now,” she said with much eagerness that I didn’t have the heart to be the dead fish.

For Becky’s sake, I encouraged myself, nodded and offered a hand to Matt. “Friends?”

He stared at my hand as if to study it, then his eyes trailed heavily to my face as the corner of his lips twitched into a lopsided grin. Matt took my hand and shook it rather pleased with himself.

“Friends?” His tone was taunting, though Becky might not have noticed. I hurriedly retrieved my hand from him.

“Yay!” she grinned in a childish face I really liked. “Wait, I’ll get my things from my locker.”

“Becky,” Matt called her but his eyes fixed on me. “Want me to come with you?”

“No, I’m fine,” she waltzed to the next hallway, her blond hair gleaming against the light.

Once she was gone, Matt’s smile reappeared again, now with a softer note, maybe even a little sad. “Didn’t think so…” he mumbled mostly to himself.

I just stood there in silence dumbfounded. I wanted to question him. Was he just toying with me when he said he liked me? Not that I cared what he really felt but still… It made me feel worthless and somehow expendable being confessed to and dumped by two guys in just a single week. Hmm… Dump was not the right term. I wasn’t even in a relationship at all... So, no harm done, was there? Everything should be fine. But if so, why do I feel so damn miserable?

Matt finally broke the silence “You’re wondering why I did it…” It wasn’t a question.

I replied with a rueful smile for the fear that my voice would break if I try to speak.

“Remember when I said I would do anything to be close to you?” He smiled the sad little smile he always managed to pull when he’s practically wretched but did not want to admit it.

I parted my lips as anger welled up in my chest, yet no words came; I couldn’t bring myself to loath him. The resentment was overpowered by sadness. I pitied him as much as I pitied Becky and I only had myself to blame.

“Sarah… Please speak to me…”

I avoided his intense dark eyes. “W-what do you want me to say?”

“Anything… Are you sad? Are you mad?“

I chuckled humorlessly at the coincidental rhyming of words.

“There’s nothing funny about this, Sarah!” He growled making me flinch.

“It’s sad, really.” I whispered vacuously.

He took a step closer. “Because I’m using Becky or because I’m with Becky?”

It took a while for me to see the point of the conversation and I hesitated before I answered. “T-the first,” though in the pit of my stomach, rested a doubt I could never acknowledge. “But as long as she’s happy…” I couldn’t make myself continue. I was putting my best friend precariously perched on top of a cliff for all the wrong reasons.

Matt’s eyes trailed on me then to the dark hallway where Becky had disappeared. I could see his arms tense. His jaws stiffened as he blinked rapidly. He breathed deeply and met my eyes again. “I’ll still wait… for you.”

Silence filled the five-minute drive to Becky’s house. Becky was still smiling, perhaps involuntarily as she sat comfortably on the front seat, holding one of Matt’s hands as his other hand handled the steering wheel deftly. I deliberately averted my eyes from them. If Becky had not insisted that I ride with them, I wouldn’t have done it in a million years.

I could feel Matt’s eyes from the rearview mirror and I answered him with a glare which made his lips twitch into a restrained sneer. Finally we arrived to a three story house painted in a dull yellow-beige combination with white linings. A huge acorn tree loomed beside the driveway nearly obscuring the house.

Becky smiled at him tentatively. “Well then, I’ll see you tomorrow,” she winced. “I totally forgot. Err… Tomorrow’s a Saturday, so—“

“I’ll come over,” Matt answered anticipatorily then leaned as he pecked on her cheek lightly.

Ugh. Do I really have to see this? As long as she’s happy… As long as she’s happy... I kept repeating the words like a mantra inside my head and my breathing became regular. Becky blushed, jumped out of the car, bumping her head on the car door as she did, then smiled waving at us but mostly Matt.

“Bye!”

It wasn’t until we were half-way to Emma’s house when I finally spoke, meeting his eyes from the rearview mirror. “So how long do you plan on doing this?” There was an unmasked resentment in my voice.

“Just until you’ve realized the truth.”

“I’m sorry but what exactly is this truth we’re talking about?”

A sneer formed on his face. “That you like me too.”

I grunted exasperatedly. “Why do I even put up with you?!” It seemed like I was part of his conspiracy and it felt horrible.

“Sarah, there’s no way you could shake me off your hair. As I have said, for the third time now, I’d do everything to be close to you.”

“You’re a selfish pig, you know that?” It wasn’t a question.

“Now that you’ve mentioned it, yeah, I guess you could put it that way,” he said with that sad little smile again, his eyes fixed on the road.

“Don’t patronize me,” I hissed crossing my arms.

“But I guess I’d have to be a selfish pig if I were to have you,”

His words made me weak in the knees, mostly pathetic. “I’ll tell Becky.”

“Can you?”

“No, it’d break her!” I replied in panic. “Clearly you’re enjoying yourself.”

“In some parts, yes. For example, this.” His lighthearted smile made my stomach flutter.

“You’re going to hurt Becky, I’ll never forgive you for this.” My voice was trembling with fury but mostly guilt and something else I could not quite put my finger on.

“I wouldn’t break up with her. Not unless you’re to be my girl.” His dark eyes narrowed as if to study my reaction.

“Then don’t. Problem solved.”

“I won’t… just as long as I’m close to you.” His voice sounded triumphant.

I frowned and bit my lip. Could I ever find relief in this arrangement? I finally came to realization that no matter how blameworthy I consider myself, it would be a win-win strategy for Matt. And I would be his unwilling accomplice.

The car stopped in front of my house. Matt shook his head with a snigger. “Tsk, tsk. Really bad timing.” He got out of the car before me and opened the car door like a gentleman would.

I practically hauled myself out of the car when I saw who stood in front of my door. My eyes widened and my stomach whirred. I barely remembered how to breathe, especially when he lifted those sea blue eyes to look at me through his lashes. There was that constant brooding look about his face that haunted my dreams every single night.

His blithe smile disappeared as his eyes met with Matt’s unwavering gaze and the glaring match ceased only when I took Matt’s arm and towed him back to the driver’s seat.

“Goodbye Matt.” I signaled him to go already.

His car tires scraped angrily against the asphalt and before my teeth fell off, sped away, hitting approximately eighty after a couple of seconds. That was not usually a good sign. I stepped to the door scatterbrained, stumbling upon him. The sun hung low but shone generously against his hair, his skin, especially on his eyes, like the ocean glimmering serenely; enough to make me think that he was some kind of an angel, sent from up above torment my naivety and overwhelm my senses.

He fixed on the bridge of his nose a pair of horrid spectacles that hid his beauty, a slight crease on his forehead making me aware that he was somehow human − not that it made him any less magnificent. I felt the sudden urge to gaze into his eyes, though it embarrassed me to do so. Not to mention that it made breathing a hundred times more difficult as my heart rammed itself against my chest; warning that it might leap out of me any moment.

“Y-you’re back…” I gasped for breath, petrified.

He spoke with an inscrutable face, his subtle voice reverberating in my head. “Hi Sarah.”           

The angel gazed at me with much regard. Still, I couldn’t find any trace of emotion on his face. His eyes were vacant, as though a secret never to be revealed was forever to be trapped in those orbs. I managed to breathe unevenly but the thumping in my chest just kept its hasten throttle.

“W-when did you come back?”

“Forty five minutes ago.” His voice was as mellifluous as ever, though with a distinct remoteness. Leon eyed impassively at the luggage recklessly slumped on his feet.

My stomach cringed. Obviously, he came here right after he jumped off his flight. A rueful smile trailed on my lips. “Y-you must be dead beat. Here… I’ll h-help you carry your stuff.” I stammered grabbing one of his bags although his looks pierced from behind my head.

“You have no idea.” There was a hint of bitterness in his voice when he spoke, then chuckled dully. It made my hands tremble with apprehension though I could not point out why.

“Hmm…” I kept my pace heading across the street without glancing back at him. To be honest, it was the guilt that troubled me.

“How really annoying,” he muttered under his breath as he strode ahead of me to unlock the carved wooden door of Arthur’s house and once he did, slammed the door open beckoning me in.

I could tell how frustrated he was, though his face never strained a muscle as he took the large black duffel bag from my hands, inadvertently touching my clammy fingers. It made my heart skip a few beats and right then, I feared that I might just crumble before him. Only then did I grasp that I was afraid to look at his poker face; unable to get a glimpse of his thoughts.

Before I knew it, he already snatched my arm, towed me with a grip that was fierce enough to make my eyes misty then closed the door gently with an audible click. His clutch gradually loosened with guilt, now evident in his troubled façade.

“I… I’m sorry,” said he and my chest writhed with a dull throb. “I didn’t mean to…” His hand left a reddish outline on my arm, though it didn’t compare to the pain I felt in my chest.

“S-so how’s L.A.?” I asked just to ease away the daunting silence that prevailed for a couple of minutes.

“Dreary…” he slumped on the couch, his elbows stiffly resting on his thighs, with a downcast that made his face even more unreadable.

I kept standing since I couldn’t move my feet. “Is that so… I was beginning to think you enjoyed your stay.”

Leon lifted his face and sighed several times, pinching the bridge of his nose before meeting my gaze. “Is he… the reason why you never called back?” His hands clenched, a hint of urgency in his voice.

His eyes were probing through mine that it seemed as though I could never look away. Should I tell him the truth about Matt? If so, how could I?

“N-no. I mean… He—“

My head whirred at how fast he darted to me and before I could speak another word, I was already in his gentle arms, my face resting on his shoulder, onto his intricately carved chest. His arms were both soothing and threatening, as though giving me a warning that I couldn’t break free even if I tried; which I wouldn’t, lost in the trance of his warmth.

I know my breathing ceased involuntarily when he spoke again, like the flaccid rag doll I transform into whenever I get this close to him.

“Please… Say no,” he pleaded trembling. “Sarah, please deny it… If it’s what I think it is, then lie to me. I’d never want to hear it.”

My eyes misted and eventually, a tear rolled down. I could never forgive myself for bringing him this kind of pain.

“No… I called you back.” I croaked burying my face on his chest once again. “B-but someone else answered your phone… and I hung up—“ I mumbled and he squeezed me tighter. The blood in my feet gushed upward to my cheeks, making me lightheaded.

He sighed deeply, his breath playing on my hair, it made me shudder. “I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.” Leon’s voice seemed miserable. “I was too much of a wreck and selfish to consider calling you again. It was a total stupidity of me to think that…”

“Think what?” I lifted my misty eyes to him with a renewed burst of courage, though as I did, my stomach fluttered.

“That you’ll never want to see me ever again…” I felt him tremble at his own words.

“Well you’re dead wrong.” It was true. All the week’s worth of fury and grudge, the ‘crucify him on top of Y in Hollywood’ premise; all of them were already out of the question the moment my eyes landed on him.

Sighing deeply, he finally loosened his embrace and caught hold of my hands which he enclosed carefully in his. His eyes trailed thoughtfully on my flushed face, until they met mine. “And him?” said he, in a vacant tone, perhaps to mask the bitterness.

Immediately, I realized who he was talking about. “M-matt… He’s Becky’s boyfriend,” I stuttered the truth, though not the entire truth.

He pulled me to his chest once again and chuckled softly; like chimes singing with the breeze to my prejudiced ear. “I’ve been an idiot, haven’t I?” It wasn’t a question but I nodded diffidently.

Leon’s face inched closer to mine slowly, with an intense look about his blue eyes that sent my head spinning. The beating of my heart stopped as a subtle gasp escaped my lips, which he then pacified with his own. I closed my eyes, petrified and exhilarated at the same time, as his soft cold lips moved to sculpt against mine. I started to count inside my head.

One…

Two…

Three…

I lost count, as the pounding in my chest surged to my head that I nearly collapsed if his arms weren’t there to support me.

He was very still and even cautious, kissing me for the first time and before I knew it, I was kissing him back, though I haven’t an idea how I did it. It wasn’t a product of my imagination or a dream. But then, if it was, I’d rather not wake up. Forever…

“Sarah,” he squeezed my shoulder gently when our lips parted. It left me flabbergasted and I found myself struggling for breath. “You’ve got to stop doing that.” A smile trailed playfully on his lips.

I finally remembered to breathe and blinked my eyes from the spell he put me into. “W-what?” I blurted.

“Gawking all the time,” he suppressed a smirk.

I threw him a half-hearted scowl. “As I’ve said I have lots of free time.”

“Good.” said he, looking intently at me again, making me want to flinch. “But if I’m to keep you all for myself, you’ve got to try to… focus.”

Keep you all for myself; I liked the sound of that.

“W-ell you didn’t have to… stun me all the time,” I stammered, gazing wryly at him.

He paused musing about my response. “Then will you ever forgive me?” There was more meaning in his words it than it seemed. I fidgeted with my hands, knowing the answer right away though dubious as I was to admit it.

“Shall I?” I replied, still gawking at him as he played with my hair, twisting it on his finger, as though drawing a never ending spiral in the air.

Suddenly, I remembered what Arthur told me about Leon’s mannerism of drawing circles. Len almost never gets nervous… or excited. I giggled at the thought. That was enough reassurance for me. “Are you nervous?”

“Ecstatic,” he grinned.

“Well then, I forgive you.” A smiled trailed on my lips, with sheer bliss I thought would never be gone forever.

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Hmm... Too good to last, don't you think?

Then keep reading and see what happens! Please don't forget to vote and let me know what you think I mean really... I'd be glad to wait for your comments!!!

lotsa love

shim :)