Bonus Chapter – What Would I Do Without You?

“Sarah, is it?” Mrs. Downing muttered with an unreadable expression as she eyed me from head to toe.

I fidgeted with the embroidery of the lilac baby doll dress Louella sent me especially for the occasion. She had just given me one advice regarding Leon’s Mom. Only one.

Look smart.

Smart— an adjective, which could mean any or all of the following—clever, rude, elegant, or glamorous. It didn’t even help knowing this because I am none of the above, which was just down right fantastic.

I half-expected Mrs. Downing to scream “Pop quiz!” as soon as she saw me.

Me and Leon had been planning to see his mother for a while and took advantage of the spring break to do it. Everything about London was wonderful. Well, of course, I fell asleep in the opera house when we watched the Royal Ballet, but the whole other time, I hoped I wasn’t drooling or looking like a gobsmacked moron. The city architecture, the museums (especially Charles Dickens’), the accent… especially the accent — everything was overwhelming.

Sadly, the place wasn’t the only thing that overwhelmed me. It was the actual meeting with Camilla Downing that scared the hell out of me. Nathan said she wasn’t all that bad. But coming from him, I didn’t really know if I should be relieved or terrified.

“Y-yes, glad to finally meet you Mrs. Downing,” I replied mustering my smartest possible façade.

Leon stood beside me protectively but I didn’t turn my head to examine his face. That might be misunderstood as a sign of weakness. Focusing on the conversation, I offered a hand which Mrs. Downing dismissed with something between a smirk and a glare.

Leon pulled one of the carved wooden chairs around a tea table swathed with a silky light pink fabric and gestured for me to sit. Blankly, he seated himself beside me as Mrs. Downing strode in front of us with a sweet unwavering smile.

With one wave of her hand, a servant in black and white frilly uniform scuttled to her side and ceremoniously poured tea onto the porcelain cups in front of us.

“No thanks, I don’t drink tea,” Leon said to the maid who poured tea into his cup anyway.

The smile on Camilla’s face vanished. “Delia, he said he doesn’t drink tea. Your ears do not have any problem, do they?” she muttered calmly though her gentle voice hinted of sarcasm.

The servant dropped her gaze and took the half-filled teacup before scurrying away into the grand corridor.

I noticed how Leon’s jaws tensed as his mother sat in front of us and muttered, “Imbecile. It’s hard to get good help these days, don’t you agree?”

With a dry chuckle, Leon took my cup of tea and drank it all the way to the bottom. He knew how I hated tea ever since that night I threw up on him when Emma invited him and Arthur over for dinner.

His perfect features contorted infinitesimally as he swallowed it with effort. He might as well be swallowing broken glass with the pained expression on his face.

“I wouldn’t know. We don’t have servants,” he retorted with a rather composed façade.

“Pity,” Camilla commented, unease evident on her face when Leon’s eyes narrowed. “I try my very best to change Leonard—“

“Leon,” he corrected dryly.

A pained look painted on Camilla’s regal face, as she pushed a lock of wavy dark hair that fell on her cold blue eyes. It occurred to me how striking the resemblance was between Leon and her.

She let out a laugh that didn’t quite touch her eyes. “It was agonizing enough to admit that I don’t know a thing about you, Leon. But please don’t make it harder for me.”

My lips twitched when an agonizing silence prevailed for a while. I felt out of place but I did not want to leave Leon either for the thought of Camilla Downing forcing him to stay against his will lingered in my thoughts.

Camilla’s eyes mellowed as she let out a sigh. “I know I’ve not been a good mother to you…”

“Let’s take into consideration that you may have been a mother at all to me… or to Nathan in any sense, I would just want to ask you one thing.” Leon fixed his eyes on Camilla for the first time. “Please just let us be.”

Camilla took one nervous sip of tea from her cup. “I did a lot of horrible things, Leon. But please believe that I want to change. All those things I did in the past, I regretted them all and I want to make it up to you.” She patted a dainty hand on Leon’s, which he just stared on for a while. “I want to make it up to both of you… Nathaniel, he suffered under my care and I was blinded the whole time. I thought I have been doing what’s best for him. But it turns out, I did otherwise.”

Leon searched for my hand under the tea table and interlaced his fingers with mine, squeezing it gently as he gazed vacantly on a still-life painting that hung on the dark wooden wall past Camilla. My heart was racing as my eyes shifted from the Camilla’s expectant face, then to Leon. All I wanted was to comfort him, tell him that everything would be fine but I know that it wouldn’t be that easy.

“I want to…” Camilla started, her voice a little weaker. “I want you to know—Nathaniel, Arthur and especially you, Leon—that I am so sorry for those horrible, horrible things I’ve done in the past. Back then, when Timothy—“ she cleared her throat, turning to me. “Timothy, my husband. When he died… I just felt so alone. It’s selfish, but I want you to be with me, you and Nathaniel.”

“If you wanted so badly to be with us, then why’d you left us in the first place?” Leon kept staring at the wall, resentment erasing the strong, vacant façade that he struggled to put up for a while. “As if that wasn’t enough, you just have to make my Dad’s life miserable,” he muttered through his teeth, pain contorting his docile features.

“Do you have any idea how we suffered because of you?” Dropping his gaze to the floor, Leon swallowed hard and tightened his hand on mine, before letting out an indignant chuckle.

“I remember Dad having to work all night and day, even when he was sick just so we could get by, when he could’ve easily earned enough money if he could still teach. I still remember us having to spend the night in a chapel in Lambeth because we didn’t have anywhere to go. Even though how much I wanted to forget it, I could still remember being kidnapped and being locked up… wherever the hell it was with crazy people. No thanks to you.” His eyes smouldered as he stared on the floor, his shoulders shaking with rage as he recounted those painful memories. Forcefully, Leon took deep breaths, perhaps to control his temper.

I wanted very much to touch his face and smooth out the distressed crease on his forehead with my hands. I wanted to ease his burden but I didn’t know how to so I just contented myself with giving his hand a light reassuring squeeze.

“It was a long time ago. But I could still remember everything. And I kept asking myself what kind of mother does that to her son?” He pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. “A simple sorry won’t undo all the damage you’ve done; to me, to Dad or to Nathan. If you’re sincere that you really want to make it up… then don’t. Just stay away from us. Far away, where you can’t do any more damage.”

All of a sudden, Camilla got up from her seat, toppling down her wooden chair. There was a strained warm smile on her face though I could clearly see the single tear that fell from her eyes. Hurriedly, she took the tea pot, nearly breaking a cup as she fumbled on the table.

“Please excuse me… I… have to… refill… this… with—“ her voice broke in all the wrong places as her eyes darted from me, then to Leon. Her smile did not waver as she hurried outside the spacious drawing room.

I watched her disappear through the main corridor, her shoes clacking against the marble floor as she did.

Once Camilla was gone, Leon let his head drop on his hands, his eyes shut closed.

“Leon,” I started to say but when I couldn’t find the right words to comfort him, I resorted to drape an arm on his shoulder. Without a word, he took my free hand and touched it onto his cold cheeks.

There was uncertainty in his blue eyes—something I hadn’t seen before. Dealing with his mother had brought out all his worst memories and I couldn’t blame him for acting the way he did. I had always thought of Leon as the happy-go-lucky and come-what-may type of person. He had always seen the good in all the bad, and he was the one who made me smile when I get upset over such petty things. I couldn’t bring myself to imagine him having to deal with a very rough childhood.

“It wasn’t…” He ran a hand over his head, dishevelling his dark hair. “This isn’t how I planned this to be,” he said, seemingly dazed. “I thought I’d just say hi and leave before things get messy. But it all came out—just like that.” His jaws tensed alternately, cursing under his breath before he stood up and uneasily straightened the black tie on his neck.

Instinctively, I adjusted the collar of his white button-up shirt and tweaked a few locks of his hair back into place as he stared blankly where Camilla had gone.

“I’m sure, she’ll understand. After all, she’s still your mother,” I said mustering a smile as I picked up his coat and handed to him before tilting my head to the corridor. “Go.”

For a moment, he hesitated, shifting his weight on both feet before lowering his head and giving me a quick kiss on the lips.

“Thanks. What would I do without you?” he said, a relieved smile trailing on his stunning face, darting out of the drawing room before I could even think of a smart reply.

It took me a several seconds to recover from his kiss that left me dumbfounded on my spot. When I was reminded by my aching lungs that I needed the oxygen to not die, I took a deep breath and blinked my eyes, feeling a silly smile pulling up involuntarily on my face.

“Hi,” a female voice said from behind me.

Startled, I turned around to see who was behind me after practically tripping on my chair.

“Uh… Hi,” I said, the stupid smile still plastered on my face.

When I was able to compose myself, I looked up to see a lady in her early twenties in a brick-red vest over a white undershirt paired with black pants, half of which was tucked inside the knee-length leather boots she was wearing. The lady approached me with a warm smile, putting down what looked like a short whip before removing the baseball cap from her head, revealing long, curly red hair that flowed to the small of her back.

She smiled warmly at me and offered a hand. “I reckon you are the famous Sarah Littman.”

I shook her hand, unable to say anything, dazzled by the perfectly straight features on her angular face. Her clear brown eyes were kind and welcoming unlike Camilla’s but she had that same air of authority and composure. The clueless look on my face must’ve said it all because when she let go of my hands, her eyes narrowed as though she was trying to recall something.

“Oh, how could I be so rude? I’m Claire—Nathaniel’s sister,” she said.

“I didn’t know Nathan had a sister. I… mean nice to meet you,” I smiled wryly at her. “Sorry.”

With a slight shrug, she looped her arm around mine and towed me toward the corridor. “He never mentioned me? Let’s go for a little walk, shall we? Nathaniel would get a good beating from me for forgetting his dear sister,” she smiled tentatively.

I nodded mindlessly, unable to reject her thoughtful offer.

“Nathaniel has told me so much about you,” she started as we walked along the marble corridors, the magnificent bronze-framed paintings of sceneries hanging on the stone walls distracting me from time to time. “Apparently, you were the one responsible for his sudden turning over a new leaf.”

“I don’t know about that,” I mumbled, eyes shifting from her to the paintings on the walls as we treaded the massive hallway. It felt like we were in a museum, or an art gallery. “He tends to exaggerate things.”

A smile played on her full lips, a fond look on her eyes as though she just remembered a happy memory.

“Yes. Nathaniel does that. It never fails to amuse me. He had been a misunderstood child…” she said, the smile on her face fading. “All the while, Mother thought he was strange but I think he just developed his own way of dealing with situations. We’re very close. I visited him as often as I could when he was still here in London, even though Mother did not approve.” She let out a poised chuckle.

“He didn’t live here?” I asked curiously.

“No. You may have heard it from Leonard that Nathaniel had to be hidden from the public. But it was for his own good. According to Mother, at least,” she said as we reached the end of the corridor.

I paused to look at the last painting. It was scenery of a crystal clear pond reflecting the moon and the stretch of ancient fir trees strewn at the borders of the vast meadow full of blue and red wild flowers. Beside that was another familiar picture—a narrow cobblestone path overviewing a small cottage, two little boys playing under a tree.

“Nathan made these,” I said mindlessly as I looked up at the paintings.

“Yes. How’d you know?” Claire said pausing to look at it.

“That’s the pond near his house.” I pointed to the first painting. “I thought he wasn’t able to fix that canvas. It fell into the water.”

“Oh that? It’s just a replica of the original. He wouldn’t give it to me. Said he’d just make me an exact copy. But if you’d ask me, the first one’s far better-looking. I don’t know why he went so mental when I asked for it. He usually just virtually throws away his paintings once he’s done with them. All the paintings in this house are made by him,” she said proudly.

“Is that so?” I replied thoughtfully, remembering how Nathan went on and on about how stupid I had been to waste my time in trying to get it back from the water, even to the point of drowning. “He’s really good at it.”

“The best I’ve ever seen,” a serene smile played on Claire’s face. She must really love Nathan. It made me glad knowing that even though Nathan hadn’t the best mother, at least he had a kind sister who cared about him.

“Oh, my!” Claire suddenly exclaimed. “I forgot. I was heading for the stables to see the horses.” When I threw her a baffled look, she smiled, managing a mock offended expression and propped her hands on her small waist. “Why? Can’t a lady take care of horses? It’s just something I love doing. Plus, a new stallion just arrived. I’d love to have you as company but I would feel terrible to ruin your dress. But in some other time, would you want to go ride with me?”

“Sure. I would be delighted to.”

“Until next time, Sarah. It was nice to meet you,” she said as she gave me a slight nod and headed to the back door with quickened lithe strides.

I was left alone, trying to recall the way back to the drawing room where Leon had left me. The house was like a maze, with several receiving areas and confusing corridors. I was starting to go back when I heard voices from the door to the left just before arriving to the grand dining hall. I could tell that it was Leon and Camilla as soon as I got closer.

Pressing my ear onto the carved wooden door, I heard them clearly. The door was left slightly ajar so I could see Leon’s back as he faced Camilla inside what seemed to be a study room.

“I understand, Leon.” Camilla’s voice was shaking as though she was fighting hard not to cry.

“Still, I shouldn’t have said those things,” Leon said. I couldn’t see his face but I had the feeling that he was able to conjure back his composure. “Look, I just want to set things right.”

“That will happen and don’t worry. I wouldn’t get in your way any further.” A sad smile lingered on her regal face. “If I could turn back time, I certainly would. I never should have left you. I never should’ve done those foolish things just to have things my way. If so, maybe… just maybe—”

Leon was shaking his head pensively. With the puzzled look Camilla gave him, I couldn’t help but have the feeling that he was smiling for some reason.

“No.” Leon replied warmly. “If it was me, I wouldn’t mind not being able to change the past. Sure, it was hard… but it made me who I am today. And…” he paused, a quiet melodic laughter escaping his lips as though he just remembered something funny.

“And what?” Camilla asked, curiosity and fondness playing in her blue eyes.

It took a little while before he could answer. “I was just thinking that if all that happened didn’t happen—moving from place to place, the lawsuit, the social services forcing me to go to high school—if all those things didn’t happen then I wouldn’t have met Sarah…”

I clasped a hand on my lips in an attempt to calm my breathing, the strange fluttering in my stomach doubling.

“And if that was the case, I’d still be my old miserable self… stuck in the past,” he added stepping closer to Camilla and taking her hand in his. “But now, I think I can only think of the future, because of her. And I’d be glad to welcome you to that future, if you want.”

An affectionate smile lit Camilla’s face as she hesitantly tweaked Leon’s dishevelled hair. “You love her that much?” said she, blinking back the tears like a mother would when her son was about to get married. But it wasn’t like that for me and Leon! I mean I was just sixteen, turning seventeen so… Ugh.

I watched Leon nod silently, imagining him smile that smile that I’ve always loved.

Camilla composed herself and gestured toward the door. “Then we only have her to thank for all of this.”

* * *

“Leon! Eyes on the road please?” I muttered nervously, holding onto the car seat as Leon fumbled on the dashboard for his phone.

The car swerved to the left and right, overtaking other vehicles in the road. When I complained about his driving, Leon just poked on my cheek and laughed saying “We’re still within speed limit,” before his phone rang.

“Got it!” said he pressing the phone on his ear. “Yes. Leon Walden, at your service,” he looked like he was in a good mood today. “When?” His brows furrowed infinitesimally. That couldn’t be good. “Can’t we reschedule? Oh, okay… Nate? What about him?” He paused then grunted. “Nice timing… No. Okay.” He glanced wryly at me, putting the phone down.

“What about?” I said managing a nonchalant tone. I knew he would tell me what I want to know. That had been my condition if he wanted me to come with him to London—that he would never keep anything from me—and I’ve kept my side of the deal so he had to do his.

“Good news, bad news and more bad news…” I shrugged urging him to continue. “Good news is I just got nominated artist of the year.”

“And the bad?”

“In response to that, I’d have to do a concert tour for a few weeks… maybe a couple of months. So I’ll be gone until the summer break.” He sighed deeply, losing the grin. “The Prom,” he reminded me when I threw him a bewildered look.

“Oh, the Prom…” My lips twitched upwards but I forced myself not to smile.

With an impatient grunt, he held my wrist and placed the back of my hand onto his lips. “Come on Sarah. I promised I’d take you. Just say the word and I’d turn down the concert.”

“No. It’s fine, really,” I managed to keep a straight face though inside my head I was rejoicing and doing cartwheels and throwing imaginary confetti everywhere. I had seven nightmares about the dreaded Prom and all of them were horrible in seven different ways. The thought of not seeing Leon for a few weeks made my heart sink though.

Frantically, he brushed a hand over his hair. “If you say so,” he muttered in a resigned tone. He knew that no form of persuasion would make me come to the Prom but he still tried anyway. “And for the other bad news, Nate and Elle just broke up.”

“Why?!” I almost screamed and forgot that Leon was driving as I grabbed the sleeves of his button up shirt. Poor Nathan… He must’ve been having a hard time… Or torturing kittens in his underground lab… Or plotting to take over the world.

“No idea,” he shrugged, fixing his eyes on the road.

“Leon?”

“Yeah?” he replied without looking at me, something he only did whenever he was upset.

“Sorry… about the Prom. Are you mad?” I mumbled wincing as he took my hand and kissed it again.

He fixed his sea-blue eyes momentarily at me, intertwining my fingers with his. “I don’t know… Maybe—yes,” he chided with that lopsided smile that made my heart skip a beat. All of a sudden, he cursed under his breath. “But you just make it so hard for me to get angry at you. It’s not fair.” He kept his eyes on the road, my smile still on his face.

“Leon?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you like to ride Ferris Wheels?” I asked.

He shrugged, snorting lightly. I could tell he was still a bit upset and I didn’t like that feeling. Just seeing his you-did-this face left an unsettling feeling in my stomach.

“I’m thinking, hmm… popcorn. Instead of the Prom, we could go there instead… when you come home?” I suggested tentatively, hoping I was persuasive enough.

“Where?”

“To the amusement park,” I said with an expectant smile. Leon nodded, his mellifluous chuckle filling the air, like music to my ears. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you more.”

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As promised, a bonus chapter it is! Next stop! HOW TO DATE A NERD--a Leon Walden Story... hmm... thanks for everyone who supported this story til the very end. In two days, I'll be posting the new book and I hope you continue on wasting your precious time and energy over my frivolous works of imagination-- which is nerd for... yeah read it. LOL

So, will Camilla Downing cease pestering Nerdy and her superhot greek god boy friend? What up with Elle and Nate's break-up? What role would Claire play in Leon's life? Would Nerdy be able to go to the Prom? Or will she eat popcorn? And most importantly... will Nathan take over the world? Find out soon... In the sequel called HOW TO DATE A NERD

Accident Prone Area, (and a lot of love... and I mean A LOT)

~shim