"Pila na lang 'yong mga bibili!"

Our class president shouted. I got up from my seat, took out my earphones, and placed them on the desk before standing in line. With the number of vendors who go to school selling educational products in each section, I just got interested in it now.

This time, hindi na ballpoint pens, coloring books o libro o kung anong seedling ang binebenta nila, nagbebenta na rin sila ng wildflower seeds. I've been interested in flowers lately, so when it happened that someone was selling them at school, hindi na 'ko nagdalawang-isip na bumili na rin.

After that, Sir Racas, who we had been waiting for... suddenly entered our room with his heavy footsteps. Already minutes passed but he still hadn't come, he was already too late so some of us expected that he was not in school, or he was in a meeting.

They were very happy at the thought that sir would not be able to teach today. Kung kaya no'ng dumating si Sir, halos lahat ng mga balikat nila ay nagsibagsakan. Lalong-lalo na sina Emon na nasa gitna na ng laban nila sa ML.

He just rushed back to his seat and then took his umbrella that was on the desk and placed it under his chair. He turned to face Castro behind him, and I could read the words bad trip coming out of his mouth.

"Hypothetically, nasa crowded room kayo at ni isa sa inyo ay walang gumagalaw... There's not much interaction, right? But if everyone starts running around, 'yong chances na magkabungguan kayo... will go way up or higher, rather!"

Our science teacher's voice echoed along with the sound of the rain pouring down all around the campus. Even though the sun had not yet set, the wall clock on top of the blackboard had its long hand pointed toward the large bolded number 5, the heavy dark clouds loomed the entire area giving the impression that night had already fallen.

"So, activation energy is the minimum amount of energy required for a chemical reaction to occur. It is the energy molecules require to collide and break chemical bonds, to initiate a reaction."

When the class ended, my classmates were chatting about the science lesson in the corridor, and they were still talking about it when we exited the building and walked along the school's pavement, which got a little muddy.

They all understand the lesson, while I seem only to understand better when the rain stops... it is when the surroundings gradually show their natural hues as the dark clouds disappear from the sky.

Habang naglalakad palabas ng school ay napapahinto-hinto pa kami dahil sa mga taong nakakasalubong ni Emon. Sila 'yong mga naging kaklase namin last year na nagpalipat ng section saka mga nahuli sa enrollment. I was like a bystander watching them talk and jokingly argue.

After that, Emon turned to face the direction we were heading and walked without thinking about where he was stepping, causing him to bump into someone. I reacted by looking at who he ran into, only to discover that it was Maddie. She was also on her way home with the other SSG officers.

Nakita ko ang paglukot ng mukha ni Maddie at napahawak pa siya sa dibdib niya, napalakas ang pagbunggo nilang dalawa at ng lalaki roon! Maya-maya pa ay sabay na bumilog na lang ang mga mata ko at bibig nang marinig kong sinigawan niya si Emon at sabay na kinuwelyuhan.

Napahawak si Emon roon, and it seemed like he couldn't breathe anymore and was asking for help by patting Maddie's hand. "Ah! Hoy! S... SSG Officer niyo nang-ha-harass!" sumbong ni Emon sa mga kasama ni Maddie na pareho na rin ang naging reaksyon gaya ng sa 'kin, gulat na gulat.

Agad namang napabitaw si Maddie sa kuwelyo ni Emon at saka niya 'to inakbayan at pilit na tumatawang sinabihan ang mga kasama niya na nagbibiruan lang sila. Kita ko pa na sa paraan ng pagsabi niya niyon ay may pagbabanta 'yong braso niyang nakapulupot sa leeg ng lalaki, hinihigpitan ang akbay niya ro'n.

"Okay," nakangiting tatango-tangong sabi naman ng SSG President, si Joy. "Since you've met your friends now... you should go with them first, then follow us to Ma'am Jen's house na lang. 'Yong magiging lay-out ng school newspaper, we still need to discuss that."



Tinanguan naman ni Maddie 'yon saka sila nagsialisan. And while we were leaving the campus, it was as if I just watched a serial killer threatening her hostage not to speak or do anything. Maddie was kicking Emon's ass, at wala namang magawa si Emon dahil malaki rin talaga 'yong atraso niya.

"Sa sinabi ni Joy..." habang nakapamulsang sambit ko na ikinatigil naman ni Maddie sa ginagawa niya kay Emon. Napatingin silang dalawa sa 'kin. "May... sasabihin ka ba sa 'min?"

Umawang saglit ang bibig ni Maddie, bigla siyang napaisip. "Ah... 'yong tungkol pala diyan... 'yong Avril. Grade ten din pala siya, nasa third floor ang section niya. Nakipag-usap na ako sa kaniya tungkol sa post," sabi niya sabay na tinungo ang mga mata sa harapan.

Nakalabas na kami ng campus and I can still smell the mixed breeze from the trees and the scent of after rain.

"Sinabi ko na misunderstanding lang ang nangyari... I also mentioned to her that the program was not over yet and ginagawa lang namin 'yong duty na binigay sa 'min. Pero hindi ko alam kung bakit galit pa rin siya sa 'kin, kahit pa maayos ko siyang in-excuse sa teacher niya then no'ng kaharap ko na siya, I was genuinely sorry sa nangyari," she said with a distant gaze.



"Why does she feel that way about you?" I mumbled.



"Siguro baka iniisip niya na pinahiya ko siya no'ng araw na 'yon." Napalingon naman ako sa kaniya, narinig niya 'yong binulong ko. "May mga estudyante rin kasing nakakita sa pagbabawal namin sa kanila."

"Bakit siya pa 'yong galit na galit?" agresibong tanong naman ni Emon. "Eh, siya naman 'yong gumawa nang ikakasama niya no'ng araw na 'yon? 'Di sila sumusunod, saka disrespect 'yon, closing prayer pa 'yon!"



Maddie nodded, agreeing with what Emon said. "I know."

Nang may madaanan kaming gumamela sa gilid ng kalsada ay napahinto kami ni Emon, bigla kasing napatakbo si Maddie patungo ro'n at pumitas no'ng bulaklak. Sinundan namin siya, and we watched her lovingly smelling the flowers in her hand.



"Pa'no 'yong... sa issue na binibintang nila sa 'yo?" Napahinto siya bigla sa tanong ko.

Her smile disappeared and her eyes just dropped to the floor, pondering my question. Ilang sandali ay napabuntong-hininga na lang siya at napasunod na lang ulit kami ni Emon sa kaniya noong bigla siyang maglakad ulit.



"It's just like black paint in them..." pagsasalita ni Maddie habang nasa likuran niya kami. "That when you apply a white paint to it... either the black will continue to win out, or it will change shade... but the original color is still there." Napahinto ulit siya sa paglalakad at hinarap kami, her eyes darted on mine. "If they hate me, and maybe one day they won't... Even so, they still hated me the very first time."

She smiled barely then tucked the gumamela flower behind her ear and resumed walking. Nakita ko siyang patalun-talong naglalakad na tila malaya sa mundo, at no'ng lingunin niya ulit kami ay masayang inaya niya kami na pumunta ro'n sa bagong bukas na milk tea shop malapit sa school namin no'ng elementary pa lang kami.

"Uy, teka lang! Ano na pinag-usapan niyo? Palalim kayo nang palalim, e! Kanina ka-level ko lang kayo, ngayon nandito na kayo, oh!" Emon put his hand above his head while following Maddie's track.

"Hindi ka ba sasama?!" Tila nagising naman ako nang isigaw ni Maddie 'yon. Dali-dali naman akong napatakbo pasunod sa kanila.

How foolish and naive of me... I think of an apology as a great way to atone for any wrongdoing they pulled off against someone. As if that would help erase it. Heal all the hurt that has been inflicted on someone in the very first place.



Pagkarating namin sa shop ay agad nang um-order si Maddie, at kahit pa na pinipilit niya kami na bumili rin dahil ayaw niyang siya lang ang may iniinom sa 'min ay tumatanggi pa rin ako sa alok niya. Sinabi ko lang sa kaniya na ibang lasa ang hinahanap ng dila ko kahit pa na wala na talaga akong pera para makabili niyon.

Si Emon naman ay hindi niya talaga hilig ang milk tea, hindi niya raw kasi gusto ang lasa noong tea. Na-ve-vertigo raw siya sa lasa niyon. Pero kahit nagsabi na siya sa 'min na gano'n nga siya ay inaaya pa rin namin siya niyon. Kahit sa mga ibang bagay ay gano'n kami sa kaniya, hindi lang dito.

"Extra sugar? Tuwang-tuwa ka pa, para kang lola kong may diabetes na pinayagang kumain ng matamis after ng ilang taong pagbabawal," pagpuna ni Emon.

"She's just a mother's daughter. Babae lang kami, sorry. Hindi mo talaga kami maiintindihan. Especially since you don't have to save up para lang makabili ka ng gusto mo," Maddie said, savoring the taste of the bubble tea after she took a sip, she even showed that she was enjoying it on Emon's face.

No'ng naglakad ulit kami ay saka lang namin nalaman na pinag-ipunan pa talaga ni Maddie 'yon, tatlong araw din niyang tinipid ang sarili niya para mabili lang 'yon. The price of milk tea at CoCo is not a joke though, especially since she chose the largest size.

"Bakit parang... pinaramdam mo sa 'kin na mali na naging may kaya kami?" Patago naman akong natawa sa sinabi ni Emon.

"Wala namang problema do'n, 'yang pangit na humor mo lang may mali." Nilingon ni Maddie ang lalaki saka niya 'to inirapan. "Hindi pa naman siguro huli para ayusin 'yan."

"Eh?" naguguluhang sambit naman ni Emon. "Bakit mo nilalagyan ng apoy 'yong kahoy na pahupa na 'yong siga? Bakit naging big deal pa 'yong biro ko? Bakit naging masama... 'yong tingin ko sa sarili ko?"

"Sorry, I'm just my father's daughter," Maddie said, unconcerned.

I just laughed a bit and shook my head at their argument.

"Sandali. Parang may kulang talaga sa 'kin, e." Napahinto ulit kami sa paglalakad noong sabihin 'yon ni Emon. Pareho naman kami ni Maddie na nagtataka kung ano 'yong tinutukoy niya. Kinapa ni Emon ang sarili niya, iniisip kung ano 'yong kulang sa kaniya. Ilang sandali pa ay mabilis niyang nilagay sa harapan ang bag niya at may hinalughog doon. "'Yong payong ni Mama!"

At saka niya lang talaga napagtanto 'yon kung kailan mahaba-haba na rin ang nalakad namin. Agad na lang siyang napakilos at tumakbo pabalik ng school. 

"Hintayin ka na lang namin dito!" sigaw ko sa kaniya na pagkaway lang ang sinagot.

Pagkabalik niya ay agad na naglakad si Maddie, iniwan niya kami. Kanina pa kasi siya inip na inip kahihintay kay Emon. When Emon reached my spot, he just wrapped his arms around me while catching his breath.

We continued walking, maya-maya ay napatakbo ulit si Emon patungo kay Maddie na nauuna na sa 'min. Nang nasa likuran na siya ni Maddie ay nakita ko na lang na hinablot niya 'yong bubble tea ni Maddie saka ininuman 'yon.

I've caught up with them, and right just Maddie and I had the same reaction watching Emon sipping her bubble tea. We were both surprised. Hindi niya gusto 'yon pero ngayon ay para siyang baby na nakatikim ng ibang lasa ng pagkain, it's like he doesn't want to give it back to Maddie.

Kung kaya ay hinayaan na lang siya muna ni Maddie na uminom doon, and she just fished up her phone on her pocket and read the message on her messenger. Nabasa ko na pinapamadali na siya noong mga ka-officers niya sa SSG. Pareho na sila ni Wesley na busy na sa mga ginagawa nila sa loob ng school.

Binalik na nga ni Emon 'yong bubble tea niya, pero ang nakita na lang namin ni Maddie ay halos 1/4 na lang yata ang nartira roon! Emon quickly gotten away from Maddie, he seems to be purposely running away from her.

"Napaka patay-gutom!" Maddie voiced incredulously while her eyes were solely on the bubble tea. "Tumakbo ka na bumbay hangga't kaya mo pa!" Maddie furiously yelled and chased him.

And there they are again. Wala na masyadong katao-tao sa lugar, kung kaya ay sigawan na lang nilang dalawa ang nangingibabaw rito. Natatawang napabuntong-hininga na lang ako.

"I'm home!" I announced as I got inside the house.

Yeah, home... Where you can hurt each other even if you are close or blood-related, where a mistake will become history and should not be forgotten. And where all are sitting at the dinner table, not knowing much of anything about each other.

My mouth felt as though it was under a spell during the entire dinner, blocking me from speaking. I simply dine in silence, noticing that there are no smiles between us, in an awkward atmosphere.

At ang mas nakakabusog pa yata kaysa sa hapunan namin ay 'yong mga problemang pinag-uusapan nila. Palaki na nang palaki ang gastusin sa bahay... gastusin para sa pag-aaral ni Ate Ingrid... gastusin para sa 'ming lahat.

And after their grave conversation, I already predicted that Kuya Ikio's attention would fall on me. And it was only a prediction yet he actually did. Hindi pa rin niya ako pinaniniwalaan sa mga sinabi ko... he still tried to pull me in my mistake and what they accused me of.

Tinapos ko na lang ang pagkain at paghuhugas na hindi siya sinasagot. I went upstairs without saying a word then entered the room and tossed the bag beside the study table.

I threw myself on the bed and buried my face in the pillow for a moment before standing up again and taking the sketchbook in my bag. I turned its pages and looked at what I drew.

"How should I apologize to him?" I whispered.

If an apology isn't the best way to heal someone's aches and pains, how should I do it? That thought lasted until the next day, I was still thinking about what I could do to put the situation in a smooth stream.

My mind remained in the same state until I walked out of the classroom. But just as soon as I stepped outside the school gate, it suddenly got messed up.

My eyes just caught those boys and their leader... they were on the other side of the road, and it seemed that I was the one they were waiting for to show up, as their devilish squinted eyes were only directed at me.

I just grabbed the straps of my bag and bowed and walked along with the groups of students who were also on their way home. I ignored them but it wasn't actually helping me to escape from the bad things that would happen to me.

As I was petrified, I noticed that they were following me, that they were right behind me, and that they were only a short distance away from my place... So I doubled my pace, slowly quickened my walk, and ran as fast as I could.

Napapatingin na sa 'kin ang mga estudyante at sa mga lalaking humahabol sa 'kin. Hindi ko pa sadyang nababangga ang ilan dahil sa hindi ko na makontrol ang isipan ko... ang tanging iniisip ko na lang ngayon ay ang matakasan sila kahit pa na alam ko ay napaka labong mangyari 'yon.

"Pumasok siya sa kanto!"

My face seems to be pleading, and if there's a person meets and sees me, they will immediately recognize that I am asking for help as my face is filled with fear and tears.

I could hear their voices, yelling at me. It sounded like they were about to catch me. I was already tired from running and out of breath. Despite feeling like my body was on fire from exhaustion, I still forced myself to keep running.

Masyado nang malakas ang boses nila sa pandinig ko, masyado na silang malapit sa 'kin at hindi ko na rin kayang tumakbo. I was on the verge of giving up, but when I suddenly saw him, I almost fell to my knees and cried profusely.



"Sandali!" sigaw ko at kaagad naman siyang napahinto sa paglalakad.

I paused running and held my knees to collect my breath. After a moment, I stood up straight and found him silently facing me. I could even hear my chest pounding, and my lungs were almost filled with air caused by the intensity of my breathing.

"Putang ina, ang kukupad niyo!" I turned to my back. My fear resurfaced when I heard that yell which seemed so close to where I was.

And there, as such, I just saw them coming closer and closer to me. Pagkalingon ko ulit sa harapan ko ay nakita ko siyang nagpatuloy na ulit sa paglalakad.



"Teka lang! Please!" As I begged and my knees trembled, I dead and sickly approached him.

My eyes followed him while he was walking away, I was really about to lose all hope, but when I saw him just manly tilt his head and walk towards my place... almost all of my spirits lifted, at ipit ang mga labing napayuko na lang ako.

He just passed me and I just saw that he put his foot on a wooden block that was used as a seat. He was just tying his shoe lace calmly, ngunit nakagawa na kaagad siya ng takot sa mga 'yon pagkakita na pagkakita pa lang nila sa kaniya.

Agad silang nagtakbuhan palayo noong dumiretso ng tayo ang lalaki at matapos niyang masintasan ang kaniyang sapatos.

He hissed dismissively and then walked past me. I didn't know how to approach him nor what I was supposed to say, so I just quietly followed him from behind.

Until we got out of the alley and were now walking on a familiar road. To that big house with a bougainvillea plant over the high fence, mula roon at dito ay dito ko siya parating nakikitang lumalabas.

I threw my eyes on him, and still noticed the pink plush bear keychain swinging in his bag. Nakapasok na siya sa loob ng bahay nila na hindi man lang ako nakapagpasalamat sa kaniya.

Napakagat na lang ako ng pang-ibabang labi at napalunok habang pinagmamasdan ang madilim na madilim na bahay na pinasukan niya. For a bit, the yellow light from the window, which I had broken, suddenly gleamed as if it were coming from a lamp.

My fear gets worse after that day, even if I just think about going back to school and when the class is over... just thinking about that makes me feel a mess and anxious.

Going to school and returning home have become a threat to my life. For I only had one destination to end up with... which was going to school only to get beaten up the moment I walked home.

"Una ka na, Isko! Tatambay muna kami kina Clark! Ingat!"

Tila ang lugar na 'yon ay hindi na safe para sa 'kin. I even had to keep up with the pack of students and join them just so they would not notice and see me. From being able to walk freely outside, with nothing to worry about but to get home safely, now, I have to hide.

At kahit pa tinatak ko na sa sarili ko na hindi ko na ulit siya guguluhin ay napilitan pa rin akong hintayin siya na makalabas doon sa eskinita. Of all the reasons and approaches that I can think of, he is the only one who stands out in my mind... he's the only one I know who can help me.

So here I am, leaning against the tall fence of this large house, silently waiting for him under the blossoming bougainvillea. I'm praying for him to come out as soon as possible to save my seemingly thin life of mine.

I have been doing this for nearly three days straight, and I'm very grateful because during that time, ay hindi ako nabigo na makasabay sa paglalakad niya. I won't have to wait for him for two days and worry about what might happen to me, as tomorrow is Saturday. But it is only a temporary ease.

Sa ngayon ay safe pa ako dahil may marami-rami pa'ng estudyante ang nagsisiuwian... may matatanda rin sa paligid na nagtitinda ng kaniya-kaniya nilang paninda. I was feeling at ease at that moment, not until I noticed that the people around was gradually thinning out, yet he still wasn't there.

Napaalis na ako sa pagkakasandal ko sa bakod at pinagmasdan ang paligid. Nang mapansin na kakaunti na lang talaga ang mga estudyante ang umuuwi ay hinarap ko na lang ang bakod at nilalaro ang maliit na bato sa sahig habang pinapatunog ang mga daliri.

Sa paraang 'yon ay sinusubukan kong ialis ang sarili ko sa takot kahit pa na punong-puno na ng magugulong mga salita ang isipan ko. When the cold wind blew, I could only hear the rustling of bougainvillea flowers and leaves... no longer any noises from people.

I just bowed down in despair and accepted my fate. Thinking that I need to deal it with on my own, as the world will not always agree with me. I straightened up, slung my bag over my shoulder, and turned to head down the road, only to discover that he had already come out from the alley and was walking peacefully in the distance.

My face was just like that, instantly lit up. If it could only speak on its own, it would have shouted the most knightly phrases like thank you for saving me. Before I hurried after him, I picked a stalk of bougainvillea and placed it in my bag. As I caught up to his footsteps, I noticed that he wasn't carrying a plastic bag of lomi today, but instead a small box with unknown contents.

Sabay na namilog ang mga mata ko at bibig nang makita siyang umiba ng daan. Napahinto ako sa paglalakad at nagtatakang sinundan siya ng tingin. I clung to the strap of my bag and tapped my thigh a few times using the other hand. I was wondering if I should follow him or not.



I then just found myself in the middle of a wide road. To my side, there was an old wood light pole that had a light bulb inside of a mineral water bottle, saving it from getting wet. This seemingly makeshift light was the only source of illumination for the road... as what surrounded the place was solely a wide-open rice paddy field.



Napalingon ulit ako sa harapan ko bago siya muling tinanaw... malayo-layo na rin ang nalakad niya. Wala man akong ideya kung nakahanap ba siya ng bagong daan o short cut dahil sa mismong footpath na nasa pagitan ng palayan siya nagtungo, at kahit parang nasa bewang ko na ang taas ng mga palay ay sinundan ko pa rin siya.

While walking behind him and as we were in the middle of a wide rice field, I could still see the lush green foliage of it as well as the silhouette of the coconut trees in the distance. Its leaves are dancing against the wind.

I could hear the soothing gurgling sound from the steady and abundant water flow from the irrigation. Every time the tall rice brushed against my body, it made a crunchy noise that seemed to make them sing, as if they were in awe of the beauty of the surroundings.



Nang marating namin ang dulo ay umakyat pa kami dahil pa-slope ang daan na para bang isa 'yong pinaka maliit na burol sa buong mundo. Napapaligiran din ang lugar ng mga coconut tree. May tinawiran pa kaming maliit na sapa na tanging malalaking bato lang ang nagsilbing tulay para makadaan.

Noong pumasok kami sa medyo magubat ay naglabas na ako ng phone para flashlight-an ang paligid. The trees are scattered around, and the towering plants dominate the foliage. While I was busy noticing the surroundings, I saw him enter through what seemed to be a garden gateway made of plants. 

Pagkapasok ko ay para akong nasa isang secret garden. Matagal na 'kong nakatira rito pero ngayon ko lang nalaman na may ganitong klase pala ng lugar dito sa 'min. Matataas na ang puno rito at nakapabilog ito sa 'min... I can clearly see the silhouette of their leaves and branches against the night sky.



Maya-maya pa ay naialis ko ang pagkakatingala ko sa langit at napabaling na lang ang tingin sa lalaki na parang naghuhukay na ngayon doon sa pinaka gitna. Nakita ko na tuyong tangkay ng puno ang gamit niyang panghukay.

Tahimik ko siyang nilapitan, at nang makalapit ay nakita ko ang laman noong kahon na dala niya. Wala siyang imik no'ng umupo ako bigla sa tabi niya at saka maingat na hinaplos ang pisngi noong patay na kuting.

"Mochi."

Napahinto siya bigla sa ginagawa at nilingon ako. "Ha?"

Saglit ko siyang nilingon at pinakita sa kaniya 'yong collar ng kuting. "Mochi, pangalan niya," sabi ko at walang emosyong tiningnan naman niya 'yon.

Napalunok lang siya habang nasa collar ng pusa ang mga mata niya. Saglit naman siyang marahang napatango bago muling nagpatuloy sa paghuhukay. I murmured in my thoughts, longing for my mind to return to its innocence... I was devastated by what had happened to the kitten.

"Hindi siya stray cat, may owner siya. Sariwa pa 'yong mga sugat niya... may pumatay sa kaniya," I said as I examined the wound. He was killed by a severe struck on the head... and the cut was sharp. "Gamit ang malaking graba na bato."



How painful it is that animals are given the gift of life, only to have it cruelly taken away by humans. They just live their lives, that's all they do.

Pinatay ko ang flashlight ng phone at saka ko pinindot ang camera nito. Nang kukuhanan ko na sana ito ng litrato ay agad naman akong napahinto nang hawakan niya ang palapulsuhan ko. Nagtatakang napalingon ako sa kaniya.

"Anong gagawin mo?" tanong niya sa 'kin. Although he appeared calm, there was a threat in the way he spoke.

"Hinahanap na siya ng owner niya," saad ko.

Ilang sandali ay inalis niya ang hawak niya sa palapulsuhan ko noong maramdaman niya ang pagbawi ko rito.

"Kukuhanan mo siya ng litrato? Ipapaalam mo sa kanila na patay na siya?"

"Hm-hmm." May ilang na pagtango ko. "Dapat lang naman nila malaman 'yon 'di ba?"

"Na ganito ang hitsura niya?"

Tukoy niya sa kuting. Napatingin naman ako sa hitsura ng kuting at habang pinagmamasdan 'to at iniisip ang sinabi niya ay doon na lang yata ako natauhan sa pwedeng mangyari kapag ginawa ko nga 'yon.

"Ah..."

Napa-react naman ako na tila nagulat noong bigla niyang hinablot ang phone ko. Pinatay niya 'yon at basta-basta na lang hinagis sa 'di kalayuan. Para naman akong nakakita ng multo at napatanga na lang sa ginawa niya.

I quickly got up and turned to face him. I would have been annoyed with him for that, but then I realized that I had done something really horrible to him. As such, it keeps me from protesting against his rude gestures.



I just sighed and walked over to my phone, wala na 'kong nagawa kundi ang pulutin na lang 'yon.

"Kapag pinaalam mo na patay na siya... pinatay mo na rin 'yong pag-asa nila," pagsasalita niya habang pinapagpagan ko ang phone ko, naputikan 'to nang kaunti.

Nagtatanong ang mukha kong nilingon siya. "Ano?"

Napahinto siya sa paghuhukay at nilingon 'yong kuting. "Mas mabuti nang isipin nila na nawawala lang siya... na buhay pa kaysa patay na," walang kabuhay-buhay na sabi niya.



What he said shushed me. I got closer to his place and looked at the kitten again. I sat down next to it.

"Hindi ba 'yon... masakit sa part nila bilang fur parent? Maghihintay sila sa kaniya, aasa sila na makikita pa nila siya." I sighed. "Tingin ko... dapat ibalik natin siya sa kanila."

And Mochi's already dead... so they're just waiting for nothing... that's so tragic to think.

"'Yong mga buhay, habang patagal nang patagal... nakakalimutan sila ng mga tao. Pa'no pa kaya ang mga patay?" he said deeply. He was finished digging.



Kinuha na niya si Mochi sa kahon, maingat niya pang ginawa 'yon na habang 'yong isang kamay niya ay nakaalalay sa ulong bahagi nito ang isa naman ay sa katawan. He has started to cover it with the excavated soil.

He's affraid that Mochi will be forgotten. Kaya mas mabuting malaman na nawawala lang siya... para manatiling lang siya sa isip nila at hindi siya makakalimutan. At hindi sila masaktan. I guess that's what he was thinking.

Tapos na niyang ilibing si Mochi. Tumayo na siya at naglakad. Susundan ko na sana siya nang may maalala ako, "Teka lang," pagtawag ko sa kaniya.

Just as I heard the sound of grass rustling, he stopped, turned to face me, and watched what I was doing. I set my bag down beside me and knelt to look through the wildflowers I had bought a few days ago. I opened it as soon as I found it.

Naghukay ako ng kaunti sa puntod ni Mochi at saka ko doon binuhos ang ilang butil noong wildflowers. Tinabunan ko 'yon ng lupa at saka kinuha 'yong tumbler at diniligan ito. As for the bougainvillea that I picked and was planning to put it in the vase on my study table, I carefully placed it on his grave.



I picked up my bag, got to my feet, and turned to face the grave. "Hindi ka na nag-iisa... kapag lumaki na sila at namukadkad, senyales 'yon na kinakamusta ka nila."

Tipid akong ngumiti sa puntod ni Mochi bago hinarap ang lalaki, nakita ko siya na parang napapailing. At 'yong isang strap ng bag na nasa kamay niya ay maangas niya 'yong inilagay sa balikat saka siya naglakad paalis. Agad naman akong sumunod.

"Hindi ko dapat sinabi 'yon," sabi ko. Napahinto naman siya at hinarap ako.

He was just looking at me silently... he didn't utter a word, he already knew what I was talking about. I'm referring to what I said to him in the old building.

"Alam ko na kapag humingi ako ng sorry, hindi ibig sabihin no'n ay mawawala na 'yong sakit na nagawa ko sa 'yo no'ng una pa lang. Kaya... hindi lang ako hihingi ng sorry, gagawin ko rin 'yong dapat na ginawa ko no'ng una na wala pa 'kong ideya sa kung ano 'yong pinagdadaanan mo. Magiging maingat na 'ko sa mga sasabihin ko. Hindi na 'ko magsasalita ng puro kalokohan... Hindi na 'ko magsasalita nang malakas... Hindi na kita guguluhin... Hindi na. Mas okay rin yata na... hindi na 'ko magsasalita."

Matapos kong sabihin 'yon at noong hindi pa rin nagbabago ang ekspresyon ng mukha niya, at tila parang nababagot pa yata siya sa 'kin ay napatikom na lang ako ng bibig at yumuko saglit bago siya muling tiningala ulit.

"Sorry," aniko.

"Nagsalita ka."

"Ay!" Agad naman akong napatakip ng bibig noong mapalakas ang boses ko.

Nakita ko naman ang pag-iling niya na parang nadismaya, ilang sandali pa ay tumalikod na lang ulit siya at sabay na umalis. Hindi pinansin ang sinabi ko. Tahimik na nakasunod lang ako sa kaniya at noong nasa tapat na kami ng bahay niya ay naglakad ako nang mabilis at kinuha ang atensyon niya sa paraan ng paghila ko ng laylayan ng kaniyang polo.

Napahinto naman siya sa paglalakad, kita ko pa na parang punong-puno na siya sa 'kin noong marinig ko 'yong pag-click ng dila niya nang harapin ako. Agaran ko na lang nilabas 'yong supot ng mansanas na nasa bag ko at tinali 'yon sa strap ng bag niya.

Magpoprotesta pa sana siya pero salubong ang mga kilay na napatingin na lang siya sa gilid niya at nagtitimping hinayaan na lang ako. Wala na siyang nagawa dahil mabilis kong naitali 'yon.



Nang matapos ay tinuro ko 'yong tatlong mansanas na nasa loob ng plastic bag, tiningala ko siya at nagtaas ng tatlong daliri saka naglabas ng phone at nagtipa sa notepad. Hinarap ko sa kaniya 'yong screen ng phone ko para ipabasa 'yon sa kaniya.



Apology Note
I'm very sorry meaning niyan hindi I love you 😇👍



Nakita kong nagsalubong ang mga kilay niya habang nasa phone ang mga mata. Binulsa ko na ulit 'yon at saka ako nag-okay sign sa kaniya sabay na nginitian siya, blanko lang siyang nakatingin sa 'kin.

Napaka unresponsive niya kung kaya ay nakangiting nagpaalam na lang ako sa kaniya at nilagpasan siya.

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