CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: PTSD !

9x03

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WHEN CASEY WILLOWS RECEIVED INFORMATION ON THE NEW CASE THEY WERE TAKING, SHE IMMEDIATELY RUSHED TO THE BATHROOM. After spewing chunks of her breakfast, which consisted of granola, she faced the mirror in the bathroom and took a deep breath.

Casey had then exited the bathroom and went over to her desk to grab her go-bag. Spencer had gone up to the mother-to-be and saw that she looked a little anxious. "You okay?" He asked, expressing concern.

The girl didn't wanna worry him so she placed a fake smile on her face and nodded, "I'm okay. Just morning sickness." She half-lied. Truth be told, she was unsure if her puking had been part of morning sickness or the butterflies in her stomach or maybe both.

"Let's get going." As the team continued to talk about the case, Casey was wrapped up in her own head, not speaking on the case.

        The case had involved a sniper killing six people at random in Dallas, Texas. Where coincidentally, JFK was assassinated and they were coming up on the 50th anniversary of when it happened. It had all immediately reminded of Casey of what happened to her the last time she was in Texas.

Five years ago, they had gone a case similar to this one when Casey had been an intern for the BAU. She was just a bystander and ended up being shot in her stomach. She had to undergo surgery and was unable to go to the BAU for two weeks due to her injury. She was beginning to relive her own anniversary of being shot. Five years since that day. It was still scarring to have handled something like that being as young as she was. She wasn't even an official part of the BAU at that time.

And now that Casey was pregnant, her worry increased by ten times of her normal amount of worry. For the baby she knew she couldn't be stressed but in this instance, she couldn't help it. Her anxiety was getting the best of her.

The entire jet ride to Texas no one seemed to point out Casey's anxiousness or the fact that she hadn't been saying a word the entire time. The team was split up and Casey was with Rossi and Hotch (due to her being pregnant).

         Being in a PD reminded her of her of the past - mostly because this had been the same PD where the incident occurred. Casey was preoccupied in her minds with the memories flooding when Rossi suddenly spoke and interrupted her thoughts.

        "You okay, kiddo?" Rossi asked in curiousness and Casey snapped out of her dream-like state. "I'm almost twenty six and pregnant, Rossi. When are the 'kiddo' comments gonna stop?" She joked, trying to find her sense of humor which she felt like she'd been lacking in recently.

        "You're always gonna be a kid to me, kiddo." Rossi said again, making her smile a bit. Looking at the man in front of her, she then looked down but Rossi read the girl like a book.

         "I know being in the place that you felt unsafe in before is not ideal, but," Rossi started and Casey looked his way. "I can guarantee you, nothing — and I mean, nothing — is gonna happen to you or that baby so much as I can help it."

        Rossi had known Casey was acting off from the beginning. (In private, Reid had messaged Rossi to keep an eye on Casey because he had seen she was off too, but didn't know what would've caused her to be that way.) Rossi was always gonna be there for Casey and if that meant him dying, then so be it.

        "It's just... every time, I look around... I'm so worried that I'm gonna get shot again. In the same place I was in last time." Casey had even refused to step outside even for a glass of water. She was just so scared of what would happen if she had just left the room. Especially when this was an unsub that was exactly like their past unsub.

Casey took notice of the ground. "They, uh, changed the carpet. It's tile now. You notice that?" Maybe they changed it because her blood seeped through the carpet under her when she was shot all those years ago. She sniffled and looked back outside, refusing to even leave the room.

When the rest of the team got back, Garcia had been giving them information and they had continued to talk on the subject of the sniper. As they did, Casey was back in her entranced thoughts. She had been putting pictures up on their board and had felt a trigger when seeing the pictures of the bodies. Out of reaction, she had dropped the file of pictures she had in her hand.

This had gotten the team's reaction and Casey looked up at her team and then looked down in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I'm gonna... just..." With that, she had left the room and felt her heart pounding out of her chest. (Casey had been shocked at the fact that she even left the room but she had made a beeline to the bathroom.)

She had stayed in the bathroom for a moment, reliving her previous spell at the BAU restroom. When she exited, Spencer had been standing outside of the bathroom, waiting for the girl. "Hey..." Casey greeted. "I'm okay."

         "No, you're not." Just like Rossi, Spencer also read Casey like a book and whenever she was sad, he knew. With tears in her eyes, she said: "No, I'm not."

          Spencer pulled her into a separate room and he let Casey just vent to him. Casey had spoken about her fear of being in the same place at the same time in the same building with the same incident. It frightened her, with something happening to her child. "I just... I'm so scared because I'm trying and I've made it so far... what if something happens?" She questions, whispering almost.

         Spencer grabbed Casey's hands and looked into her blue orbs and spoke to her. "You'll never have to worry about that. Because nothing's gonna happen. I'm gonna make sure that nothing happens. Okay, I promise you. And I know I don't do good with those, but this time I mean it."

Sensing that Casey was feeling just a bit better after that, he looked at the girl's hands in his, rubbing his thumb on the back of her hand. They sat there for a minute until suddenly, he chirped up: "Did you know that you can eat coffee cherries as a food?" Casey looked at her boyfriend.

"Early on, people mixed coffee berries with fat to create an energy-rich snack ball, according to PBS. They would also ferment the pulp to make a wine-like drink." Spencer informed the girl and Casey smiled a bit. "You always know how to make me feel better with the coffee facts."

As this occurred, Morgan, JJ and Blake had watched as Spencer had taken Casey into a separate room. They had all been worried about the girl. "Is she okay?" Morgan asked. JJ shook her head as she grabbed another cup of coffee. "I hope she is," She then turned to Morgan. "You know, it's been six years since we were last in Texas."

       That then made the two realize why Casey was acting standoffish. Six years ago, they had been in that same PD, both making sure that Casey was breathing and trying to stop the bleeding from her wound. They also carried trauma from that day, but not like how Casey did.

      "What does that mean?" Blake then asked and the team looked at one another, realizing that Blake was unaware of the accident since she wasn't part of the team back then.

      They had all paused until JJ spoke up: "Six years ago, we had an unsub here. Same MO, same everything. The unsub, Dan Rockfell, had shot inside the PD and had he shot Casey. She was an intern. She wasn't even on the field yet." Blake looked ahead and felt bad for even asking about it. "I think that's why she been quiet." JJ finished.

       "And with the anniversary coming up..."
       "I bet she's not doing so well right now."

     "Could Dan Rockfell be our unsub?" Blake asked. "No," Hotch answered. "He committed suicide last September. If anything, our unsub now is a copycat." Morgan looked at the board and looked at the pictures and shook his head. "What is this guy doing?"

Casey had managed to pull herself together even though Reid had offered to get a hotel room for the girl so she could rest but Casey had refused. They had then solved their case with a series of events and with the help of Garcia and had caught their unsub.

On the jet ride back, everyone else had been a little peaceful. Casey had been reading a book when Hotch had decided to take a seat in front of her. Knowing that this was gonna happen, she closed her book. She sighed as she began, "I promise you, I'm not gonna act the way I did again." Casey told.

"You always say that." Hotch joked. "This time, I think it was reasonable. I mean, you're about to be a mom. And a lot of fears come up when you're almost at the date. Believe me, Haley and I had a lot when she was pregnant with Jack." Casey rubbed her stomach and took a deep breath.

"Being in that PD, I mean, yeah, it brought a lot of memories back and it triggered me a lot... but my main worry had been for the baby. Not for me." Casey told. "I'm so worried that something's gonna happen. If I'm not careful enough, I mean, what if I'm not the best parent? What if I'm just like my mom? Or my dad? I can't put my kid through that. And it's all these fears and..."

"It's normal," Hotch told. "When you have a baby, nothing else matters. And I know one thing for sure..." Casey looks at Hotch. "You're not like your father... or your mother." Casey took a pause as Hotch spoke. "All these fears will seem silly in the end. As they get older, the fears are still there but you know you've done a good job when they're still breathing." Hotch explained and Casey nodded, "I guess you're right."

Casey looked down at her stomach at the baby growing inside her. She knew that this baby was going to be just fine if it had her and Spencer as parents. Maybe Hotch was right, all Casey had to do was just keep on hoping.

okay i got lazy again lmao
and i hope this makes sense cuz im half asleep rn lol
anywayssss
thank you for reading!
also a lil throwback to 'cardigan' with one of my original chapters🫶 i hope you guys liked that
also had to get some fave duos in there like rossi&casey and hotch&casey lol
anywayssss
really excited for more!
i swear to you i'm gonna try and include more of the episodes in the book lol i've just been so lazy with it recently
thank you for reading!
i love you all!
-mya </3

p.s. also happy new year!!!
it's 2023 and it's the year i graduate holy shit