My mother's icy stare is what I was met with stepping back into Grandma Ann's. If it hadn't been cold enough outside, I sure needed the jacket wrapped around me the moment I met her blue eyes.

It'd been close to a month since I'd seen my mother; the woman before me didn't even look like her. The dark blonde hair that had once cascaded down her back in untamable waves, was now cropped in a dyed black pixie cut. Eyes, usually hidden behind a pair of big glasses were now staring right through with me without any barrier. Even the way she held herself was different; there was a caution in every step she took, a cold tension radiating off her.

I was stirred out of my intense stare down with Mom by Dad setting the silverware on the table a little too harshly and sending the fork clanking into a glass of water. Grandma Ann, poking her head out of the kitchen, looked to me and smiled.

"We're about to say grace, Evie. Please go wash up."

I didn't fight her, but I wasn't exactly thrilled to have to pass my mother either. She hadn't seen me in a month, and she made no attempt to approach or hug me. We were standing in this living room as no more than strangers.

Once I'd changed out of my dirty clothes and washed up, I joined my family at the table. Grandma Ann was conversing with Dad, laughing, and trying to lighten up the room as she usually did. It unfortunately didn't do much; the tension between my parents and my mother and me was just too strong.

"Today, I would like to thank the Heavenly Father for blessing me with this wonderful meal. I would like to thank Him for blessing me with the opportunity to spend the holidays with my son, granddaughter, and daughter in law. And lastly, I would like to thank Him for making it so my beautiful granddaughter Everly is able to sit at this table with us. Amen."

I opened my eyes to find my parents looking at the two vacant seats that had placemats in front of them. The table was made as it was every year prior to this one; with the chair beside me awaiting Frankie and the one opposite me beside Dad to be occupied by Clark. Of course, they never came, and when I looked to Grandma Ann to thank her for the prayer and dinner, I found that her head was still bowed in a silent prayer.

*

I walked in from the back room to find my parents snapping aggressively at one another in the dining room. Mom was dressed as though she was ready to leave already; keys in hand and all. It made my eyes sting. I had hoped that there would be at least the smallest return to normalcy with the three of us being here, but it'd been far from it. Mom looked as though she wanted to put herself as far from Dad and me as quickly as possible.

Eventually, Mom broke away from Dad and stalked across the room to where I was standing at the entrance to the hallway. I thought with the agitation lining every inch of her face she'd continue past and continue to not acknowledge me as she had all night. Shockingly, she leaned forward and hugged me.

It wasn't one of those loose, I'll-see-you-tomorrow hugs, but held the emotion and tightness of a goodbye.

"I love you, Evie." She whispered, kissed my temple, then turned on her heel and walked out of the house, pressing the door shut gently behind her to not wake Grandma Ann up.

I waited until the headlights flashed through the blinds to turn to my dad, "What was that about?"

Dad refused to look at me, "We're selling the house."

I thought I'd be overjoyed to hear the words. I'd hated the house from the second I laid eyes on it on my mother's small phone screen. But the words shook me to a point I had to lean into the wall beside me for support. "What? Where are we going to live then? I still have like five months of school left, Dad?"

He buried both his hands in his hair and sat down on the couch. "I know, I know, Evie. I just. . . I can't afford that house on my own right now. And I know. . . I know you don't want to be back here, Everly. I'm trying to figure it all out. A way for you to finish school there, somewhere for you to stay."

I slowly slid down the wall, the tears that had stung my eyes seeing my mother ready to leave escaping.

"It's really over?" I asked quietly, looking to my father on the red sofa across the room. "You and Mom? Our life?"

Dad frowned, shaking his head, "Everly, it's going to be ok—"

"I'll stay with Garrett again." I interrupted, trying to speak through the knot in my throat. "I. . . It isn't fair! It isn't fair that he just gets to. . . to destroy our lives."

Dad bowed his head but didn't speak. I sat there, my back pressed against the cold wall, staring at him expectantly. I needed him to reassure me that this was going to be okay, that we'd make it through this the same way Garrett did.

"Everly, staying with Garrett just isn't an option."

I glared across the room. "Why? Felicity doesn't mind me being there. I can't just drop everything, Dad! Just when I'm starting to feel like there may be, just maybe, be a way out of this darkness, this happens."

"I never wanted any of this for you, Everly." Dad whispered.

I threw my hands up in exasperation. "I doubt you wanted to see your son in prison. Or know that one of them is six feet under. But here we are."

"Everly." He snapped sternly, running his hand down his face. "I'm trying, okay! I'm trying to make this easier for you."

"Nothing about my life is easy, Dad!" I rose to my feet shakily. "I'm lucky if I can even force myself out of bed every day. I'm not asking for easy, Dad! I'm asking for normal!"

It was then, my voice finally catching in my throat, that I processed what I'd just said and let out an emotionless laugh.

"But that's just it, isn't it? We'll never be normal again. We'll never be able to have a meal at a restaurant without wandering eyes, photos, and whispers. We'll never be able to live in a house without it being terrorized. We'll never be able to look at a single old family photo without crying and wondering where the hell we went wrong."

Dad started to stand but I held my hand up. "Everly—"

"I'm tired. I'm going to bed."

I was too lost in my own feelings to apologize to Grandma Ann standing at the end of the hallway and stormed right past her and into the guest room at the end of the hall.

I hadn't even made it to the bed before Grandma knocked gently at the door and entered the room without waiting for a response. I sat in the middle of the bed, hugging one of the pillows against my chest as she sat at the edge a few feet away.

"Evie, honey," she reached out and rubbed my arm. "your feelings are absolutely valid. Nobody is invalidating them. But honey, your father has feelings too. He's trying his hardest to give you the best life he can, given the circumstances.

I peered up, finding her eyes roaming my face. "I know."

"My beautiful girl, I understand this is all so incredibly difficult for you to process, accept, and live through." she continued. "Your brothers. . . what they did was unspeakable. I pray every morning and night for those loss and affected by that tragedy. But some nights I sit here and I think about the days I used to sit and pray for them. Clark and Frankie. The mornings I'd cook them up breakfast on Christmas morning and watch them tear open presents. And I cry."

Grandma moved closer to me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, so my head is pressed against her chest.

"Because the three of you were my light here in this little old house. I used to be so happy when I saw that car pull into the driveway at the beginning of winter break." she went on. "And I remember every single time Clark would hop out of the car and run up the driveway to hug me. So innocent, so full of life."

I lifted my head and looked up at her. "But Grandma, that's not Clark. Not anymore."

The smallest of a sad smile touched at the right side of her mouth. "I know, baby. I know. But sometimes it's easier to remember him that way. Because then I don't have to wonder where we went wrong."

"I thought coming here this week would be like it used to be." I confessed through a sniffle. "I don't know why. After all that's happened, nothing will ever be the same as it was."

She raked her fingers through my hair and kissed the top of my head. "We'll eventually learn to adapt to the changes. Adjust everywhere necessary. It's not going to be an easy road, baby, but God has us and we're going to be okay."

As my grandmother held me and rocked me as she did when my brothers and me were children, I considered her words. I'd heard those words for the last seven months; that it'd be okay. But for the first time, something about it coming from my grandmother had me truly believing it was possible.