No amount of mental preparation could prepare me for today.

The one-year anniversary to the shooting had been three days ago, our last day of school.

I hadn't been able to force myself out of bed, let alone go to school. The entire morning, I paced the entirety of Garrett's room, anticipating the same call my parents-and dozens of others had received last year. The call never came. He walked through the front door of his house at a quarter to one. He'd taken one look at me and sighed, seeing the anxiety and fear plain as day on my face. I'd nearly knocked him over with how quickly and suddenly I crossed the room to hug him.

As I sat on the wall outside sporting Oasis Academy's black and blue graduation gown, I kept my eyes trained on the full parking lot. Most of the kids were already filing into the building, but my anxiety prevented me from doing it-even with guards posted at every entrance and exit. Angie and Javi had gotten here twenty minutes ago, greeted me, then headed into the building with their families. Unfortunately, Felicity had been held back at work and was on her way to pick up AJ, and since Garrett had forgotten he'd had his gown dry cleaned, he was with her.

Which left me alone out on the brick wall for the last time. Tomorrow I would be free. I wouldn't ever have to step foot on a school campus again if I didn't have the desire to. My acceptance into RISD had me reconsidering, though I'd never tell anyone outside of Garrett that. There were so many pros to accepting the scholarship and moving across the country, but with those pros came all the cons. Many of which included carrying my trauma with me states away.

"Evie." A familiar baritone sounded somewhere above me. I had thought I'd imagined it until I lifted my head to find my father standing in a suit and tie beside Grandma Ann along the curb.

I jumped off the wall, shaking my head in disbelief. "You said you wouldn't be able to make it!"

"We thought it'd be an amazing surprise." Grandma Ann and wrapped me in her warm embrace moments later, burying her fingers in my hair. "I'm so proud of you Everly Hope. So so proud of you."

I squeezed her shoulders, nuzzling my face against her neck before I took a step to the right and hugged my father. Unlike his frail mother, his hug was bone crushing, life suctioning-but absolutely what I'd needed these last couple months. He kissed the top of my head and whispered, "You didn't think I'd miss this, did you? You did this, Evie. You went back to school. You graduated!"

I wiped the tears from my cheeks. "I miss you."

"Oh, Everly." he said, his voice catching just the slightest. He cleared his throat and brushed my hair out of my eyes, thumb lingering to caress my cheek. "I miss you too, baby girl. More than you could even imagine. But we have an entire summer before you take off to Rhode Island and you better believe I'm spending every second I can with you."

*

I'd say crossing the stage and accepting my diploma was the easiest part of the day. The moment I made my way to sit back down, I spotted my mother on the other side of Grandma Ann. She'd been late as I'd been looking to that section every five minutes. Hilary had arrived ten minutes til the ceremony, Drew about five, and Brady's parents a couple minutes. But Mom? She'd had to have sat down as I was crossing the stage and shaking Principal Adkins hand. By the time we were released back out to our family, I was engulfed in hugs from all around, some from people I didn't even know.

Drew lingered back behind my parents, and I knew, without a doubt, I'd have to step aside once I was done with my family to speak to him.

"Thank you, Everly." Mrs. Bowers said as she approached, pulling me into a one-armed hug. "For inviting us and honoring our baby boy in any way you can."

I rested my hand on her shoulder with a nod. "Of course. He's here in spirit right now. I can hear him hollering profanities and jokes."

Mr. Bowers laughed at that and hugged me before he and Mrs. Bowers disappeared in the crowd of people, likely wanting to get out of the lot before traffic could get too bad.

Hilary didn't say a word, but wrapped her arms tightly around me and rubbed my back. "Oh, darling, you looked so beautiful up there."

"Thank you." I whispered.

"My boy, he would have recorded every second of it." she went on, sniffling. "Everly, honey, please know that with you visiting your father over the summer that my door is always open for you. I'd love to spend some time with you, sweetheart."

I nodded, squeezing her hand. "Of course. I'll probably come while Dad's at work. We don't have to stay at the house. We can get out, do something."

"I'd love that." she laughed quietly, dabbing at her cheeks with a red handkerchief. "Congratulations, Everly. My son isn't here physically to say it, but I can feel him in this room tonight and I'm sure he's so proud of you. For every single step you've taken toward recovering from it all. I love you, Everly. I know we haven't always gotten along, but we will forever be bonded and connected by Miles and I am forever grateful that he made sure I had a lifelong daughter in law in you."

I tried my best to internalize the sob that was knotting in my throat, but it managed to break free as she pulled me into a hug.

Then she was lost in the mass of people with a quiet goodbye.

I glanced my parents' way to find my mother had disappeared as well. Dad, following my gaze, smiled weakly. "She had a call she needed to take. She wants to take you out to dinner."

"But you. . ."

"I have all summer with you, Everly." he interrupted. "Talk to your mother. I think you both need the closure."

He slapped a hand against my shoulder and kissed my temple, right on my scar. "I'm so damn proud of you, Evie. So proud."

The tears that shone in his eyes were a confirmation of him trying his best to keep his composure for me. He then excused himself and Grandma Ann to a restroom and I was left in the open for Drew to finally approach.

There was a slight hesitation before he finally moved and took me into his arms. "Congrats, Everly."

"Congratulations to you too." I responded softly. Though he'd been homeschooled all year, he'd obviously been handed a diploma sometime in the last week as well.

"I know we haven't talked much, and I get it. I'm part of the past you're trying to escape and leave behind, and I understand that." he said, pulling away with a shake of his head. "But I still want us to be friends."

"Drew, it's not—"

He waved his hand with a sad smile. "I know you don't mean to do it intentionally and its okay. Two broken people trying to walk through their trauma is either a great healing method or a disaster waiting to happen. Regardless, I'm checking myself into a rehab facility in a couple days."

I blinked, confused and surprised. "What? Why? Are you ok?"

"That's questionable." he said with a quiet chuckle. "I just need some help working through all of this. Something more than just a psychiatrist. My parents found. . . let's just say I've been messing around with shit I shouldn't have."

"I'm so sorry, Drew." I stepped forward and touched my hand to his arm. "You could have talked to me."

He shook his head. "No, Evie, you've been going through some tough shit too. I wasn't going to throw more on top of that. But it's seeing you, hearing you, that has given me the faith and hope I can get through this too. That one day I'll be ok."

"I'm still not ok, Drew." I didn't want to give him false hope.

"But you're far closer to it than you were when you left Lincoln. Then the last time I saw you." He hugged me again. "And you will be part of it, Evie, whether you believe it now or not. You will be part of the change."

*

Once upon a time I would have loved the idea of having a mother-daughter date at a fancy restaurant that probably cost the same amount as my tuition for a month for one meal. But sitting across from the woman I'd spend my entire life admiring stirring my straw in my lemon water, I wanted to be anywhere but here.

Her hair had grown a bit since December and was now back to her dark blonde and curled just under her ears. Though she'd decided she needed bangs sometime over the last few months, and they continued to fall into her eyes as she glanced up from the menu. By the time the waiter came around to order, she ordered then looked to me. I started to hold my hand up in an attempt to tell them I didn't want anything, but she ordered for me and the waiter walked away.

"What do you want, Mom?" I finally broke the monotony with a side eye. "You hardly communicate with me for almost six months and show up at my graduation late. Clearly, I'm not important enough to be part of your new life, so why exactly are you here?"

"Everly, it's not like that." she said through an exhausted sigh, rubbing her hand across her forehead. "I love you, sweetheart, and I'm proud of you."

I had to bite my tongue to keep from making a scene and leaned back in my chair instead, training my eyes on the fork on the linen red napkin in front of me. For just a second, I was back at our dinner table in Lincoln, Clark snatching my fork from my plate after being scolded by Mom to use utensils. Then Frankie setting one down again as he joined us. Then just as quickly as it'd appeared, the scene was gone, dissipating into nothing where I hope it'd stay.

"I know the two of us have had our differences over all of this."

"You mean the fact that you've been going to visit the psychotic murderer that tried to kill me and did kill forty people?"

Her glare shut me up before I could add anything else. "Everly, I sat down and watched your video. I truly listened this time. I. . . I had no idea the extent to which Clark had gone to try and hurt you, honey. I knew. . . you've got to understand that I had to picture everything in my head until you spoke up and gave us the story firsthand."

"That doesn't excuse you going to visit him, Mom." I said, clenching my hand into a fist. "You saw the bullet holes through my back and side. You saw how terrified I was to even step foot in my bedroom. How I acted any time I heard any loud noises. But you still ran to him when I needed you."

"I know." she met my eyes, her own pale blues full of tears. "I can't begin to even imagine how. . . how betrayed you must feel, Everly. And this is something I can't take back, I understand that. But it's been a month since I've last seen Clark, and I'd like to keep it that way."

I felt my top lip curl slightly. "Is that because you truly care about me or because you don't want to feel the heartache when he's finally killed?"

"Evie—"

"I needed you, Mom. I pleaded with you to see me, to see who I'd become, what I'd become. To understand how hurt, how scared, how traumatized I was. But you. . . you just can't escape this sick mindset you have that he still needs to be babied." I rose, grabbing my purse from the back of the chair. "Look, Mom, I'm glad you're getting help and you're not seeing him anymore. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. But please fuck off. You hurt me. You pushed me away when all I wanted was for you to pull me closer. I wish you the best, but please stay out of my life."

Without another word, I pushed my chair in and stalked toward the door, wiping the tears from my eyes on my way out.

*

Garrett was leaning against a keg when I walked into Javi's Graduation Party, eyebrows raising when he saw my expression. "You good?"

I couldn't hear a damn thing he said, I'd read his lips from across the room. I couldn't hear myself think at all, so I grabbed his wrist and yanked him down the hall to the backyard. Once we were on the back patio I shut the sliding glass door, drowning out most of the music and chattering. He leaned into the wall, nursing his red solo cup, and made a gesture for me to go on.

"I want to go visit Clark tomorrow morning." I said and he quite literally spilt his drink on the ground between us he was so surprised. "I need you to drive me."

He stared at me, the buzz he'd had gone. "What the hell did you just say?"

"I need to go visit Clark tomorrow."

"No the fuck you don't."

I crossed my arms. "Garrett, I wasn't asking your permission or your opinion. I need you to drive me."

"Everly, what could you possibly need from that piece of shit?"

"Closure."

He snickered. "Closure? What, do you think he's going to get down on his fucking knees and beg for your forgiveness? That he'll open his mouth and tell you every single thing that made him choose to do what he did? Because he won't."

The words were harsh, and when I finally forced myself to meet his eyes, I realized just how pissed off he was.

Why the hell was he angry?

"I want to know why my mother continued to run to him." I said. "I just. . . I need to do this."

"Everly, you're finally starting to get through this shit." Garrett said, stepping forward and taking my bare shoulders in his cold, and now slightly wet, hands. "Going there, talking to him, it can send you right back to where you just broke free from."

I searched his eyes for any sort of understanding. There was none.

"Or it could help me move on."

"There's nothing that piece of shit could do or say that would help you move on.

"You don't know that!" I finally snapped, voice rising. "Garrett, I'm telling you I need to do this. I came to you because I thought you were my friend. That you supported me, especially when it came to making progress. If you won't drive me, I will find someone who will."

Unfortunately, this did nothing but fuel the fire burning in his eyes and he dropped his hands and clenched them into fists.

"I am your friend, Everly. I fucking love you." he said through his teeth. "The last thing I want is to know that I played a part in you falling back into that hell you just clawed your way out of."

I took a step back, "If you loved me, you'd understand that I have to do this."

"Everly." he buried one of his hands in his hair, shaking his head. "Please, think about this for a minute. Think about how hard this is going to be for you. It might seem like a good idea in your head, but in reality you still can't even go out in public without cowering whenever you hear a door shut or a balloon pop."

"I have to do it, Garrett."

His shoulders fell forward as he extended a hand and touched my cheek to wipe the tears from it. "What if it breaks you, Ev?"

"It won't."

"But what if it does?"

I lifted my head and straightened myself, saying the words with as much confidence and faith I could muster.

"It won't."