Song for the chapter: I Really Like You, by Carly Rae Jepsen

Ryker POV

We're in a relationship, and it's not stable.

Maddison's words echoed on repeat over and over, whatever the hell she and what's his face we're talking about was muffled. All I could focus on was what she'd just said.

It's just not logical. I can't risk it.

Why couldn't see how much she meant to me? I get that she's scared, or not used to us, but hell—she's all I ever wanted, all I ever think about. But in reality, what scared me was what I thought about once she'd said that.

Marry me, then.

It took me off guard; I hadn't even thought about that with anyone before, not even her. I just knew that I loved her more than life itself. So, why shouldn't I marry her? I fucking live to breathe the same air as her at this point, but she doesn't see it.

If my offer to move in scared her as much as I think it did, based on the look in her eye, I can't imagine offering marriage. She'd probably freak the hell out, say we're going too fast, and leave my needy ass. Because let's face it, I'm obsessed with her and the feeling of being around her.

If I'm not with her, my mood instantly plummets. I never had someone affect me the way that she does; hearing her voice makes my heart jump, seeing her smile makes me feel like the king of the world, and being around her soothes the dull ache I've had buried deep down in my chest.

She makes me feel alive, and I wasn't lying about that. I'd caught her rereading that stupid poem repeatedly, so I just gave it to her. I'd written plenty of shit like that since we've become what we are, and honestly, if reading it makes her that damn happy, I'd give them all to her.

My gaze travels to her as she's sitting beside Brad. He's got a small smile on his face as he's explaining to her the contract that they were reading, like how much she'd have to put down if she was accepted and how much it'd be a month.

I knew it was gonna cost a pretty fucking penny, which is why I've been agreeing to some fights.

When I was giving Maddison her space, I came home late one night because I was at a match—easiest five grand I made. The fight was easy, odds in my favor. The call I had earlier was from the guy who usually sets them up, telling me that there was a fight coming up, the opponent was pretty well-known in the fighting scene. He'd apparently been undefeated, which didn't scare me. The fight was worth almost ten thousand, and I could use that—not only for me, but for Maddison.

I knew she had her eyes set on a nicer apartment, and damn, does she deserve it. She deserves having fucking expensive shit, whatever it is she'd want. And I wasn't gonna let her pay all this herself.

My goal is to be able to pay for the first years rent, and her security deposit. Brad was talking numbers, where Maddison looked a little confused. I hated the fact that he was leaning in close to tell her she didn't have to worry about a thing, that's why he's there.

Fuck that, ginger piece of shit. That's why I'm here.

I didn't even realize I was clenching my fists so tight until I felt my nails digging into the skin of my palm. I unclenched them, taking a deep breath.

This causes Maddison to look at me.

"But, there's no reason why you shouldn't be approved." Brad says, making her look at him. "You've got great credit, and you seem very responsible." Brad smiles at her, which I glower at.

"Thank you." She says, shyly.

"Alright. You should hear from me within the week." Brad rises, shuts his laptop and looks at Maddison. "It's been a pleasure, Maddi."

Fuck him and fuck that stupid nickname.

"Yeah, same." She shakes his extended hand and looks over at me. "Ready?"

I give a single nod, so she walks around the counter and over towards me. I walk, grabbing her waist with one hand, leading her out of the apartment. I made sure to swipe fuck face's card, so that I can work out paying everything for her, without her knowing.

When she's safely inside my car and I ignite the engine, she lets out a small sigh.

We drive in silence for a little bit. As much as I try to concentrate on the road, my head brings back those stupid words Maddison said earlier.

We're in a relationship, and it's not stable. It's not logical, I can't risk it.

Is she choosing not to risk it? Am I the risk? What more can I do to show her that I love her and want to be with her, only her.

My mind wanders into dangerous territories—imagining her walking down the isle to me, how fucking perfect she'd look in whatever wedding shit she'd wear, her crying when I propose to her, her being—

Holy fuck. When I propose? What the hell is wrong with me.

"Ryker?" Maddison's voice pulled me from my thoughts. "We just passed the neighborhood."

"Fuck," I mutter. "Sorry."

I made a quick u-turn, making sure not to miss the entrance.

"Are you okay?"

I park in my garage, feeling her eyes on me.

When I look at her, I feel my heart try to escape its cage in my chest. Her brows are furrowed slightly, blue eyes watching me carefully. A few strands of her hair has escaped its hold from her ponytail, framing her perfect face. Her plump lips, stained slightly with pinkish glossy whatever she puts on, is turned downward.

She's so fucking beautiful. I just wanted her to know how much I loved her.

"I'm fine," I brush off.

She nods quickly. "Okay."

I get out of the car, hearing Maddison follow behind me. I walk to the kitchen, open the fridge and grab a water bottle. As I twist the cap off and drink, I turn to see Maddison fidgeting with her fingers.

"Actually," she finally takes a breath and looks up at me. "It's not okay. I can tell something is wrong, Ryker. Why can't you just tell me?" Her voice goes soft at the end, making my heart ache.

I twist the bottle shut and set it aside, walking over towards her. She's looking up at me with those breathtaking blue eyes and I just give a soft smile.

"Is it because of Brad? I swear he was just being friendly, but if it really bothers you so much, I'll—"

I grab her neck and press my lips against hers. She's surprised, being that her lips are still for a few moments. I continue to kiss her until her lips respond, moving in sync with mine.

I try to deepen the kiss, but she just pulls back away from me.

"Ryker," she breathlessly chuckles, trying to warn me off.

But just that simple action alone makes me hard. Fuck, she's so hot and she doesn't have to try.

I press my lips against her cheek, trailing down to her neck. Her long sleeved shirt teased, exposing just enough of her neck and shoulders to drive me crazy. I flick my tongue on her neck before gently biting, making her gasp.

Her hands were at the ends of my hair, her grip tightening, which drove me mad. I wanted her, all of her, but I wanted to do this right. I wanted to do right by her—her religion and everything her mom had raised her believing was important to her, and she's the most important person to me.

"Ryker," her voice was more of a moan now than anything.

Fucking hell, it was like a siren call.

I look at her ocean blue eyes, fighting every urge to prop her on this counter and show her just how much I fucking love her.

"I just have a lot on my mind, baby." I shake my head at her, pressing our foreheads together. "Ben asking me to work with him again, me trying to start my own shit. I just haven't ha—"

"Start your own what?" She pulled back, a smile on her face.

I actually fucking blush, not meaning to say that yet.

"Um," I clear my throat. "I'm just exploring my options a bit."

"What options?"

The joy in her eyes makes my stomach summersault. Why was she so happy for me? Invested in me? It was such a strange change.

"I dunno, Maddison. Maybe starting my own business with cars? I'm pretty damn good at it, so I don't see why not."

Her pointed look makes me swallow.

"That's not what really makes you happy, though, is it?"

She was good. She paid much more attention than I gave her credit for.

"Maddison—"

"I'm not gonna tell you what to do, Ryker." She gives me a small smile. "But this is your life, and you only get one. So...live it the way you want. Make yourself happy."

I bring my hands to each side of her face lightly, my thumb stroking her cheek.

"What the hell did I do to deserve you?"

She chuckles, eyes smiling at me. "That's a good question."

My lips turn upward. "I really, really, really like you, Maddison." My hearts racing too fast. "Like, a lot."

Fucking coward.

"I really like you, too, Ryker." Her voice is just above a whisper.

My phone vibrates in my back pocket, but I ignore it and press my lips to hers. She sighs against my lips, her hands gripping the collar of my shirt and bringing me closer. I know that I shouldn't go further, but I just need a taste—

I swipe my tongue across her bottom lip and she parts them instantly. I push my tongue into her mouth and roam, like it's the first time. When I press my tongue against hers, she shudders against me. I grip her waist and hoist her up, setting her on the counter. I push her knees apart and stand between her legs, which she wraps around my torso.

Maddison pulls back from the kiss, but only to trail her lips down to my neck. She kisses right below my ear, sending goosebumps across my skin. I squeeze her waist, scooting her closer to the edge of the counter. Her wet lips are replaced with her teeth when she nibbles on the sensitive skin, then sucks on it.

"Oh, fuck me," I moan.

I can feel Maddison's lips curve upward on my neck before she moves down a bit, repeating the same action. I was about ready to fucking come apart right now.

"Fu—" I pant and pull back. "Baby, you do that again and I'll take you right now."

Her eyes were full of want, want for me, and she blushes.

"Maybe you should." Her voice was shy, but her hands reached for the buttons on my jeans.

Oh, shit. Shit.

"M-Maddison," my voice was high-pitched. "Wait."

I grab her hands and I can already see the hurt filling her eyes. Why can't I catch a fucking break?

"Hey, hey. It's not what you think." I grab her chin and force her to look at me. "I promise you it's not."

She gives me a forced smile. "I get it."

"No, you don't." I sigh. "I never wanted anyone as much as I want you, Maddison." I smile at her. "But your first time shouldn't be on a whim, just because we're in the heat of the moment. You know that it should be special, and you're way too fucking special for it not to be."

Her eyes soften just a bit. "Because you know so much about it."

I frown. "I actually do, Maddison. Olivia took my virginity because we were caught up in a moment like this. It was fast and awkward as hell and I thought it was normal, but it's not."

Maddison's lips pulled down, making my heart skip a beat.

"Ryker, I'm sorry. I had no idea."

I reach out and hold her neck, my thumbs pressing on her lips to quiet her.

"I'm trying to be better for you, Maddison. Every single thing I do, I do it for you."

Tell her, you fucking coward.

She nods lightly, wrapping her arms around my neck and pressing her head against my chest. A simple action that makes me feel like I could puke out of nerves. But damn, was it the best feeling.

I cage her to my body, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head.

"I'm gonna shower real quick," Maddison says as she looks up at me. "Some of those places were really gross."

I smile at her. "Okay."

I kiss her lips gently before she hops off the counter and scurries off up the stairs. When my phone vibrates again, I sigh and reach for it.

X: Fights up to 15k. Still up for it?
Tomorrow at 10.

I sigh, glancing up the stairs. One last fight and I can be out, for good.

Ryker: Yeah, man. See you tomorrow.

A/N

🤧 Ryker, baby, wyd 🤦🏻‍♀️

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