chapter thirty-nine

Song for the chapter: End Game, by Taylor Swift (Ed Sheeran, Future)

Ryker wasted no time helping me gather what little things I had brought with me here. I bid a fairly light farewell to my grandparents, who held on to me a little too tight.

I knew that I had worried them beyond belief just showing up, offering no explanation, and acting like a complete zombie the past few days. But I didn't know how to tell them that what was going on. Gran suspects that it's stuff at home with dad, but I don't have the heart in me to tell her the truth.

I promise to keep her in the loop and check in with them often, as well as to keep up with myself. I chuckle at that as she pulls Ryker into a loving embrace.

"Thank you." She says to him as she places a hand on his cheek. "Really. Thank you."

He gives her his dazzling smile. "Of course, Phoebe."

Grandpa shakes his hand, giving him a stern nod and a kind smile. We say another small goodbye as we walk out on the front porch. Ryker holds my bag in one hand, lacing our fingers together with the other.

I smile up at him, grabbing his forearm.

"It means a lot, you know. That you get along so well with my family. The ones who matter, at least."

Ryker gives my hand a gentle squeeze. "I'd do anything as long as it meant I get to see you smile."

I smile on cue, rolling my eyes. "You're such a sap."

"You dig it, though."

I snort as he opens the door for me. I climb in, and he follows suit. He ignites the engine and as soon as he pulls out of the driveway and on the road, his hand rests on my knee. I lie my head on the headrest, trying not to think about staying at my place alone.

I know that Marsha can't hurt me if I don't let her. But my mind keeps going back to what if she actually does do something. And I was stupid enough to go back home?

"Maddison," Ryker calls my attention. "You know that I'm not letting you stay there alone, right?"

I sigh in relief and smile at him. "Are you sure?"

"Are you serious? I'm not leaving you, baby."

My heart swells at his words. I place my hand over his and squeeze. He has a content grin on his face as he drives us the rest of the way home. He pulls up to my place, but only long enough for me to get some stuff.

"Just in case," he reassured.

I could kiss him, that's how relieved I was. I smiled gratefully at him as he followed behind me towards my door. I unlock it, eyes scanning around my stuff. I sigh, everything looking as relatively normal as I left it. I gather up enough clothes for a couple days, just until the trial.

The trial...

I shake my head. I'd be okay. I know it'd be okay. Ryker watches me from the bed as I shove my stuff into my bag. He's giving me kind eyes and a soft smile when I turn to him. He takes my bag from me and we walk back out to his car, silence surrounding us.

It wasn't uncomfortable silence. It never has been with us. But I know that Ryker was worried about me, just as I was for him. I wanted to make sure he was okay, with his family and everything...I felt like he spent so much time caring about me, he didn't take the proper time to care about himself.

When we pulled into his garage, Ryker led the way upstairs. I set my bag down on the floor, opening some drawers to put my clothes away in, for the time being. Just like when I stayed the first time.

Ryker sat on the bed, tossed his phone aside, and watched me as I moved throughout the room. I was placing everything of mine in the bathroom when I paused in the doorway, heart skipping a beat as I saw him sleeping.

I don't know if he even slept at all last night, watching over me, so he has to be exhausted. It kills me that taking care of me wears him down so much. I inhale and shut off the light, walking over towards him. His phone vibrating caught my attention, so I looked at it.

He had a couple missed calls from his mom, which made me shake my head. Since that day Kyler told Ryker everything, his mom has been trying to talk to him and sort everything out. Ryker's been pushing it off, not trying to entertain it. I silence his phone and set it down, grabbing the comforter.

Ryker stirs in his sleep, reaching out for my arm. I smile slightly, letting him pull me towards his body. He cages me to him as I throw the covers around us and I press my palm to his cheek, thumb tracing his cheekbone lightly.

"I wish you'd take care of yourself as much as you take care of me."

It took me a while to fall asleep, but when I did, I felt completely at peace in Ryker's arms. The next day waking up, I felt the most well rested than I have in a while. I see Ryker already watching me, making my face heat up. He just kisses my nose, telling me that we should stay in bed all day.

Considering the fact that I hadn't been in work, haven't called in, and completely turned off my phone and fell off the face of the earth for a few days, I don't think it was a good idea.

"I can't," I shake my head. "I have so much to do."

"Like what?" His morning voice, deep laced with sleep, sent shivers through my body.

"Make sure I still have a job, for starters." I chuckle. "Study, my internship—" I freeze. "Shit! My internship courses, I'm so behind!"

Ryker groans, child-like, as I scramble out of bed. I rush into the bathroom and frantically brush my teeth. I comb through my hair and hastily make sure I shave the growing peach fuzz above my lip, just in case.

When I emerge from the bathroom, Ryker's typing on his phone, so I grab mine and head down to the living room. The first call I made was to Joe's. He, of course, was way too understanding about me having an emergency and looked forward to seeing me next week. I thanked him a million times before I hung up, sighing in content.

When I was calling my supervisor, Ryker came down the stairs. He was changed into a pair of grey sweats and a fitted white tank. He had a hand towel on his shoulder as he placed a hand on the counter beside me. I smiled at him before he kissed my lips tenderly and pointed out back. I nodded in acknowledgement before my supervisor picked up, trying to explain the whole ordeal.

Of course, it wasn't as simple as with Joe. I'd been a no-show at work for three days and that wasn't going to be swept under the rug. Serious consequences were going to be taken against me, suspension or worse, termination, and I felt my stomach drop. I'd worked with Lowe's for a long time now, and I'd hate to lose this job because of my irresponsibility.

But it's mine, so I'd have to take it like a woman. I just agreed and waited to hear back from him. I hung up and pressed my palms against my forehead. This was all my fault, so I had no one to blame other than myself.

Well, maybe Marsha, too.

Huffing, I got up and found my computer. I needed to catch up on the two assignments I'd been behind on, plus the one that was due this weekend, plus be ready to go in on Monday for my hours.

And then court.

Oh, my head hurt. I rubbed my temples lightly as I closed my eyes. I was stressing myself out over this. But I was nervous. I had so much work piled on my plate and now the court date coming up.

I tried to concentrate on the assignment at hand, but my mind kept traveling. Would we win? Could I even? Was Tamika as good as she promised she is? She assured me she is, but even the best lawyers lose cases. Would a judge look at someone like me and deem me worthy enough to take care of Joey?

I close the computer, not being able to focus. When I look at the time, I'm a little stunned to see that it's almost four and Ryker's still outside. Buzzing on the counter makes me turn towards it.

Ryker's phone. I look outside, then to the phone. I grab it, knowing immediately that it's his mom because I couldn't understand a lick of what was written.

Mamá: Hijo, por favor habla conmigo. Te extraño tanto, que necesito explicarte. ¿Por favor déjame?

I sigh heavily and set the phone down. I walk around the counter and head towards the back door. I open it, walking out to the deck.

My eyes zoned in on the muscles of Ryker's back moving with every calculated move he made. He'd peeled off his tank, discarded on the floor beside me, and I could see sweat coat his body—his back, his chest, his hair dripping down to his forehead. He was literally punching the heck out of the bag, just like I had witness that night in the ring.

The one thing I liked to see, even here, was how he never left himself unprepared. He was always ready, like he was actually in the ring with someone. Maneuvering every blow and knee and jab like he would, I'd guess, to someone on the receiving end.

It was...very interesting to watch. Every muscle in his back constraining, his biceps flexing as he punched, his abs twisting and moving with every motion. It made me feel hot all over and I wasn't even sure why.

"Ryker?" My voice was a squeak as I called out to him.

He stopped, panting, as he turned to me. Oh, God. He was mad, you could see it in his eyes. Fury building behind the scenes as he placed his hands on his hips.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay? You've been out here for a while."

He nods. "I'm good."

"Are you?"

"Yep. Just a bit longer and I'll come in."

I frown. "Ryker, hey," I walk down the steps towards him. "You can talk to me."

"I don't wanna talk, Maddison. I wanna box."

He turned away from me, hitting the bag again. From this close, I could see how hard he was clenching his jaw, his punches increasing faster and faster.

I close my eyes and take a leap—a literal leap, between the bag and him.

"What the hell, Maddison?"

I sigh when I didn't feel anything hit me and open my eyes. He looks angry that I even dared to do that, but I didn't care.

"Talk to me, Ryker. You talk this big talk about needing to be there for me when I'm going through shit and how much it hurts when I don't trust you? Or when I don't come to you? Well, it goes both ways, buddy. Because you're obviously angry and in pain and you won't talk to me."

Ryker scowls as he tries to maintain his breathing. I hold my chin up high, continuing.

"You can beat the shit out of this thing all day, Ryker. But you have to talk to me. You can't keep it bottled up until it explodes. Let it out, Ryker. Yell at me, scream, I don't care."

I push his chest, which confuses him. But I need to provoke him in order for him to snap. He needs to let go of this anger he's holding on to.

"Tell me how much it hurt to know that your mom betrayed you, Ryker." I pushed him again. "How bad did it sting to know that the one thing you thought you had right was actually wrong?" I shove him harder. "How much does it hurt knowing that your mom is the reason that you and your dad have a shitty relationship and it was all a lie?"

"Fuck!" Ryker screams, making me jump back slightly. "It feels like shit, Maddison! What more do you want from me? It feels like shit knowing that I've accused him every day for breaking my family apart when it was her," he shakes his head. "Wh-when it was me."

His voice falters at the end, making me step towards him. But he turns away from me, almost shamefully, and puts his hands on his hips.

"I spent so long defending a woman who used me; she looked into my eyes every day, knowing how much I loathed my father for hurting her, for breaking up our family, and she did nothing to ever fix it. And I don't think she ever intended to fix it." Ryker shakes his head. "She never believed in my dreams, what I wanted in life...she lied to me, everything she's ever told me was a lie."

"Ryker," I step forward, placing my hand on his back.

"And now? Now I don't even know how to face him. My fucking mother wants to try and explain why she did what she did...but there's no excuse for selfishness. She's selfish and I don't know if I can forgive her."

I smile softly. "You can."

He turns to me. "What?"

"You have the biggest heart known to mankind, Ryker." I place my hands on his bare shoulders. "You're angry now. But you won't always be. And I know that you'll forgive her. Just like I know you'll figure this out with your dad, the same way you did with Kyler."

Ryker's cheeks flushed light pink as he placed a hand on my neck, looking deep in my eyes, and I smile gently at him.

"Trust me. I was...angry with my mom for so blindly taking my dad back after he left. I didn't understand. Until one day I did. And even though I'm so angry at my dad now," I shake my head, then sigh in defeat. "Family's family and you only get one. You'll find it in you to forgive and move on. You've been doing it all your life."

"What if I can't?"

I nod. "Then that's okay, too." I grab his face in between my hands. "You don't have to know everything right now, Ryker. This is your pain and your anger. You do with it whatever you want. Just don't keep it from me. Because whatever it is, we'll always fight it better together."

He presses his forehead against mine and wraps his arms securely around my waist.

"I love you so much, Maddison."

"And I love you." I assure.

He tenderly kisses my lips, affirming the fact that he does love me. I can always feel it in every kiss, every touch, every gaze. Everything about Ryker is so expressive, which is what I love so much about him. He never hides his true self, and that's so beautiful.

He's unapologetically him, and that's why I know that he'll be okay. Because unlike me, he doesn't hide or run from his pain...not anymore. He faces it head on, and fights it like the man he is.

And God, was I lucky to love him. I never wanted to lose what we had. Not for anything.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" Ryker asks me.

I flush, cheeks heating up. "Oh, nothing."

He smiles at me. "Don't be shy. Tell me."

I shake my head slightly. "I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have you." I shrug.

His smile spreads across his face, beaming down at me, making my heart skip a beat. How fair is it that he's so pretty?

"I'm the lucky one," he grabs my hand and lifts my knuckles to his lips, pressing a kiss on them. "My other half, yeah?"

My heart could literally combust right now. But that's okay, because it's all his.

"And you're mine."








A/N

Raddison is so soft and for what 😩

Thanks for reading, lovelies! Don't forget to vote, comment, etc!! <33

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