Song for the chapter: Silver Spoon, by Lily Allen

I woke up the next morning, dazed a bit.

The sun was shining, I could literally hear the birds chirping. But I don't know what it was...I just felt off.

I push my blanket off my body and roll out of bed. I walk to my bathroom and brush my teeth before I comb through my hair. I make my way down the stairs and weigh through my options for breakfast before settling for some Fruit Loops and a granola bar.

As I'm eating, my eyes fixate on the mess that seemed to accumulate throughout my busy work week. Of course, my dad doesn't clean. It's just me. So if I don't tidy up, then nobody will.

I finish my cereal and half the granola bar before I stand from the chair. I wash the dishes in the sink, then scrub the granite with a soapy dish rag. Once I finish the counters and stovetop, I grab the broom from the laundry room. I sweep over the bamboo floors, sweeping up the dust pile and tossing it out. I grab the garbage bag and trudge it outside.

When I'm outside, I see the hustle and bustle of the outside community; Mrs. Chesney outside watering her ferns, Pauline beside Ryker mowing her lawn—bless her sweet, old heart, and Mr. Denver checking his mail. What wasn't normal was Ryker's driveway being empty.

Literally, Ryker almost always had people in his driveway, or was working on his own car. It was rare when he didn't...but I assumed it had something to do with his mangled face last night. I stare at his house for a moment longer before I shake my head and continue to my trash can. I wave to Mr. Denver before I turn on my heel and walk back inside.

I finish up by dusting the house and vacuuming the carpet of the living room. I needed to mop, but that was too much effort. I wanted to relax a bit today.

I hopped up the steps and paused in front of Joey's old room, which is now where moms stuff was stored. I pushed the door open slightly, looking around.

It was scary how once something was set in here, it never seemed to move. It was like a mausoleum; everything of hers that dad didn't seem to keep in their room was stored in here, hidden from the world. I'd come in here sometimes, trying to cling to the remnants of her life, knowing she was alive and couldn't be stuffed into a room.

She was much too large for something like that.

I opened a box, full of her clothes. Mom was smaller than me and I knew I'd never be able to fit in anything of hers, but Joey would. She'd be able to come through here some day and pick what she liked and dress like her—mom had the most unique sense of style.

I grabbed a scarf, clutching it close to my chest. Gosh, it still smelled like her—melons and cucumbers. I smiled, taking it with me. It was a weird pattern: geometric triangles of many neon colors, but she loved it.

I shut the box and exited the room. I walked back to my room and tried to find something to match it. I struggled to find anything as exotic as my mom used to wear with it, so I just settled for a white long sleeved shirt and light colored jeans.

I coat my eyelashes with some mascara and rub my lips with my chapstick—cherry, of course—and grab my scrunchie. Instead of my usual messy bun, I used my brush to make a presentable-looking high ponytail and secured it in place with my reliable scrunchie.

I wrapped mom's scarf around my neck loosely, checking myself once in the mirror. I pulled at my shirt a bit, so it wouldn't cling to my stomach. But overall, it didn't look too bad. And the fact that I had a little bit of mom with me today made it all the more bearable.

I'd be able to have a little bit of confidence in myself. I clutch onto the fabric, smiling small.

"Thanks, mom."

* * *

"Let's go!" Karmiah hollered from her rolled down window.

I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment as it drew the attention of people I was sitting beside. I gave her a dirty look as I practically jumped inside her car.

"What's wrong with you?" I hiss.

She smiles as we take off. "What? When are you ever gonna see those people again?"

"Not the point." I roll my eyes, but a smile threatening to come through.

"Sure, sure." Kar smiles her big, beautiful smile. "You can't live life afraid, Maddi. You have to embrace it."

I point at her Powerpuff girl keychain. "Me? You're telling me to embrace it?"

"Hey," she swats my hand away. "I can embrace it and my inner child. No one ever said it had to be one or the other."

I chuckle and prop my elbow against the door, leaning my head on my hand. The college wasn't that far off, and the frat houses weren't far from the main campus. It was easier to get to the campus from the frat parking then trying to find parking in the student parking lot—go figure.

When I saw cars lining up, but even more people walking across the lawn and heading inside, I panicked. Parties weren't really my scene, and I've only been to a few with Karmiah. But this one seemed huge.

"Why is this party so big?" I turn to Kar, fearful.

She parks the car on the curb. "I think Ben heard it was the end of summer something, hell if I know." She snorted. "It looks promising. Let's go."

She tore the keys from her ignition and hopped out of the car. Karmiah was a few inches taller than me, and her long legs were on display tonight with those black shorts that hugged her butt and a red tank that was loose on her body. Her curls were free and her makeup was spot-on—she even put glitter on her cheekbones.

"You look great, by the way." I compliment.

"Thanks." She smiles at me. "You look good, too. Should've showed off a little more, though." She winks.

"Yeah," I snort. "Right."

Kar slings her long arm around my shoulder. "Maddi, you're not fat. You've lost so much weight in the past few months. You don't see it, but you have."

My cheeks flare at her words, but she releases me. She walks through the door, eyes taking in the same thing I was: complete and utter chaos.

So many people in a confined household, music blaring too loud that made no sense, and the smell of pot lingered like the death. I coughed and Kar chuckled beside me, taking my wrist and leading me towards the kitchen area.

"Whaddya wanna drink?" She tilted her head at me.

"I dunno?" I lift a shoulder. "I don't normally drink."

"Right," she twists her lips before looking at the dude behind the countertop. "Let's start with a strawberry daiquiri, but switch the rum for vodka."

The guy nodded and started swishing liquids around. I watched with a distasteful look when Karmiah laughed, capturing my attention.

"Letting loose for one night isn't gonna kill you, Maddi."

Just then, the red liquid was slid in front of me. Karmiah grabbed hers and lifted it up to me with raised brows. I stare at it, twisting my lips.

She's right.

"Fine, freaking fine." I mumble, making her laugh.

We clink our glasses together before drinking; the drink itself was amazing. It was a little bitter, barely burned because it was masked with the strawberries and...was that lime I tasted? It was delicious.

I had two more before Karmiah switched us to Sex on the Beach. I wasn't drunk, but by my first one, I was starting to buzz. It's safe to say I can definitely handle my alcohol way better than Kar, who was shouting how much she loved Dave, the drink maker, and now me.

"I love you so much," she almost sounded like she was gonna cry.

"Karmiah," I laughed. "Where's Ben?"

Her glossy, red eyes snapped open. "Where is Ben?" She looked around. "Ben? Ben!" She tried to walk two steps but she almost toppled over her own feet.

"Kar, just call him." I say as I sit her on the stool.

She nods and fumbles with her clutch until she whips out her phone. She stares at it for a good three minutes before she looks at me.

"I can't read anything."

I giggle. "Just give it."

I used her thumb to unlock her phone and pulled up his number, dialing.

"Kar, babe. I'm sorry. Had a late client and Ryker's messed up and I—"

"It's not Karmiah," I interrupt.

"Oh," he stopped.

"It's Maddi, her friend? We kinda drank, like, a lot. And she's a little—"

"Is that Ben?" Karmiah pipped up. "Is he with another girl? Because if he is, then we're so, so," she threw her arms out. "So over."

I hear him laugh. "I'm a few minutes away. I can take her home."

"She drove."

"Alright. I can take you both home, then."

"Thanks," I breathe and hang up.

"I wanna dance!" Kar hops up, jumping up and down beside me.

"Karmiah, Ben is coming." I whine.

"So?" She draws out the word and rolls her eyes. "No man is gonna stop me from shaking this ass!" She wiggles her butt for emphasis.

I laugh, throwing my head back. "Alright, alright. You made your point. But the music here sucks," I whisper. "Can't we dance next time?"

Her eyes lit up. "You promise you'll come out next time?"

I smile, nodding. "Yeah. This party was too crowded and smelly."

She laughs, using her hand to cover her mouth. Then, she gives me a determined nod.

"Fine, next time. You promise?"

"I promise."

She lays her head on my shoulder and puts her body weight on me. "Good, then let's get the hell outta here. I'm so tired."

I chuckle lightly as I maneuver both of us through the crowd of people, getting us out of the front door. I was just passing by the sea of unknown people when I heard someone call out for Karmiah.

I turned, seeing a guy, about our age, with short brown hair, brown eyes and a straight nose. His face as slender and had no facial hair on it.

"You're Maddi, I assume." He shifts on his feet. "I'm Ben."

I nod. "Hey, there."

Ben steps forward and grabs Karmiah, picking her up bridal style. Her head kinda sways, but she looks up at him.

"You smell so nice," she leans against him. "And you're so warm."

"You're lightweight as shit, Kar, you should've known better."

I stifle a laugh as I follow behind them.

"Maddi needed me."

I frown; she got plastered just to try to get me to let loose? What kind of a friend am I?

Ben reaches his car and opens the passenger door, placing her gently inside and buckling her up. I slip in the back and do the same. I chew on my nail as Ben gets in the drivers side. He glances over at Karmiah adoringly before putting the car in drive and starting back down towards town.

"Where are we going?" He asks me.

I lick my lips. "Oh. Down this street and turn right." I inhale and look at him through the mirror. "I'm sorry about her; I didn't think she—"

"Kar is a responsible adult, responsible for her own actions. Don't feel guilty for her decisions." Ben cut me off.

I nod. "Right."

The rest of the ride is silent, aside from me directing Ben where to go. But then I remembered—this is Ryker's friend. I can't have him taking me exactly to where he just was hours prior. So, like the overly paranoid person I was, I had Ben stop at the neighborhood a couple blocks down.

"Thanks," I exhale as the car stops. "This was super awkward."

Ben laughs lightly. "Yeah. But I hope we get to know each other better. Karmiah talks about you a lot."

I couldn't help but smile. "Well, thank you."

I open the door and shut it quickly, walking away towards a random house until I saw the headlights pull away. When I saw the car driving off in the opposite direction, I crossed my arms and quickly headed back down the road we came from.

A few minutes later, I finally came across my neighborhood and rushed to get home. Again, anything could happen at night and go unnoticed. I hated the fact anything could go wrong at any moment.

The closer I got to my house, the more I could hear the bass of some kind of music playing. My brows knitted together as I saw Barbra Plain out on her front porch, smoking in her robe.

"Maddi James?"

I pause. "Hi, Ms. Plain."

She took a drag. "Your neighbor down there's causin' quite a ruckus. I can see Mrs. Pauline peeking out her window, looking like she's about to call the police on him."

I frown. "Really?"

She nods, taking another drag. "I'd talk to him before she gets to dialing."

I nod. "Thanks, Ms. Plain."

"Call me Barbra, now." She smiles, throwing her bud in her ashtray.

I half-run down the rest of the way until I get to Ryker's house. Sure enough, the closer I got, the louder his music got. I don't know why he was doing this—he's never done anything like this before. He's always kept to himself, even with all the people who'd come in and out of here for him.

I walk up his driveway to get to his door, but pause when I hear a chain rattling sound. I walk around the garage and round the gate, hearing more punching noises. On high alert, I pushed open the gate and walked into his backyard.

I didn't see anything on his back porch, but further out in his yard, hanging from a tree, was a worn-down punching bag. And in front of it was Ryker, throwing punches left and right. He had a stereo beside him, the source of the blasting music. Heck, it was so loud he didn't even hear me.

I stomped across the lawn and yanked the cord from the outlet. Ryker turned so fast it would've made me fall over, but he was just staring at me. His face was much more bruised than yesterday, darker and forming. His eyes narrow at me.

"The hell do you think you're doing?"

I throw the cord on the ground. "Saving your ass, apparently. The neighbors were getting ready to call the cops because you decided to have a momentary brain fart and think you could do whatever you want."

Ryker sized me up, looking unamused. "I didn't forget—I simply didn't give a shit."

"Obviously." I roll my eyes. "People are trying to sleep. Don't be a jerk."

"Why should I care?" He spits.

I give him an incredulous look. "Why wouldn't you? You have before."

Ryker scoffs, giving me his back and lifting his fists, hitting the bag again. I take a step towards him.

"Is this about whatever happened to you?" He stops. "Because maybe you should talk to someone."

Ryker laughs bitterly, making me uneasy. "That's rich, coming from little miss daddy's-perfect-little-angel." He punched the bag, hard, before he turns to look at me. "You've probably everything handed to you on a silver platter. You wouldn't know what it's like to fight for what you want, to be me."

I hadn't even realized he was taking long, menacing strides until he was in my face. I didn't feel threatened, as odd as it sounds. Because he looked angry, and the bruises on his face didn't help any.

"You wouldn't know what it's like to be me, either." I counter.

Ryker raises one eyebrow, then shakes his head with a scoff. "Why are you even here? It's not like you even like me."

Again, I was speechless. I tried to find my words, but nothing came out. He gave his head a slight shake.

"That's what I thought. Just get out of here, Maddison."

I glared at him. "You don't get to tell me what to do." I pushed his chest. "You don't get to be a freaking jerk because you got beat up," I pushed him again. "And you don't get to act like a victim!" I shoved him, a bit harder. "We all have shit going on, Ryker. You don't get to act like the worlds crashing down just because one day of your perfect existence is thrown off balance."

Ryker's eyes widened, the fury behind them clear as day.

"So, screw you." I scoff. "Yeah, I don't like you, you're right. For reasons like this—you think you're so privileged and don't need to answer to anyone." I shake my head. "In fact, I hate you. I hate you so much I can't even look at you," I turn away, repulsed. "I'm sorry for trying to do a good deed and try to keep you out of trouble. Clearly, it just came right around and bit my ass."

With that, I stomped off and walked back to my house, even more angry at myself for letting Ryker get so under my skin than before.

A/N

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