Song for the chapter: First Day of My Life, by Bright Eyes

"Ryker."

Ryker looked so different. His body looked the same, but his face? His face was hollow, cheekbones more prominent than ever. The circles under his eyes were dark, encasing all of his eye socket. The hazel in his eyes looked dim and worn out, like he was just exhausted.

My gosh, what the heck happened to him?

"M-m—" he blinked several times. "Maddison? Is this real? Are you really here?"

I nod, coming out from behind the sink and setting the candle down.

"Yes."

The bat, that I didn't even realize he was holding, tumbled out from his grasp. He was blinking so much, like he was trying to stop himself from crying. I just wanted to reach out and touch him.

"H-how are you here?"

"I drove." I smile.

His eyes widened. "You drove?"

"I did."

"But how?"

I chuckle softly. "I did a lot while I was gone, Ryker. If you'll let me tell you."

He gives me a single nod, stepping to the side. I come out of the bathroom and decide to bypass sitting on the bed and walk over to the couch in the living room—which was spotless. I guess I owe that to him.

"You cleaned up?"

He sat across from me, his eyes glued on me like he was afraid I'd disappear. I offer a soft smile.

"Oh. Uh, yes. I did."

"Thank you."

I see something shift behind his eyes, but he blinks. His eyes travel all over my body—my hair, my face, my chest, my legs. I felt squirmish under his analyzing gaze, but I remained still.

Yeah, once I got out of my funk and realized that eating is okay in healthy amounts, I ate like a normal person. And I filled out a little more than I was. My hips grew a little wider, my thighs a little thicker, even my chest grew a little bigger. I was freaking out about it at first, but Fauna had me chant some mantra every single day since I started seeing her.

I'm imperfect in the most perfect way.

And saying it everyday surprisingly helped. Because I saw the weight gain and it hurt, but I didn't flip out on myself, mentally, as I used to. I'm me, and I can't change it. I'm a thicker, heavier set woman and I can't do anything about it. Walking in the park everyday with Owen helped slim my stomach and tone my arms, but it didn't do anything else.

I accepted who I am and that's it.

His eyes set back on mine and he actually blushed as he cleared his throat.

"I-uh, I'm sorry for crashing here. I didn't—"

"Don't be sorry," I shake my head. "It's fine, really."

It's actually kind of nice to know he was crashing here. I wonder how long for.

"Okay, so," I deep breathe. "I know how I left things was terrible. And I'm a coward for leaving the way that I did and you probably hate me for it, but I re—"

"I could never hate you, Maddison."

Hearing the confidence and finality of that statement made my cheeks flare and my stomach erupt in a fit of butterflies. Only for him. I lick my lips and chuckle softly.

"Oh. Well, I'm really sorry, Ryker. I want you to know that."

He doesn't say anything, which is a first. I look up at his eyes, but he's staring directly at me. I wipe my hands on my knees.

"I, I wish I could've told you in person. But I knew myself. And I was too weak to look at you and say I needed to go. I would've stayed, and I couldn't have. A piece of me broke—literally shattered that day. I don't think I would've survived if I didn't leave."

"You could've taken me with you."

His voice was hard, which made me frown. I close my eyes and will myself not to back down from this.

"No, Ryker." I open my eyes and look at him. "I had to do this on my own. Don't you get that?"

"Don't you get how fucking broken I've been without you?" His breathing was shaky. "That day I ended up in the fucking hospital because I-I couldn't bare the fact of knowing you left me, just like that. I was broken, Maddison. You didn't even bother to call, or have the decency to tell me if you were alive."

He was in the hospital? My heart started to beat uncontrollably at the fact that I caused that. How could I have done that to him?

"You're not listening to me," I surprisingly say. "I never left you."

I shake my head and kneel on the ground, making him stare at me, wide eyed, as I kneel between his legs. I place my hands on his thighs and I swear I hear him sigh in relief.

I couldn't blame him—finally touching him after so long was too damn good. But that's not what I'm trying to do, not right now.

"I left this town, Ryker, but my heart was always with you. Didn't you ever trust a word I said? I said I needed to leave here because the pain was excruciating. But I never expected the pain of being without you to make it all the worse." I felt tears pool in my eyes. "I was in such a bad place that I—"

I pause, looking down at the couch. I can see Ryker's hand inch forward, but pull back and ball them beside his thighs. That kind of hurt a bit. Why did he think he couldn't reach for me? I was right in front of him.

"You what?"

"Nothing. It doesn't matter now." I smile up at him. "I was in agony, Ryker. All of the pain that I had been keeping out for so long kind of hit me all at once, like a tidal wave." My voice broke. "And adding you not being there, like I wanted you to be, hurt even worse. But I knew, deep down, that I had to finish what I started by being there in the first place before I came running back like I almost did. For you and for me."

His head cocked sideways a bit. "Finish what?"

"My own recovery." I lift a shoulder. "I was broken, Ryker. Long before I met you. And when you came along," I look deep into his eyes. "I thought that you were fixing me. You were mending me in a way that I had never tried to do for myself, and but I couldn't ever fully love you until I finally learned to love myself, first." I lightly squeeze his thigh. "Do you understand?"

He nods once, his eyes never leaving mine.

"I never loved me, so how could ever truly love you? I adored you and cared for you and loved you. And it wasn't until I started working on myself that I understood how much I actually really love you, Ryker."

His eyes were wide, searching my eyes desperately. I bite my lip, hiding my smile, a tear rolling down my cheek.

"Because you are my other half, Ryker. That's never changing for me. You're my sun; you came into my dark world and you taught me how to smile again, and how to laugh. You showed me the proper way to love and be loved. You're my moon, because you keep me grounded and centered. Everything I've done in these past five and a half months, Ryker," I let out a shaky breath. "I've not only done for me, but I've done for you, too."

I move closer to his body, his eyes reddening and tears forming in them.

"I'm on my knees, telling you that I'm in love with you, Ryker. There's not a part of my body that isn't in love with you, that doesn't belong to you, because every inch and fiber of my being is yours. I'm here, begging for your forgiveness, Ryker." I plead. "I'm sorry that I never acknowledged how amazing you were before. Or that I could never fully comprehend how to love you properly. But I do now." I place a hand on his neck and he freezes. "And I'm ready to love you for the rest of my life, Ryker."

A tear falls down his face and I quickly wipe it, which makes him look at my thumb. He hasn't said anything, which is really making me second-guess everything. Maybe this was a big mistake.

"I'm sorry," I shift back on my heels, moving my arms. "I shouldn't have—"

Ryker grips my wrists, making me freeze. He's breathing in and out, heavy. His eyes are on his fingers on my skin, which is sending electric currents surging through my body. I look from his hand to his head, waiting for him to say something.

"It was torture without you, Maddison." He finally speaks, his thumb faintly grazing my skin. "I don't think you fully understand me when I say I need you, because I physically need you."

"I do," I nod. "I do get it."

His head slowly moved up and his hazel eyes were full of the pain—so much pain it knocked the breath out of me. I frowned and took my lip between my teeth.

"I kept hearing your voice, seeing ghosts of you all over, Maddison. It was fucking hell. Seeing you, hearing you, but at the end of the day? It being fake. Not you actually being here."

"I'm sorry," I whisper, looking down.

Ryker surprises me by bringing his hand to my cheek and making me look at him. The contact made me gasp, and I swear his eyes darkened. My eyes grew in size as he watched me for what seemed like the longest time.

"You're not running away again?"

I shake my head rapidly. "No, Ryker." Then I smile. "You know, I saw you pop up in my room one day. I hadn't been eating or sleeping well. And I was done, I was actually giving up and coming back home, back to you." I see his eyes shine at that. "And you literally just appeared in my room and told me to stay and finish what I started, or I'd end up leaving again and breaking both our hearts. And that I needed to hurry up, cause you missed me."

He finally chuckled, which made my heart skip a beat. I smile at him.

"Sounds like something I'd say," he sighs and grips my neck tighter. "And you finished?"

I shrug. "Depends."

"On what?"

I inhale slow. "Do you forgive me?"

"Oh, baby." He tucks my loose hair behind my ear. "There's nothing to forgive."

I let go of the biggest sigh of relief, literally launching myself into his lap. I realized a second too late and pushed back a bit.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't think, I just..."

"Maddison."

Oh, gosh. When he said my name that low and sensual, it always heightened my senses. I shut up and looked at him. He grabbed either side of my face and smiled at me.

"It feels so damn good to hold you again."

I almost whimper. "I know."

"Your hair is down."

His fingers run through my hair, making goosebumps spread across my skin. I hold a shiver and nod.

"I told you, I needed to change. I don't wanna hide who I am anymore."

He smiled a bit at that as he watched his fingers comb through the ends of my hair. Once done, he looks up at me.

"I missed you, Maddison. You've haunted my every thought."

"I'm sorry."

He shakes his head. "Don't apologize. I welcomed it with open arms," he places his hands carefully on my waist. "But I welcome this much more."

My breathing picks up as does his. My goodness, I missed this, him.

"Can I kiss you?"

I snort softly. "Since when do you ask?"

"Since I spent this long without you."

I slap my hands on his neck, making him jump slightly. I shake my head at him.

"I'm yours, Ryker. Forever, faithfully yours."

He leaned in slow; when it came to us kissing, Ryker has never leaned in this slow. It was like an intense build up and I felt the butterflies erupt into a monsoon, my stomach swarming in every which way. My chest was rising and falling so fast, my breathing so irregular.

He pressed his nose so tenderly against mine, rubbing it gently. My lips part and a sigh escapes my lips. Ryker guides my neck down closer to his face, our lips just a hair apart. I gulp, waiting in anticipation. My eyes flutter shut, needing this—needing him.

And when he presses his lips against mine, I swear I can hear all kinds of fireworks going off in my head. The explosions in my stomach have never been this strong, and I swear there was music playing or something. Everything about this kiss felt right.

It was tender and sweet; Ryker's lips were soft and moved so slow, which was new for us both. He didn't move into something more, he just kissed my lips like it was the first time ever. He pecked my lips, time and time again, and I felt like I could fly away if it wasn't for his hold on me.

"I missed you so much," he whispers as he presses his forehead against mine.

I nod. "I missed you, Ryker. I missed you like the moon misses the sun."

I'm not sure what it was about that, but he jumped down and claimed my lips in a new urgency. I sighed in content, which made a low groan escape the back of his throat.

Oh, shit. I haven't heard that in so long. That feeling that's been dormant for so long instantly flared up, heat pooling between my legs. Ryker's tongue, oh so carefully, swiped against my bottom lip and I immediately granted him access.

There's nothing I wouldn't give him.

His tongue slowly explored my mouth as I tried to suppress a moan, but I couldn't help it. When his tongue touched mine, a loud moan rippled through my body and I couldn't even comprehend what happened next.

Ryker pulled me down closer against him, lying back against the arm of the couch. I felt his hardness deliciously grind against me as he lifted his hips, making me cry out a gasp. He groans, his hands moving up my body.

"God, Maddison. I missed how you feel under my skin," his dark eyes look at mine before he attaches his lips to my neck. "How your body reacts to my touch."

My head falls back as he sucks the skin. I bite my bottom lip as his warm breath fans across my skin.

"I missed everything about you, baby."

"Ryker." I moan his name on accident. "I missed you so much."

His hips bucked up, his erection hitting me between my legs and making my jaw slack. I pant as his name falls from my lips.

"You're my everything, Maddison. Promise me I'm never losing you again."

"I promise," I cry, grabbing his neck to look at him.

I smile, kissing his lips tenderly. Then I pull back and push my hands through his hair.

"Ryker?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Do you remember what you asked me? Before I left, before the trial?"

"About what?"

I couldn't stop the smile from forming on my face.

"Marrying you."

His eyes widened and his cheeks flushed. "Yeah."

"Does the offer still stand?"

"Y-you wanna marry me?"

"Yes, Ryker." I lock my hands together on his neck. "If you'll have me."

Ryker wraps an arm around my waist and hoists me up. I squeak out a yelp as I wrap my legs around his waist, Ryker walking us towards my room. He gently set me on the bed and grabbed his bag, fishing through it.

When he pulled out a royal blue velvet box, my heart stopped. It literally stopped as he got on one knee before me.

"Maddison Elliah James, marry me. Marry me and make me the happiest man in the world. Marry me and spend the rest of eternity as our souls combined together as one. Will you do me the honor, baby?"

"Yes!" I laugh, holding my hand out.

Ryker had went simple: the ring was a very modest and elegant cut, square, and slid perfectly on my finger. I felt my eyes water again as I looked at him.

"This is so beautiful. When did you get it?"

He smirks, resting a hand on my thigh. "When you moved into your apartment."

"And you waited this long!" I gaped.

He took my hand and kissed my knuckles. "You wouldn't have said yes until now."

I push a hand through his hair. "You're right. And now, I'd marry you tomorrow if I could."

"Why wait?"

My eyes widen. "What?"

"I've known that you're it for me since day one, baby. And I'm tired of this back and forth shit. I just got you back, I'm not going back to living away from you. And you're finally ready and positive about me. So why not?"

I felt my stomach burst with excitement. He's right—what were we waiting for? He's it for me. I'm not ready to be away from him. I don't want to, not any more.

"You're right," I lean forward and grab his neck. "Let's do it." I smile nervously. "Tomorrow. Oh my gosh, let's just go to the court house and just...do it, Ryker. You and me, like it's always been."

Ryker leans up and kisses me. Deep, passionate, and full of love. This man owned me, heart and soul.

"If that's what you want, Maddison. We'll do it. Tomorrow."

I smile. "Okay. Tomorrow."

He smiles before he grabs my waist and pulls me up the bed with him. I missed him, so much. And the least thing that I expected from coming home tonight was getting engaged to the love of my life.

Tomorrow couldn't come faster.

A/N

Nxdjsjsjsj ah babies 🥺

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