Song for the chapter: This Feeling, by the Chainsmokers

I couldn't sleep.

The fact that my dad had just left like that had really messed with my head. I stood awake until about one or two in the morning, waiting for him to text me and let me know that he got there safe. When he never did, I had to message him and ask, to which he only replied a curt yeah.

Ryker was texting me, begging to know what was going on...but what could I say? My functioning alcoholic father decided to ditch me a couple days before my birthday? How pathetic was that?

I just told him I'd see him tomorrow. But it's almost like he could sense something was up, because he kept asking me what was wrong. I tried to ignore him, but then I heard knocking at the front door.

It was three-something in the morning.

I stared at the door from the top step of the stairs, too afraid to go down. Then I heard Ryker's voice.

"Maddison, it's just me. Please open the door."

I sigh in relief and walk down the stairs. I unlock the door, opening it to see Ryker's silhouette in the darkness, the streetlamp barely outlining him.

"What are you doing here?" I practically whisper.

I see his shoulders lift. "You stopped answering me. I was worried about you."

"So you decided to knock on my door? At this hour?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

I smile, because I couldn't stop it. "Fine. Sure, whatever. Come in."

I stand to the side so he can walk in. I shut the door, lock in and automatically feel the house shrink ten sizes with him inside it. Ryker's already freakishly tall, but I know he's already staring at me with his beautifully intense hazel eyes and it'll just make me feel so much smaller.

"My room's up the stairs. Come on."

I reach out and grab his hand, because despite us just being together hours prior, I missed him.

Was that weird? Kinda. This was all new for me and I had never missed someone like this before. So I was just winging all of this right now.

I led him into my room, nerves eating me alive. We walked through the door and Ryker's eyes were immediately inspecting every inch. I let go of his hand and sat on my bed.

"This isn't what I pictured your room to look like." Ryker smiles.

"You've pictured what my room looks like?"

He shrugs, sitting beside me. "On more than one occasion."

"You're a weirdo." I shake my head at him with a smile on my face.

He stares at me, hazel eyes almost looking directly into my soul. It made me sigh and turn away.

"What happened tonight, Maddison?" He leans back on his palms. "I saw your dad come out of the house and get in that car of people. Is that what happened?"

I look towards him, resting my chin on my shoulder. "My dad and I have a complicated relationship."

"You seem to forget who you're talking to, Maddison." Ryker cracks a smile. "I understand family drama on a whole new level."

I chuckle lightly. "You're right."

"Where'd he go?"

"Vegas."

"Damn. Did he not offer to take you with him?"

I roll my eyes. "Not like I can just drop everything and go places like that. I work two jobs and I..." I let go of a frustrated breath. "It wasn't that."

"Then what was it?"

I know I said I'd try with Ryker. But how the hell was I supposed to just come clean about my entire family drama without sounding so insane and pitiful and making him run away? My dad's a drunk who left me alone just days before my birthday; Joey depends on me because I'm trying to fight for custody of her and bring her to safety.

None of that sounds sane. We've only been doing this between us for a few weeks. So I opted out for telling him later on.

"Like I said, my dad and I have a complicated relationship. We kinda got into a fight before he left, no big deal."

"If you're this upset, Maddison," Ryker places his hand on my back. "It is a big deal."

I sigh and lay my head on my pillow. My long blonde hair was spilled out all around me and I could feel Ryker's eyes on me. But I didn't care right now.

Then the bed shifts and I turn to see Ryker lying beside me. He's turned towards me, so I turn my body towards him.

"Can I tell you a secret?" When I nod, he gives me a small smile. "Remember how I told you about my dad cheating on my mom, and how she just acted like nothing ever happened?"

"Of course."

"Well one day, I confronted her about it."

"You did?" I raise my brows.

"Yeah. I couldn't understand why, or even how, she could be so willing to forget everything that happened—knowing that he was unfaithful to her and willingly chose someone else over her. But all she said is everyone makes mistakes, chamaco. I never understood why the hell she did that, why she was so forgiving...but the thought just-it just—"

"Pissed you off?" I finish.

His eyes meet mine and hold something behind them that make my stomach flip.

"Exactly. Beyond words can explain."

"I'm guilty of the same thing."

Ryker's brows furrow, making me look down in shame.

"My dad left for a while, before Joey. He didn't say anything as to why, he just got up and left. My mom was so heartbroken; she was so in love with him, it was crazy." I smile softly. "I remember hearing her cry when she thought I'd gone to bed. All day, she'd act strong for me, but she was really just hurting."

Ryker reaches out and takes my hand in his and laces our fingers together. I look at our interlocked fingers—his sun-kissed skin and large hand entangled with my fair and small hand. It made me smile.

"You never really understand what's going on until after it's happened. I was only eight, but I knew she was sad." I bring our joined hands up to my chest, Ryker scooting closer. "Then this dude came into the picture, stayed around for a few months. She seemed better, and that made me happy. But then he left, too. And I was confused. And when she told me I was going to be a big sister, I was so excited."

Ryker lifts his hand and tucks some falling hair behind my ear. I loved that he always found a reason to touch me in the smallest ways.

"And then my dad came back. And my mom just let him in. I was nine, now, so I felt like I big girl." I chuckle. "And I didn't understand why she just let him back in. He never explained it to me, never said sorry. And all that time, I was kinda mad at her for doing that. For allowing someone who hurt her back into her life like that. I held onto that confusion and anger, even though I never had the guts to ask her, until it was too late."

"Maddison," Ryker puts his hand on my waist and tugs my body closer towards his.

"I wasn't saying this for pity or anything," I shake my head, blinking the tears away. "I'm just saying that I understand your anger. I was pissed that my mom could just easily forget the mistakes my dad made. You being pissed at your mom is totally normal."

Ryker brings his hand from my waist to my chin and tilts it upward to look into his eyes.

"Why do you always do that?"

I blink. "Do what?"

"Assume that I'm gonna pity you or some shit?" He narrows his eyes. "You have a story Maddison that makes you a damn strong woman. That's not to be pitied, it's to be respected. And I respect the hell out of you."

"Oh." I twist my lips.

"Stop holding back because you think I'm gonna pity you all the time, or run away from you. I already told you I'm not going anywhere."

I was feeling so many things at this particular moment, and honestly, I couldn't stop myself from extending my neck and pressing my lips against his.

It doesn't matter what I say to him, he always seems to find a way to say the right thing. And it always makes me feel like I'm floating on cloud nine.

Our lips move in sync together, kisses soft and tender, as I grip onto his shirt and bring him closer. I wanted more—sometimes I feel like I'm a bit addicted to him—when he pulls back. My breathings already heavy as he grabs either side of my face and looks deep into my eyes.

"Do you understand how important you are to me?"

"What?"

"Sometimes I feel like you don't truly grasp how much you fucking mean to me, Maddison."

"W-what are you talking about?"

Ryker shakes his head lightly. "I know that you have a hard time trusting people, and know that I would gladly kick the shit out of whoever did that to you. But you're the most important person in my life now, Maddison. And there's nothing you can tell me that would make me run from this, run from you."

I gently pull my bottom lip between my teeth, my stomach swarming with that fluttery, butterfly feeling. I place my hand on his cheek, feeling his stubble tickling my skin.

"Sometimes I think you don't know what you're asking for, Ryker Brooks."

He moves one of his hands and places it on top of mine, kissing my palm tenderly. My heart almost ripped out of my chest.

"Trust me, I know exactly what I want, Maddison. And it's you. All of you. How you don't see that by now is beyond me, but it's true." He smiles. "You're perfect to me, Maddison."

A huge, dumb smile came over my face. So I didn't ruin the moment, I cuddled in close to his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist. I felt his chest vibrate slightly with laughter as he wrapped his arms around me.

Ryker Brooks was everything I wasn't expecting: kind, gentle, caring, compassionate, tender...he is slowly—very slowly—climbing over the walls that I had spent so long building up to keep myself from getting hurt.

And this feeling was strange; new, but strange. Because I actually believed him when he said that he wanted me, and that he wasn't going anywhere. And I wanted to hold onto this—to him—as long as I can.

A/N

Hey, y'all! Long time, I know. Got so busy with life and school, and I know that this isn't the longest chapter, but it's very soft raddison ❤️

Thanks for reading, lovelies! Don't forget to vote, comment, etc!! <3