Don't know if I will post this...
If I do and you are reading it now, I apologise...

You know what the worst feeling is?

Feeling fat when you eat.

Then.

Feeling accomplishment when you throw up.

Then.

Feeling anger when you can't throw up more.

Then.

Then feeling stupid when you take that anger out on yourself.

Never mind...

Just being stuck in this cycle is the worst feeling.