It's half past 3PM and we're all sitting in Montgomery Hall. Jack and West are competing for ten dollars on a Foosball game and Dominic and I are sitting on the floor studying, which is what the other boys are supposed to be doing.

"Can you help me with this English paper?" Dominic inquires as he balances his laptop on his knees.

"No hablo ingles. Lo siento," I reply as I work on memorizing specific dates in history.

"We get it; you speak Spanish." He rolls his eyes at me.

"Si, pero no quiero ayudarte con tu papel," I inform him before wearing a small smirk. "Puta."

"Hey! I know what that word means!" he says, swatting me with a packet of papers. I giggle and dodge his hit. "Nova, come on. Isn't your major English?"

"Isn't your major minding your business? Because it should be." He tilts his head at me and I only grin in response at how funny I am.

"Fine, if you're not going to help me, then I'm forcing you to take a break." I allow him to close my laptop. The guys are grunting and shouting too loud for me to focus anyway.

"Whatever. I don't know how I'm expected to memorize forty five dates by Wednesday anyway." I pick up my phone and smile at the screen when I see that Elias texted me.

"Do you actually like him?" Dominic blurts, which catches me off guard for a second. I look up from my phone and make eye contact. He looks curious as his gaze briefly drops to my phone.

"Who?" I ask and he raises an eyebrow. "Oh, Eli?"

"No the pizza guy," he retorts. "Yes, Eli."

"Well..." It's been a little over two weeks since we were caught on his couch and we've hooked up a total of three more times, except each time was cut short by either our schedules or someone. Dominic is to blame for one of the events; we were in Eli's car and Dominic walked up and knocked on the window, thinking Eli was just sitting in there alone waiting for me. In short, I still haven't experienced a satisfactory hook up with him. This may sound bad but I've only been hanging out with him in hopes that it'll end in me getting some kind of pleasure.

"You should know by now, right? It's been a month. Girls typically know faster than guys." I guess he's not wrong.

"He's cute. He's funny. He doesn't talk much," I list his good traits. "But I wouldn't go as far as to say I like him. I'm trying. He's definitely charming, which is nice, but recently, he's been....on edge, almost."

"I think that's because you've trained him like a dog. Whenever you mention hanging out, he realizes he'll have to perform for you." My mouth drops open at his comment and he offers me a shrug.

"Shut up," I snap with a sharp glare at him.

"Maybe you should try to just hang out with him a bit to see if he chills out," he insists and, following my exasperated sigh, he looks at me in shock. "You waited 18 years to kiss someone and you're telling me you can't go two weeks without touching him?"

"It's just...fun." Does it make me a bad person to find intimacy fun?

"I may be a garbage human being, but I know if you can tell that someone likes you, you shouldn't use them and make them think you like them just so you can get something from them," he comments and I sigh. Look who's trying to give advice- the high school asshole jock. Oh, how the tables have turned.

"I know..." I grind my hands down my thighs.

"Besides, you're going to have to go two weeks without seeing him. Next week is midterms and the week after is Thanksgiving break. Unless little Eli is going to be meeting the family." I roll my eyes at that proposition.

"So I'm going to have to wait a month?" He offers me a strong bob of his head. "Fine, fine, I can do that." He gives me a dubious look and I tilt my head back and groan.

"What do you like about him?" Dominic questions me as I gaze at the ceiling.

"His mouth," I reply and he laughs.

"You're lucky your first kiss was that good. I was 13 and had no idea what I was doing," he confesses.

"All 13 years olds have no idea what they're doing. But he's 19 and has had experience," I tell Dominic.

"I'm 18 and I have more experience than him." I roll my eyes at him in response.

"You have more experience than anyone." He shrugs before allowing a flirtatious smirk to fall onto his lips.

"I bet ten dollars that my mouth is better than his," he says as he sits up. I glance over at him and find him staring at me with slightly narrowed eyes. It takes me a second to register his gaze as seductive. He slowly traces his lips with his tongue, which sends a storm of bats into my abdomen. As soon as his teeth lightly bite down on his lower lip, I'm exhaling noisily and swinging my feet over the couch.

"That's my cue," I mutter as I prepare to leave. He laughs loudly, beckoning me to come back. "I've got dinner with Kat."

"I hope I didn't scare you off! Have fun," he replies and I wave, trying to calm the butterflies in my gut as I trudge outside.

+++

When I finally make it back to my room for the night, I decide to match my roommate's habits and study some more. This past week, all the time that wasn't spent studying for next week's midterms was spent between Eli and Dominic. And the majority of the time I was with Dominic, I was studying. As for my time spent with Eli, well...I wasn't studying.

I sit down and open my laptop but my mind is elsewhere. I'm too busy thinking about Elias and Dominic and stupid boys. Is this why my parents advised me not to date in high school? I can barely control my thoughts about them. I can't even focus on my schoolwork for ten minutes without thinking about how much I want to kiss Dominic or when the next time I'm hanging out with Elias is going to be.

I exhale and push away from my desk. My eyes fall onto my photo board, which is littered with photos of me and my parents, me and my old high school friends, but mostly photos of me and Dominic. My eyes settle on my favorite and I smile at the memory. It was the day of our senior prom. I wasn't going because most of my friends weren't going, I don't like dancing and I don't like dressing up when it's seen as a competition. He had asked me weeks prior if I was going to show up, to which I told him I wasn't. He insisted that I go and practically begged me for the next three weeks.

When he finally realized I wasn't going, he formally asked me. We were sitting on my couch, watching a movie and he turned to me. His exact words were: "November, will you go to prom with me?" Despite the fact that those were the words I wanted to hear for an extremely long time, I said no, and it was for a multitude of reasons. For one, his friend group had made a very public decision to go to prom alone so his decision to take me to prom would've been broadcasted even more. Not to mention, my friends weren't going so I couldn't hang out with them at all; I'd have to be around his friends the entire time and I wasn't too fond of their comments. In addition, there was a strictly athletes after prom party and Dominic would have insisted that I tag along without realizing that I didn't like parties and that I clearly wasn't an athlete. Not to mention, it was basically a huge drinking fest seeing as they all couldn't do it during the school year.

After I said no, he asked if an elaborate promposal would change my mind. I snorted and shook my head. "I thought so but I figured I'd ask" was his response. We continued watching the movie and he turned to me. "Will you at least hang out with me after prom?" I told him that my parents would never let me out that late, not even on prom night, especially if I wasn't attending the event. I reminded him that I was going to help him get ready but he said he wanted to have memories with me on prom night. He came up with the amazing idea that I should sneak out. Of course I said no.

But because I liked him and because he was so adamant, I changed my mind. Not even level minded Nova could deny him. So after prom, he drove to my house and picked me up. We didn't have many ideas so we decided to just see a movie. As expected, the fancy theater we chose was empty and we sat in the back. He told me that prom wasn't that fun because he also wasn't a dancer and he wanted someone to hang out with while his friends danced with girls. He told me that I'd have made it ten times better, which is one of the most endearing comments he's ever made. One of the most popular boys felt like I would've made a very public event more enjoyable had I been there. I know that's not the healthiest mindset but that's what I saw it as.

He also said that I tied his bow-tie too tight and that he couldn't figure out how to take it off. So, in the dark theater, I undid his bow-tie for him with shaky hands. Of course, the jerk he is; he asked why I was so nervous. I played it off and lied about not wanting to be caught by my mom and dad. He laughed it off but I could tell he was suspicious. While the previews were playing, we kicked back in the reclining chairs and he pulled me onto his chest and took a picture of us. He was kissing my cheek, which completely took me off guard. I think it encompasses our friendship well, which is why I printed it out and pinned it to my stupid memory board.

I take the picture off the wall and smile at it. Looking back, I should've gone to prom. I shouldn't have worried about what others would think. I probably would've had a good time with Dominic and I probably would've had an opportunity to pretend we were dating. Plus, I would've looked good.

I wasn't particularly close to any of my few friends in high school; we kind of hung out only because we were all mathletes and had no one else to sit with during lunch or class. We didn't have much in common. Despite all of that, they were all aware of my crush on Dominic. I never said anything; it was just common knowledge among us. The one I was closest to, a boy named Hansen, told me that I should just go for it and tell him I like him. I thought about it even though I knew I would never, ever say anything.

Dominic was a boy who didn't know what he wanted. He liked girls and he liked being with girls. Everyone knew it. He had standards but at the end of the day, girls were just objects. I was happy that he did not see me in that way. Not once in our friendship did he assume that I was interested in him or had ulterior motives to get with him. Perhaps, going into the friendship, he was under the impression that I was gay. Regardless, he never made any passes at me, aside from the stupid comments he still makes but I summed that up to Dominic being Dominic. Ultimately, he doesn't know how to treat a girl and I'm bound to get hurt if I try to build a relationship with him.

I also valued our friendship too much to ruin it by confessing my feelings. At that point, we'd been friends for two years and I had never had a friend I could talk to so often without seeming annoying. With my other high school friends, I would text them once a week maximum but Dominic would text me everyday. He would initiate hanging out with me as often as he could with his busy schedule. He made it apparent that he cared about me and I valued his friendship so much more than I'd ever valued anyone else's. I didn't want to lose it by telling him that I wanted to be with him as more than a friend.

I also felt as if I wasn't good enough for him. Odd, right? I wasn't good enough for the guy who slept with any girl with big enough boobs and a pretty face? But I see him differently. I was aware of the things he did but the person he portrayed to me was not like that. He was funny and nice and considerate. Not to mention, he's good looking. It was common knowledge then and it is common knowledge now. His skin is the shade of caramel. His hair is curly and brown and sits on his head almost model like and his dark green eyes are cascaded in golden flecks, surrounded by lengthy lashes. His mouth is perfect and it's something I hadn't had much time to examine- only in pictures. If I were to look at his mouth, he'd have pointed it out without question. That's still the case now, actually. But his lips are full and plump and my favorite shade of pink. His teeth are good, not perfect, but the little imperfection adds to his personality.

Still, to this day, I feel as though I'm not exactly good enough for him. Ironically, being friends with him has boosted my confidence substantially but not enough so that I feel like he'd ever look at me like that. Plus, I know it's not good to build your confidence off the backs of other people but it's inevitable when being friends with Dominic. He's my own personal hype man. He tells me I'm beautiful all the time and he even goes beyond the physical characteristics. He tells me that I'm funny and smart and amazing and that any guy would be lucky to have me. But for some reason, I feel as though he's still out of my league, even though he's my best friend.

So, in addition to him being extremely attractive and smart and funny and athletic, I like him because he treats me right. He never hurts me and he cares about me just as much as I care about him. With us, there's no question as to where we stand with each other. If I didn't have feelings for him, it'd be a perfectly healthy, satisfactory friendship. Except I do have feelings for him and he partially eggs it on by flirting with me as often as he does. I just sum it up to Dominic being Dominic and me being dumb.

I pin his picture back to the board and sigh loudly. I need to stop thinking about him. It's not going to happen. I need to get over him and I need to do it now.