I barely make it through syllabus week. The anticipation of all the homework I'll be getting this semester settled on my shoulders like an anvil and crushed me. It also didn't help that Kat basically attacked me the day she got back. She bombarded me with questions about Dominic and everything that happened right before break and during it. I tried to keep her updated through text but it's a little difficult to do a feeling dump through messages. I FaceTimed her a couple times but it was also short lived because she worked very often this break.

I'm not surprised when Dominic calls me after his last class to vent about his day. I pause my Netflix and answer his call. "I hate math." I know that's a lie.

"No you don't." I repress a laugh at how unconvincing he sounded.

"No, I do. It's so frustrating." I listen to him rant for a few minutes.

"It's okay. You're so smart. You can handle it," I assure him.

"You know, all I want to do tonight is go out. I just want to go out and party and have fun." He sighs loudly as if audibly releasing stress.

"Then why don't you?" I'll spend the night watching Netflix.

"You know, I think I might," he concludes. "Do you want to come?"

"Uh..." I would if I wasn't scared of what I might see. The last thing I want to bear witness to is Dominic drunkenly making out with some girl. I can't shake my slight fear that he'll have a little too much to drink and fall back into his old ways. That theory is unrealistic because Dominic rarely, if ever, drinks; therefore he can only fall back into his old ways if he makes the sober decision to, which scares me even more.

"Come on. It'll be fun," he sings. "We can watch West and Jack make fools of themselves."

I sigh and give in. "Sure, why not?"

"I'll find a party for us and I'll text you the details," he ends the conversation. I groan once I hang up and put my head on my pillow. I've been back a week and I'm already making plans to go out and make bad decisions. Perfect.

Dominic arrives at my dorm at roughly 9:00PM to pick me up for the party. I text him that I'll be downstairs in a minute as I assess my outfit in the mirror. I suddenly feel insecure. Am I showing too much skin? My shirt is both low cut and cropped and my jeans are severely ripped. I swallow my nerves and head out. I practically freeze during the walk from my building to Dominic's car, where I tug open the door. I find him staring at me with wide eyes as I get in and buckle my seatbelt.

"Wow." I can't tell if it's a good wow or a bad wow.

"Too much?" I ask nervously.

"No, you look good," he compliments as he assesses my outfit. "Like really good."

"Thanks." My face is red and my stomach butterflies are back to work.

"So, uh, what are your plans for tonight? Are you going to hang out with me and the guys or are you going to go off and do your own thing? Am I allowed to ask that?" he rambles as he drives us to the party.

I laugh at his nervousness. "I'm going to hang out with you guys."

"Good," he quickly replies. "Not that it'd be bad if you went off on your own. I was just saying- you know what? Let's just listen to music."

I chuckle quietly as he turns on the radio. We eventually arrive to the party and West and Jack are already there, waiting inside. Dominic and I enter together and we keep close and search for the guys. We find that they're already in the middle of a game of beer pong. West spots us through the crowd and grins. "Looking hot, Nova. Who are you trying to take home?"

"Ignore him. He's drunk." Jack glances at me before preparing to take his turn. "But you do look nice."

"Thanks." I accidentally brush my arm against Dominic, who glances at me with a small smile.

We stand and watch them play for twenty more minutes before I turn to Dominic. "I have to pee. I'll be back." He gives me a nod as his eyes stay locked on the ball being thrown into the cups.

As I search for the bathroom, I pass through the living room and spot a familiar face. I come to a full stop when my eyes settle on Elias, who's standing in the corner talking to a girl with a cup in his hand. He seems to sense me staring because he abruptly looks up. Our gazes meet and he hesitantly smiles and nods. I match his actions before exhaling deeply and turning to find the bathroom. I'm happy to see he's out and dating again, or at least putting himself out there.

I leave the bathroom and find my old friend standing a few feet away leaning against the wall. He stares at me over the rim of his cup, of which he's taking a long sip. "Hey," he greets me in his familiar deep voice.

"Hi." I rub my elbow with my hand as I stare at him.

"Can we talk?" A group of girls rush between us and I wait for them to get by before answering.

"Yeah." It doesn't seem like a good idea but I go through with it anyway.

Another group passes through and he waits for them to shuffle by to talk. "Somewhere quieter?" I offer another nod.

"Sure," I say. He points in the direction of the living room and we head toward the stairs together. I glance at the people in the kitchen and find Dominic's gaze. His jaw is clenched and his eyes are narrowed as he watches Eli and I travel up the steps. He looks away and I hesitate before continuing to follow Eli.

He doesn't bother going into a room and instead, stops dead in the hallway. "I'd like to start out by apologizing," Eli blurts once he turns to face me. It throws me off. He's apologizing? "I was harsh. I, of all people, should know what it feels like to like someone that does not have those same feelings for me. I was in a relationship like that for a while. Instead of talking things out with you, I let my anger and frustration get the best of me. I'm sorry for that. Though I didn't agree with your coping method, there was a more mature way for me to handle the situation."

I absorb his words and purse my lips. "I should be the one apologizing. What you said before was right- everything, all of it. I should have communicated with you and been honest. I'm sorry I wasn't. There's no excuse for what I did; it was shitty and I wish I could go back and fix things."

"It's okay. I get it. Also, sorry for bombarding your phone with messages. I just missed you and I wanted to fix things." His cheeks go pink as he stares at me nervously. "Also...some of the times I was under the influence so I didn't realize what I did until the next morning."

"It's okay. I would've replied but I didn't want to hurt you more by potentially leading you on." Also, Dominic insisted that he'd be able to move on faster if I didn't entertain him.

"I've moved on...for the most part...but I still want to be your friend. You're funny and smart and just a cool person in general. I think we'd be better friends, anyway. But I get it if you're not interested in that," he rambles just a little.

"I am. Definitely." I don't want him to hate me. Besides I could use more friends.

"Okay, good." He grins at me for a second before he breaks out in slight giggles.

"Are you drunk?" I wear a smile as I acknowledge his glassy eyes.

"No..." he answers before returning the smile. "Kind of."

"I can tell. You're usually a lot shyer." I'm happy to see that he doesn't hate me anymore.

"I know..." he nods at me. "Who did you come with?"

I hesitate before giving him an answer. "Dominic." He lets out a low whistle.

"He hates me, right?" Eli asks with a groan. He reaches his empty hand up to his forehead and gives it a slow massage. "Man, I hadn't even considered the fact that you probably told him."

"He doesn't know the full story," I attempt and Eli nods again.

"So that's a yes for hating me." He offers up a dry laugh and I don't bother lying to him. The last thing I need is for him to drunkenly approach Dominic and attempt to have a conversation.

"He won't do anything." Is that comforting at all?

"He's going to hate you for talking to me, right?" Probably.

"Uh..." He didn't look too happy a few minutes ago.

"That sounds reassuring," Eli chuckles awkwardly. "He's probably waiting down there to punch me in the face."

"He can't get mad at me for talking to you," he definitely will though, "we're friends."

"When you say friends, do you actually mean it? Like are we actually going to hang out? Or are we just going to acknowledge each other in public?" I figure that's a fair question.

"We can hang out." Dominic's face appears in my head and I secretly hope that Eli forgets about this drunken conversation come morning.

"You sure?" His brows are raised and I know it's too late for me to say no.

"Tell you what, we can hang out this week." Dominic is going to hate me.

"I'm holding you to it." He turns his attention to his empty cup.

"I'll let you get more of your drink. I'll go handle Dominic." He gives me a sharp nod as we head back the way we came.

We make our way downstairs and I look around the kitchen. I return to the dining room and find the guys standing off to the side talking quietly. "Hey."

"Did you get lost?" West blurts when he looks up from his phone. "You were gone for like fifteen minutes."

"No," I turn my attention to Dominic now, "I just had a conversation with a friend."

Dominic's eyebrows rise and drop rapidly as he stares at the beer pong game a few feet away. "Oh you didn't miss much," West assures me, not at all aware of the growing tension. "We were actually waiting for you so we could go to the living room. We didn't want you to get lost."

"Let's go then." We head in the direction of the living room, where we pass through the kitchen.

I make an attempt to walk alongside Dominic but he matches Jack's speed, leaving me with West. I huff under my breath as I stare at him. Is he really that mad? We find a spot in the living room where they make small talk. Dominic speaks occasionally and I keep my eyes locked on him but he doesn't bother risking a glance at me. Eventually, West starts bobbing his head to a song playing. He turns to me and grins. "Do you want to dance?"

"I'm not much of a dancer," I excuse in hopes of warding him off.

"Neither is he." Jack takes a long sip from his drink.

"Come on, it'll be fun!" West grabs my hand and I look to Dominic one last time before I'm dragged to the group of dancing people. West dances around me in a completely offbeat manner. It's mostly just him jumping around and trying to incorporate current dance moves into his choreography. I bounce lightly to the beat but spend most of my time watching him. I spot a girl a few feet away dancing similarly to West and I nod over to her.

"Ask her to dance!" I encourage him and he looks in her direction. He turns back to me and nods before approaching the wild girl. I slip away and head back to Jack and Dominic, with the former watching with an entertained look. Dominic, on the other hand, has his eyes locked on his phone. A girl jumps in front of me on the path to the guys and I stare at the back of her head in surprise.

"Hey..." she trails and they both nod at her. I slow to a stop beside Jack, who scrutinizes the girl curiously. "Do you want to dance?"

I follow her line of sight and see that her eyes are focused on Dominic, who blinks a few times. I make eye contact with him and he turns his gaze back on her. I feel my stomach sink as he opens his mouth. "You seem really nice but no thank you," he says and I feel relief well up in my chest like a balloon. Jack quickly jumps in.

"I'll dance with you," he offers and she gives him a half smile before taking his hand. He looks back at us and smirks before trailing closely behind her.

Dominic and I are left standing alone. I turn to him but he averts my gaze, which doesn't really surprise me. "So why didn't you dance with her?" I half expect him to ignore me but I know that he won't.

"Didn't want to." A short and sweet response. I think of a vague reply to give but decide to give up the act. I shift so I'm standing in front of him and he has no choice but to look at me.

"Are you mad at me?" I pucker out my lower lip in hopes that he'll go easy.

He tilts his head a bit. "Mad? No." His head twists from side to side for a brief period before he continues. "Disappointed? Yes."

I sigh loudly and run my hands down the sides of my face. "Dominic, I just talked to him! That's it. We had a quick conversation."

"Was it closure?" he inquires and I bite the inside of my cheek.

"No...we're friends again." I decide not to lie and he looks up at the ceiling and lets out a sad sigh.

"Look Nova, I love you and care about you and I don't like seeing you hurt. And as much as I want to say not to come crying to me when he hurts you again, I won't because you and I both know that I'll be there for you with open arms. I just want you to determine if it's worth it this time." Does he really think I'm going to fall back into Eli's arms or something?

I stare at him with a sad look on my face. "Dominic, he's not going to hurt me." 

"Okay." He gives my face a quick once over and I can tell he's not convinced.

"Dominic-," I start to explain but he shrugs carelessly.

"I said 'okay.' I don't know what else you want me to say," he replies in a tired manner. "You said it yourself anyway. We should keep relationships private."

"Dominic." I tilt my head back in slight disbelief. He's really using my words against me. But I deserve it so I can't really get mad.

"What?" Again, he sounds exhausted.

"Don't be mad at me." We just fixed things. 

"I'm not." The blank expression on his face says otherwise.

"I don't even like him," I insist and Dominic's eyes narrow just a little.

"That didn't stop you before," he mutters, which causes my mouth to drop into a gape. I feel a pang of hurt as I take a step back. He exhales regretfully when he notices the look of shock on my face. "I didn't mean it like that, Nova. I was just saying-."

"You're one to talk. I wasn't aware that you had feelings for the thirty girls you kissed or the fourteen you had sex with." He bites his lip as soon as the words leave my mouth.

"Nova, I didn't mean it like that," he repeats quietly, which only gets a quick head shake from me. That was a low blow and he knows it.

"Whatever, Dominic." I don't feel like entertaining this conversation. It can't possibly go anywhere. No matter what I say, he won't fully understand my reasoning for rekindling my friendship with Eli.

"I don't want to be here anymore." I glance at him and find his gaze elsewhere. I follow it and see Eli making conversation with a different girl than the one from earlier. I bow my head and sigh.

"Then let's leave." I don't bother to make myself sound nice or kind or caring. I just want to get back to my room and sleep.

There's nothing left to be said so he takes his keys from his pocket and leads the way outside. He twirls them around his finger as I walk ahead and towards the car. I get in, buckle my seatbelt, and wait for him to take us back. We drive in silence for a few minutes before he speaks up. "Nova..."

"What?" I lay my head against the headrest with closed eyes.

"I just don't want you to get hurt again," Dominic attempts and I feel my anger threatening to escape. It's not his fault that I didn't tell him the truth; I just wish he'd stop being so insistent on me not getting hurt. I'm well aware of his reasoning; he doesn't need to repeat it whenever Eli comes up in conversation.

"I don't want to talk about it." Please just drop it.

"No because he put all of the blame on you when he wasn't doing everything right, either." I can tell that he's about to go on a full blown tangent so I cut him off. I open my eyes and turn to face him.

"Dominic...you don't know the full story." My words come out a little harsher than intended.

"I don't?" he responds as he glances at me with slightly wide eyes. I can tell he's growing irritated now, too. "Tell me then."

"No. Can we just drop it?" I rub my temples with my index fingers but he doesn't let it go so easy.

"Then why mention it?" he presses with a hint of anger in his voice. "If you're not going to tell me, then why bring it up?"

"Forget it." I tried to end this conversation before it could even start but now his feelings are hurt.

"No, seriously, Nova," he continues to demand.

"I said forget it," I reiterate.

"Now I'm curious. What don't I know? What aren't you telling me?" he hounds, which only causes my jaw to clench tighter.

I exhale slowly in an attempt to calm myself down. "We agreed to keep relationships private."

"Good thing you two are just friends now, right? Then again, who knows? Definitely not me because you clearly don't tell me shit!"

I don't say anything in response. I feel tears welling up in my eyes and I want to scream at myself for letting them form. That's me- Nova, the emotional wreck. This is such a stupid argument. I really shouldn't be as mad as I am but I can't help it when it comes to Dominic. It's not that big of a deal. I turn my gaze out the window in an attempt to mask the tears threatening to fall.

"The silent treatment, Nova? Real mature..." I stare out the window and see the familiar buildings. I narrow my eyes at the street name and realize we're venturing into Eli's neighborhood.

"Stop the car." I sniffle a bit and he finally stops yelling.

"What?" His voice quickly returns to normal upon my sudden request.

"Stop the car," I repeat.

"No," he denies as if it was a stupid request to make.

"Stop the car or I'll jump out," I threaten. I won't jump out. I'm not that much of an idiot.

"No. It's dark. I'll drop you off at your dorm."

"Dominic, stop the car," I snap.

"No, November," he answers sternly, "we're not even remotely close to your building. I don't care how mad you are at me; it's not safe for you to be walking around this late, especially not in this area. There are drunk guys everywhere. No."

"Stop the fucking car, Dominic." I grip the door handle tightly.

"No," he repeats as he speeds towards my building. I see a yellow light flashing at the upcoming street and I watch as it turns red. He glances at me and the car slows to a stop. I take advantage of the moment and unbuckle my seatbelt. "Nova, come on."

I open the door and he reaches for my hand, grasping it in his own. I don't bother looking at him and instead, shake myself from his grip. I noisily slam his door and look around. I'm grateful for the timing of the red light. This is the corner Eli's apartment is on. I cross the street and gaze up at it, praying he's home already. I take my phone from my pocket and text him to find out.

Dominic maneuvers the car out of the lane and into an empty spot out front. He jogs across the street after me with his hands shoved in his pockets. I look at my phone screen and find Eli's response. He tells me he's home and I quickly text back asking him if we can hang out now. Once I press send, I allow my watering eyes to fall on Dominic, who approaches me slowly. "Can you please get in the car?" He's no longer yelling.

"No." My phone buzzes in my hand.

"Nova, it's not a good idea to be walking around this late," he cautions quietly.

"I'm not walking anywhere," I respond with my arms crossed tightly over my chest.

His eyebrows shoot up as he assesses my face hopefully. "Are you going to get in the car?" 

"No." I stare at the entrance to Eli's apartment. Realization suddenly hits him as he looks at the building. As if on cue, Elias appears in the doorway. He's wearing nothing but sweatpants, which causes Dominic's face to fall flat.

"Wow, Nova..." he trails as he purses his lips and stares at me for a few seconds.

"I'm...just going to stay here tonight; that way, I don't have to walk anywhere or sit in a car where you're yelling at me," I reply as I swallow the emotions threatening to spill out.

His eyes settle on the ground before he slowly nods and backs up. "Whatever, November."

I watch as he gets into his car. There's a minute long pause before he pulls onto the road and speeds off, causing my stomach to drop. I turn to find Eli holding open the door for me, staring with an apologetic look on his face. "Hey..." I walk past him.

"Hi," I mumble. His eyes flit between both of mine and a small frown makes its way onto his face.

"Are you okay?" I walk alongside him to the elevators.

"Yeah," I sniffle. "We were just...arguing."

"My shirtlessness probably didn't help the situation," he comments, which earns a quick shrug from me. "I just...puked on myself."

He wears a look of embarrassment and I offer him a forced smile. "I'm sorry for dragging you into that," I apologize as I rub my arm. He presses the button to the elevator and we wait for it to reach us.

"It's okay," he responds as he leans against the wall. "Is it just me or is everything spinning?"

"Just you, bud." I assist him onto the elevator. As it jolts upward, he grits his teeth and holds his stomach. "Hold on- just a few more floors."

We reach his floor and he practically sprints out of the elevator, barely avoiding a collision with the wall. He shoves open the door to his apartment and I follow him, kicking off my shoes and closing the door as he goes to puke. He returns a few moments later to find me sitting on his couch with my phone in my hands. The entire time he was gone, I was staring at my conversation with Dominic. I asked him if he made it back safely. He sped off pretty fast and he's a reckless driver in general, more so when he's mad. I checked all of his social media and found that he was active within the last two minutes so he's just ignoring me.

"How are you?" I ask the dizzy boy as he drops onto the couch beside me.

"My mouth tastes like mouthwash and throw up," he confesses. "I'm never drinking again."

"Who brought you back?" He definitely did not drive himself here, that's for certain.

"My friend Dan," he answers with a sigh. "So are you and Dominic a thing now?"

I stare at him in surprise. What a quick change in topic. "No." I turn my head to face the ceiling.

"That didn't sound too certain," he teases.

"We're not, Eli." There's no way I'm telling him anything. That'd be a real piece of shit move whether he moved on or not. I'm trying to learn from my mistakes.

"He must like you or something," he mutters. "He wouldn't hate me this much if he didn't like you."

"He thinks you're going to hurt me," I reiterate with a dramatized roll of my eyes. "No, actually he thinks that we're going to fall back into our old pattern and that I'm going to sleep with you. And then you're going to hurt me."

"Why does it matter to him who you sleep with?" He stares at me in a slightly confused daze.

"Because he thinks I'm going to break and that he's going to be left to pick up the pieces." I look at Eli, who slowly nods.

"Ah....well, you're allowed to sleep with whoever you want." I laugh at his words of encouragement.

"I know, Eli."

"Even me." This gets a surprised look from me. "Oh no, did that sound creepy? I didn't mean it like that. I meant it because I'm the last person Dominic would want you to sleep with. So it was kind of a spectrum thing; I was on the far end while he'd be on the opposite side, you know? That doesn't mean I'd be opposed to it, though. Wait now I just sound like even more of a creep, huh?"

I laugh loudly as a disappointed sigh escapes his lips. "You're doing fine, Eli," I comfort him.

"You know, during break I talked to some friends from home and realized I'm missing out on a lot of fun experiences the average college student has. So I've decided to not seek out a relationship. I'm more on the whatever happens, happens page and if I find someone that shares the same beliefs as me, then great. But I'm not limiting myself to people who are only looking for something serious." I'm surprised he managed to say all that without going off on a tangent.

"Your perspective has changed a lot in these last couple weeks, huh?" I watch as he raises and drops his shoulders.

"If I'm being honest, you caused it," he blames and I furrow my brows.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. What I had with you felt good. I don't know if this is weird to say, but then again I'm saying a lot of weird things tonight... What we had was kind of...addicting." I don't even want to know what he means by that.

"That's good to know..." Except not really.

"I feel like I'm giving off a really creepy vibe but I don't mean it," he sighs anxiously.

"Eli, you're okay." He's even more nervous when drunk.

"Do you want to sleep here tonight?" he questions before groaning. "It's literally like my brain is spewing out creep phrases one after the next."

"Actually, would I be able to sleep here?" When he absorbs my words, he seems satisfied that I don't find him creepy.

"Of course. Let me get you a blanket." He jumps up before quickly sitting down. He clutches his stomach and glances at me. "I'm never drinking again."

He hastens over to the bathroom and I turn my attention to my phone. He still hasn't texted me back. I send a follow up text, which consists of a few question marks. It doesn't surprise me that he hasn't replied. He'll probably text me tomorrow morning after he goes to the gym and gets his anger out. I purse my lip as I lock my phone and put it in my pocket. Eli returns ten minutes later with a pillow and a blanket. He drops them onto the couch beside me and gives me a small smile.

"I would offer you to sleep in my bed but this is where friends sleep when they spend the night...friend." He sighs noisily as his shoulders fall into a slump. "I'm doing the creepy thing again, huh?"

"Just a little." I offer him a comforting laugh.

"I also brought you a shirt. The one you're wearing looks good and everything but it doesn't look like an ideal pajama." He tosses a folded up t-shirt at me.

"Thanks," I mumble as I hold it in my hands. "You should go to bed. Sleep on your side so you don't choke on your vomit."

"Thanks for the advice," he responds as he turns and heads towards his bedroom. I lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling. This is the last place I thought I'd end up tonight.

+++

I wake up the following morning to the smell of food being made. I practically jolt awake when I realize that it's actual food and not dining hall mush. I see Eli, freshly showered and dressed for the day, making a meal.

I look at the time on my phone and see that it's barely 9. I also note that there's not a single text from Dominic. "Morning!" Eli chirps. I watch him with a confused look on my face.

"Aren't you hungover?" I slowly get up and approach the kitchen, where he's standing and shaking his head.

"No, which is why I'm so happy," he responds as he flips a pancake in the pan. He does it like a chef, using the actual pan and not a spatula. "I hope you like chocolate chip pancakes."

"I do," I mumble as I sit down on the stool.

"Good." I check my phone again to see if I happened to miss it. I look at my messages: one from my mom, one from Maritza, one from Kat. I see a couple social media notifications and frown when I see that my original conclusion was right; there's nothing from Dominic. I sigh and turn my attention back to Eli, who seemed to have noticed my sadness.

"Have you talked to him at all?" He looks from me to the pancake he's making.

"No. I texted him last night but he never replied." I stare at our conversation before locking my phone and pushing it away from me.

"Are you going to text him again?" he wonders and I give a weak shrug.

"I think he hates me," I clarify quietly. Eli snorts as he adds the third pancake to the plate. He starts working on a forth after he pushes the dish over to me, insisting that I dig in. I wait with intentions of eating the meal with him.

"He definitely does not hate you," Eli assures me. "I do think you should talk to him, though."

"I'm not apologizing," I announce with a sense of finality.

He squints as he stares at the pan. "Okay, I'm blanking. Did you tell me last night what the argument was about?" 

"You." I break off a piece of the top pancake and nibble at it. When I find that he's staring at me with a slightly intrigued but also nervous expression, I decide to further explain. "He was disappointed in me for talking to you. He said you were going to hurt me again. I asked if we could drop it but he refused. Then I got fed up and told him that he can't have an opinion because he doesn't know the full story. From there it went to him getting mad that I wouldn't tell him. More arguing. I threatened to jump out of his moving car."

"Jeez," he mumbles as he flips the pancake. "Maybe start out with a discussion and see where that gets you."

"There's not much to talk about. I can't tell him the real reason why things ended between me and you. And I'm definitely not going to make up another lie." That'd get me into some deeper stuff than I'm already in.

"Yeah, telling him would be very awkward." Someone understands. I give him a slow and exaggerated nod in response.

"Can we talk about something else?" I blurt when I realize how this might be making him feel. "I just want to enjoy these delicious looking pancakes and this topic of conversation won't allow for that."

I eat breakfast with Eli and then try to see myself out. He insists on dropping me off back at my dorm and I don't fight it too much. We don't bother making conversation in the car ride and let the music fill in for us. We slowly reach my dorm building and I turn to him with a half smile. "Thanks for being there for me last night, Eli."

"Anytime." It sounds genuine and I appreciate it.

"I'll see you around." He calls out to me through the window.

"You should talk to him, Nova!"

"Bye, Eli!" I dismiss him, which earns a laugh in response. He drives away and I sigh. Oh how the tables have turned.