A wind which is blowing in the opposite direction to the direction of movement or flight.

* * *

I don't know how long it had been that I remain right there. By the time that my throat is already sore and I can no longer shed any tears, I only turn to Pedro and request for some water and clean cloth. I know that it is strange, but I know that it is something that I must do. After all, I can't leave and just let go; and if this nightmare continues, I'll need to preoccupy myself with other things aside from grief alone... or else, I know that I'll lose myself.

A few minutes later, Pedro indeed returns with what I've requested. He seems to realize what I am planning to do that he manages to fetch a basin of water, placing it just right next to me before he excuses himself. Before leaving though, he tells me, "It is a gruesome sight, (Y/N). Ang sabi nila, tama raw sa ulo at sa tiyan noong nag-ground strafed 'yong isang Zero. Kaya..."

When I've somehow calmed down earlier, I only hold on to César's hand, my fingers gingerly and absent-mindedly playing with that bracelet of his, and stare at his otherwise calm face. I didn't know that death can be so peaceful for others; and his preparedness for it despite too many dreams unfulfilled seems to lead to such. So, without even looking back at Pedro, my mind ever so sure since I've made the request, I tell him, "Kaya ko. Or rather... Kailangan kong gawin."

Finding it to be the end of the conversation, he finally leaves me alone as some sort of privacy more than anything else. Just thinking of considering it as 'privacy' doesn't feel right at all; when I am in the midst of too many dead bodies right now, only to be reminded where I am with the shuffling presence of other soldiers moving in and out with the ordeals of the dead. But, somehow, it gives me some chance to be truly alone with attending to César.

Dipping in the towel to the water and wringing it enough, I head on to wipe away the dirt and blood on his face, igniting the paleness and colorless of his skin right now. His hair had been matted with dried blood, and when I reach out to find where the wound may be, I come across to a soft flesh that cuts through his temple that definitely causes all of the blood in the first place. It had been a graze that it didn't fully destroy his face that I've admired and loved. I know what a bullet can do, especially from that of a plane; and if he had been hit anywhere else, it will definitely be much worse to deal with. I also continue on wiping every strand of his hair that with the lack of blood circulating, whatever remaining that had been drained out, is gone; the injury ceased bleeding and remains as a skinless muscle.

Afterwards, I bite my lower lip hard enough to taste the rustiness of my own blood, knowing fully that I'll be needing to deal with seeing the extent of his injuries that definitely killed him. I doubt that it is all that just as Pedro had mentioned; because, if that had been the case, they could've brought him to the medical bay for an immediate surgery. However, they didn't. It is wrong of me to deduce that it had been because Victor won't let him go or what. I know that what he did is to remain right there until César's last moments. Though I may be jealous of him, I know that I shall be thankful that he had been there for him to the end.

The khaki flight suit had absorbed most of the blood that one will actually think that it had been red all along. The absence of his cloth helmet, goggles, scarf and leather jacket seems to denote that those aren't on his person at the time that he was ground strafed; and if those ever do, even those items will be bathed in blood, too. The buttons of the flight suit are already undone, that as I untie the belt and unzip it down until his waist, I realize that there's only three bullet holes through the front of the flight suit, but his entire body is dipped in blood that the fabric sticks against his skin as I slowly removes it.

I gulp in hard and blink fast enough to stop myself from losing it all over again. Imagining the pain of receiving such wounds makes me wonder how such a strong man as him can be reduced to nothing by it all. The three bullets received from the front hit him squarely on the chest, except for one by the left side of his stomach. Blood flow had long ago stop that when I brush the wet towel, already marked red, it had been easy to clean him down. However, he'll actually not be very much cleaned up by me, as even in my strength, I'll not be able to take hold of him to work on with his back.

Suddenly, I stop at once when a set of footsteps halt just across from me. At that, I look up to figure out who it could be; and I come face-to-face with Lieutenant Victor Osias himself.

He looks calmer this time, compared to when I've earlier seen him. However, his eyes are red, and whatever vibrance I know of him is no longer present this time. It seems like a part of him had died, and now that I've seen it up close, I realize that it isn't only him—even Pedro has that look earlier. Perhaps, I am the one who've been so caught up with my own grief that I didn't realize that there are also others who are taking this quite of a huge blow. And somehow, I am thankful of them that they allow me to mourn much more than anyone of them does.

I didn't say anything, and I am the first one to look away, turning back to César as I start to think of a way on how I'll be able to continue with cleaning off the rest of the blood from that one behind him. Finally, having made the decision, I reach out for César's motionless body, almost putting all of my strength to pull his dead frame against that of mine. It surprises me a little on how much of his weight is heavily on me, and thankfully, rigor mortis is yet to settle; once more reminding me that it hadn't been quite too long since I've lost him. Slowly, with a little struggle, I pull his arms out of the flight suit's sleeves, baring them down until the waist with how much worst the back of his clothes had absorbed most of the blood, the fabric sticking and, at the same time, be almost shredded with who knows how many of the bullets he received.

Victor gasps rather loudly, certainly seeing for himself right now the extent of the injuries that he didn't think earlier on to be all that. But he didn't say anything else.

Holding on to César, I once more continue with my chosen work of dipping the stained towel to the red water and wringing it, then start once again to brush away the blood. It is a little struggle as I can't see properly if I've completely cleaned him up. Until then...

"Allow me," Victor says, addressing me as he crouches slowly and offers a hand to me.

I look back at him, and my arms around César suddenly tightens, almost in a protective manner that I want to do all of it on my own.

He gulps in hard, realizing my message. "You just hold on to him. Ako na ang bahala sa mga hindi mo magawang linisin, (Y/N). Paniguradong mas gugustuhin ni César na iyon ang gawin mo."

I instantly bite my lower lip as I suppress another onslaught of tears threatening to fall. I fail, and he takes the towel from my shaking hands. I close my eyes, letting the tears fall once again, as I hold on to César much more, a hand of mine lost in the strands of his hair, and I press my cheek against his temple.

"Nasabihan ako na pareho tayong pinainom ng pangpakalma," starts Victor, definitely hating the silence between us right now. "Pero... alam ko na hindi iyon sapat para pawiin ang sakit ng pagkawala niya para sa iyo."

I bite my lower lip and didn't answer to that.

"Panigurado nasabihan ka na rin ng iba kung anong nangyari. Pero kailangan kong sabihin sa iyo ng personal kung ano ang nakita ko."

"Hindi kailangan, Victor."

"Nakalapag pa ang eroplano niya, tapos biglang may dumating na Zero, tapos..."

"Victor..."

"That Jap ground strafed him, (Y/N). Ng walang kalaban-laban, ganoon kadali sa kanila ang kumitil ng buhay, tapos... Tapos nandoon ako at kahit sino pa man 'yon, alam kong kailangan ko siyang tulungan. Hindi... Hindi ko pa nga inakala na si César 'yon, pero noong nagkatagpo kami, doon ko napagtanto na siya pala iyon. At..." He sighs heavily and mutters, "Putangina. Alam kong walang magagawa ang paghingi ko ng paumanhin sa iyo sa nangyari pero—"

"Victor," I interrupt him and open my eyes. My vision is blurred with tears, but I know that he is also looking at me with a sob of his own as it had been audible in his voice. "Naiintindihan ko, at wala kang kasalanan. Kaya hindi mo kailangan humingi sa akin ng patawad dahil sa nangyari."

"(Y/N)..."

"Ako nga... Ako nga ang dapat magpasalamat sa iyo."

"Para saan naman?"

"Dahil dinamayan mo siya hanggang sa huli. Dahil... Dahil wala ako sa tabi niya no'n." I take a shaky breath and my hand on his hair trails the still sticky and dry strands. "Alam ko na... maraming beses na rin sumagi sa isipan ni César ang tungkol sa kamatayan. Na ang lungkot mamatay na mag-isa. Mabuti na lamang at hindi naging ganoon sa kanya. Na kahit sa huli man ay hindi niya linisan ang mundo na mag-isa. And he's finally home and at peace. Right here. He's finally right here with me."

Both of us are quiet at the moment; or rather, he didn't say anything at once as I break down to small sobs another time. The pain, still so raw, eats me up from the inside. That the more time passes, the more the truth of César gone drills so deeply into my soul.

"I know that," remarks Victor a minute later, "That his last thoughts had been of you. Hindi man malaman ng buong mundo, pero alam naming buong Sixth Pursuit Squadron, kung gaano ka niya kamahal. Hanggang huli." He stops for a second, breathes in and out heavily, and adds, "(Y/N). That's his last word, (Y/N). In the end, it is your name that left along with his last breath."

I turn away from Victor at that and press my lips against César's temple. I am not too self-confident of myself that his dying moments will be of me, but it is strange to find out that he really keeps to the end of the bargain with his promises that he'll love me until the end. Then, again, it only hurts me more that I'll forever, throughout my lifetime, hope to keep his memory alive and also equally do the same. And looking at it now, realizing how his body is riddled with bullets and still manage to make it to reach Victor... it is enough proof that César actually has a very strong will to survive, until it had been too much for him to actually hold on to.

In the end, even love isn't strong enough to save him.

"Na..." I begin and stammer in shifting the conversation. "Nasabihan na ba ang mga magulang niya sa kung anong nangyari?"

The thought of imagining that the news had been received by his parents seem to prick me so much, too. I remember that time that his mother almost begged him not to go, causing for her to stop me as well; and, looking back at it right now, it had been the last time that they've seen him so alive and well, isn't it? How much more will they then take this news that here he is right now, in my arms, dead and gone?

"Oo," answers Victor before looking elsewhere and placing back the towel to the basin, having finished the rest of the cleaning.

I take a quick look of César's back filled with too many bullet marks that he almost appears to be of sinews alone from such view, and I immediately turn my attention away to where Victor has his eyes at. Even from afar, I realize that standing just close to the entrance had been Lieutenants Urbano Caldoza and Horacio Farolan, the latter even holding a make-shift stretcher with them.

"At pinapakuha na nila siya," he adds and turns back to me. "César is gone, (Y/N). It's time to let go."

"Hindi... Hindi ko kaya."

"(Y/N)."

"N-Not yet. Just... Not yet."

I don't know how long that they allow me to. But even that moment hadn't been long enough. It will never be; however, it is one of the first steps I need to take.

I need to accept it, and let go.

* * *

After a doctor has a quick check of me due to the still prevalent shock, he addresses me that I need to rest, and pushing me to the limits right now is not ideal, or else I'll be finding myself as one of the patients, too, than to be of any help to anyone. With that, I've been relieved of any further duties until I am cleared that I am all fine. Strange that I'll be alright in the future, when I feel right now that I'll never be.

My hands and arms are caked with blood and dirt, and even my dress had been marred with that; most of it had been from that of César's. And I don't even care, knowing that this will be the closest I can have of him now. It is weird for anyone who'll be hearing it, but for me, these markings aren't even too close to those that take César from me in this life.

Outside the medical bay, I notice the presence of familiar people gathered. I didn't expect meeting them here, very much not to see them so distraught as well. By the way things appear, it seems like they just recently arrived or learned of whatever news that they definitely heard by now.

"Putangina!" Manuel shouts amidst the otherwise stillness of it all; along with him had been Godofredo, who is crouching low as he leans against the wall, and Capt. Villamor and Bartolome, who are just standing close by with the latter bearing the news. Manuel continues with his outburst, kicking off the earth in anger, as he screams another time, now with an audible conjuncture of sobs, "Tangina!"

I bite my lower lip, and as I dare to draw closer to them, I hint that they also recognize my presence, causing them to only look at me, surely without any idea on how to address me. It appears right now like even my own name is something that they've forgotten... or that it will taste foul to address me when I am very much attributed to the reason of this grief.

"(L/N)," Capt. Villamor is the one who addresses me and breaks the silence itself. "Tungkol kay César—"

I shake my head, interrupting him. I have enough of hearing others saying their apologies to me for the lost. I have enough of finding finality to the truth that he is gone; I do not need any further reminders of that, especially right now that it is slowly sinking in to me that there are others also mourning for him. Instead, I tell him at once, "His parents already asked for his body. He's no longer with the others."

"(Y/N)," Godofredo calls for me from where he is seated.

I want to ask them what originally happened. I know, before separating ways with César just a day ago, that he was promised not to be part of any engagement against the enemies. That after just the delivery of the plane back to Batangas, he'll be off soon to return to Manila by road. I am very curious of what led him to be on a plane and then be here and... I know full well that César will hate me to accuse someone about how his demise had been; he had always been prepared of it, and it had been his underlying reminder every single time—that, if ever flying costs him his life, all of us must know that he died doing something he loves.

Ironically, it isn't like that. Though just close to that, at least.

"Wala naman akong magagawa tungkol doon," I add and instantly lower my head. "Hindi lang ako ang nawalan. At... kung papahintulutan niyo akong iwan kayo rito. Nasabihan akong magpahinga, at alam kong iyon lamang ang maitutulong ko ngayon."

Even though they didn't keep me from heading away, Capt. Villamor still insists as he calls for me, "(L/N)."

I stop for a moment, but I didn't look back at him, even if it is too impolite of me.

"Though we won't be able to understand," he continues. "Alalahanin mo kung ano ang sinabi ko sa iyo noon. You're not the only one in pain."

"We're not so eager to die than you think of us, (L/N)," he once told me back then, and I know it to be the truth.

* * *

I want to escape all of these things. I want to leave and be far away from here. I want to find a world where none of this is real. I want to wake up from this nightmare.

However, when I manage to have a nap alone, and still wake up feeling and seeing all the emptiness that this world had left on its mark... I realize that the worst of my fears had slapped me right across my face.

I dreaded this happening: I couldn't wake up.

* * *

Teaser for the next chapter:

"Additionally..." He turns over the bag and at the bottom of it, with a few stains of blood on the paper, my name is visibly written on it. "I think he wanted you to have it, first and foremost. But if you don't want to, we can send it to his parents once we've completely prepared everything else. With the number of the dead continue piling, it could take—"
"I'll take it."

* * *

A/N: Vote, comment and share! Whatever you do means a lot to me, and I am really wishing for some feedback!
Three chapters remaining, and a very happy birthday to my Maman who've been, with my Papa, had been my greatest supporters when it comes to flying. I could say that a part of César's mother's personality was actually based from my dear Maman; one great similarity of theirs was my Maman's prayers whenever I am to fly and especially when I am to take my CAAP skill tests.
But then... what do you think of such a cliffhanger of a chapter? Waiting for a twist like that of DR? Well, here we finally are~
And also, who do you envision to be a good casting for César, if ever a movie about him or anyone from the Sixth Pursuit Squadron would be made? I suddenly remember what our late friend told us when we've been together during that Valentine's Day trip at Villamor Air Base. He said that Mikael Daez might do the job based on physique... or anyone else?
Once more, ever since writing the two chapters before the titular chapter, it had been an easy writing for me but a hard one that had made me emotional and double check it for the feels if it would be natural of a drama or not. I wonder if I also made a good job on that one. 🫣✌🏻🥹

A few list of notes/flight trivia to share!
1. Aftermath of the battle over Batangas. Aside from the too many stories regarding Basa's demise, there had been a consistency concerning those of the Sixth Pursuit Squadron who've been with him during the fight. Addition to the already mentioned ones from the previous chapter of Lt. Mondigo being surrounded by gulok-wielding Batangueños, Capt. Villamor and Lt. Juliano safely landed their planes at Zablan Field, the previous landed momentarily at Batangas after the fighting to see the damage before flying to Manila. Lt. Conde also landed his burning plane at Zablan Field, too, and immediately abandoned the plane as it burned. Lt. Aclan landed at Maniquis Field; and only a day later were the Sixth Pursuit Squadron informed that he was there. The rest learned of Basa's death as they were informed by those at Nichols Field, heading then to that respective airfield. For the case with the Japanese, they've successfully invaded Legazpi with forces from Palau.

Chapter title: Headwind. There was a respective quote by Henry Ford that we pilots correlate to life's challenges: "When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it." It is true that wind is an important aspect in aviation; hence, the presence of wind cones in the vicinity. Headwind is the wind blowing against; while tailwind is the wind blowing from behind, and crosswind is the wind blowing against the side. Planes takeoff and land against the wind because it creates much needed lift; in takeoff, for planes to reach a respective airspeed for airborne; and in landing, for planes to retain necessary lift in much slower speed. Tailwind is also beneficial especially during cruising as it leads to shorter time travel. Anyway, with how the chapter had been right now, headwind is like the challenge that the Reader and everyone else are experiencing. It is a powerful reminder that challenges and obstacles are not meant to stop them but to propel them forward.

Follow me on twitter @23meraki for more updates and trivia. ;)
#CFBArtificialHorizon