What is really going on inside César's mind at that moment?  Here's an eleven-page version of Chapter 20: Line of Position from where it was left of as narrated by César.

A/N: Again, like from the previous bonus chapter, it is still not as explicit as you might be expecting, but this is much more in details that if you'll be squinting much more, you'll certainly say that this version of his is quite much more something than the said chapter or even the extended version itself!

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Taking the load of a three-days suspension is a huge blow. It is definitely one thing to be furious about. But another thing makes me see that it is not just a reflection for me to understand what I did wrong; but to also view its context to how it affects the things—the people—that truly matters.

It is easy to be selfish and live in the delusion that everyone else will understand. That the very people I care most in the world will understand and support me with my decisions, even in the matter of life and death. But, as I define it, it is really easy to call it everything as selfish... then of idiocy and carelessness.

As a pilot, hours of flying already makes me ready of every possible outcome. It is a career not for anyone wishing to have a fruitful life in the future. It is for adventurers, those who want to tease and defy death every single time for the thrill, and those who have nothing to lose.

I remember what Mama told me when I said that I want to be a pilot. She said, "I don't want my son to die young."

But then, I'll look up. I often find myself staring at the sky. They say that I must keep my eyes on the ground. Why? Because it gives me ideas.

It is hard to be selfless. But I'll definitely do anything just for the happiness of the people I love. Definitely anything for her.

"I was never the one you ever most loved," she harshly states. She regards me once more, her face now blank and devoid of emotion. "Hindi mo kailangan magpaliwanag sa akin tungkol doon. Naiintindihan ko iyon, César. Hindi naman ako tanga. I am not naive enough to not realize when I am not wanted."

I hate how closed off she can be within a matter of seconds. I hate how she can cut everything I love about her, out of her words and face. Because it feels like I am speaking to a stranger.

And those words of hers sting like nothing I had felt before.

I am somehow glad that she is already turning away when she said that last statement. That she didn't see the flinch that flicker across my face. I am in such a point of whether to let her be... or, for once, be selfish.

There is another path of a pilot's selfishness than that of that thirst for flight. The selfishness of wanting, that after dancing with death, we will still make it back alive—walk out of such landing and play another melody for the next appointment.

So... why are we then making a bet with death when we're scared of dying? To make us feel more alive.

My decision is clear, no matter how selfish it is of me, and instantly I am chasing after her. I reach her, grab her shoulder and turn her around to take her jaw and kiss her, pressing her back against the wall.

I can feel her body instantly responding, flowering with a tug of desire and a hint of surprise. I've been assured of it when she presses herself against my body as her fingers grasps my uniform as I kiss her urgently. She gasps for air in between the searing kisses. And when my teeth catch her lower lip, the sweetest sound I ever heard in my life departs her stinging lips.

I repeat the action as I clutch her jaw, but this time, I urge her lips apart and sweep my tongue into hers, exploring and tasting all I can.

She trembles against me as my tongue pushes against her and coaxes it into a dance. I further tug at her lips, devouring every sound she makes, and hold her against me in fear that she'll disappear if I let her go.

Both of us are gasping for air when we pull away, but I didn't let her go far as I rest my forehead against hers and my fingers caress her cheek. When I draw my thumb down the beautiful contours of her cheek and touch her swollen lip, I can sense her shiver of delight. But it is not enough consolation as I sigh dejectedly, knowing that now that I had a taste of her in such a desperate connection, I will never rid myself of my feelings and will forever be this selfish for her.

"I have never craved affection until I tasted yours," I mumble, consumed by the feeling of her body fitting so perfectly within my arms. "And now I fear what I would be without it."

"What is that craved affection, César?" she inquires in between heavy breathing.

I don't know what to say, lost in her beautiful eyes.

She prompts me for an answer. "What is that craved affection, Lieutenant César Basa?"

My eyes tighten at that, feeling that provocation I've been so eager to take. Given that it is what she wanted, for... If she had asked, I'll be hers.

"I shall make this clear only once, (Y/N)," I speak after weighing the last of my options; my free-hand falling across her lower back, pulling her against my body. "Alam ko na pinangako na natin ang ating mga sarili para sa isa't isa, pero... kung ikaw ay talagang mapapa-akin, sa akin ka lamang. Your kisses will be mine. Your body will be mine. Your pleasure will be mine. Your sound of ecstasy will be mine. Your everything will be mine." My hand presses against her lower back, and even in the darkness, I can see how her cheeks flush red. "And if I kiss you again, right here... right now, I don't think I'll be able to stop myself. At ngayong sinabi ko ang lahat ng iyon sa iyo... Ngayong alam mo na ang lahat-lahat ng iyon, do you still wish to be all mine, (Y/N)?"

A moment seems to be the time it takes for her to ponder on what to do next. The next thing I know, she is staring right at me, kisses me on the corner of my lips and whispers, "Would that make me yours?"

The breath that I've been holding on had been released. The worry and weight on my shoulders are lifted by that small and almost innocent inquiry that I can't help smiling. "Mine."

"Yours," she replies.

I release my hold of her and take the back of her neck, closing those last millimeters between her lips to take her desirous mouth once more. My desire to consume her with all of my love and adoration is pushing at the bounds of my own control. It takes every ounce of my very being to not surge forward and devour her too close to an animalistic carnal hunger.

(Y/N) softly moans in response to my action. If I can hear that lovely sound on repeat, I will.

I kiss her much harder, nipping and tugging at her lower lip until her moans turn to whimpers, sweeping into her mouth and curl my tongue around hers.

She instantly places her hands on my chest. Rather than push me off, her fingers dug into the soft material of my flight suit, and pull me closer. Her breathing is ragged and shallow against my lips, but she kisses me back with ardent need.

I couldn't help myself but to wound my fingers into her hair and press her lips against mine with bruising force. I want to taste and have everything of her. It is so consuming that I feel I'll end up insane if I don't.

She almost wilts on my arms when we pull away from one another and I look back at her with lust-filled eyes. I can feel the heat rippling beneath (Y/N)'s skin and the way her head is slightly thrown back in rapture only feed my desire for her. Her lips, her flesh... all of her is begging for my touch, for my love.

I shift my grasp on her body and lead the two of us to the bedroom we've shared sleeping, but now worthy of bearing witness to the holiness and divinity of her nakedness, of her sounds of ecstasy. It is all for me. My fingers catch the line of buttons down her back, tugging them that the clasps break, piece by piece loosening and falling to the ground. The moment I realize just how easily accessible her bare skin is, my fingers tear the fabric from her.

And I am immediately awarded with a delighted gasp. She takes my face in her hands and presses her lips against mine once more; both of us are hungrily kissing one another, teasing each other and swallowing the moans one make at the soft touch of our fingers against burning skin.

I guide her body against the soft sheets after ripping her clothes free from her body, discarded and instantly forgotten before it even fluttered to the floor. I watch her be embarrassed and insecure, and her cheeks are blazing. My eyes wander everywhere and nowhere, I husk, "I have never encountered such perfection until you, my love."

"Oh!" she gasps as I press my lips against her skin, traveling all over her bare form that only makes her grip on my hair turn sharper.

My heart flutter, overflowing with happiness as my tongue continue teasing her. Not only did she looks so ethereal stretched out beneath me, but the sounds she make are also of pure ecstasy. She moans ever so softly and shifts her body to mine, pressing against my still fully clothed body. And her soft sound full of need is like a drug to me.

I caress her body and allow my hands to truly bare her to me, finishing off the last offending fabrics from her immaculate skin. "My love," I begin another time. "I am going to devour you until your unbecoming. Until I have unraveled each and every string that holds you together. Until all of it shatters, and I will not stop until I am sure that you understand my desires."

"And how am I to know when that is?" (Y/N) questions.

I offer her no answer, only the ghost of a smirk shortly before my mouth explores the rest of her being, and she is squirming as I devour her entirety. I want everything (Y/N) stands for—illumination, creation, a chance for happiness and of the future, hope. I crave her and her gentle embrace; I crave to be within her arms, within her. I want to twist my essence with hers until we become one... and I will.

"César," (Y/N) breathes out, tears prickling at the edge of her lashes as she quakes at the tight tension.

My eyes rise to look at her face, and upon seeing her flushed and blissed out face, my lips curve into a pleased smirk. I lean down to nip at her hip, causing her to shiver and groan softly. Her fingers slide down from my hair and brush across my cheek, one that I capture to kiss her wrist, feeling the way her energy hum beneath her skin. "What can you say?"

"You appear to have a rather greedy appetite, my love," she replies, meeting my eyes, and smiles coyly at me. "Slow down, or you won't be able to consume another bite."

I find her obvious taunt amusing and chuckle, reaching to stroke her flushed cheek and my thumb trailing her lower lip. My eyes reflect a message that while I'll allow her to get away with some teasing, it is in her best interest not to tempt fate; and I warn her, "Careful with your words, my love."

Then, again, is fate not ours to tempt in the first place?

(Y/N) plasters an innocent look and reaches up to caress my cheek, all the while watching me as I shed my clothes from my body. When all that separates us is the space between, I slowly let our skin press against each other, molding together like a well-made puzzle, and take her lips once more.

Despite her moaning against my lips, I can feel her sense of unease. One that makes me worry about what she will want to do. I caress her cheek, then break away from the deep kiss to gaze lovingly into her eyes. And I speak, appreciating the way warmth swirled across her skin, "Don't tell me you've suddenly gone meek."

She whispers in admittance at once, "I... I do not wish to overstep your boundaries, César."

My love for her only grows. It is only natural that (Y/N) will be selfless, even in the most intimate and self-satisfying acts. Of course, that is the very reason why I fall in love with her. I nuzzle my face against hers and slip my fingers further along her cheek, brushing the hair at her temple. "I am yours to do as you will, my love," I gently encourage, wanting to draw out the best in (Y/N), see her in complete and utter bliss. "Always."

Some sort of realization and acceptance flicker in her eyes, making them shine with equal fervor and love for me. And it is still too strange for me to make sense that this lovely woman decides to be mine.

I take her lips against mine once more, capturing them and savoring the taste. Kiss after kiss I place upon her soft and addicting lips until she is pressing her body further against mine. Catching her lower lip with my teeth, I drink in (Y/N)'s soft moan and run my hands down to her side. I touch her delicately, teasing desire.

She gasps against my mouth and buries a hand into my hair.

I already adore the sound.

Pleasure plays across her face so sweetly and her subtly wiggling against my body makes me want to hasten. I want to feel her warmth and bask in her embrace... but if I rush my desires for her, I am going to hurt her. That is something I will never allow.

Gasping and trembling in place, (Y/N) presses her face against mine and digs her fingers into my hair. She whimpers and closes her thighs around my wrist.

I whisper into her skin, my lips pressing against her jaw, "Relax, my love."

She struggles to force herself to relax once more, but she manages to do so and she moans softly as her free-hand stretches out across my shoulders and to my skin, "César, please."

(Y/N) looks gorgeous beneath me, face flushed and swollen lips parted with breathy gasps.

I lean my forehead against hers as I feel her fingers fist my strands when I ask, "Is this what you truly want, my love?"

"Yes," (Y/N) replies as her lips brush against mine. She let her fingers trail from my hair and to my cheek. She looks at me intently, the shadow of the night not even hiding anything of her desire that match that of mine. It is as if we understand one another telepathically with just a stare, and it is all I need to fall in love with her all over again.

Finally, I am satisfied, and pushing back the little thoughts of me ruining (Y/N), taking away her pure innocence, I press my lips back against hers. My mouth is distracting her, lips firm against her and guiding her to a higher place while I urge her lips to part. The moment she do so, my tongue is taking hers once more, dragging her into an abyss of sensation that she surely hadn't notice that my devilish touch has receded, replaced then for our hips to press against one another.

(Y/N) already feels so warm, so incredible, and I can't help but sigh with an inebriated groan. Muffled by my lips which refuse to part from hers, a soft moan slips from her. She shudders beneath me, but rather than pull away, she clings closer. Dangerous.

This is ever so dangerous for her. Wrong, too. I know that. I know better. I know better.

"I was never the one you ever most loved. Hindi mo kailangan magpaliwanag sa akin tungkol doon. Naiintindihan ko iyon, César. Hindi naman ako tanga. I am not naive enough to not realize when I am not wanted."

Oh, I want her alright. I want (Y/N) so bad that I am willing to risk the wrath of the entire world, of heaven and hell, and the entire universe itself, just to claim a piece of her no one else can have. My desire for her is twisted and made me question why I had been made to desire her in the way I did. And I pray that if she can't see it as plain as day, she can feel it.

So, when (Y/N)'s lips part and she sighs for a breath of air, I push into her body. I instantly kiss the corners of her lips and whisper for her to relax as best as she can. Thankfully, she responds to my gentle guidance and did what I asked, and when I move against her another time, she yelps.

I keep my body still against hers, whispering more praises and words of relaxation in her ear. My lips gently adores every inch of her face, jaw and neck. My own breathing heavy and thick as I feel her nails sink into my back and she moans once more; no longer of pain, but one of pleasure.

Wrapping my fingers by her chin, I brush my lips over hers. I can feel the little hitches of breath in her throat and certainly feel the way her entire body relaxes against mine. When she stares into mine, I can see mine reflected back at me with bright hunger.

She shifts her leg further up my waist, squirming underneath me as she seeks for more than just be slow and gentle.

I can't help but chuckle as my thumb caresses her jaw. "Patience, my love," I chide, kissing then the corners of her mouth.

She huffs and reaches up to tug on my hair. "I've been waiting long enough, haven't I?" she softly complains, her face pressing into mine as she gives me a look. "Surely, you don't think that I am that breakable, my love."

Amused myself, I grin and give (Y/N) a little taste of what she taunts me with. The result is beautiful as she arches against me with a strained moan, displaying the beautiful skin of her neck to me. I had never seen such a heavenly sight before that I silently concede that she is right. She isn't going to break beneath me.

(Y/N) cries out, her nails raking hard down my back. Red marks are definitely left behind as I drop my lips to her outstretched neck and wrap my hands around her hip. Liking the way she sounds when airing out her ecstasy, I can't help but to tease her and bring her to the chasm of absolute bliss.

She is mine, and I am hers. Death will be jealous that there's nothing for him to take in the end. All of me are (Y/N)'s and no one else's.

The pulses of her entire being are pushing me to the brink that when she shudders beneath me and I can feel her almost breaking apart, I can't help but pant into her neck and be entirely intoxicated by her sweet scent and taste, whispering all my love for her.

"César..." her beautiful voice calls out for me the moment that both of us calmed down, and her eyes search for mine.

I lift my face from her neck, leisurely sliding my mouth along the pronounced tendon until my eyes meet hers. And I swear, oh God, I'll forever need and want her.

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A/N: Vote, comment and share! Whatever you do means a lot to me, and I am really wishing for some feedback!
Well, a happy birthday to me! And hoping that all of you are keeping yourselves dry and safe during this rainy season!
And also... the next bonus chapter will be up on December... Should I say, prepare tissues on that day? 👀

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